The writer's journey
by Ink-me
Summary: Slow-burn romantic Zuko/OC fic with suggested adult themes. A girl from our modern world is given the once in a lifetime opportunity to travel to the ATLA universe and spend time on Zuko's ship. She quickly realizes she's stuck and that her roommate isn't as diplomatic as she'd hoped for. Her adventure spans from 'Book Water' to the comics (all of the spoilers!).
1. Chapter 1: The gateway and the butler

**PART ONE **

**Chapter 1: The gateway and the butler**

I was standing in a white room.

It was big, square and blindingly bright. The celling was a cathedral roof of white illuminated plates soaring high above me and the pattern flowed down the walls. There was a low electronic hum swirling around my head, like a thousand blazing computers constantly exhaling to cool down. It made my teeth vibrate.

The white room looked like a sterile laboratory - taken directly out of a science fiction novel, except there wasn't any equipment or lab-coated geniuses swirling liquid in conical flasks.

The only object, which stood in the far end in the room, was the tremendously contrasting reception disk made of dark mahogany. I took a few steps forward in anticipation. The existence of the clearly misplaced furniture would have been abnormal, or even startling for anybody else than me.

But I knew this room. I knew the room because I'd imagined it countless times. It would be completely safe to say that I could expound every detail and purpose the room held - Including the character of the older man who was standing behind the disk. He had a striking, and in retrospect not so oddly, resemblance to Alfred Pennyworth from batman.

But although I had all this insight, I was having a minor heart attack because I had never actually expected to find myself in the room. And further more, I had absolutely no idea how I'd gotten there.

I slowly approached the disk, and as I laid my hand on its smooth cool surface I still hadn't fully come to terms with the realness of it all. The butler spoke in a crisp British accent as he asked what my requirements would be this afternoon. His face pulled in something that could have been a smile under the thin mustache but I wasn't sure it was a smile or a nervous tick. Nevertheless a polite patience lingered his features as an afterthought. I knew his name was Jerry, but if I hadn't known that, he actually carried a golden nametag with the name engraved.

I couldn't quite speak yet. I looked behind Jerry to see what I knew already would be there; a heavy white door with a huge elaborately decorated doorknob sticking out of it.

A chill tickled down my spine.

I wondered if I should ask Jerry about what the heck was going on, but a part of me didn't want to risk breaking 'the spell'. The humming from the program that was behind the wall panels made my ears feel irritated.

"I wish to go back to the beginning. I want the program to drop me off on Zuko's ship right before he has been defeated by Aang the very first time." I answered and Jerry caught my eyes.

He nodded, perhaps smirking a bit, and wrote my request down in a leather bound book.

"And how long will you be staying Miss?" He asked with the pen set to the paper.

I gave it a thought. I knew that time would be different inside the universe I was visiting, and that time on this side AKA the 'real world', would practically stand still while I was away.

I also knew that I could come back to reality at any time by speaking the password to the program.

"We'll start off with one year Jerry." The excitement made my face hot.

"Very well miss." Jerry looked at me as if knowing something I did not, but made a note of my 'stay' -as if noting a _checking out date_ in a hotel. The book closed with a weighty 'flop'.

A year seemed reasonable, and I knew that the story I was about to join had a main timeline for approximately a year from start to finish. I could always prolong my fictional vacation if I felt like more adventuring. A had to bite my cheek to keep myself from grinning like a maniac.

Jerry asked me to go through the white door and bowed. I wondered if I should bow back but dismissed the thought as my hand was turning the big doorknob.

I took a deep nervous breath before entering.

It was another white room but this one was small. It was like a dressing room but with futuristic electrical blue lighting, scanner grids and floor-to-ceiling mirrors.

A voice was heard in the tiny room and I looked around. I knew it was the next part of the program had booted and was now ready to begin. This was where I was able to choose my abilities. I could also change my appearances, but the need was more or less unnecessary.

I studied myself in the mirror while I thought about what I wanted. My face was long, a sharp chin down low and high cheekbones with pitch black eyes right above them. I decided to keep my blond hair even though it was 'against the rules' of the universe. My limps and figure was slender but strong and so I didn't want to change anything – I imagined myself becoming a pretty badass fighter.

The costume I'd settled on was a red kimono and tall black gatas in polished wood. They 'clanked' with every step and I adored it. I was quite happy with this result as I smirked to myself in the mirror.

I had programed my name: Yokai, and Kai for short.

"Well well." I laughed and turned on the dressing platform. "Not shabby. Not shabby at all."

My fighting skills would be advanced and inspired by capoeira- lots of twisting and turning and acrobatic. That should give me some advantages over the firebending stances that were usually close to the ground, and make me look awesome in fights.

When I was done the last part of the set-up was loading: my bending.

My heart thumped heavily behind my ribs and a felt short of breath. This decision was going to define almost every aspect of my stay and it demanded great concentration to choose just one.

I evaluated the four elements: waterbending, by far the most powerful and useful, but also the element of fluidity and gracefulness, which didn't really go with my temper. Earthbending, diverse and enduring until the right opportunity to counterattack reveals itself. In other words, having patience – _ugh not me either_, I thought. Airbending, completely out of the question! It would have colossal influence on the story as Aang was supposed to be the last airbender.

Then there was fire - the element of power and aggression. I crooked my neck and thought it over.

"I choose firebending." I spoke to the program "but I want something more than just fire. All the elements has a unlike development right? So I want the next level of firebending." I said.

"Command processing." The computer-recorded voice notified me. I wondered what that would be.

"Command processed." Before I could ask what my unconventional firebending would be, the room went dim and an electronically sound of a power-down filled the room. A sliding door to my right opened in a respire. I hesitantly took a step into the new world and the beginning of an adventure.

I stood in the dark and the sliding door closed right behind me, it almost caught my kimono.

With a buzz - it was shut.

"Rude." I huffed under my breath, but then the stench hit my nose like a sudden smack.

It was the unmistakable rotten smell of old mops and moldy rags. It was pitch black. I opened my eyes wider and blinked a few times – _perhaps my eyes just need to adjust_ I thought. I pulled my kimono sleeve over my nose to filter the smell.

The ship was quiet. Only the occasional metallic gnawing sound of the metal giving away broke the compact silence. I still couldn't see a thing in there and advanced to feel along the walls to make any sense of where I was. I could tell there were shelves stacked with clay pots and metal buckets and soon realized that I was in a closet - a very small, very stinky, closet.

I fumbled my way through broomsticks and something that felt fuzzy and moist. I retracted my hands and held back a yelp. I kept moving and accidently kicked the containers on the ground as I tried to locate the way out. I grabbed the big turning handle, that kind you only find on ships, and with a satisfied smile I was ready to enter the awaiting events on the other side. I put all my strength in turning the wheel expecting it to pop open. Only, the door didn't budge.

Of all the places on the entire ship the brilliant program had opened a gateway, from reality to parallel universe, that lead straight in to a locked broom closet.

I cursed under my breath and tried the handle again, one way and then the other and then the first way again, but it was as if the door had been welded shut. My hands prickled and I kicked the doorframe in a moment of irritation. The metal echoed darkly in the small metal box.

It wasn't any good. I would have to go back to the white room and reprogram the stupid core system -then try the whole thing again. Typical.

I stumbled a few steps across to the other side where I'd come from and reached for a door of some kind. I expected it to be right in front of me. But there was none.

I ran my hands from side to side and from floor to as high as I could reach, but the metal wall was even and door-less. Panic began to set in and I even tried knocking.

_I have to call Jerry! _I thought with a breath caught in my throat.

I wheezed the emergency password for my immediate escape. That would lead me back in front of the disk and Jerry would apologize for the minor glitch and bow and I would say that it was no problem but next time I would appreciate a more coordinated landing, but nothing happened. Absolutely nothing - not Jerry's warm voice apologizing, not the program responding with an error run-through, not even the tiniest of beeps or indication that the white room had ever existed.

Nothing at all.

Now I was full-blown hyperventilating.

I spoke the password again louder, clearer, and wiped my wet eyes with the sleeve.

But the word was ineffective. I suspected the problem had something to do with the program, but that realization did me no good. I would have to be in the white room to fix it, and now I was stuck the exact opposite of the white room - _for a whole year._ I bit down hard.

There was one other way back to reality.

I sunk to the floor, leaning up against the locked broom closet door.

The other way to get back was to kill myself, or rather the fiction –It couldn't go on without me in it to say it bluntly. But honestly, I wasn't ready for spearing myself on a broomstick just yet.

My conclusion: Figure it out later -preferably when not stuck in a closet and/or other dark claustrophobic enclosures. _For now, sit tight and listen for the guards to walk past_ I thought and took a deep breath. I felt my lust for adventure dwindle away by the second.

It felt like hours in the dark closet - in reality it probably hadn't been that long, but then I snapped my head up. A heavy 'conk' of metal going against metal and the eerie howling from wind through cracks sounded in the hall. I stood. It had to be Aang.

I scrambled to my feet and flattened myself against door to better listen. Just in that moment the young boy opened up my prison and I spilled out from the room in a very unladylike manner. I looked down and saw that my hair was in Aang's face. He winched but then caught my eyes. Aang was about to say something but with quick effective movements I was up and scouting down the halls.

"Sorry! But thanks for getting me out of there! I gotta go!" I yelled over my shoulder.

"Wait! …You're welcome!" He yelled after me, and I smiled, he was so sweet and I made a mental note of thanking him later in a nicer manner - but that didn't change the fact that I would not like to be seen together with Aang right now. If Zuko thought that I was an ally to the avatar he would throw me in a holding cell quicker than I could say giant saber-tooth-moose-lion!

Behind me I heard the metallic rung of Aang open and closing doors, and when I heard him exclaim that he'd found the staff he was looking for - I ducked into the next corridor, and out of sight.

Aang finding the staff, meant Zuko and him fighting.

My gata shoes 'clanked' loudly against the metal floor and the sound traveled through the empty labyrinth of corridors lit up by red lamps.

I was not being the elegant quiet escapee, and that could become a real problem. Imagine me slamming right in to a fireblast-match with the guards, or even worse Zuko. I couldn't go flamethrower defense because I was trying to be nice to Zuko and his crew, and I had no idea what I was doing with fire anyway. I'd had zero training. Furthermore I couldn't just be passive because, well, they would be melting my pretty little face. No thanks! I didn't want to be a crossfire victim - I liked my face un-melted!

I slowed down the pace and peered around a corner, slipped out of the noisy shoes and pressed on.

My intention was to stay on Zuko's ship as long as possible and become a player of the battle against the Firelord! It was properly not the best of ideas. Zuko was a super angry jerk in this entire period of his life, but still. If I wanted to get to know the future Firelord I might as well start from the beginning. And maybe I would get to learn firebending from Iroh! And for that - this would be my opportune moment in the story.

The coast was clear and I inched along the wall. My legs carried me with no effort. _Guess I have awesome stamina in here_, I smiled to myself. _Like a ninjaaah_, I thought, I may or may not have added a funny voice in my head.

Then the seriousness of the situation hit me. I would have to explain how I got on his ship, when Zuko inevitably got a hold of me; If not from Appa and the gang, then from where had I appeared? There would be no way around it. I had to make up something to earn his trust. Something that would make him intrigued enough to not kick me off the ship in a matter of moments into my intended capture. But I had nothing. My mind was blank for lies and backstory.

I decided to wing it; using the term _decided_ a little loosely for as my thoughts preoccupied me, in the mist of surviving and making a good first impression, I saw a guard swung around the corner. I ducked in to the first room on my right.

The door had been missing, which was odd. I slithered into a shadowed corner. I heard boots beat the metal floor right outside and I took a fighting stance slowly. _This will be my first fight in my life_ I thought as I mentally prepared myself for violence. It was weird, as I'd decided to possibly fight my body knew exactly what to do – it was the programming. Maybe it would be that same for firebending?

The guard marched, and just as I thought he'd walk past me, he stopped in the doorframe of the room. Still in my half-stance I pressed myself against the wall. A large thud made my heart skip a beat, and the guard made a noise of surprise as well. He started running down the hall, and I could exhale the breath I didn't know I had been keeping.

The epic fight scene was still unfolding on deck. I thought about how far they'd come.

But this was when the ship came to a sudden stop. I was thrown out of my hiding spot and on to the floor. I could only guess what that meant - Aang had redirected the oncoming flames and half a glacier had crashed upon the ship's deck. The fight was over.

It was now time to make my entrance.

I got up and looked around. I absently dusted myself off and wandered around the space. Scorch marks and other signs of a struggle defaced the walls. There were bits of burnt tapestries on the walls, and on the floor and a meditation-altar of some sorts; a simple bed in the far corner and polished twin swords above it. The bulky steel door was lying purposeless on the middle of the floor.

It was Zuko's room I realized.

A new set of emotions shot thought me. I shouldn't be in here! This shouldn't be where he first finds me! My face felt hot. While I tried to think up a plan of action - a fire blast shot right by my face.

A yelp escaped my mouth and I jerked away from the fires general direction.

"Who are you?" Zuko's voice was horse and filled with his temper. I suddenly hated myself for the 'winging-it-plan' as Zuko was a shoot-first-ask-later kinda guy.

"I'm Kai. Hello." I did an awkward wave and Zuko's face knit together. His jaw clinched.

"Ehm. You are probably wondering what I'm doing on you ship. Well it's a really interesting story!" I said, but I could see that I'd made it worse. I had to say something so he wouldn't turn me into ashes! Well, and if he did, then the whole problem with not being able to come home would resolve itself – hopefully. I gulped.

"Really an interesting story! I am a spirit-" _What am I saying _I thought to myself. "Guide!"

Zuko looked puzzled, but less like a volcano ready to blow.

"That's me! Spirit guide! I guide people's ehm, spirits."

"Are you with the avatar?" He asked in a low threatening tone.

"Nope. I am your spirit-guide crown prince Zuko!" I bowed as a person not used to bowing.

"I should have you thrown off my ship and into the icy sea for lying. How did you come aboard my ship if you didn't arrive on that flying beast?" He stepped closer.

"I… I… I came through a spirit portal. Of cause." I made a 'well dah' look. His eyes darkened.

"What a coincidence that the spirit world would drop you off here on my ship, in the middle of the arctic, right after the avatar has been spotted for the first time in a hundred years, to guide _my_ spirit. Of cause." He dripped with sarcasm and took a step closer.

I got his point, and kicked myself mentally for not thinking this plan through. Undoubtedly it didn't make sense to him that I would be here, and Zuko didn't have any respect for the spirits as far as I could tell.

"Do you think I'm that stupid little girl?" He circled me, and I felt struck by his 'little girl' comment and I would guess he could see me pull an insulted face.

"Do you even for one moment think that I believe you are here to help me? And that I will trust you! If that what you were hoping for when you strolled through the _spirit portal_, then I must disappoint!" He hissed and I saw two flame daggers burst from his hands. My mouth went dry. _Think, quick!_ I mentally yelled at myself, _what does Zuko want_?!

"I will not be tricked into an ambush!" Zuko took a stance to ready an attack, but before he could fling the first flame, I spoke.

"I will help you catch the avatar!" I cringed in defense.

He froze. I looked Zuko in his cold yellow eyes.

"And how will you do that?" He relaxed the stance but the skepticism hadn't left his face.

"I'll guide you." I relaxed a bit myself. I needed to act like a spirit guide - apparently!

"I will help you to your destiny and it'll be an honor to lead you to the path you were meant to take. You can have my life if I fail." I said as gravely as I could. My heart raced in my chest and I hoped it didn't show.

Zuko stepped up to me with something that resembled hate in his features.

I felt his flames, they were scorching hot, and somehow it made me simultaneously uneasy and very giddy. I couldn't get over how _real_ it all felt.

"I don't know your motive for wanting to help me, but I assure you I don't need help from any spirit-_impostor_." He said, now he was fairly close to me.

"No. I can see that... Why is the ship not moving by the way?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Be quiet!" I felt his breath on my hair. There was an important silence. It filled up with something that I could only describe as marrow freezing tension.

"What is in it for you? Other than the great _honor_ of serving the crown prince of the firenation." He was sarcastic again and he sounded bitter.

"I would like to train under General Iroh's teachings, and have him as my master." I said.

"You are a firebender?" The darkness evaporated from his voice and became sincerely curious. Zuko ran his gaze over me and met my eyes again. I nodded.

"But you have white hair?" He said a little lower, as if talking to himself.

"Yes. The blond hair –it's a long story but I can bend. I need a master though…" _And possibly a lot of luck_ I added in my head.

"I want to learn from the Dragon of the west - your uncle, as compensation for my help. And I would like to not be thrown in a holding cell, please." I genuinely smiled.

"Show me you skill, and I will consider." He said.

"… Okay?" I answered a little hesitant.

I took a more or less random bending stance and felt heat in my palms. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I stretched out my arms and with great force two blazing columns of fire shot out from each of my hands. It instantly ignited the leftover of a tapestry on the opposite wall and a flame caught on to Zuko's sleeve. He jumped back and made a sound that was somewhat between a snarl and a hiss.

"Woah! Did you see that!?" I exclaimed and pointed at the blazing tapestry. _I made fire!_

"I MEANT YOUR SPIRIT SKILLS!" He yelled as he patted out the flame on his right arm.

"Oh. Sorry… I thought you meant-"

He shot me a furious glare.

"You know you weren't very clear about that…" I mumbled, but then realized that I did not have any spirit powers. This was bad. I smiled awkwardly, but Zuko's face was like stone.

"But okay then, a demonstration of my spirit stuff, right, I got it. Okay here I go... Right…" I bit the inside of my cheek as my mind raced a thousand miles per hour to find out what exactly my spirit stuff was and how I could demonstrate something that looked like spirit action. I could try to foresee something, or say something that would be a personal trait of Zuko's, but in the busyness of my thoughts I couldn't pick one fact that held enough meaning. _Something about Mai perhaps?_ I winched. Maybe he would think I was a spy if I revealed a random fact. I bit at my nail.

"What's taking so long!?" He said as I had sunken into myself to think. I straightened my back and squinted my eyes.

"Just a moment - spirit mode on! Yep that's just what I'll do. Be all spirit and guide and you'll be impressed! I'll tell you, heh, super impressed and all, just keep your socks on." I wriggled my fingers around like I was doing a cheap magic trick. Zuko frowned.

"Don't worry, I almost got it. I mean… I'm almost in the right spirity mood to-"

"JUST DO IT!" Zuko snarled loudly.

And then it happened. All by itself as it were. I reached out towards him, without finding his eyes. My body was moving on its own. He backed up a little but as I touched his armor right above the heart with two fingertips the energy started to flow.

The air capsuled around us and it started turning in a warm circulate stream. My hair and clothes was lifted in the wind but everything else was paralyzed – I guessed it was the same for Zuko, because he didn't jerk away. I felt the warmth in the blood inside us. I felt the earths blazing core beneath us, and the ball of fire in the sky. I passed the things I felt through to him. The connection went deeper and glimpse of past, present and future as I knew it started to flash. I opened my numb moth to speak but the wind sucked out my breath. I tried to stop it. Hold back, but the waves of pictures were crashing down on us. They rolled with greater force still, and the nanoseconds became seconds of clear imagery of both of our memories. The bond grew, and our memories intertwined, and I could see that Zuko could see the white room. I used every last drop of mental control to break the touch. It was like pulling myself out of a rushing river. The encircled air bust apart and both I and Zuko were staggering to keep our balance. I gasped and looked up at him with just as surprised a facial expression as the one on him.

"… Wild ride…" I breathed.

I looked at my hand and clenched it close to me. What the heck was that all about?! Was I a spirit-whatever?! Maybe that was the next level of firebending I had asked the program for? In any case Zuko could not know the things that I knew. Not yet anyway. There's no way of telling how the story would then unfold. Sharp fear struck me right in the pit of my stomach.

"What was…" He touched his chest where my fingertips had lightly rested, there were two holes singed in the dark black metal. _So it had perhaps been firebending? But how…_? I thought.

I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. My heart was pounding as his yellow orbs burned through my skull.

"Prince Zuko, I didn't know we had a lady onboard your ship." The wonderful accented voice of Iroh came from through the doorway. Both Zuko and I whipped around to face him. Our faces were flushed and we were standing less than an arm's length apart. I tried to compose myself but, simply couldn't say a thing.

"Show her to one of our guest accommodations." Zuko said in a low tone, as he turned back to look at me again. He was not pleased about me being a guest instead of a prisoner. Well. I guessed my freak spirit stunt had worked its magic –for now.

Iroh eyed me, but in a curious sweet way.

"Come with me dear girl, I'll show you to your chamber." Iroh spoke.

I mechanically walked up to him and let him lead me down to corridor with a gentle hand on my back. I felt like I should explain, but words could not cover what I had just experienced, and it would be safer for all if I kept my mouth shut about my new 'power'. At least until I had the hang of what the heck it was to begin with!

"It's quite a surprise that we should have such spontaneous company as we are three weeks away from port. I must say, that I do not get surprised easily, but you are truly an unexpected guest." Iroh smiled his knowingly fox-smile.

"I was… Just dropping by, I guess. I apologize that I haven't introduced myself. I'm Yokai." I said, and tried to bow, but did an uncomfortable head dip while we kept walking instead.

"Ah, it means sun child – it goes well with your honey hair."

I smiled and gripped the ends of my long hair.

"I am to be Zuko's spirit guide. Or something, if he would have me that is. I'm here to help." I tried to change my uneasiness into a meaningful look. He nodded.

"Spirits are not much in my nephew's thoughts. I hope he will be ready to take the knowledge you have to offer. But forgive me, I have never heard of a spirit-guide before."

"No. It's a very long and different story, but it all began with the universe we live in now and the act of creation." I said, but not in a steady voice. I didn't mean to sound like a pastor, but somehow I felt like one. And a snooty one at that.

"Doesn't all?" Iroh smiled.

"Yes. I guess… I passed through from the other world to be here. I will try to be what the prince needs to find his way home…" I sounded so ominous, but it wasn't a lie. Iroh hummed and tucked a little at his beard.

"I have once been in the spirit world, are you a spirit crossing over lady Yokai?"

"I wouldn't say that. I'm more of a…" I thought of a thing I could call myself without being revealing or out of place. "Tourist. I have followed your world from afar and would like to know how it is to live in this place. It's all very fascinating to me." That was the most truthful thing I'd said since I'd stumbled out of the broom closet. "And if I can help, I will be a guide of some sorts…"

"That is most interesting lady Yokai. It sounds like a story I will have to hear over a cup of tea sometime."

"Yes. Sometime perhaps. Then you will have to tell me about you spirit world journey!" I smiled up at Iroh and he nodded.

"Ah. Here we are lady Yokai. I hope it is to your liking, even though it is a little simple." Iroh said as he opened the door. The room was like Zuko's room in size and inventory, except my room didn't have the Dao swords or the meditation alter. And of course it was lid in a warm red color.

"It's perfect." I walked inside. "Do you have some extra old clothes for me perhaps? I don't have any other things with me. The journey was kinda… Sudden."

"That shouldn't be any trouble at all, my lady. I'll see if I find something comfortable you can wear." He started to walk out.

"Oh, and General Iroh before you leave, I wish to ask of you to be my master and train me in the sacred act of fire bending." I bowed deeply with the fire nation hand gesture as well as I could. He stroked his beard.

"I cannot train you without the permission of the prince; he is the one I have dedicated myself to train. But if he will allow it I would be honored to be you mentor lady Yokai." He bowed back and excited the room. I closed the door after him, and now I was beaming like an idiot.

I was going to learn fire bending, and it would be from Iroh! Well, if Zuko _allowed it_, that was. Anyways, it was truly amazing news. Iroh was very good with weird by the way. He was taking this whole spirit slash other world stuff really well, but then the memory of what had happened with my prier imaginary 'spirit stuff', now very real 'spirit stuff', came back to me.

I'd had no control, my entire being had just done, instead of taking orders from me. Maybe it was the ace I'd asked for? Or maybe it had something to do with my personality? The program? The blond hair?! I had no idea and the entire thing still felt unreal and strange to me. I decided to push speculations about the incident back, way way back, in my thoughts and just 'go with the flow' of things. What else could I do?

I walked around in my new bedroom. It was warm and I could reach the low celling if I stretched. I wondered if Zuko had once jumped in anger and accidently hit his head. The thought made me snicker. I also wondered if he was walking around the ship being freaked out about my spirit stuff.

Maybe I should meditate, I hadn't ever done it before, but it seemed like most of the power within in firebending came from a calm mind and a balanced center. Even Zuko meditated. Maybe he could teach me how to do the thing with the candles! That would be so cool! I looked around and saw that I had some wax candles standing on a low table opposite the bed. I licked my lips and focused on a wick. Nothing happened. I took a stance and pointed two fingers at the candle. I felt a little stupid. It was odd to stand and pointing dramatically to a bunch of candles. But I concentrated and focused my warmth to the tips of the fingers. I had to make a precise and small flame to light the thin wick –and not set my new room ablaze.

"Come on…" I whispered under my breath. "Come on…" The heat circled in my fingertips and intensified, and then "Come on!" the flame fired out.

Unfortunately for my candles, the ball of compacted fire folded out and became way too big, and too powerful, and it instantly melted the top off of all six candles. I quickly grabbed a pot of water by the door and pored over the flames that raged angrily. It died with a sizzle. I sighed. Had I really expected to be perfect at controlling fire from day one. I should have defined myself better from the beginning. Stupid hindsight. I had drowned my candles and made a mess of the floor but I couldn't care about that right now. I felt drained and dizzy, and just a tad overwhelmed.

I flopped down on my bed, face first. I was hungry, but sleep kind of snuck up on me and as I rested on a big, surprisingly fluffy, pillow it came to claim me before I could protest.


	2. Chapter 2: Firebending

**Chapter 2: Firebending**

The dreamscape was an empty one. Nothingness, that didn't have a top or bottom to it, spread out under my feet. I didn't cast a shadow, for there was no light, but no darkness either; just a dim gray space that should have been filled out by something. The faintest of hums vibrated though my body, and it was like pulsating electricity. Fire rose in the distance – the flames warmth swallowed by gray. As I took one step, I was suddenly face to face with the mute inferno. There was no sound or heat. I stretched my hand out before me, into the orange to feel the fire, and to my surprise in was grasped from someone inside. A set of yellow eyes framed by black lashes flickered in the flames. It spell bond me like the child looking at the lit match. Jerry spoke from behind me; _the child who gets lost in the flame must burn Kai_. I looked at him over my shoulder. Jerry's face had split in a smug grin under the thin mustache, too wide for any human's mouths to stretch.

The metallic knocking on my door woke me from my nap. I snapped up in sitting position - it took me a second to realize where I was. The red pools of light only illuminated the center while the corners were still cloaked in darkness. I had slept with my face drowning in the pillow and my head felt heavy and dazed. _What had that dream been?_ The thoughts swirled in my mind much like water running out the sink drain, and slowly my disorientation eased away.

The knocking continued.

"Oh, hang on!" I tumbled out of my bed and ran across the room. On the other side of the door was a tall bulky man in black armor. His eyes gleamed behind the helmet's eye sockets.

"General Iroh sends his regards and the garments you asked of him." The soldier held out some neatly folded gray fabrics with thin golden trims.

"… Thanks." I took them under my arm and the soft silk felt liquid to the touch. I stroked it gently. They seemed way too nice for using as pajamas.

"Ehm. I'm Yokai by the way." I stretched out my hand, but the soldier bowed instead_. Right no handshaking here I guess,_ I thought as I retracted the greeting awkwardly.

"General Iroh also asked me to invite you to supper in the Princes quarters with himself and the Prince." The soldier bowed again.

"That sounds-" and then my stomach spoke for me in a growling noise. I hugged it and looked embarrassed at the soldier that didn't move a mussel. "Wonderful. It sounds wonderful." I smiled. "Oh. Wait here, I'll just check something." I walked over to my bed, put the new clothes down, and then I looked around for a mirror - but found my walls as barer as I first had noticed. I walked over to the waiting soldier

"Would you know if there's a mirror around here?"

"Follow me please lady Yokai." The bulky man led me around the corner of a narrow hallway and opened a door that revealed a washroom. Okay, had to remember that – first door around the corner on the left: washroom. I took a mental note of it.

He bowed for the third time and closed the door behind me.

In the mirror I was shocked to myself. I looked like a mess. The hair was tangled and my face was covered in drool and sleep. I cursed and washed myself roughly.

When I looked somewhat presentable and had freshened up I was ready for dinner.

The man escorted me up a level and to a door with guards on each side of it. They looked tired and like they were aware that their presence was for show - rather than for security. The guard who'd escorted me opened the door.

A wonderful savory smell of fish and rice filled my nose as I walked inside. Iroh stood from his seat around the floor low table, bowed, and gestured me to sit on a pillow. Zuko pouted somewhat and didn't move. _Such an arrogant little boy,_ I thought to myself, but then I let it slide. Who was I to make royalty to bow for me? I thanked Iroh and sat at the end of the table. To Zuko I gave a nod.

"It is a great honor to have you aboard the ship lady Yokai. I hope that the clothes were what you had in mind." Iroh spoke.

"I haven't had a chance to look at them properly yet but the fabric was the softest I have ever touched. I couldn't ask of anything better for my training."

"Yes it is some of Zuko's spare robes. He was more that glad to lend them to you."

I looked over at Zuko and saw that he clearly wasn't glad - about anything. I felt a little flushed.

"I appreciate it. Thank you." I tried politely, but he just glared at me with cynicism in his eyes. I shrugged it off. As long as he wasn't directly rude to me, I could let him be a stubborn childish jerk who hated me.

The cook finally brought in food and tea and my eyes focused on the delicious dishes. I could eat a shark at this point! Or rather an octopus-shark or something like that I suppose. Bowls and plates were passed around and I tried to eat slowly but I couldn't help myself. It was so good!

Zuko eyed me, and I felt self-conscious for a time, but as we continued to eat together, mostly in silence, my face was a display of all the delight that ran through me.

"Do you like it lady Yokai?" Iroh asked, and I could only gesture eagerly while I swallowed.

"It is the best!" I exclaimed, and Zuko snorted. I shot him a look, but turned back to Iroh.

"I was wondering, General, what kind of time measurement do you have here?" I asked. Iroh stroke his beard and Zuko seemed interested in the conversation for the first time since we sat down together.

"Well, lady Yokai, we follow the rising of the sun and the passing of the moon."

"So sun and moon time tables." I drew a circle with my finger while I spoke. "Where I come -" But I didn't get to finish before Zuko interrupted me.

"And where is that exactly?" He asked in a harsh tone.

"A place that isn't here... I told you." I said. Zuko's eyes narrowed. Maybe he had seen more of my memories than I'd first thought. But what good did it do him if he had? I was sure he couldn't make sense of my memories, but then the thought of him seeing my knowledge about the avatar and Zuko's future hit me. _That_ could have consequences.

"You said you came through a _spirit portal_. Didn't you?" Zuko's voice was spiked with scorn.

"Yes and no. I didn't want to explain it at lengths as you were holding flame daggers to my neck!" I sipped my tea and glared at him over the rim of the cup.

"You were on my ship in the middle of a heated battle. You were lucky I didn't destroy you on the spot." His lips curled up in a smile, but it was a chilling one.

I was tempted to start arguing but before I had a comeback; Iroh interfered.

"I am sorry for my nephew. He has much fire inside him. But please, we would love to hear your wondrous story if you would be so kind."

"Well. I will try." I made a pause, and considered how to begin.

I would have to be convincing but not spill my guts. "I come from a time rather than a place. Everything is different there. Our continents are divided in many kingdoms, countries and regions more so than here and some are very peaceful. Instead of bending we have technology."

"If there is no bending, how can you bend?" Zuko asked. His eyes were cold.

"I was granted the power of bending when I entered your world. But there are still some things I have to figure out myself…"

"You don't say." Zuko snorted in a taunting tone. "You can't even aim straight." He continued. Anger rose in my chest. He was kinda right but still! I cleared my throat.

"Aside from that, I have seen your story. I know your fate, and I have come to guide you - _if you will let me_."

"So are you, or are you not from the spirit world?!" Zuko was tired of me dancing around the questions with answers that didn't make much sense.

"I can tell you I will not interfere with your destiny, but rather help you to it."

Zuko shifted in his seat as soon as I'd used the buzzword 'destiny'. I knew that if Zuko thought my meddling would lead him astray, he would dump me at the next dock in a heartbeat.

"If you will let me be trained by the dragon of the west that is." I said as I held Zuko's golden eyes.

"I have seen no proof that you could reveal where the airbender coward is hiding."

"If I do, will you let me be trained?"

"That was our agreement, wasn't it?" He snarled.

I sighed this was going to be a long journey if I had to constantly battle the prince with words and verification of my intentions and I wasn't sure that it would help anyone anyway. It could also be dangerous to reveal too much.

"But how can I prove to you where the avatar is when we are locked in ice? And haven't I already demonstrated my spirit skill?" I shrugged nonchalantly. "You are better off just to trust me and let me train with you - instead of I waste time doing nothing until the glacier melts."

"You don't give the orders, girl. I do!" He set his jaw.

There was a pause in the room.

"Well lady Yokai, I have never met someone quite like you. Let us drink to your visit before the tea goes cold." Iroh said to ease the atmospheric tension.

The tea was lukewarm.

Then an idea struck me! If Zuko weren't going to let me train before I exposed information on the avatar, then perhaps another kind of demonstration of my skills would speed things along.

_'Can't even aim straight' well maybe not - but watch this! _

I held the cup in my hands and tried to transfer my warmth to the liquid, as I knew Iroh could do. Steady, controlled, not to intense, I thought as I concentrated.

The water began to bubble and then boil with lively outbursts. Some of the boiling water sprouted over the cups rim and scolded my fingers. I cursed and dropped the cup on the table. I cursed again when it ran down in my lap and I jumped to my feet. Why was this so difficult to do! Why couldn't I just generate small droplets of energy instead of these forceful huge ones?

Then I glanced over at Iroh and Zuko, who both looked like their eyes were about to pop out of their head. I covered my mouth. Another mental note of not cursing in public was made.

"I'm so sorry!" I dropped to my knees and wiped the surface with my already moist sleeves.

"You haven't had a master?" Zuko asked slowly.

"Well… No… I haven't ever firebended before today to be honest…" I scratched my arm.

"That is truly remarkable! You have a gift dear lady Yokai." Iroh cut in.

Wasn't all firebenders meant to be able to do that, I mean of cause only the real good ones, but still.

I wondered if I had made a mistake.

"I am truly sorry for the tea General. And the cursing…" The last part was mumbled under my breath. I folded my hands in my lap and felt how the hot tea grew cold on my legs.

"Please call me Iroh, I'm retired. And don't worry about it my lady. But the thing you just did, took me years to perfect. It demands great technique to touch the inner fire of water." He said as he stroked the thick gray beard, deep in thought.

"I have no technique." I breathed a humorless laugh with my brows knit together.

"I can teach you." Iroh said gravely and looked over to Zuko - who was still eyeing me. "If you will allow it Prince Zuko?"

Zuko turned to Iroh with a curt nod, and then back to me.

"If you slow me down, or get in my way, I will have you ordered off my ship immediately. Don't make me regret this." He hissed.

"I won't. I haven't had any firebending training, but I _can_ fight." I narrowed my eyes. "I hope that you will have me excused, I have dry clothes to change into-"

"Why don't you just firebend yourself dry?" Zuko asked simply.

"Because I don't want to set my clothes on fire by accident." I sighed.

Zuko's face fell a little and Iroh smiled. I turned to Iroh and stood, I gestured him to stay seated as I was about to take my leave.

"Goodnight. And thank you for everything." I showed my respect directed towards Iroh and excited the dining room.

I had to pull out my wet dress so it wouldn't stick to my legs as I walked. Why was I such a show off! My pride and excitement for my new element was perhaps turning out to be getting in my way. But then again, now Zuko had at least allowed me to train. I wondered what he thought of me, if he really did hate me like I suspected. I pinched the brim of my nose.

Once I was alone in my room I started changing. The dress I wore was fairly simple in its kimono design but it was a pain to get out of. Fighting three layers of fabric and endless ribbons and ties made me sweat by the end of it. I was stripped down to my gaze-bound chest and underpants – it was strange to wear that instead of normal bra and panties and I felt naked. I quickly unfolded the robes that Iroh had made Zuko donate. It was a thin long sleeved wrap-around undercoat and a longer thicker vest to have on top, matching loose harem pants was also included. I mentally thanked myself for asking Iroh and remembered Zuko's sour face. Did he miss these clothes perhaps?

I touched the fabric and slid my hands down my sides, it was too big but it felt nice and compared to the kimono, very liberating. I breathed in. The clothes smelled like Zuko I guess, I hadn't really noticed that he had that spicy warmth to his smell, but the clothes were covered in it. I felt silly, and pushed the giddy feeling in my chest away.

I wasn't very tired but as I looked throught the small slit in the wall, I saw the moon was high. I estimated that it meant it was late, but I wasn't sure, my internal clock was way off. I guess that's what happens when you have parallel universe jetlag. I kicked of my gata sandals, sat down on the thin mat by my table and kept my gaze on the moon.

_What if I am stuck here forever? What if after my year is up Jerry wouldn't come? What if the program has crashed completely - and not even jumping out of a window would bring me back to reality? It wouldn't be the worst place but…_

Images of the people at home glided through my head. They wouldn't even notice that I'd been gone since time stood somewhat still in my reality. A twinge of sadness tightened in my chest. I straightened my back and shook it off.

It wouldn't do any good to wallow either way. I took a deep breath and tried to find my calm.

I wanted to meditate. I closed my eyes that was now a little stingy, and folded my hands to a bowl in my lap. An imagined flame sputtered behind my lids - one single strong and calm flame in the darkness. Nothing could make it flicker or timid. I imagined it smaller and then bigger again, in the rhythm of my breathing. Heat circled I my hands and I could feel the life dance in them.

I blew very gently into my hand, opened my eyes, and then I had it. It was a small lively flame that soared above my palms. I laughed out proudly. I could create fire! And control it!

"Not bad huh!" I stroked my ego. I blew again and fuelled the flame with my bending. It grew, and I smirked even wider. But as I was about to give it another nudge up the scale I was interrupted by three very hard knocks on my door. I yelped and accidentally threw the fire on the floor.

"Come in!" I yelled.

Out of habit and panic I trampled the flame down - which had caught the edge of the bamboo mat.

I felt the fire singe the sole of my bare foot and I gritted my teeth. But then it disappeared in a flash. I looked up and saw Zuko standing with an outstretched hand. He had snuffed out the flame with bending – I felt flushed and stupid for not thinking to do that as I stood. I was a firebender now! I was supposed to bend the element with my body and mind, not panic like that.

Zuko observed me, and I couldn't make out the emotion behind his face.

"You left before I had asked all my questions." He said somewhat calm. It suited him.

"Well I kinda had to. But," I breathed out the frustration "ask away."

"What was the things you showed me earlier? When you did that," he pointed with two fingers at his chest. The marks were still there on his breastplate "with your hands?" He was quiet, or maybe just tired. I looked away.

"I just proved to you that I have spirit juice."

"But the things you showed me? Are they real?"

"Yes. Sort of, I guess. They are as real to me as the memories I saw in your head, are to you." I shifted my weight. I didn't want to get into all that, mostly because I didn't understand it myself.

He considered that.

"What did you see of mine?" Zuko's voice was a little sharper now.

"It's not important. I already know most of your memories…" I shrugged, that was true.

He walked close to me faster than I could register and suddenly grabbed my collar. I gasped in surprise; I had never been manhandled like that before. The room suddenly felt very small and warm. Then he spoke. Zuko's face was narrow around his eyes.

"Don't ever do that again." He made a break between each word to emphasize the seriousness of them and then he let go. I glared up at him and corrected my clothes. He was annoyingly tall for a teenager. I was crossed with myself for gasping. I shouldn't give him the satisfaction of scaring me.

"I wouldn't have done anything if you hadn't asked for prof." Then I mimicked his threatening tone. "And you don't ever grab me like that outside the training sessions." I felt how my red anger blazed in my veins, and the heat spiraling from my arms down to my palms. He glared back. Maybe he could see my point.

"Your use will run out, and when it does I will not hesitate to rid the ship of you. _Spirit girl_." He said that in a cold whisper and it wasn't temper that colored his voice. It was cynic pragmatics and it sounded like Azula talking. I didn't feel like pointing that out.

We were standing too close. Auburn flickers from candles lay our faces in half shadow. The ship grieved in hollow pines under the ice's weight on the deck. Something other than tension filled the narrow space between us, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. My heart was thumping and the intimidation slowly ran out of Zuko's features. He didn't move, and I had no idea what he was thinking. It made me uneasy, but I wasn't prepared to let it show.

"Did you have any other questions, _Prince Zuko_?" I asked but the edge in my tone was not as sharp as I'd hoped it to be. When Zuko didn't answer I simply turned my back to him and sat down from where I had been disturbed.

I closed my eyes and imagined the flame again. I heard him trample out of the room, and I tried not to flinch as he slammed the door. _Well that was a short visit!_ I thought and clinched my jaw. _What a stupid little arrogant boy! Walking in here, grabbing me like that, and then just leave! His manners were worse than a child's!_ I wanted to chase him down the hallway and yell at him. I felt my pulse rise in my cheeks_. I should give him a piece of my mind! I would say that he was not how I thought he'd be. And I would punch him right in the arm! Or the face! _

When I opened my eyes the flame in my hands were wild and tall. I gasped and it took all of my strength to bring it to rest.

My foot hurt the entire night and I dreamed dreams of scorching forests and boiling oceans.

The next morning my first training with Iroh was about to begin and I met up on deck. Zuko was already there. I was still furious with him, and so I bowed to my new firebending master and ignored Zuko entirely. The air was cold and my breath hung in the air.

For as far as I could see huge icebergs rose, row after row, out of a calm blue ocean. The sky was without a cloud, and even though I felt goose bumps under my clothes, I still couldn't hold back a small smile. It was so beautiful and I felt ready for the training!

"Today we are going to see the full extent of your ability dear lady Yokai."

"Just call me Kai, please." I tore my stare away from the icescape.

"Kai it is then." He stepped aside and gestured me to use the space to show my worth.

I sucked air in through my teeth and then took a stance. I had my fighting inspiration from a mix of capoeira and aikido that I'd seen in movies - but I'd never fought in the real world.

I started to go through a sequence. It was the weirdest thing. I wasn't consciously moving my limbs, but my body went on autopilot and did the most amazing things. It felt natural but at the same time strangely unfamiliar. Round kicks flowed into high jumps and acrobatic flips - then I added the fire.

My palms shot flames and my feet traced fire in my steps, defeating invisible enemies, until the set was done. I finished by firing a spinning blast straight up in the air. It felt good –really _really_ good. I looked down at my palms with a self-confident grin. Iroh clapped, and I tried to catch my breath. I was very proud of myself, considering that it had been my first attempt of fire bending in motion, ever!

I was awesome!

"Wonderful, simply wonderful Kai. And so exotic! I've never seen that type of firebending before." Iroh said, and I bowed in respect.

"_That_ wasn't firebending." Zuko scowled from the far corner of the deck with his arms crossed. He stepped up and I moved aside with an insulted look on my face. I leaned against the cool surface of the metal railing.

"This is how _real_ firebending is supposed to look like." Zuko sent me a snarl and I glared at him back. He took a strong stance and with extreme precision he started to show off kicks that arched fire in every general direction. He was shooting orange fire rings and I couldn't help but to stare. It was quite mesmerizing how he could land perfect every time and keep his footwork intact, but his face was stained. I could suddenly picture all the times he must have fallen and how frustrated he must have been with Azula's natural gift that triumphed his own. It made me impressed with his dedication but at the same time depressed.

Zuko finished with a sudden blast that flew right by me. I dodged away from it, but the reaction was delayed and it had made me look frigid. I cursed in my head. You just couldn't let your guard down around this guy. I felt like finally setting Zuko straight. I'd noticed that his firebending stances were dictated by strict sets - which made him predictable. I eyed him; maybe I could take him if I just followed my intuition on this one. He straightened himself and sent me an unkind smirk.

"Your little dance is an insult to the act of firebending." Zuko growled and stretched his arms.

I felt heat in my face, and now I really wanted to take him down! I cracked my knuckles.

"Well, if you're so sure your form is better than mine, I suggest we put it to the test." I said as I stepped up to Zuko.

"I don't fight little girls." Zuko said and turned his back on me. I thought that was a huge insult considering he'd fought his sister several times, and lost.

"Are you scared I might beat you?" Now it was my turn to smirk.

"Kai, I'm not sure your firebending is controlled enough for a sparring match. You could both end up getting hurt from the lack of contained power." Iroh said and stepped in between us.

I thought about it. He was right.

"Okay, not a firebending match then," I said. "But what about a fair fight, prince?"

"What do you mean a fair fight?" He asked over the shoulder.

"I mean a combat with no bending or weapons."

"I don't' think-" Iroh was cut short by Zuko.

"I'll do it. Then you know not to challenge me again." He walked to stand a few meters from me and took his stances. I tightened the band around my waist. Our eyes locked; his almost white gold and mine blacker than wells. Iroh shook his head at our foolish rivalry.

Zuko made the first move. He charged and flung a flexible kick meant for my shoulder.

The speed surprised me. Again my body moved perfectly and dodged his flying attack just in time. It was like some unseen puppet master was pulling at strings - my movements became only clear to me in the moment they happened. I felt a smile creep on my lips. I twisted behind Zuko and dealt a hard blow in his back. He stumbled forward but swiftly found his footing. He whipped around and the anger in his eyes burned though me. If this was fighting I quickly agreed with myself; I liked it. He made a new attack, this time a move to get me up close with his wild fists. I skidded to the floor and knocked him off his stance. He fell hard. It rung hollowly thought in the ship, and the sound made the smallest hairs on my arm stand up. Even so, the fight wasn't over yet.

I leaped on top of him but Zuko diverted my direction and I fell next to him, face first. If the sound of a body falling down was unnerving, I'll tell you the sound of a skull smashing against metal was even more so. My face felt numb as I pushed myself off the ground. Zuko froze mid-motion of getting up. I tried to punch him in the chest but he evaded and pulled me down to floor level again - he had his arm tightly around my neck. It was like being choked by a sweaty lean log of wood. I bit him less than daintily in the hard flesh of his forearm and it made him curse. I hadn't ever heard him curse before; honestly I didn't think he knew how. He lost the grip on my neck. We tumbled around on the deck, both equally matched in speed and attention for easy openings. I landed on top of Zuko and pinned him under me with tight thighs around his hips and a grip filled with nails on his wrists.

My blood pumped hard, as if trying to escape my body and Zuko chased a hated breath.

I had won! In my opinion fair and square.

A single red drop landed on his smooth cheek. I felt something warm dripping from my nose. I let go of Zuko's wrists and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. Lukewarm blood smeared across it.

I had never had a nosebleed before.

"The match is over! What good is it to teach you skills, if you are going to use them against each other in blind temper and pride?" Iroh scolded.

I crawled off of Zuko. We both stood. Iroh laid a hand on each of our shoulders. Zuko shrugged it off and I clinched my jaw. I felt the blood streaming down my chin and the taste of rust on my lips.

"Kai, go take care of that nose, and then we will train your firebending afterwards." Iroh was calm but the scolding element never left his voice.

I scowled at Zuko, who was all glare, and then I walked down to my quarters.

In the washroom I spat blood out in the sink and cleaned my face. The collar of my dark wrap-around was black in the front. I tried to scrub it off, but the thing with blood is that it lingers.

Then I sat still for some time with my nose to the celling and a rag to stop the bleeding._ Damned Zuko, I wasn't afraid of him! He really was a jerk. Arrogant and awful and stupid! _I mumbled angry things under my breath, and I wished I could have knocked that smirk off of his stupid face.

I glimpsed in the mirror and removed the bloody cloth. My nose was red, but it didn't look damaged, purple, or broken so that was a plus. I grinned to check my teeth; they were all in place as well, if not a little bloody too. I looked away. It was my own fault really. I'd challenged him, and I had the feeling that Zuko was about to stop fighting when I hit my head. My head. The remembrance made me feel the weighty and pulsating rhythm in my skull.

Back up on deck Iroh was instructing in the dragon's breath and small orbs of fire puffed from Zuko's lips. I sat down next to them and took a deep breath. I folded my hands. Zuko flicked his eyes to me in a curious gaze. We shared something unspoken.

Iroh told us to feel the fire within.

That night I was exhausted. I came back to my room after ten hours of complicated chi-techniques and physical training. I hardly had any energy left to drag myself off the deck and down the two levels of stairs. I hadn't been able to manage the dragon's breath, but as Iroh had put it; I was only a beginner so in time I would get it right. That annoyed me endlessly. How could I be so advanced as to firebend water, but not breath fire? I guess I wasn't a natural at everything.

I threw myself on the bed and I wondered if Zuko was just as worn-out as me, probably not, he was used to do this every day. My entire body was tingling with fatigue. I yawned and decided to fall asleep without taking a shower or eating dinner - all that stuff would have to wait until I had slept. I kicked one of my gata sandals off and lay still. I started to drift into blackness when a pounding on the door forced me back from the upper layers of dreams.

"Come in…" I said in a yawn, still not moving. I hoped it wasn't Iroh - I would have to stand in respect because he was my master. My eyes were closed. I really had no more strength to fight against sleep. The door opened and closed. Heavy boots 'cloncked' over my floor and towards me.

"You have yet to help me find the avatar." Zuko's hard voice was heard somewhere above me. I tried to lift my hand to wave him away, but it was too much of a job. My mussels were spaghetti, and my mind was sluggishly holding on to consciousness.

"I'm sleeping Zuko." I mumbled in the sheets.

I could feel the energy evaporating from my soul for every second that dragged on.

"I don't care. You still have to keep your end of the arrangement." He demanded, I nodded slowly and sleep was only a small step away from me.

"Wake up!" Zuko scowled annoyed. I wondered if he would resort to physically drag me out of bed now that I'd disobeyed him. I wondered if he even dared to touch me, or if he was as uncomfortable with girls as I believed him to be. I smiled with my eyes closed.

"I'll do it tomorrow I promise. Really… Promise…" I muttered and drifted off again.

"You shouldn't have asked for a master if you weren't ready to take the conscience." Zuko said, but his voice was somewhat neutral. He fell silent for a moment, I guessed he could recognize a lost cause when he saw it, then I heard him clunk across the floor again. I was already asleep as the door closed.

I woke up early the next morning. This was the first time since I'd been on the ship that an annoying banging on my door hadn't disturbed me, and I felt good. Sore, and aching sure, but all together rested. I lay on my back and stretched my feet to the celling. My toes look horrid after not wearing shoes while training yesterday. My only shoes I'd brought were the gatas, and they were not for fire bending kicks. I imagined myself doing combat with Zuko and one of my gatas flying off into the distance and plop in the ocean. Nope not for fire bending. I rolled out of bed and looked out the window, it was still dark outside. I didn't know if it was late or early, and it made me feel very alienated for a moment. I shook the thought out of my head and took a breath. Alien or not, I really needed a shower. I grabbed my sandals by the bed and opened up to the hallway. _These doors are so heavy and loud_ _I hope I won't wake up anybody_ I thought to myself as I closed to my bedroom. I peered down the hall, and found the ship to be completely lifeless and eerily quiet. I wondered again what time it was, and if I really was awake in the middle of the night. The steel skeleton of the ship moaned and complained on the ocean waves. It felt almost ominous and I rubbed my arms to get rid of the goose bumps. In a brisk pace I headed for my awaited shower.

First door around the corner on the right: washroom. I tiptoed over to the door, and I was starting to get used to the ships anatomy, aside from the creepy metal noises. But I knew where everything was, and I could roughly find my way around the identical hallways. I was content with my own memory skills. But I shouldn't have been.

I opened the door with a smile on my face - but instead of the washroom, there was a shitless Zuko in the middle of the room looking at me with a surprised expression.

As I registered that, I froze. The moment, even though it only lasted for an instant, felt like a lifetime. Zuko had clearly just woken up and the warmth of sleep oozed out of the room.

"Sorry!" I shouted and slammed the door. On the other side I leaned against it and inhaled sharply. That was a bad move; as I leaned against the door, it opened inward and I fell.

Now imagine the horror that washed over me as I lay on the ground looking straight up into a couple of yellow eye that held the most confusion I'd ever seen eyes contain.

My cheeks felt hot and the only thing I could say was a static noise that sounded like: "eeeeeeh". A pinkish blush splashed over his face too.

I jumped to my feet and took a step back. He still wasn't wearing a shirt.

"What are you doing?" Zuko asked surprised.

"Wrong door!" I exclaimed. "I was-" I pointed to the opposite door "but then you-" I pointed at him "and I-" Pointed to the floor. My communication skills were brilliant and I felt the heat in my cheeks intensify. He still a looked little stunned.

"I thought your room was that way!" I said and gestured a direction. I was quite sure I knew that Zuko had his bedroom far-faaar away from mine. It had been the room we'd first met in and that was on the other level of the ship together with Iroh's room and the dining room.

"I changed it because of the broken door." He said.

"Oh right! The door that was broken." I glanced at his chest but quickly flicked away from it. Why wasn't he wearing a shirt_!? Please put on a shirt, please put on a shirt, please put on a goddam shirt_, I chanted panicky in my head.

"Were you looking for my room…?" He asked. I froze. Was I? No?

"Did you want something?" Zuko was returning to his normal status quo and the edginess was back in his voice.

"Nope!" I glanced at his chest again and smacked a hand over my eyes. I tried to do the gesture normal by running the hand through my hair as I talked.

"I'm gonna go!" I backed away slowly "That way." I pointed, but it occurred to me that was the wrong way "No. This way. I'm gonna go this way." And then I ran back to my room as fast as those stupid loud wooden shoes could carry me. That had to be the worst thing I had ever experienced when it came to awkward encounters, and I wanted die.

The door to my room wasn't collaborating, and I wondered if Zuko could see me, or if he'd followed me, but I didn't check. The lock was so heavy and had a tight handle. That was highly impractical in any situation if you asked me, well not in the worst-case scenario of a ship break where you would have to hold the water out, never mind! Still! Not a smooth quiet getaway. I was about to consider basting the damn door open with a fiery explosion when it finally gave way and opened with a loud shriek. I spilled into the room and swooshed under my blankets. The unmistakable stereotyped teenage-desire to burying myself under 10 feet of dirt vibrated through every nerve of my system. I clenched the pillow over my face. It was going to be a difficult day.

Iroh's training started at dawn, and I was early on deck. So was Zuko of cause. He pretended that I was invisible and that was more than fine with me! We followed up on our chi-exercises and then we learned a new set of fire bending forms. My body was still stiff from yesterday's training and I felt how every kick made my mussels shriek in pain. I just had to bear with it! Then we ate breakfast and continued training. Iroh showed me a new mind-calming exercise called the cherry blossom. It was a slow moving of the hands close together, like leafs dancing in circles, and it was meant to help feel the stream of the chi. I didn't quite understand it as I didn't know much about meditation, but I tried my best, and I didn't want to ask stupid questions.

Zuko fought against three soldiers at once and tried the new form Iroh had instructed while I _meditated_. I couldn't quite concentrate for Zuko was like a furious tornado of fire and the fire blasts shot by me - alarming close. I could feel the scorching heat from one of his fire whips.

The poor guards were knocked out one by one. A guy even got thrown in the water, luckily we were still stuck in the ice so the shivering guard crawled right back up and bended him self dry. I felt kind of bad for the crew in general. Iroh corrected Zuko and Zuko snapped back at him. I could feel the tension and decided to give those two some room.

I took a very hot bath and it did wonders for my worn physique. Then, I meditated on the cherry blossom movements for some time until I felt my 'center' was in 'balance' as Iroh called it. I was quite revitalized as I walked up on deck. The sun was slowly setting. Zuko was leaning against the railing and tried to catch his breath. He was covered in sweat and the shirt was off. I immediately felt myself blush and I marched determinately over to Iroh. He was playing Pai Sho at a round table and sipping some steaming hot tea.

"Do you know Pai Sho, Kai?" He asked.

"I know of it, but I don't know the rules." I looked at the complicated game in front of me. I tapped gently on the lotus tile. "This one is my favorite." My eyes found Iroh's and we smiled knowingly to each other. It was a gaze of significance.

"It's just a silly game for old people that have nothing to do all day long!" Zuko shrugged into a robe and tied it at the waist. It hung open at the top and I could still see his chest. I cleared my throat and felt a heat rise to my face.

Iroh ignored his nephew's criticism and moved a game piece with a jade-lily in the middle. I looked at the other pieces and then at the elaborated grid. I decided that if I were to learn Pai Sho, it would have to wait till after I'd mastered my element and defeated the Firelord. Zuko was towering over me.

"Do you know how to play?" I asked curiously, but I was pretty sure he did. I imagined him and Iroh play once in a while when they were stationery at port.

"Of cause I do." He took a swig of tea, and sat down between us.

"Now, get me the avatar." Yellow irises burning red with determination in the sunset.

"But we haven't even started sailing yet? We're still stationary after the attack." It was only two weeks after the encounter, and half of the stern deck was still locked in ice and snow. "And don't we need to dock for repairs before pursuing anyone?" I asked, pointing out the obvious.

"We will need coordinates soon enough." He said with a set jaw. The tendons danced on the bone.

I considered that. My answer would determine everything. If I told him to sail toward the south where I knew Aang was ultimately going to be, we could end up getting there before him, and maybe some important bits would be lost, or I could guide him out on this wild goose chase, but then he'd properly just end up kicking me off the ship for being ineffective or something like that. I thought it over. Zuko shifted in his seat, he was the most impatient person I'd ever known. Something told me that whatever I chose to tell him, he was going to be distrusting all the way through. But the real question was whether or not he was desperate enough to follow my advice despite that.

"Fine. I'll tell you where to go!" I exhaled.


	3. Chapter 3: The way

**Chapter 3: The way **

Three days passed and then the ship was free of the ice. I had helped as much as I could to melt the ice, but my bending was still to be refined and I had perhaps done more damage than good in that department.

Fortunately no one saw the one time where I shot a flame blast toward the iceberg and a smaller heap of snow came crashing down and buried me. I was stuck there for some time, until I tried to steam it away. That evidently set fire to some of my hair. I had to keep it tied up since I didn't want to ask for a knife, and I looked like I was having a bad hair-day permanently. And it was real bad. I had to cut it, so I swallowed my pride and crawled to Iroh for help. I felt so bad about asking my master to be my hairdresser, but he was kind and snipped off the ends with a small dagger without asking questions. Considering the circumstance it looked fine. I thanked Iroh and other than that no one seemed to comment on my now shorter hair. I doubted Zuko even noticed. Not that I thought about that. I didn't care at all really if he'd noticed.

We had to sail for the shipyard for repairs. A firenation harbor in the southwest of the earth kingdom, and it would take us a little over three weeks to get there.

I'd told Zuko that the avatar was heading towards the North Pole.

I hoped that it wouldn't mean disaster for all of us. And who knew, maybe fate would intervene and aid us in our quest. Speaking of which, I hadn't had another reoccurring spirit 'episode' and I honestly wasn't trying for it to happen again. I had to tread carefully in those waters if I didn't wish for my _cover to be blown_. Well, now that I think about it, there wasn't much of a cover to start with. And if my true origins were revealed, I'm not sure they'd understand what was going on anyway. It could however cause them to drive them all mad. Better not to risk _that_, I thought as I made my way up on deck.

A week passed with the same routines. Train, eat, train, eat, meditate, eat and sleep. I was getting used to it and at the same time tired of it. But today Iroh had promised that I was going to learn how to control my firebending in water and I was very much looking forward to it.

I sat across Iroh and in between us stood a pot of tea and few cups. It was very cold on the ship that day. Since we were finally on the move, artic wind howled over the deck and I didn't have a coat. Well, neither did Iroh or Zuko for that matter, but they just seemed run a little hotter than me I supposed. Zuko was training in the background in a sleeveless vest. He finished one set and did the next over and over without stopping. I pushed my lips and shook my head.

"Kai," I turned my attention back to Iroh and listened.

"Firebending water is a difficult and dangerous gift to have. Many firebenders have the ability to manipulate liquid as they can heat their hands and apply that heat to water, but only a select few can manipulate the temperature directly in our contrasting element. The 'dragon's breath' is consisting of that element as you apply heat to your own body – but that should only be used under observation of a firebending master or in extreme need." He gestured the cup of tea in front of me.

"Try to heat the tea." He said, and as I was about to pick up the cup Iroh stopped me. "My dear, try to bend it without touching it."

I looked skeptically at Iroh, was that even possible, but I folded my hands in my lap and stared at the tea. I took a deep breath and concentrated.

We had sat there a while and nothing had yet happened. I was getting frustrated. Iroh stroked his beard. Yet another moment passed and I was about to grab the cup and throw it overboard. But then something began to stir. A single bubble rose to the surface and busted with a little 'blup' - and then another and another broke the waters reflective surface. Steam started to hover. I smiled but kept my gaze_. Well look at me go! Waterbending with freaking fire! Or rather firebending water!_ The boiling tea spluttered with angry sounds. I made it stronger. Now the cup started to shake and tremble under my influence and as I clenched my fists, the porcelain blew. With a satisfying smashing sound the cup had exploded in to bits. It was first when I met Iroh's worried face my smile dropped. He pulled at his beard and made deep thinking noises. He didn't say anything but placed a new cup with tea in front of me. I looked at it.

"Please Kai. Can you demonstrate again?" Iroh smiled, although his voice was stained. I felt wary of his demand, but turned my focus to the cup, felt my power rise, and faster than before the steam rose. The cup trembled. Cracks sprung through the china's patterns with a gnawing sound. I saw the molecules in the water in my head, and I saw them shake until they blurred. Then there was a sudden 'clink' and tea splashed all over the floor. The cup had broken in threes equal pieces. I jumped as it happened, because the cup in front of me wasn't the only sound. There was another set of 'clinks' to my left. The teapot and the two other filled cups that stood on the tray besides us were shattered too. I had destroyed the entire lovely tea set. I was stunned. I hadn't even looked at the teapot when it'd sprung.

"Master Iroh?" I asked cautiously.

"Interesting. Very interesting indeed... My dear, I have never seen that kind of power displayed by anyone before. This is very unusual."

"But you said a select few-?" I tried.

"Yes. But this is by far stronger that I could ever expect. That…" He looked grave and picked up a broken piece of china "… Is a powerful and potentially deadly weapon, and you must never use it against an opponent if you are not willing to kill them." I looked at him with a startled expression. I had never giving killing another person a single thought. I had no idea I had that kind of supremacy inside me – And that it was so effortlessly easy? Yes it took me some time to concentrate, but still, it was like having a finger on the trigger all the time. One glance and I hypothetically had the power to boil a person from within. A shiver ran through me. I heard shifting behind me and I saw Zuko; staring at the broken teaset. He looked as alarmed as I felt.

The following days Iroh tried to teach me to contain the power and to tone it down. I heated cup of water after cup to try to only make it steam and not smash. But I couldn't. I must have broken over a dozen sets in those two days, we couldn't use metal as it began to glow white and partially melt under my influence. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that the radius of my power grew unintentionally, and even worse still, that it was activated through spontaneous negative emotion. I learned that when I was getting frustrated and the cup that Zuko was drinking from over by the rail sprung right in his hand.

"Oh I'm so sorry! Are you hurt!?" I jumped up and ran to him – like any decent person would've I might add. Zuko just knit his brows together and clenched his jaw.

"You better get this under control soon!" He shook his dripping hand.

"I'm trying!" I said through my teeth. I was really at the end of my rope there. Iroh and I had been drilling meditation and tests for hours. I felt heat rising in my chest.

"Well maybe you aren't trying hard enough!" Zuko yelled at me.

"I'm giving this my all, so shut it!" My cheeks felt red and puffy.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, _peasant_!"

"You arrogant little-" I hissed.

Then a horrible thing happened. I happened while I was talking. I saw, only for a millisecond, how Zuko's blood flowed in his veins. I watched the molecules shake. I didn't mean for it to do that! I honestly didn't! I was bending him from the inside.

When I realized what I was doing I spun around on my heel. Then I started running. But where could I run to? There was only so much ship. I ran inside and downstairs.

Gloomy thoughts swirled in my head. I knew that I had requested a _new_ and great kind of fire bending but this was _so much_ out of my league. And then it dawned on me that this kind power potentially could screw my soul into a grim reaper or a power thirsty monster. There was a huge pressure on my shoulders to keep myself under control, not to mention responsibility. I wiped my face with both hands and leaned against the wall of the empty corridor. To think that I could _kill_ so easily. This was defiantly out of my league. I was trembling. I hugged my waist but the comfort didn't take.

The corridor wasn't empty for long. Zuko had run down the stairs, but as he saw me he slowed down. I started turning away from him. _Couldn't he see I didn't want to talk right now?_ He had the worst sense of atmosphere.

"Wait." He said, but it sounded more like an order than something friendly. I stopped in my tracks.

"You could be a good firebender. But you lack self-control." His voice was calm. Hah! That's rich coming for him: _The master of anger management and self-control_. I whipped around.

"Slumming with the crowd are we? Did you follow me down here just to point out the obvious mister high-and-mighty?!" I spat as I threw my hair over one shoulder in an annoyed movement, but it was too short to stay there. He snorted.

"No! In fact I want to help you achieve it!"

I shifted my weight.

"Yes I'm sure I could learn so much from you! You can't even keep you head cool in the freaking arctic!" I threw my hands in the air. I could see that Zuko tried not to prove me right by holding his anger down. He clenched his jaw. It occurred to me that he did that quite a lot. It made him look older, and meaner.

"I have meditated in over ten years and I have mastered the technique to control fire." He said in a tight tone.

"And why would you help me? I know you well enough now to know that you don't want to waste time to do the good deed of the day. Or by with being social, or pleasant for that matter! So what's the catch?"

"I have to!" He blew out "If you can accidentally kill people I have a responsibility to my crew to teach you how to contain your little outbursts!"

I looked up at him shocked. He had a point there. I felt my heart sink all the way to my feet. I guess it showed because Zuko spoke a little softer.

"Every evening after training you will come to me and I will teach you how to keep your emotions under control."

I eyed him skeptically. "Why don't Iroh just teach me?"

"Because he trains us all day, and he insisted on me-" He cut himself off. I could see anger rise in Zuko again; he was being 'made' to help me? I felt a little more than uneasy about him teaching me. I was sure he wouldn't be as easy-going as Iroh had been up till now. Zuko pushed passed me in the narrow hallway.

"Are you coming?" He said over his shoulder.

"You mean right now?"

"Yes. Come on!"

I took a few long strides to catch up to him, "but didn't you say every _evening_?" I asked.

"Yes. But today you get the basics. Then you can practice until tomorrow." He said. I was not so sure that this was going to be a smooth sail. We were at each other's throats as it were, and now we had to work together. I felt my hope for the next few days to be fun and enlightening run dry.

We sat on a rug opposite each other in Zuko's old room. The door had been fixed and the burn damage reduced. There were still scorch marks on the walls though. Tapestries hung on the walls together with the dao swords. They gleamed in the candles lively flames. His room was very dark, come to think of it. Other than that it looked like I first had seen it, just without the mess.

"Close your eyes." He ordered as he sat with his own eyes closed. I obeyed but not without a heavy sigh of annoyance. _Did he not know how to talk to people? Ordering me around was not on the list of things that made me compliant._

"And be silent!" He barked. I had to bite my tongue if I wasn't to verbally assault him right there on the spot.

"Now. Breath. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth."

I did so.

"Slower." He said in a calm tone. I slowed down.

"Feel your chi in your body and how it naturally flows thought you. Like a… Ehm… stream."

I concentrated, but it felt like my chi was swirling around and all over the place - not flowing at all. I peered out from one eye to see if Zuko was doing something I wasn't. He looked peaceful with his eyes closed. The light shone on his jawline and I opened both eyes. He looked kinda… Nice - especially now that his face wasn't pulled in angry lines. And it felt so different to be this close to him when he wasn't trying to fight me or yell at me. I glanced at his lips. Thoughts started to whirl in my head. It was really odd having him this close, and quiet.

"Slower!" He commanded and I squeezed my eyes shut. I felt my heart beating and my face turn pink. I hated it. I hated him. And I had to be focused. Focused! I found the rhythm again. We sat there for quite a while and I began to get bored. I knew how to breathe! I had actually done it my entire life leading up to this moment, and I would continue until I died! And if the case had been that I didn't know how to breathe, Iroh had already taught me a week earlier. All that breathing was beginning to make me restless. I opened my eyes again and looked right into Zuko's. It surprised me, and apparently, it surprised him too. We both flinched a little.

"I said close your eyes!" Zuko said.

"Yours wasn't closed either!" I pointed at him.

"I was observing if you did like I'd told you to do!"

"Breathe!? Yes I was breathing! Do you want to check my pulse too?" I stretched out my wrist with the pulse exposed.

"I don't _have_ to teach you, you know. We'll be at the harbor in less than one week, and you already told me where to go to find the avatar! I just have to keep you under control until we dock, and if that's a problem, I can throw you in a holding cell!" He reasoned coldly.

I froze. Damn. I hadn't thought of that. He actually didn't need me anymore on this first part of the mission. I was so bad at this guiding-helping thing. Or maybe I was really too good at it.

We still had a deal with Iroh teaching me, and maybe that would be enough to keep me here.

"I thought you were a man of your word." I said.

"I _am_." He snarled.

"Then you can't just drop me off somewhere. Not until I have learned to firebend under the teachings of Iroh. That was the deal, right?" _Wasn't it?_ I was not too sure that we'd agreed on those terms, but I hoped he took the bait with the comment on his pride. He looked sulky.

"Then just do what I tell you to!"

"Fine! I will!" I snapped my eye shut again.

"Fine!" He said through his teeth, and then took a quick deep breath. "This is important so listen carefully. Once you've found your chi-stream" He said, and I sighed and shrugged.

"What?" Zuko asked sharply.

"It's just… My chi isn't flowing at all! It keeps whirling around in all directions!"

I heard Zuko standing, and then I felt him right next to me. His heat radiated on to me and my heart jumped as I felt his hand on my wrist. He turned my palm up, held it, and placed a finger gently right on top of my wrist.

"I was kidding before about checking my pulse…" I mumbled and I couldn't help but to glance cautiously up at him. Zuko's eyes caught mine. I wondered if he was just as nervous as me. We had never been this close before - unless we were hitting each other.

"Close your eyes. Feel your pulse." Zuko said incredibly low, almost in a whisper. I did. I tried to keep my focus on his words. "Concentrate on your blood. Feel it flowing." He moved the finger up my arm and then back to my hand. And the he was gone.

"If you can feel that - your chi should follow."

I pushed my distracting thoughts away and saw my own blood behind my lids. The swirls broke and flowed steadily with the stream through my body.

It looked golden. Like liquid bright light that streamed around in my veins.

Zuko's voice sounded far away and under water when he spoke.

"The next step is important. It is the thing that will help you to be balanced. Firebenders have the 'dragon' in them, and to balance it out we must contain cold in us as well. But we aren't born with the coolness," I snickered, but he ignored me "and so we must find it through meditation. It takes years of mental work to obtain a cold mind." Zuko continued, "fire comes from the heart and ice from the head. It is only when there is balance between the two that you can control fire like a master. Try to see yourself on in a hot place and then a cool breeze passes you." He said.

I instantly saw myself on the brim of a huge volcano, ready to blow. Orange and red melted stone colored the sky in sunset pallets. I had to shade my face with my hands for the air seemed to sizzle my skin off. I snapped my eyes open and gasped for air.

"I thought you were to be _my_ spirit guide." Zuko scratched his neck nonchalantly. I brushed him off. "Let's continue." I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. He was arrogant, but I was not really getting this whole imaginary meditation. I tried to listen to Zuko who was explaining the whole thing again. _Bla bla bla chi something_, I thought.

We had meditated every evening until midnight in four days. I was about to lose my mind. Granted, I hadn't had any deathly boiling episodes, so perhaps it did work. But to meditate for hours with only a small break in the late evening where we had food brought to Zuko's room, was exhausting. Not to mention that we still trained through the day with Iroh.

Zuko was getting extremely frustrated, mostly because I couldn't keep balanced or focused, but also because I maybe had some attitude towards him. It wasn't a walk in the park to keep balance by the way. I was sitting in a freaking oven and Zuko kept telling me to stay _cool_! His room was like a thousand degrees because of the candles that we'd started bending on, and I got flustered every time he had to touch me. Why did he have to touch me like that all the freaking time!? Feel your chi here, focus there, GOD!

One night I was soaked in sweat and Zuko looked like he could use a _cool breeze_ himself. It was around midnight and I shrugged out of my top vest to dry my face with it. I felt his eyes on me and looked up.

"Can we call it a night soon? I'm about to evaporate!" I wined.

"Yes. I think we should call it a night. I won't get any further with you."

I felt insulted. I had worked really hard, and that night I hadn't even complained about being hungry or about him being an arrogant child when he instructed. I pouted, and proved that I was just as childish.

"I am actually trying my best here Zuko!" I blew some blond strands of hair away from my sticky face.

"Really? I don't see it. I don't think this is getting through to you at all, but I guess what's the point? We'll reach dock by tomorrow afternoon." He said with a bite.

"Hey! That's not true. I can do it!" I turned to the candles to bend the flames bigger. They grew greater than I'd expected and I accidentally singed my fingertips. I recoiled and sucked air in through the teeth. It really stung. I may have cursed.

"You are clumsy, distracted and you aren't taking this seriously!" Zuko spat at me.

Okay that stung even more than my red burned fingers. My lips were in a hard line.

"I can do it." I said determent.

"You already injured yourself. I don't think you have what it takes to understand fire's nature, and I suggest that you refrain from bending until you go back from where you came from."

I was complete shocked. Was he actually saying that I should quit and beat it? And not a few days prior he'd said that I could become a great firebender? Had he been lying?

I felt sizzling emotion whirling in my face as I quickly stood.

"You don't know me! You don't know anything. Sitting on your stupid tiny ship with a destiny forced on you by your father, you are the one who should quit." I said with a tight face.

Zuko shot to his feet.

"Don't push it." He hissed through his teeth like a snake.

I pulled a face in disgust.

"_You_ better not push it!" I lit flames in my hands.

I was ready to take him on, but then I felt my flames dying out, and all the blood rushed from my head. A golden light swirled and covered my vision. I staggered. I put a hand to the wall and tried to hold my balance, Zuko took a step closer.

"Don't!" I said sternly, but then my consciousness left me.

Or that's not what happened, but that's what it looked like. I sensed hands on my shoulders that steadied me, and then my mind went blank. The white golden river of energy moved my hands for me, I was there to see it, but not awake to do anything about it. My spirit stuff had once again reached out to Zuko - who was stunned, angry and wary. I couldn't see him but I could feel it.

Then, all faded to white.

I was standing in a white place. It was so bright my eyes hurt from it if I didn't squint. Then the mixture of horror and relief struck me! Was I in the white room? Had I come back? Did I want to come back? So many questions twirled around in my head. I looked down at myself - I was still wearing the firenation clothes. But that made even less sense to me. If I had indeed returned to the white room I would turn into my normal jeans-wearing self instantly. My eyes got used to the light and I scanned my surroundings.

I wasn't back. This place was nothing like the white room, it was like a forest with tall trees that created a cathedral roof above, and everything was blindingly white. I walked around a little until I spotted red and black in between the grid of trees. Was Zuko here with me? This was bad. I drew nearer, but couldn't recognize the person standing with his back to me as Zuko. He had broad shoulders and wild black hair. He was also taller. But there was something familiar about him still. I walked up to the man and lightly touched his shoulder, he turned around. I covered my mouth. It was Zuko but not the one I knew. This was an older version of himself. He was so different to look at, leaner and almost more like a boy than the young one I knew.

"Where are we?" He asked unsurely and looked around.

"I don't know… Spirit world?" Was my guess.

"Maybe." He considered that.

"Zuko? Is it really you?" I asked. He looked at me like I had asked him some extremely stupid question, but then softened his feature to 'confused' instead.

"Shouldn't I be me?"

"Yes. And you are, but you aren't. Do you know who I am?" I gestured myself.

"Yes. You are Yokai, the worst spirit guide I have ever met." He said, and I hoped that there was a little smile at the end of that, but he was most likely completely serious about his statement. But who could really blame him. I sighed.

"All righty then. We both know who we are and who each other are." I smiled and scratched my arm. "Should we try to find our way out of here?"

"Yeah. I don't know why but this place gives me the creeps." Zuko said as he looked up at the cathedral roof over us. He was right. It kinda gave me the creeps too.

We walked away from the clearing and it wasn't long before we'd reached a huge lake. It was beautiful and the water was ice blue and crystal clear.

"You know you look… different, in here." I said cautiously. I didn't want to freak him out.

"I do?" Zuko ran a hand though his dark hair. I liked it.

"Yeah, and you talk kinda different too?" I felt my cheeks redden.

"I don't feel any different."

"Do I look changed in here?" I asked.

"No? I mean your hair is probably a little longer or something. But you look like yourself Kai."

Weird. He was taking to me like we knew each other, like we were friends… I walked to the brim of the water at checked my reflection.

I did not look like myself. I was older and looked like a woman, not a scrawny teenager anymore. That freaked _me_ out. Was I messing with a timeline here? What the heck was going on!?

"So what do you suggest Kai? How can we get out of here? Do you think the others came in here too when the floor collapsed?" Zuko talked but I had no idea what he meant.

"The others? What floor?"

"The floor in the forest where we were to find 'the mother of faces'? Did you hit your head?"

"No. No? I don't think so?" I touched my head, it didn't hurt, but maybe I was the one going crazy.

"Let me see." Zuko came over and looked though my hair. I blushed even more and felt my shoulders go up to my ears. "I don't see any blood. But you are acting really… Odd." He said as he let me go.

"I must be in a time that hasn't happened yet… Wait, did you say 'Mother of Faces'!"

"Yeees…" He answered unsurely.

"Then we are on our way to find your mother! I mean not the 'Mother of faces' of cause, but your real mom! Ursa!"

"Yeees?"

"Then I'm not going crazy! Or maybe I am, but I know where in the timeline we are! Hah! But this still don't make any sense. Why would I be here with you at least three or four years from 'now' when we were on your ship two minutes ago!? Did I jump forward in time?" I muttered to myself, and Zuko took a step backward. "No sense at all. I clearly remember being in your room…" I bit at my nail.

"… When were you in my room?" Zuko asked with a lifted dark brow.

"I was in your room, on your old ship I suppose you would refer to it as, we are training meditation and I'm bad at it… Do you remember that?"

"Ehm. Yes." He evaded eye contact.

"Why are you getting all weird?" I put a hand on my hip.

"I'm not getting weird! You are the one- never mind, think we should find a way out of this place." Zuko started walking along the lake.

Smooth subject change I thought to myself and started walking behind him.

"This is all so… Strange." I said as I scanned the surroundings again.

"Tell me about it." He mumbled. A lighting gleam flashed in the water.

"Stop! Something just moved." I said and froze.

"Where?" He whipped around and reached for his swords that were strapped to his back.

"There! In the lake. There it is again, can you see it?" I pointed to the light that intensified. Zuko lowered his hands.

"No? What does it look like?"

"I light I think. Like a warm light or something." I started to walk closer to the edge.

"Don't go in the water Kai. We don't know what's in there!" Zuko called after me, but my feet were already wet.

"It doesn't feel… Dangerous." I walked further out and the light glided towards me, like a floaty soft snake. "I think it wants me to touch it." It hovered underneath my outstretched palm.

"Don't!" I heard Zuko splash behind me. "Kai!"

"Why are you being such a scaredy cat Zuko? It's just little light." I said calmly as I leaned forward to the water.

"I'm not-" Zuko said and I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Scared. I just don't think this is a place where you should touch anything that could potentially kill you." He pulled me up. We were standing very close. Zuko looked so calm, and so different, but the yellow eyes had stayed the same. I took a small step backwards and tugged a lock of hair behind my ears.

"I know. I'm just teasing." I said as I felt embarrassed even though I had no reason for feeling that. I looked down and saw the light starting to circle us. Somehow I knew it was time.

The ship and the time I had intended to be in called me. It felt ominous.

"I'm glad. You are so much nicer now." I said.

"Thanks…? You know Kai _you're_ starting to scare me a little. You don't feel like yourself…"

"That's because I'm not me yet. But I will be. Hopefully. Maybe…" I looked away. He was standing so close. I still had so many questions to ask him. So many things I wanted to say to him. Maybe I should just do it. I mean who knew maybe I was going back to the white room before I got to see this kind of Zuko? I felt confused and dazed.

The light came closer. I didn't have any time.

In one fluent move I stepped up to him and placed my hands on his face. He was taller than I expected and less flinch-y. The light almost touched my legs.

I looked up in to his eyes and Zuko was taken aback.

"What are you-" He asked very low, but I cut him off as I stood on my toes and leaned closer. My lips were on his. I kissed him. I leaned on to him. He kissed me back. He was so warm. And so soft. I had my arms around his neck. I felt his hands softly on my waist and back. I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so badly in the kiss. But in a flash the light had touched me and I felt myself being sucked out of what the hell that was. He disappeared under my touch and everything faded to white once again. Stupid spirit stuff.


	4. Chapter 4: A rare flower

**Chapter 4: A rare flower**

I still felt his lips against mine. I was about to melt completely into the kiss when I sensed the hands on my waist vanish. I opened my eyes and pulled back a little. But I found myself back in the ship and instead of standing I was sitting against a wall. Zuko was opposite me with a stunned look on his face. His hands were on my shoulder. The way we had sat for a moment before the timeline jumped.

I recoiled and banged my head against the wall.

"Ouch!" I winced and grabbed my head with both hands.

He retracted his own and leaned away from me slowly. As if backing away from a snake, I thought. Zuko's cheeks were pink and I would have laughed if I didn't feel the same color rise to my own.

My hand flew to my lips. I had just kissed; not only the Zuko had I wanted to kiss, but also this one! Through time or imagination or insanity I had kissed Zuko!? Insufferable-stubborn-worst-teacher-in-history-tiny-teen Zuko! I had assaulted him! My stomach knotted together.

Zuko opened his mouth to say something but closed again, looking he was still thinking about how he would react. I tried to think but my head was spinning. I cleared my throat.

"Sorry about that. Spirit stuff…" I breathed out as I scratched my head where I felt the bump already manifesting. What could I say?

"Did you see..?" I tried to ask him what he'd seen the whole thing; the white forest, the older Kai, th-the passionate adult kissing!

But I found it to be quite the wrong time for me to ask him, or even be in the room with him, so I cut myself short.

Zuko opened his mouth again but closed it.

"Well! I'll call it a night for now!" I slapped my legs and stood way to fast. I felt the dizziness increase but I tried to shake it off as I walked straight towards the door.

"Goodnight!" I yelled awkwardly as I slammed his door without looking back and marched to my room in stiff movements. When I had swung around the first corner - I ran!

I was back in the safety of my locked room. I collapsed on the floor. My legs simply just gave in.

I felt hot, no not like that, but warm; like feverishly warm and I crawled to the pot of water to drink. I coughed as the water went down the wrong pipe.

What was wrong with me?! Why was I so strange all of the sudden? Was it spirit stuff – did I have real spirit guidance in me? Or was I bending myself to trigger these 'visions'?

That was a horrible thought by the way. I had no control over my bending and I could theoretically and accidentally boil myself without knowing! But SERIOUSLY!? Was I a freaking TIMETRAVELER? I started to hyperventilate. And then the kiss came back to me; the soft, comforting kiss that had made me feel like I had control over something in this damn universe.

By the way had Zuko really seen everything? Had he seen himself in the older, more likable, version? Did he care? Was he coming to my room and demand an explanation?!

I was still for a moment and listened by the door. The ship stayed quiet.

I suddenly felt very alone as I lay on the cold metal floor. I really had no one here. Nobody cared if I died right here and now in this world. They didn't even know my real name. He wouldn't care at all if I stopped breathing. He would just remember me like the strange girl who floated out of his life just as quickly as she had entered it. I wasn't even supposed to be here… And then I slowly fell asleep with my face down in my, now wet, sleeves.

The next morning the sun was sharp and a sunray shone right in my face through the window slit. Today was the day that we docked, I thought as I sat up. My body was stiff as a board and I felt heavy. I yawned and wondered if we had training today. A soft knock on my door made me jump. And then I remembered everything that had happened the night before. My sleep had been dreamless and obliviating but now I was very aware that I had to see Zuko today, and that I had to not make it weird.

I opened up and standing in front me was Iroh. He smiled and tucked at his beard.

"Good morning Kai. You look like sleep was deserved last night."

"Good morning Master Iroh. Yes. I well… Was tired… Are we training today?" I asked.

"No, I came to say that we are already docked, and I wanted to ask if you would like to take a stroll around the soldier's market with me."

"We are already docked?! How long did I sleep?" I muttered to myself.

"It is well passed morning now." Iroh said.

"Wow… I guess I was really tired. Ehm. But I would very much like to take a walk with you!" I smiled. I was honestly very excited to see the market place, I was sure that window shopping here would be something to look forward to! All those strange and cool weapons I could touch, and who knew maybe I could sneak a dagger or something – I didn't have any gold.

"Wonderful!" He exclaimed, and after I had readied myself with a little freshening up, dressed myself in the red kimono, and grabbed a plum-bun from the cabin kitchen I met with Iroh on the dock.

The sun was warmer here than near the pole. When I finally stood on firm ground my legs felt wobbly after being so long at sea. The harbor was broad and long and there must have been a hundred ships docked next to our tiny one. Up along the landscape was thousands upon thousands of tents where soldiers had camped. That really sat my understanding of the fire nation armies in perspective.

Zuko stood next to the ship with a sulky expression. My embarrassment flurried up again just as I saw him, and I tried not to look him in the eye. Silly really, I hadn't done anything _wrong_, per say. None the less I felt myself cringe as we stood beside him.

"We need to get these repairs done fast. I don't want to waste any time here, and miss my chance to catch him." Zuko said to Iroh, who was in one of his jolly moods.

"You mean the avatar?" Iroh said, and Zuko shushed him.

"Don't mention his name around here. If the fire nation finds out that the avatar has been spotted the entire fleet will soon be looking for him!" Zuko spoke in a low hissing tone. I was admiring the ships and was surprised to hear a new voice enter the conversation.

"Looking for whom I may ask?" The unmistakable voice if Zhao made me whip around. How had I forgotten he would be here?

I saw Zuko and Iroh lying their best, which was still terrible, about the ship's damage.

I walked closer to them.

"Oh and who would this unique fire lily might be?" Zhao said as he took my hand to kiss it. I was pretending to be flattered. I cast a glance over my shoulder to Zuko as to ask what I could say. But his face was like stone. Damn. More winging it I guess.

"I am lady Yokai of the fire nation. I was rescued at sea by the generous Prince and the General. After a shipwreck." The lie glided off my tongue easily, and I bowed to Zhao. He smirked.

"Well that was generous indeed. Now that you are at port, it would be my pleasure to escort you back to the Homeland as the Prince, I'm sure you know; cannot." Zhao said in a charming tone and I heard Zuko snort behind me. "I apologize, but I did not know that civilians were allowed to cross the border to the south." He continued. Ah, plot hole.

"I don't think they are, I wouldn't know, but the ocean-" I made my voice quiver a little "carried me off to the icy wasteland in a small rescue boat. I was the only one left." I covered my mouth and looked away to shield my imaginary sorrow. Zhao's smirk faded a fraction and I could feel the wheels in his mind turn. Trying to piece the puzzle together.

"My deep condolences lady Yokai. Please forgive me that I should bring back those memories. But, what miracles luck that in the thousand deserted miles of nothingness that is the ice dessert that you would stumble upon a this rescue." He gestured our battered ship. "Actually any rescue for that matter." I gulped as his black eyes drilled excitedly into mine. He knew my story was a lie, but he had yet to define its purpose. That visually aggravated him. Then he breathed out a laugh to himself. "I forget my manners. It would be a great honor if you all would join me for tea. I would simply never pardon myself to be without this tale." Zhao finished in a shallow head bow.

"We can't. We have to go." Zuko stated as he stepped in front of me.

Zhao displayed his sharp teeth in a snakelike smirk.

"Actually I would love some tea. Ginseng is my favorite commander Zhao." Iroh smiled jollily.

"Good. Follow me, you too lady Yokai." He bowed to me and shot Zuko a look. I felt out of place, but bowed back. Zuko gritted his teeth and threw a flame he'd been holding in annoyance.

Zhao lead us through a labyrinth of soldiers while conversing with Iroh. He was trying to pry information out of Iroh but it didn't seem to go his way as Iroh kept changing the subject back to tea.

"I know he's up to something…" Zuko muttered as he fell back and walked besides me. I flinched.

"… He's going to interrogate your crew." I whispered. "And I would guess, me included."

Zuko glared down at me with a hard suspicious expression. I could see he wanted to know how I knew that. After I'd rolled my eyes, I glanced over my shoulder to make sure nobody could hear our conversation. But even though we were out of immediate earshot we were profoundly observed.

"Spirit guide, not traitor." I breathed out as I bowed my head in a cough.

"I didn't say anything." His angry yellow eyes met mine as he spoke.

"Just, please, don't loose your head."

He narrowed his eyes.

"This man is about to ruin everything."

"Then don't let him play you. He'll expect you to be aggressive and use it for his advantage." I hurried.

"And what will you do?" He whispered through gritted teeth.

"I… Well… I don't know." I stuttered. To be honest I had absolutely no idea of how this would play out with me in the equation.

As we entered the commander's tent I had my heart in my throat. Zuko looked cold as ice.

"Please sit." Zhao made the gesture sound like an order. Then he snapped his fingers for some tea to be brought in and passed around; that made Iroh smack his lips in a smile. I sat down cautiously and so did Zuko. He glared at Zhao who was drilling him with questions about the avatar. I looked at the map. I knew exactly where Aang and the others were on it right now. They would be at the southern air temple and not too long from now the avatar's power would be known to everybody anyway so there was no idea in keeping it from Zhao, I thought.

"Fascinating isn't it?" The deep voice of Zhao was right by my ear and it made me tense up.

"Yes… Quite." I sipped my tea and looked up at him.

"All of the world will belong to the fire nation soon enough and then we will rule the next era of man to greatness." He said with pride.

"If my father thinks that the world will willingly follow him he is a fool." Zuko spat.

"Two years at sea did nothing to tame your insolent tongue." Zhao pulled an ugly grin.

My guess was that Zhao liked to make people wallow in their shame and hurt their pride. I hated that about him.

"But the banished prince has indeed collected some rare trinkets on his journeys" Zhao rested his hand on my shoulder as he spoke and I had to bite my cheek not to say something. "… Manners do not seem to be one of them." He smirked. Zuko shot to his feet, about to yell a come-back, but just then Iroh asked for more tea and the tension defused a bit.

"Where does such a color of the moon come from?" Zhao asked me as he touched my hair. Out of instinct I slapped his hand away. I flinched, that wasn't good. His face darkened.

"Oh! There was a fly commander. A thousand apologies." I said in a smile but it never reached my glaring eyes. Zuko snorted a humorless laugh.

"I see…" Zhao withdrew with hate hanging from his eyes.

"We have nothing further to discuss Zhao. We're leaving." Zuko said sternly. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me along and Iroh followed us with a cup in his hands. But before we could exit the tent the guards crossed their weapons and blocked the way.

"Commander! We have interrogated the crew as you instructed! They had the avatar but they let him escape." A guard said as he came running in to the tent from the other entrance.

"You are not going anywhere until I say so." Zhao hissed from behind us.

The hours seemed to drag by as Zhao made Iroh and Zuko spill every bean they held about the avatar. Luckily I was more or less overlooked in this little get-together after my 'insult'. It would be real bad if Zhao suddenly decided that I had information as well. Who knows what could happen if they broke me. I began to feel hot and dizzy. The spirit powers stirred in my chest. Maybe it worked like the avatar's powers and was activated through stress? I gave it a thought.

Maybe I had been looking at it all wrong… I absently bit my nail. It was the same! The spirit stuff and the heat-bending was the same. No doubt about it. Maybe I could use it somehow to get us out of this sticky situation. I felt sweat on my forehead. Even if I could think up a use for my niche bending right here and now, it wouldn't matter if it just activated in a random outburst. I dreaded it as I wiped ma face. The warmth of the lit fireplace was pulsating heat into the tent.

"Lady Yokai, wouldn't you say?" Zhao smiled his snake smile, as he asked me. He knew that I hadn't been paying attention. I was burning up from the inside and Zuko narrowed his eyes in a glare. He was afraid that I would blow it.

"I- I- I'm sorry I'm a little tired could you repeat your question commander?" I said and blinked a few times to concentrate.

"I was just saying that the banished prince is but a teenager and he had no capable chance of capturing the avatar. The task should not be left to him." It was a test of my loyalty.

"The prince saved my life." I said, stating the obvious.

"But can he save a nation? I think not." As Zhao said that - Zuko lit his flame daggers.

"He is the crown prince after all. If he does not have the right to try then who does…" It was getting hard to breathe in my clothes and my words became a little too close to a whisper. The dizziness was dimming the light. I willed myself to sit straight and not let what I felt show. "Not you if that's what you think." As soon as I'd said it I knew it was a mistake. I'd told Zuko not to loose his head and here I was walking all over that advice. But it felt good to tell Zhao off.

The fire in the room glowed redder.

"Traitor..." Zhao hissed through his teeth. He grabbed my arm and twisted it, hard. I held my breath in pain but swallowed my voice.

"Let her go commander." Iroh talked in a threatening tone and Zhao let go but that didn't stop me from falling to the ground as my head was spinning. Anger gushed in my veins, but I knew that I couldn't disintegrate him on the spot. The army would not let us live if I did. I pushed myself off the ground and the air around my feet picked up the dust in a subtle circle. To my luck nobody saw it because the banished prince was challenging the commander to an Agni Kai at sunset after Zhao. A big part of me wished that I was the one to slap Zhao's little wrinkly face around in the arena, but I knew Zuko needed this win for himself.

The commander stormed out and ordered the guards to keep us detained.

"Prince Zuko have you forgotten what happened the last time you battled a master!?" Iroh asked in a cautious tone. I cooled down and took a deep breath.

"No. I will never forget." Zuko answered slowly as we walked back to our ship.

I had been told I shouldn't come to the Agni Kai by Iroh and now I was fuming in the long corridors of our ship. Iroh had patted my shoulder as he spoke. The water made gnawing sounds and it mingled with my irritated steps.

"Why?" I'd asked.

"Because Zhao is a dishonorable man and would not hesitate to hurt you if it would win him a disarranging moment." Iroh had shaken his head in disgust at the mere thought. So no discussion. I had been sent to bed without dinner while 'the men' did their thing. That pissed me off. I could see Iroh's point, but it pissed me off just the same. Next time I was not going to be so compliant.

I walked toward my room with thoughts clouding my sight. I wondered if I really could be a distraction, and if Zuko would win the way I'd hoped and counted on he did. I bit my nail and turned down a hallway. I stopped. Something was off. Before I could register what had set my 'spidy senses' on edge, a hand; the size of a dinner plate, covered my mouth and pulled me in to a dark corner of the ship.

I struggled in the armor plated arms, but his hold was like iron-rods twisted around me. I wriggled around in his clasp and got a glimpse of my captor.

The man was perhaps two and a half meters tall, his head was bent to fit in our ship's hallway, and if I had to describe him in one word; 'brute' would be the one I'd pick. He had beady little eyes that didn't catch the light and a broad mouth with thick lips tuning downward. A scar shone white on his dirty cheek, and honestly I think it added to his features more than it ruined it.

Without a word he'd grabbed both of my arms and twisted them painfully behind my back. I yelped and arched in pain. I was afraid he'd pull the bones out their sockets, so I held still as much as I could.

The brute man ducked through the hallways of our ship as he led me down a corridor, and I hoped it would give him a horrible posture and back pain for the rest of his life.

A stake of steam hissed from a nearby pipe. I could kill this man if I needed to.

I gritted my teeth. But I needed to know _why_ he was trying to detain me in the first place. _He could be one of the pirates perhaps_, I thought, _but that would clash with the storyline._

"I suggest you let me go." I said through my teeth and tried to hide the pain I felt in my shoulders.

The man grunted and twisted my arms higher. I had bitten down on my cheek too hard - and now I tasted blood but I didn't know where in my mouth it came from as my arms hurt so much that it overpowered my other senses of anguish.

"Are you one of Zhao's lowly goons? You sure look like it, ugly." I said in a tight grin over my shoulder to the best of my ability. The man made a sound that resembled something predatorily, and I suppressed a shiver. The image of Zuko knocking Zhao on his butt in an Agni Kai satisfied my inner eye.

Mr. Manhandling pushed me along in to a dark hallway. We were in the bottom of the ship. I guessed it was leading to a holding cell, but I wouldn't know cause I'd never been that far down in the ship's dungeons and coal rooms.

"Hey big guy! Tell me who you're working for and I wouldn't hurt you." I breathed out a laugh. Just as I'd said that the savage guard let go of my wrists to grab my collar instead. He showed me against the wall, hard I might add, and glared me directly in the eye. Hi pupils had no color, but was black. Much like mine I would think.

"Be QUIET." He yelled me right in my face and little spit droplets landed on my cheeks.

I looked stunned for a second, but that quickly turned bitter and filled with hatred for this man. My calm waters, which I'd really kept quite calm, had turned to stormy oceans, and the tidal wave of fury rolled over me in the matter of seconds. And then, I did something stupid.

The man froze completely. Letting go of my clothes slowly. I slid down the wall to my feet as he weakened. My capture's face relaxed from hideously crossed; into confused, and then terrified. I stared at him - watching my influence manifest.

He began to sweat. Huge round beads of sweat rolled off his forehead and his eyes had widened to their utmost capacity. _Two white golf balls_, I thought. It looked like they were about to pop out of his head. I almost laughter at his comical expression but instead I let a small smirk roll over my lips.

His mouth was starting to hang open, loose at the joints, and a tight note escaped his throat. The man sounded like he was being choked: but that wasn't the case. His hands flew up to his neck and started scratching the glowing red skin.

My guess was that he couldn't breath, but I didn't care. I kept my eyes into his, and as he fell to his knees I still kept my glare. He was helpless and looked up at me with tear swimming eyes.

I felt cruel. Not that it felt wrong, just cruel, like pulling the wings off a fly. I was boiling the man's blood and my captor was now my victim. I had the full control over the situation. A dark want to make him hurt fluttered in my chest.

"Who sent you?" I said in a level voice as I squatted down beside the tormented man. He was rolling around on the dirty floor, too panicked to talk or take any intelligent action towards me.

"Who?" I tried again.

"Z-Zh-Zhao!" The man rattled deep in his throat.

"It that so…" I gave it a thought. "Why?"

"H-ugh-He wanted to interrogate you! About-about your white hair!" The man screamed and tore at his face with trembling hands. _My white hair?_

I dropped my bending instantly; it was as if the balloon of power, and lust for pain had suddenly deflated. The guard sucked in a deep desperate breath.

_Zhao didn't want to interrogate me about the avatar? _This was bad…

Then a sudden 'thud sounded in the far end of the ship's hallway. I shot to my feet, ready to take on any of the guard's backup if that was the case.

But as I recognized the two nearing shadows in the hall I lowered my stance. Zuko and Iroh walked in long strides toward me. _So the Agni Kai was over already? Had Zuko won?_

"Get off my ship, rat." Zuko spat as the fusing daggers sprung from his hands. The guard, who was regaining some physical control over his body, sent me a terrified glance before he ran in the opposite direction of us.

Iroh knitted his brows together as his beige eyes glued to me. I didn't know how to react to that and looked just as grave.

"I apologize for not coming back sooner Kai, but perhaps worrying was unnecessary." Iroh spoke in a stained voice.

"…No. I guess not." I said absently. "Zhao wanted to kidnap me and ask me about my… Well… My hair." I was talking to myself. I snapped up to look at Zuko.

"We have to catch that guard!" I yelled, and before I had said the last syllable I was running after the huge armored man.

I head footsteps in my heels and I think it was Zuko, but I didn't turn to look. The man swung around a corner but his breath was gone and his large posture made it difficult for him to run. I briefly tried bending him, but I was afraid that it would damage anyone but him. Besides my actions had left a sour taste in my mouth.

I got close to the goon - who was running like the devil was riding him, and tried tackling him. He was too big and bulky, and my shove hardly made him stumble.

"Get his legs!" I yelled at Zuko who had overtaken me. Faster than a bullet Zuko had swept the man's legs away from behind and Zhao's thug fell like a ton of bricks in the narrow corridor. Before long our own guards were at the scene, attracted by the racket. They quickly understood the situation and sized the huge man, it took four guards to half-drag him to a holding cell.

Zuko brushed himself off and looked self-satisfied for a second then he turned to me.

"Why did we have to stop that man again?"

"Quick on your feet! Thanks!" I laid a hand on Zuko's shoulder as I caught my breath in gasps. "If that man –pew- if he had gone back to Zhao and told about my little trick-" I took a deep breath before I could finish "We could be in big trouble. I think Zhao suspects my spirit-powers." I looked up at Zuko who was unmoving. Then I realized that my hand was still on his shoulder. I quickly retrieved it.

"If Zhao get's a hold of you, it wouldn't me my problem." He said coldly and started walking.

I followed in a jog.

"Ehm, yeah, it would!"

"No. You've told me where the avatar is and where he is headed. The only thing binding you to the ship is a promise from my side, and if you interfere with that, I have no reason to act." Zuko stared straight forward as he spoke.

"True. But I can tell you that your journey isn't over at the North Pole. You are not going to become the fire lord that easily." Just as the words had left my mouth Zuko grabbed my wrist, hard.

"Hey! I've been manhandled the entire evening can you let go of me!? Why does everybody think it's okay to grab me?! Honesty, it's very irritating!" I twisted out of Zuko's hold.

"Go in there." He ordered and pointed at his room.

"No thank you. I want to take a bath and go to bed and I don't feel like being ordered around now that I have my freedom back." I crossed my arms and started walking away from him, but Zuko grabbed the back of my collar and dragged me backwards in to his room where he shut the door with a slam.

"HEY! Seriously!" I shouted and as soon as he'd released my dress I whipped around and fired up a flame in my hand. I was in no mood for his pissy rudeness.

"You betrayed me." Zuko hissed. His eyes were yellow spheres in the sparse light. I lowered my fire.

"… What…?" I was stunned by the accusation.

"You told me the avatar was in the North?" He walked closer.

"Yes? And he will be. But that's not the end?" I was honestly puzzled and I processed what was happening. Did Zuko honestly think this would al be over in a months time?

"Then what's this about me not obtaining my goals there? I will catch the avatar, I will return home and I will rule the Firenation as is my birthright. If the avatar is on the North Pole I will capture him there and the new era with begin. Are you misleading me?" He glared. Zuko's scar looked deeper than ever before in the light.

"You have some serious trust issues." As I said that I considered his family tree and suddenly it didn't seem so strange to me that he was a tad more skeptic of others than normal people. But come on! How many time could I prove myself to this guy.

"Don't talk to your future firelord like that. I should have you arrested for betraying the Firenation." He talked through his teeth and took another step closer. I was readying myself for a fight.

"I haven't betrayed you, I have no reason for that, and I don't see a future firelord in this room right now." I felt my face twist in anger as well.

"Watch you place, spirit." He had a look lingering is his features, a look of lust for power and respect – and it made my skin crawl. I knew what it was now; I'd felt it in that corridor with a goon twice my size. I knew the need for control over others. I caught my temper and made myself calm down.

"I know my place. It's right in this room, opposite of you." I straightened.

"What do you mean…?" He asked slowly and relaxed the tension he'd held in his face.

"What I mean is that I'll help you as much as I can to follow your destiny; even when it means being hated by you..." It sounded almost sad as I said it, but it was the truth. I looked at the flickering red lamp by the window. The sun was long gone and an evening chill snuck in through the open window.

"Your blindness to strings pulling you, makes you open to a hurt deeper than the skin." I wasn't sure if he was listening. Heck, I wasn't sure what I was saying! I was talking about strings as I felt them tug at every move I made myself. Who was I to give advice?

"You should go." Zuko glared at me. _So he really does hate me, huh? Well, why am I here then?_

I left without another word, feeling like I had been smacked in the face.


	5. Chapter 5: The waters of the giant Koi

**Chapter 5: The waters of the giant Koi**

On my way back to my room the fury blazed up again in me. I was angry at being sad and even angrier at being angry! I shouldn't let him get under my skin like that! I knew that Zuko was trouble from the start and I had no intention of starting to feel this way. To feel like he really mattered to me.

"What is the matter with that- that- that imbecile? Here I am during my best and he still treats me like dirt!" I kicked the wall as I breathed curses under my breath.

I slammed the airlock door to my room with such force that the sound echoed piercingly through the entire ship. I wanted to yell and scream and be violent, but I had to eat my anger I had to control it. If I didn't compose myself I could endanger everyone on the ship – I knew that, I knew it, I KNEW IT and I still couldn't calm down. I didn't feel in control though. I didn't control anything! All my 'power' was just an illusion because clearly the wheels turned in their destined ways, with or without me here. Zuko would eventually go back to the firenation, he would rekindle with Mai and they would live out their goth-y existences together. It's not like I wanted to take _her_ place anyway. I never planned to relocate my life to this universe, just a vacation, with a little holiday flirting perhaps –so sue me. I hadn't asked for this kind of connection?! For _this_ kind of emotion! And I never recalled asking for something this complicated and in the end it wasn't even mutual!

I was alone. Alone in a strange world with strange rules and my heart was on the brim of breaking. I gritted my teeth. I wouldn't let it! Against my will I felt the frustrated tears burn my eyes.

"I want to go home. Do you hear me Jerry?! I want to go home!" I yelled out in the room. "Reboot program! I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" My voice broke in an awful way.

I staggered to the wall and smacked my palms on it to stop my knees from buckling. All the irritation, anger and loneliness melted together. I bit down on my cheek and squeezed my eyes shut, as if I could mute my feelings by closing up my face.

"It's not fair!" I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

"I didn't want this…" I sobbed. Once I'd given in they just kept coming. I slid to the floor and hugged my shoulders. Everything washed over my and leaked through my eyes.

It was one of those times where you cry your heart out for hours and don't stop until you get the hiccups and your face is flaming red. I somehow dragged myself to the bed and fell asleep. In my sleep I thought I'd heard footsteps, echoing in my head. I sensed the ship move over a stormy ocean. Waves rocked me away from the world.

We had left the dock.

The next few days were quiet. We were heading for Kyoshi Island as I'd instructed Zuko.

My thoughts were messy and unfocused and it made meditating close to impossible, but never the less I followed Iroh's instructions to the best of my ability. The offer of Zuko being my teacher had removed itself after the 'spirit connection' and I wasn't willing to take it if he'd offered. He wasn't that diplomatic, _surprise_. And further more, I couldn't risk being in a closed darkened room with him until my feeling had somewhat dispersed.

In the meantime I was avoiding even seeing him.

True, he was the one owing me an apology, so technically he should be the one doing the avoiding part, but I was the one who felt like I'd 'lost face' and I was _not_ ready to talk to him. It struck me that a rather annoying pattern was taking form. I got my feeling hurt and then evaded any form of contact or conflict until I'd suppressed the anguish. It's good to know oneself so you can recognize the behavior and act accordingly to break the negative cycle. Or something like that… I was never much of a self-help-book kind of girl. If I wanted to shy away from conflict and social trauma, why shouldn't I? Defense mechanisms are there to help you stay sane after all! And moreover what benefit would come of having a heart to heart with a guy that hardly approved of my presence to begin with?

But, okay, I did perhaps go to extremes not to run in to Zuko. Once, where there had been no corridor or room to duck into, I'd pulled myself up in the pipes and waited until he'd passed me in the hallway.

Either he didn't see me or he was pretending not to see me dangling like a sloth from the ceiling.

I wasn't so sure if it was a consoling thought, but I figured that Zuko was just as busy ignoring me as I was him. We didn't even train up on deck or eat at the same time.

I was never really expecting that overdue heartfelt apology, but as we kept ignoring one another the emptiness inside me grew. Like rope it tied and twisted in the pit of my stomach, and _my excellent analytical skills set of complex emotion_ couldn't seem to pinpoint why I was taking our fight this hard. I mean, I'd felt queasy just thinking about all this discomfort rooting in a _crush_. On a jerk! A selfish, childish and stupid jerk that couldn't even take one minute of his day to be polite. Wasn't he a prince? Shouldn't he have learned manners? I was acting like a feeble clichéd _girl _and I hated it! Seriously, that guy didn't even deserve my time of day.

It had been a good training session. Efficient and uplifting, to say the least. Iroh had praised my stances and only scolded me a little bit when I'd used too much force in a training match with a guard. At least I wasn't hammering them as hard as Zuko. And in the mist of doing awesome firebending, I had come to remember that I was a strong independent woman who didn't need to pine over no one! Least of all, some angst-y dude with emotional baggage.

I'd taken a long bath - I'd actually bended the temperature all by myself for the first time, and pride was coating me like a second skin. I was looking sweet cute and hot in the mirror and I pinched my cheeks and fluffed my hair. It was really something to be this strong physically. It totally gave me a false sense of security and made me only a tiny bit power crazed. I flexed my arms in the mirror.

"Nice." I smirked and opened the door – ready to walk back to my room. I had almost walked straight in to Zuko who was standing on the other side of the bathroom.

"Ugh… Oh, it's you." I said as I recognized him and suddenly all my pretty happy bubble burst.

He didn't snap back at me. Instead there was a silence where he just looked at me - it was almost more uncomfortable than arguing. I started to push past him but he blocked me.

"I meant what I said. You should leave the ship at next port." He said earnestly.

"What?" I barked up at him.

"Did I not articulate the words clearly enough?" Zuko sounded raspy and the sarcasm wasn't as sharp as usual. I didn't know how to reply so I stared him down instead. He retaliated with a speech.

"I am wasting time chasing your coordinates –essential time that I could have spent finding the way back to my rightful place on the throne. You are just another distraction from my mission. " He continued and observed me. It still wasn't angry and it started to unsettle me. If I didn't know any better I would think that Zuko was giving me the elevator glance a little bit?

The words hung in the air for a time.

"… What?" I asked tentatively and I felt myself growing self-conscious.

"Nothing. You were about to leave." He snarled and glanced down the hallway.

"I am so sick of you Zuko." I ran a hand through my hair. "I am sick of you being such a _show_. I don't care what you think you can order me to do, 'cause I'm not going to do it – get that through your thick skull. Your title means nothing to me just so you know." I twisted past him and leaned up against the wall. "I don't know what I can say. My coordinates are correct." My heart started to thump in the back of my throat and I couldn't ignore the feeling of thrill to be talking to Zuko after so long –even if it was quickly evolving into a fight. I tried to mentally crush the ticklish feeling.

"The avatar is a master in evasive maneuvering and why would he go to Kyoshi if the definitive destination is the north?" He snarled again. I smirked back at Zuko.

"He want's to ride the giant Koi of cause. Maybe you should try it. It'll perhaps loosen you up a bit." I joked. Zuko would never do that kind of thing. _And then again?_ I tried picturing it but couldn't.

"You are something else - the spirit guide _from a time rather than a place_ right? A naïve little girl dancing around in your own world. You think life is so easy and carefree, but you don't understand anything." Zuko scowled, his irises were orange in the red light.

"Carefree? Life isn't easy or carefree for me." I felt hurt and the tight feeling of grief prickled my eyes. "I am stuck here too, but no avatar-shaped trophy will allow me to go home. I may never sleep in my own bed, eat my own food or even see my family or my friends again. But, _nooo_, this is about _you_! At least you have a real shot at getting back." I hugged my waist and looked away.

Another pause.

"… Can't you just open a new door or… Which ever opening you entered through?" He asked and leaned against the opposite wall. I skeptically lifted a brow.

"It doesn't work like that. I can't open anything in this side." I mumbled.

"Then… You can't ever return?" Zuko shifted his weight as he spoke.

"Maybe. In a year… But the chances of that happening, I don't know… They're slim." I couldn't know for sure what my chances were, but if the entire program had crashed there would be no Jerry in the other end waiting to pull me out. The gloom lowered its veil on my mood.

"It's been almost three years since I first sat foot on this ship." _Since he'd been banished_. "I never thought I would be here that long. I thought I would be back in the Firenation in a matter of weeks, ruling the land at my father's side. But even though I've spotted the avatar as the first person for over a hundred years… I'm still nowhere close. I should have been more realistic."

"Maybe you were an optimist." I said softly.

"Maybe." Zuko almost smiled but it never quite reached the corners of his mouth.

We locked eyes.

The atmosphere had changed to something that felt almost… Gentle. I thought of the kiss. I didn't want to, believe me! I had no need for thinking about the unintentional but not super awful kiss. Zuko had looked so surprised, well duh, but he hadn't pulled back. My heart beat. The light shone on his face but I could only see the unscarred side and the golden orbs. It wasn't that bad. When he wasn't angry he was in truth hansom. He was looking at me too the same way. Curiosity was burning in my veins. What was he thinking about? I had to take a breath to shake my string of thoughts.

"… Why do you really want me to leave so bad?" I asked cautiously. I was aware that I was asking something else, but not sure of what it was.

"I already told you why." Zuko broke our eye contact to stare down the corridor and I couldn't see his face anymore.

"You know… I don't have anywhere else to go." And I knew that wasn't completely true – I could always join Aang and the others.

"That is not my problem." He said as he pushed himself off the wall and started walking away from our conversation.

_I guess shearing time is over._

I exhaled. It was the strangest thing with that guy. He wanted to open up, I could feel it, but he just couldn't. Or maybe he couldn't open up to me? I pondered that as I walked back. The echoes haunted my footsteps though the metal corridors.

I was standing in my room, trying to bind my new fancy dress that one of the crewmembers had stumbled upon deep in the ship. It was properly from a prisoner or something horrible, but I had to admit that trying on new clothes was seriously a seldom treat. The dress itself was an earth kingdom style and I was finding it impossible to tie.

Just when I'd figured out the knots of some of the strings the ship jerked roughly to the right. Halfway dressed and bound tightly around the legs, I slammed onto my tea table – black ink from my calligraphy and silk fabrics from the dress few up into the air.

"I thought we were docked!" I fumbled around in the spilled ink, smearing my hands and knees. I roughly pulled off the dresses outer layer and it left black handprints wherever I touched. The ship jerked again and this time I fell against the door. _Were we under attack!?_

I ripped it open and sprinted down the halls barefoot, occasionally being tripped up by the swaying floors. My dress flew in ever which way as I made my way though the entire ship.

"Iroh! What is happening?!" I called to him though the open archway to the dining room where he sat, eating rice and saving his tea from being spilled –quite undisturbed by the movement.

"I seems that you were right Kai. The Avatar had been spotted on the Kyoshi Island only yesterday, we heard if confirmed just now by Wai here." Iroh smiled and gestured a man in a chef's hat and armor. Wai did not look like he was having a great time while the ship was moving like this - in fact he looked rather greenish. I tore my eyes away from the man I suspected to collapse, and turned to Iroh.

"So we're not under attack!?" I scooped up the dress in various places to keep it from dropping.

"No no, we're fine Kai, but I do agree that my nephew is not sailing smoothly out of port."

"Where is Zuko?" I asked slightly too loud and Iroh blinked in surprise.

"He's with the captain." He smiled and pointed to the bridge and if he had said anything else I wouldn't have heard it.

"You could have given the crew and me a warning before you just decided to turn the ship around." I had trouble keeping the dress on probably but I was too furious to care.

"The warning _was_ the ship turning." Zuko didn't look at me when he spoke. He was standing at the wheel with his back to me. Another crewmember was pulling a lever and punching buttons, seemingly at random. I snarled in the minion and he held his hands up in an 'I surrender' gesture.

"Well I got a bruise and a ruined dress thanks to that." I said irritated, as I stomped over to stand besides him. The blue ocean stretched out for miles in front of us.

"The avatar-" He started hotly, still not looking at me, but I synced in to finish the sentence.

"-is on Kyoshi. I know! I told you that a week ago. I still haven't heard a thank you by the way." I crossed my arms.

"There is no need to thank you. You were doing your job. For once." He added the last bit in a bite.

"You are happy that we're close to the avatar, right? Then don't be so rude to me!" I shot him a glare.

"I'm not being rude. I'm the prince of the Firenation and I'm not thanking any of my servants for completing a task that I ordered done." Zuko said plainly.

"I'm not your servant!"

"Yes. You are." He glared back but only for a second, then doubled back to me – as he looked his face changed from angry to amused. "You look more like the coal shovels in our ship basement than a lady." The smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and a gleam caught his eyes. He was still steering around one or two other ships who were aiming for port and the other crewmember pulled a cord in the ceiling.

"Really? Why?" I touched my face curiously - I could feel a wet smear of ink across my lips. Zuko breathed out a short chuckle. It had been the first time I had heard him laugh like that and it made me... Puzzled.

"Now even more so." He said tauntingly. Zuko's lips were in a smirk.

"Well then as _your humble servant_ I would remind you of the giant Unagi that surrounds the waters of Kyoshi and urge you to sail in slow when we spot land." I dripped with sarcasm at the 'servant' bit and did a mock bow.

"See was that so hard?" Zuko sneered, clearly ignoring the joke.

"You- you- you are so annoying!" I threw my hands up in the air, but if I _had_ found it truly offensive I would have left already.

"I'm annoying?!" Zuko handed over the wheel to the other crewmember, and turned to me. Taking in the entire picture of me with my stained dress and a face full of ink, proved to be too much for his self-restraint. Zuko let out a hearty laugh and pointed at me provocatively.

"I take it back you look worse than a coal shoveler!" He wheezed out the words between laughs. My cheeks began to burn. "Ha hah ha! And I can't think of anything worse than _that_!" In two steps I had crossed the cabin and smeared a blacked hand over his face. Zuko froze mid-laugh.

"There. Now we're both worse than coal shovelers." I said with my hands on my hips. He looked so comically stunned that I had to fight a snort as it was my turn to laugh. I couldn't read his face, but it was almost painful to see his inner conflict between letting it go and being furious - as he was continually struck between the two, I shrugged and turned to leave.

"I'll be in my room – trying to save my dress." I said over my shoulder and brushed off my dress. As I exited I glimpsed Zuko though the window. He was looking down at the back of his hand where he'd smeared the ink from his mouth. He didn't look upset, but confused or perhaps deep in thought, but as the crewmember sneaked a peak at his uncharacteristically quiet prince, Zuko quickly snapped back to barking orders.

It was almost unmanageable to wash off the thick black ink once it had dried on the skin and it felt good to think about Zuko doing the same thing.

It was only a few hours to Kyoshi and the weather was growing warmer. Not spring-ish or anything, but warm enough so that I didn't have to wear mittens to bed anymore. It wasn't too long before someone yelled 'land ahoy' and we nipped off some of our speed. I looked down in the blue waters from the railing and deep down in the marine, I thought I saw a shadow stirring. _The Unagi…_ A chill ran through me.

"You! Prepare our foot troops. And you, keep a lookout for trouble in the waters." Zuko was storming up on deck, throwing orders that made the crew scatter in every which way. "And you." He walked up to me, with a hard expression. "You, don't get in my way. If you are an hindrance in my mission to capture the avatar, at all, I will feed you to the beast that dwells in the depths." His eyes flashed with anger and I could see he really tried to mean it. _Well, nice of you to bond with me before killing me…_ I only rolled my eyes once he'd turned away – snapping more orders to people already busy with something else. I wondered if he'd meant that I should stay on the ship. Yeah, that was probably it, but then again he hadn't been very clear in his orders and I really wanted to see Kyoshi Island.

The metallic whine from the boat hitting the wooden dock was louder than normal, and I was hoping that Zuko hadn't banked on a surprise attack – of cause he hadn't. To my surprise was he leading an attack of ten of our crewmen on komodo-rhinos in full armor, they sprinted from the coast and up in to the village. Soon after fire started blazing from the roofs. I had a sour taste in my mouth, but there wasn't anything I could do about the fire from the distance. I looked around on deck and it seemed I was the only one left on the ship, apart from Iroh perhaps, who was taking a nap or perhaps meditating below.

In a few quick moves I had jumped over the rail surrounding deck and caught an edge a level down. There I worked my way along the ship towards the anchor, but the edge was narrow and I could only just rest my toes atop a ridge on the otherwise smooth surface of the ship. I leaped for the anchor chain when I had come as close as I could, and it took me close to shore – I only had to swim a few miles to hit the costal stones with my feet. To my far right I heard the battle take shape. The high pinched cries from Kyoshi warriors and roars of lizard-rhinos traveled down the slope to where I stood. I could go left and explore Kyoshi, or I could go right to try and diminish the burn damage in the village. For a moment I hesitated.

"Nobody is even getting hurt in this fight…" I muttered irritably as I ducked in to the forest to my right.

I felt the heat of wild fire a few feet from the houses aflame. Zuko was fighting on the ground, completely surrounded and looking mean as ever. Aang was sprinting somewhere on top of the roofs that wasn't yet crumbling in fire, but it would be a matter of time. I rounded a corner and curled up behind a barrow. There I focused on the heat of the fire in the house and tried to bend it to a calmer, smaller flame. It was like trying to comfort a hysterical child; every time I reached a soothing rhythm one place the fire would sprout and spit another. Sweat trickled down my face and clung to my brow. I concentrated even harder and stretched my palms out to the fire to get a better grip on them.

"Surrender firebending girl!" A yell made me jump to my feet. It was Sokka that stood with his boomerang in one hand and a metal fan in the other. He was dressed in the Kyoshi warrior uniform.

"Ehm… I'm not fighting. I'm trying very hard to stay out of the fight actually." I said and used defensive gestures and trying to look friendly.

"I saw you just now bending those fires!" He narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm trying to put them out." I said plainly.

"Why?" Sokka looked puzzled and skeptic at the same time.

"To save the village? Which is your job by the way so thanks to me for helping out." I lifted a sweat-drenched brow and shot him an irritated glance.

"Look, all I know is that I've never met a 'nice' firebender that just wanted to help out, and I also never met a firebender that wasn't the enemy so that leads me to suggest you surrender one more time." Sokka straightened his back and pointed a fan at me.

"And if I don't surrender?" I inclined my head. Just because I understood his way of viewing firenation, did it not mean I would mind fighting Sokka, he would be a fun opponent.

But just as I took a stance I saw a heavy looking branch above his head had caught fire. My face fell.

"Alright. Lets fight then. But I've been trained in the sacred art of the Kyosh-" Before Sokka could finish his speech I had jumped him. We hit the ground hard away from the house and into the forest.

"I wasn't ready…" Sokka moaned under me and then the branch fell with a thud just where he'd stood only second ago. I rolled off him and dusted myself off, offering him a hand.

"Oh. Thanks." Sokka rubbed his head and looked embarrassed as I helped him to his feet.

"You have the right to be skeptic Sokka." I said absentmindedly and scouted the surroundings for more problems –most of all Zuko. He wouldn't be happy with me helping the avatar's groupies.

"I don't remember introducing myself." Sokka spoke and I immediately directed my attention to him. _Wups._

"Maybe I'm a good guesser." I shrugged knowing that he wouldn't be happy with that kind of answer.

"Or maybe you're a spy that have been tracking us! Together with that angry guy!" He backed away and pointed at me fiercely.

"I'm not. But even if I was what would your plan be? Take me down and then what?" I sighed.

"Let you rot in the prison of Kyoshi." Sokka readied his fan again.

"Uh I'm so scared." I mocked him in a high pinched tone. Maybe Zuko was rubbing off of me much more than I would have liked. As I realized that Sokka came right at me, with a more comical than frightening yell of attack, I grabbed his shoulder and directed him around me where I could deal him an elbow in the stomach. Sokka hugged his ribs and leaned forward to catch his breath. I kicked the back of his knees and he kneeled. There, where I had a moment to concentrate, I could bend the flames and snuff them out – at least the ones on the roof.

"Twice. Twice I've been beat up by a girl today." He rasped, still not completely back to normal.

"Well… Then you know not to mess with girls I guess." A strong wind from above was followed by a shout. It was Zuko and Aang fighting close by. _Time to go!_

"See you later Sokka." I said quietly as I crouched and crept past him.

"Sneaking? So you are a spy?" He called after me as he stood.

"Nope. I'm a spirit guide from another world." I smirked over my shoulder and dove in to a bush. It felt surprisingly good to do a good deed, and I was cheerful even when Zuko came stomping back up on deck - fuming with anger and one avatar short.


	6. Chapter 6: Winter Solstice

**Chapter 6: Winter Solstice**

"Aaaaah, bone and soul, it all relaxes in the steam! You should join me prince Zuko." Iroh blew out more steam from his nostrils and sunk back against the hot pool's rim. I slapped a hand over my eyes as I approached the two of them. I knew Iroh was going skinny-dipping and that was something I didn't need to see.

"What are you doing here?!" Zuko sounded mortified and I felt him jumping in front of my path.

"Sorry! I didn't know you were-" I peeked between my hands, but Zuko was fully dressed and I felt pink up to my ears. I squeezed my eyes shot under the hand. "Ugh master Iroh, ehm, I heard you had wandered off to the springs and I feel like maybe you should have some guards here?"

"My Lady, who should dare interrupt an old man at peace in the hot springs?" Iroh sighed.

"But Iroh I know fore sure that, ugh, a earth kingdom patrol will come and –listen can you just not be out here alone!?" I said hurried and spoke with my back to Iroh. I was very uncomfortable with the whole scene.

"How do you know?" Zuko asked my back.

"Duh, spirit oracle or whatever. Did you forget?" I shrugged with my hands still covering my eyes.

"Fine! Just go back to the ship and wait for us there!" Zuko was pushing me away from the springs.

"Aw! But I wanted to go in the pools. I was going to get Iroh out of there so I could take his place. I know when the troops are coming and I'll just skedaddle before then. By the way, is it safe to remove my hands now?"

"We don't have time for _either_ of you to sit in your own filth!" Zuko was still pushing me. "And yes you can look now."

"But that's so unfair! I've literally given you _the only thing_ you want and I can't get a day off?" I twisted out of his hands to glare at him.

"You haven't given me anything just yet. And don't think I'm not willing to reconsider our deal." He glared back. I waved his threat away.

"You are drilling us too hard. We need breaks." I sighed.

"Who's we? My tea-drinking uncle? Or the lazy whiny spirit girl? Or maybe my incompetent riffraff of a crew? Tell me, who is it that are working so hard?" Zuko was cold as ice, and he reminded me of Azula. I hated that.

"Be that way. But at least stay with Iroh, even if he falls asleep. Actually, especially if he falls asleep. Otherwise we'll spend the next days on tracking him down."

"You can't tell me what to do." He scowled.

I stuck out my tongue and spun around.

"You go directly to the ship and stay there. That's an order." Zuko commanded.

"I'm going to the ship because I want to, not because you are ordering me to!" I yelled over my shoulder and stomped back towards the shore where we were moored. The underbrush was scratching at my pants and above the branches slapped my face. Nature was always a tranquil and a beautifully wondrous place for me, in theory. In reality nature is uncomfortable, spooky and full of bugs. I was grumbling curses as I made my way through the woods. Roots stuck up from the ground and as I tried to step around I slipped on a stone. A thorny bush full of orange blossoms broke my fall. The spring hadn't yet announced itself fully but the first of the fragrant earth kingdom flowers had sprung and was filling the air with a sweet promise of summer.

Of course I didn't appreciate any of that, in my current situation. I ripped at the thorny vines that clung to my clothes and my hair had painfully tangled itself in the plant. I struggled but kept stinging myself on the thrones everywhere I touched. Those hellish annoying thrones!

"Aw! Ugh! AW!" The curse words flowed like a very profane flood from me. "Let me GO! Stupid NATURE! ARG!" I was goddamn stuck in the freaking bush and my temper was not having it. In a violent sudden burst of frustration I unintentionally bended an explosion. A roar circled me. When I'd taken a breath and opened my eyes the shrub had incinerated around me. A single burning leaf stood in mid-air before it soared toward the ground. My hair was a golden cloud of frizz. I would have laughed at the whole thing if it hadn't been for _them_.

The five men with ropes and a potato sack in their hands stood on the trail and had all snapped their attention to me. I took a tentatively step back. It wasn't earth kingdom guards like I would have expected, this lot wasn't anyone I recognized. They looked shady and criminal-ly. Matted hair, dried blood on a boot, chipped blades in their belts. These guys were _the bad guys_. Okay technically, me and Zuko was the bad guys, but the scum before me was on an another level of badness.

I spun on my heel and bolted.

"That's _her_! Get the girl!" A gravely voice yelled.

I leaped over a branch and ducked under another in a sprint. The five guys were right at my tail. I fired a flame at one of the dudes, to slow him down. He waved it away in the air and seeped to run even faster. _Great a firebender_. I turned sharply and ran down a much narrower path towards the sea. The ground started to shake and I had to jump in the air as a rolling hill of dirt tried to trip me. _Fantastic an earthbender!_ The next rolling hill had a person surfing on it. He rolled towards me and fired a pointy rock at my head. _Nope, two earthbenders!_ I was realizing that I couldn't outrun them. And if they all had something for the talent show, I wasn't sure I could beat them. Without being in control of my boiling ability I could end up crossing the unforgivable line. And besides I needed some quiet time to concentrate anyway, and this posy didn't seem like a polite-stand-around-and-get-killed one. I was outnumbered and outmatched. _Zuko and Iroh_! I jumped off the path and down a steep slope, my legs almost disappeared under me on the way down. I'd gained a tiny bit of time, and I shot the most powerful blast I could, straight up in the air. I was sure the flames just about cleared the treetops. _Please see it_! I panted like my lungs were on fire but kept the bending.

"Takaso use a blast! We almost have her!" A smooth voice called. The band of benders were all sliding effortlessly down the slope. _These dudes were serious_. A compressed orange fire swooshed by my and into a tree. The truck splintered apart and pieces of wood came flying at me. I hissed and started running again.

"Get her at any cost!" A women's voice chimed in.

Before I could even run ten more steps a giant earth wave had rushed over me from behind and buried me under the heavy dirt. Dark. Tight. Breathless. Panic took me when I felt how the earth starting to crush me under its enormous weight. My limbs tried to stir but they were fastened in rock, sand and clay. Suddenly the weight lifted and the dirt surrounding my face was removed.

I gasped and blinked, sand falling in my eyes.

The five bounty hunters stood before me with triumphant smiles. I hadn't counted on being the one to get captures today. I no doubt looked rather sulky.

"Are you sure it's the girl?" A man, sweaty lean and slippery, asked. He was the snake in the group no doubt, the guy who would sell his flattery and loyalty to the highest bidder. I hadn't seen what he could do or if he was a bender at all, but I guessed not, it takes bones and balls to bend and this guy had none of the above.

"Of course it's her! Look at that haystack!" The only woman of the group yapped. I took offence.

"Hey! Excuse me for looking a little roughed up, you did just chase me though the woods and buried me in a pile of filth!"

"Earth is life." One guy, one of the earthbenders, said. He was hansom and slick and he knew it, which immediately made him very unattractive to me.

"Earth is love." The other earthbender finished in a phony poetic kind of way. I figured they were brothers as they had the same wavy brown hair and unsettling shady appearance.

"Such a doll aren't you?" He bended the earth, so that I was at eyelevel with him. The bender had brown almond shaped eyes. Maybe once they had been beautiful, now they were plain cold.

"You have the most particular taste in girls dear Khun. She's a ghost for crying out loud." The slick fellow number one snickered and shook his head as he spoke. I froze, not that I could move much. They knew I wasn't from this world? Who where those guys?

"Spirit, no? That means she not dead dear Yán." Slick guy number two touched my hair between his thumb and forefinger. "Yet."

I jerked away from him in disgust.

"Don't touch me you creep."

"Enough. Step aside Khun." The gravely voice belonged to the last member of the group. A large compact man dressed in blood-red armor. The firebender.

"What do you want?" I addressed the firebender, as he was clearly the leader. "Who hired you?"

"That is not important. Be still and we'll let you keep your arms." His tone of indifference meant that he had tried this before. I bit down on my cheek. Unforgivable 'linecrossing' or not, I was not willing to bank my life on a principle. I reached inside myself to find the blood boiling. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the heat in their blood. All of them.

"Hurry! She is doing something!" The woman pushed the snake-y guy towards me. He had a bowl of leafs in his hands, they were smoldering and smoking like cheep incense. And smelling just as bad even from far over here. I took a deep breath and held it. Whatever they wanted me to inhale I wasn't going to do it willingly. Snake-guy stuck the bowl up under my nose.

"Breath." The firebender ordered. I defiantly shook my head. "Yán." He spoke the name.

"A shame." Said Khun as he leaned on a tree. His brother began bending my hold, tucking my arm back and up. A 'pop'. The pain was a white flash and my reflexes made me gasp. The gray blue smoke and some of its ashes rushed into my lungs. I coughed a curse. My shoulder, maybe both, felt dislocated. They were glowing with throbbing agony.

"Now put it out Dushan. I'm starting to feel dizzy." The woman held her sleeve over her mouth and nose. Her voice sounded distorted. Dushan vanished out of my view.

I had to blink a few times. My head was swimming. Up was down and down was up, sky and earth and sky again, they spun around each other. The nausea hit like a tidal wave.

The clay and sand loosened up and I was lying on the ground. It felt horrible, like lying on a raggedy raft in the middle of a storm.

"What? She's going under anyway." Khun bended the earth to let me go completely. "Might as well have a closer look?" He pulled out a knife. I tried to move, but I was as liquid as melted jelly.

"Don't damage the goods too much. We won't get paid." Yán said as he studied his nails.

"What did you give me?" I hissed weakly as the poison tore at my ability to fokus.

Khun crept closer. He flopped me on my back, my arms gave a jab of pain but maybe they weren't dislocated after all. Just severely strained. _What a relief_, it rang sarcastically in my head. Khun studied me while he held the knife to my clothes. I tried to stay calm and find my bending, but the poison and the prospect of being sliced up was messing up my attentiveness.

"I'm not going to damage anything." He muttered then caught my eyes. "You are too special for that sort of games. See, my work friends over there think I'm driven by impulse, but I'm actually quite strategic." He moved the knife to my hair and cut off a dirtied lock from the front. "Now I have proof that we've caught a spirit. That's a great reference on my resume." Khun smirked and stuffed the hair in his vest pocket. I glared up at my kidnapper. The guys had to be hired by _Zhao_. He was the only person I could imagine having hired thugs like these. Besides, Zhao had somewhat an obsession with the spirits. I should have figured that it only was a matter of time before he would try to capture me again. I dug deeper for my bending. I couldn't fall into Zhao's hands. He could torture or brainwash me into telling him everything. I had to escape! Khun tugged the shortened stand of hair behind me ear. An oddly intimate gesture that made my skin crawl.

"I can't wait till you are unconscious." He whispered so only I could hear.

"I'll make sure you burn _slow_." Revulsion was shaping my words. To my own credit Khun was thrown for an instant. Then he regained his mental footing.

"And how are you going to do that when you can't move?" He stuck his face tauntingly down to mine. In a flare of energy I blew flames right up at him. Khun screamed and jumped back. His hair had caught fire and he was patting it out. I breathed a cold laugh.

"You fool. Knock her out. Our employer is expecting us." The firebender pointed at Yán, as he was the one who would be 'knocking me out'. He bended a rock from the ground. It ascended up in the air.

"I'm sorry, I don't have my brother's gentle touch." He smirked and took a stance. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the stone to bash me in the head.

It didn't come.

Instead, I heard Yán yell and the roar and heat of fire made me snap me eyes open. _Thank the higher power!_ Now, I'm not much for being recued. I like to take care of my own battles, but this help was needed and welcome! Iroh and Zuko stood back to back and one by one they knocked my kidnappers down.

Epic flame, earth, knifes and smoke bombs filled the space and I just lay there watching it all unfold like a movie. A very trippy movie. I didn't know what that 'Dush-dude' had made me take, but the effect was not only disorientating, nauseating and weakening, it was also immensely entertaining now that I wasn't in the direct line of danger. Zuko had pinned Khun down, and Yán was throwing stones at them like no tomorrow. Iroh was facing the firebender and the knife-wielding woman, and I don't think anyone else saw him, but Snaky had left the perimeter in a cloud of smoke.

After some time had passed I was loosing the general overview but it looked like my team was winning. I tried to moved my arms but they were too heavy and sore.

Khun was unconscious and the big firebender was retreating with the woman. I couldn't see Yán, but it didn't seem that important anymore. I giggled and felt very loopy.

"Uncle! He's getting away!"

"Let him go Zuko. Kai needs to be taken to the ship now. She has been poisoned."

"Poisoned?"

"Don't worry! It's not worse than what teens take at parties. Such fun times we all have at the parties. Parties are really just so nice when you can play Mario cart with a good friend." I muttered happily. I felt like my brain was dripping out my ears.

"She's rambling. Is that normal? Will she survive?" Zuko stood over me and Iroh was picking me up gently. He smiled down at me.

"Like a very hairy dad." I sighed and blinked. Iroh chuckled and I felt the bounce in his arms.

"She'll live. I think all Kai needs is a rest and a tea."

I nodded. "And if I die you can have your clothes back Zuko." I shrugged, or, tried to shrug but wasn't sure I'd actually done it.

"Just lay still Kai. The poison is flowing in your blood but I'm sure it will be flushed out by tomorrow evening. Try to sleep." Iroh tugged me in my bed. Zuko was commanding the ship out at sea, in case my prowlers wanted to try for another attack. The candles glowed dimly and the sun had set outside. I felt sweat on my forehead. Iroh wiped it away with a cloth. I panted like there was someone sitting on my chest. The slight appeal to the drug had vanish some time ago, and now I just wanted it to stop.

"Easy Kai. Sleep now." Iroh cooed gently.

"I feel like I'm dying." I breathed. The room spun and spun and I couldn't get out of the high. I was trapped in the drug.

"This feeling is temporary. It will pass." He laughed softly.

"Could you get Zuko? I have to tell him something before I die." I smiled too, but I was half serious. "He has to know how it ends." I couldn't open my eyes.

"Ends?" Iroh lifted my head and put a cup of water to my lips. I took a sip.

"The story… He has to find the path… And Zhao… Is dangerous."

"Sleep Kai." Iroh held a hand on my hair. And for once, I did as I was told.

I came to. It wasn't an easy road to waking up because it was paved with a throbbing headache and arms that were screaming in agony. I sat up and carefully held my head in my hands.

"Don't do drugs kids." I said under my breath. This was the worst hangover I'd ever had.

"What?" I head someone ask absently.

"What?" I snapped my head up, regretfully fast, and through squinted eyes I saw Zuko leaning in the doorway. "What are you doing here?" I was genuinely surprised.

"My uncle said you had information for me." Zuko walked across the room and stopped at my bed. He looked like he didn't know what to do with himself.

"That's right. I occurred to me that- would you sit down? People looming over me makes me uncomfortable." I gestured a bench across from my bed. I normally used it as a dressing bench. Zuko eyed the seat suspiciously.

"Please? It's a serious conversation and I don't think I can stand just yet." I crossed my arms. The dizziness was still making me blink a little too often. He hesitantly sat down. _Progress! Finally we can be civil_, I thought.

"Don't waste my time." He crossed his arms too. I rolled my eyes.

"I wouldn't _dare_. So, it occurred to me that I could die or even get captured and I need to tell you some things before, I mean if, that happens."

Zuko shifted in his seat and his face softened up.

"Go ahead." He said, with the edge off. _Eureka, a normal talk with my good buddy the fireprince!_

"Okay… Let's see.. How to start.." I muttered. Telling someone just enough of their destiny to obtain it but not abuse it was a tricky thing. I could always start by warning him about Zhao. I was about to speak when he interrupted me.

"Listen, before you say anything, I don't have any interest in pursuing whatever this is and-" Zuko spoke to the flames in my bedside lantern. He wasn't blushing but I was! In fact I turned bright red like a cartoon eating a chili. In panic I waved my hands to make him stop talking.

"No no no no no! I wasn't- no! I told you the kiss was sprit stuff- I don't-" I started multiple sentences but couldn't find any of their ends. Like mismatched socks the explanations sat themselves together wrong. Zuko thought I was going to confess like some silly high school teenager! Like hell! I could bury those feelings deep and then happily step over them! I knew that he didn't feel the same. And if he did, _big if_, then he was nowhere near emotionally evolved to deal with that. I smacked my hands over my hot cheeks to stop them from turning redder. It didn't help.

"Okay! Sh! What I wanted to say was that Zhao is behind this attack! And he is possibly crazy for spirit. He wants to kill the moon." I hurried.

Zuko grabbed on to the change of subject and murkily glided over the misunderstanding.

"Zhao was attacking? To gain what?" He asked and leaned in.

"Well… I sound self indulged, but he wanted me." I sat in the bed against the cold metal wall. "I don't know fore sure he sent those bounty hunters, but they were pretty clear that I was their only target." I felt a chill running up my spine when I remembered creepy Khun and his knife.

"We will ask them." Zuko's eyes glowed yellow.

"You got one?" I grabbed the covers on my knees.

"We got two." He smirked.

"Which ones?" I felt my heart race.

"A woman." Zuko leaned back. "And an earthbender."

The ship's cells were never meant to be impressive. It was a working war ship with minimal luxuries, but you could recognize the sparse comforts put in for admirals and commanders up in the higher decks. Those comforts didn't reach way down here. I had noticed that the first time around, when Mister Manhandler was about to toss me in a cell. He had also been one of Zhao guys and now I was down here on the other side of the prison scenario. I shouldn't have made me feel this powerful, but it did. I had no trauma linked to the space, only the searing memory of being in complete control. I shook my head and Zuko sent me a glance. We stopped at the middle door of five.

The slit in the metal door screeched when I pulled it. A strip of light fell in the black room and huddled up against the far corner, was a man. It was undoubtedly one of the earthbenders, but I couldn't make which one. In my heart I hoped for it to be Khun. Oh, don't judge me too hard, but I relished in the possibility of revenge. I had made a promise to him after all. What kind of lady would I be if I didn't keep my word? I closed the slit.

"Why haven't you interrogated them yet?" I asked Zuko.

"The first rule of taking prisoners is the let them sweat. Let them sit and wonder why they're there, what you know and if their friends are talking." He answered coldly.

"That's… Dark." I winced a bit but then sighed, wasn't I just thinking jolly thoughts of burning a man to death? Having a slightly dented moral compass was making me a schizophrenic, or even worse, a _hypocrite_. Maybe Zuko was the same way? I'd never thought of it like that before.

"That is what war is. Besides he's only been sitting there a day. You should get inside his head."

"And how do you propose I do that?" I frowned up at Zuko. "Do you want me to torture him?" I figured he meant I should use my blood boiling. That wasn't too far off from what I'd planned anyway. In a fair world there was payback. I was still frowning.

"What?" Zuko flinched then looked cold. "If your mind tricks don't work I see no other resort."

"My mind tricks? I don't have any!" Not entirely true, but I couldn't control them.

"Just use your telekinetic abilities!" Zuko said in a snarl and rolled his eyes. I grinned at that.

"You know I don't _read minds _right? Did you think I read minds?" I leered wiggling my brows.

Zuko was taken aback. He blinked, then snorted.

"What made you think I was telekinetic?" I poked him in the arm and kept grinning. He waved my hand away. I tried to poke him again and he snatched my hand.

"Follow my orders. Find out who hired him. If it is Zhao we have to find a way to throw him off our trail." Zuko fell in to a deep thought and let my hand go. My hand seemed to tingle. When he looked up again there was sharpness in his face. "I will not let Zhao win."

I bit down on my cheek. It was the most stirring determination I'd seen in a person. I almost wanted to embrace him. Zuko turned to leave and my infatuation flowed away.

"And what should I do with the earthbender?" I called.

"What you have to." He breathed over his shoulder.

I'd never tortured anyone for information. Uh, I mean, until I arrived to this universe. Since my entering I'd seemed to use constant violence and force to get what I wanted, and it was not something I was particularly proud of. I wasn't completely shameful either.

Yes, a major part of me was always fantasizing of all consuming power. And yes, if I'm being frank, then I properly did have a small control issue and a smidge of sadist in my veins. But to actually stand in a small dark room with a terrified human didn't feel all that great.

I closed the door behind me and the airlock slammed shut. I'd stationed a guard outside to let me out once I'd given 'the secret knock'. Sweat and metal stained the air. I lit the two lanterns on the walls.

The man on the floor hugged his legs and buried his face deeper in his dusty pants as I got nearer. I could recognize the clothes. The brown waves of hair were dirty and shining with a cry for soap. He'd really only been there a day, but that could feel like a lifetime when held captured. He hadn't even been given something to drink. I sat down and offered him my pouch of water from my belt.

"You have to drink." I said numbly.

The earthbender dared a glance over his knees.

"I'll put it here. Listen, Khun," He cringed at his name. "I am going to ask you some questions and depending on how you answer them, you might even get your freedom." My voice was indifferent because I really was indifferent about his situation.

"I don't want to hurt you." That was a lie. Khun shoulders shuttered. At first I thought he was crying but then the unsettling noise broke through. Khun lifted his head and it was twisted in a painful smile. He was laughing.

"You are really not good at this are you, doll?" He loosened the grip on his legs and leaned back against the wall. Khun's black eyes reflected the light and gave him red pupils for a second. I took a steady breath. Finding his warmth, his liquid, his molecules, and shaking them until they blurred.

I heard a gagging behind my closed eyes. He didn't need to go all the way around the fairs wheel. I let my influence fade away again. This was just a sampler. Khun was panting and starring shocked at me when our eyes met again.

"You are right. I'm not very good at this. I have a temper and a grudge." I glared. "But I'll take the high road and cut you a deal if, you tell me what I want to know."

"So it's true? You have the power to melt people from the inside." He chased a breath.

"How do you know what I am capable off? How does Zhao know? I assume you've been hired by him." It couldn't have been from Mister Mandhandler, the only victim of my blood boiling, he had been imprisoned in the colonies some time ago. Or maybe? The word could have seeped from prisoner to guard, from guard to soldier and so on.

"I'm a dead man if I rat." Khun gulped the water down and wiped his mouth.

"You are a dead man if you don't." I stated bluntly. He frowned for a moment.

"… You mentioned something about a deal?"

"You give me information and in return you'll get to keep your life and your freedom. Very simple."

Khun stared at the door. He was weighing his odds. Finally he straightened and inquired simply.

"Can I trust your word?"

"You don't have much of a choice, do you?" I was sitting on my knees opposite him and I thought I saw the flash of want in him. It made me mentally stagger with anxiety, throwing me back to the feeling of being helpless and scared, but I made sure to keep the poker-face intact. Pure intense hate flared up in my chest.

"And if I talk you'll let me go? Like that?"

"Like that." I agreed with a stiff smile.

"Okay. Then yes. Commander Zhao hired my and the others to kidnap the girl with the 'moon hair' as he called it. I hadn't understood what it meant until I saw you." Khun leered a little.

"What did he want me for?"

"Couldn't say. I know why I would've kidnaped you if I was him." It was vile words in Khun's mouth.

"Did he mention anything that could suggest what he wanted me for my bending?" I was ice and stone. Or at least on the outside. On the inside I wanted _to get out_.

"He only said to pacify you before you had the chance to 'melt' us. That's all."

"Did he mention other skills of mine?" I had to know what Zhao knew.

"No. But I bet you have lots of skills. I bet you want to use them. Maybe not on me, unfortunately, but I saw how relived you looked when the scarred guy came to you rescue. You could pretend I was him for a moment." Khun was talking in a low tone as he slowly shifted in his seat. He was thinking himself the wolf and me the lamb. I backed away.

"How did Zhao know of my skill?" I said, not completely without shaking. I was scared. _Damn it_.

"The old sucker had found a library." Khun leaned closer in a smirk. "He had some stupid scroll. I didn't care when he'd pulled it out."

"Where's the scroll now?"

He was closer still.

"Who knows. On his ship?" Khun said nonchalantly. I started standing. I didn't want to be in the room. My power and hate and bending was trembling. I hated it.

And then, fast as a snake he had me. In a snatch Khun had grabbed my hair and pulled me to the cold floor. I yelped and gritted my teeth. The earthbender held me at the base of my skull, his dirty fingers tangled in my hair. I was too stunned to move. Too scared to cry out. Too shaken to bend. I could just stare up in his black eyes as he smiled his ugly smile.

His lips were on mine too wet and too violently. He bit my lip. It was as if I had been slashed open with a knife and suddenly I had back a microscopic amount of will back. I blinked and retuned from the fear.

The bending rushed back in my limbs and I used all I had on my attacker. Khun whirled back as if he was kissing a bonfire itself. He clawed at his face in a bone-chilling scream. I slowly sat up. He was throwing himself against the metal wall and making the most horrible of sounds trying to escape the pain that burned from within. Again and again while he never stopped screaming. I stood in a daze. Khun's voice broke in a pitch. Emotions couldn't reach me as I watched him suffer.

The cell door opened.

Hands were on my shoulder. They shook me once or twice. My name was called.

It took a moment before I understood that I had to stop. I had to stop bending. The fog lifted and I gasped as if I'd been holding my breath. I dropped the boiling influence like dropping and iron weight. The screaming stopped with it.

Zuko's hands grabbed my shoulder tighter and he led me out of the room. Khun panted raggedy.

We walked a little down the corridor before I shrugged him off.

"Don't touch me." I mumbled.

He dropped his hold and I kept walking.

I didn't look back.

If Zuko had been hurt or offended, he never once said something.

I felt numb and queasy; all at the same time, and that didn't go away even as I reached my room in the other end of our ship.


	7. Chapter 7: When the fuse is lit

**Chapter 7: When the fuse is lit**

I was up at dawn, but it hadn't been by choice. The night had been a warm one and nightmares had again kept me from a much-desired obliviating sleep. I had dreamed about a gateway to the normal world but every time I tried to run through it Jerry stepped in front of me and wriggled his index finger like an adult telling a child 'no'. That wasn't the bad nightmare part though. The nightmare part was when I accidently melted the faces of people around me. It had been like this for two weeks now. Nightmares and regret sat like a dark cold pit deep inside me no matter where I went.

Khun had been too badly hurt and would never speak again. His brain had been fried like a crispy chicken wing. It still worked for breathing and making his heart beat, but any more advanced directives than that, was now beyond him. My mouth ran dry every time I thought of it. Not that the world needed a guy like creepy Khun, but I had let my evil want to hurt somebody get the better of me in a nasty and irreversible way. Violence hadn't been the answer. Not _like that _at least. And now I was paying the price in repentance and dreadful nightmares. On top of that I had efficiently killed off the only source of information about what Zhao was planning.

I leaned on the railing and shook my head to shake out the pictures of my dream.

The sun rose over the ocean, up on deck. The vivid colors playing on the skies and it made me think of a memory from what seemed like from another lifetime.

It was difficult to get excided about every little thing in his world, like I had been in the beginning, and I was running out of ideas as to what I should do with my time. I desperately craved distractions from my own thoughts and I started to understand why Zuko wanted to get off this damned ship so much - especially after three whole years.

"What a morning. It is like the heavens have awakened just for you." Iroh said with a smile as he sat down by the tea table on deck. The warm spring air passed silently by us.

"Yes. It is beautiful." I stared at the view, but I wasn't really seeing it. Zuko stomped over to us and I tore myself away from the troubling thoughts.

He was in one of his moods and I _just knew_ that this meant that he was going to ruin the polite morning pleasantness, but then again I kinda wanted him to. I needed a mental disruption.

"Good morning to you too." I said simply as he slammed up against the railing beside me. Zuko shot me a glare and I had to bite my cheek not to flash the smirk I was holding back.

"It doesn't matter what kind of morning it is." He said in a bored voice and looked straight ahead.

Iroh sipped his tea thoughtfully and then spoke.

"Today you are going to learn how to fight an opponent that you cannot touch." Iroh look serious and gloomy. My interest spiked and I leaned forward, I felt Zuko move as well. _Ghosts? Nah, spirits perhaps? Extensive evasive maneuvering? Or maybe a lesson in ancient ninja style!_

"You are going to fight yourselves." Iroh finished and my face fell.

"What?!" Zuko tramped over to Iroh. "Listen old man, very soon I'll be fighting the avatar, the only thing I have been searching for years, and you want to waste my precious time on teaching me _that_?!" Zuko threw his hands up in the air as he spoke. "You have lost your mind like my father warned me!" He finished. Iroh gently sipped the steaming tea.

"My prince. You can either learn from me or not, I cannot make that choice for you." He spoke softly, and then Iroh's yellow eyes flashed "But know this, you two of all must learn to keep the balance within yourselves. It could be fatal not to." He flicked to me.

I shivered briefly and nodded solemnly. He was right about that. I'd promised myself that I would never use the boiling again. Unless… Unless I would have to kill.

"Sit down." Iroh ordered and gestured the opposite of the tea table. I sat quickly and folded my legs beneath me. Zuko continued to curse and stare in defiance, but eventually gave in too.

"You are split in two. Like the flame you exist between light and dark. The way to become a master firebender is to know the full extend of both sides. If you do not know what is inside, you cannot know what to expect when you send fire out." Iroh closed his eyes and opened his palm. A slender flame danced. "Fire is light, fire is dark." He clenched the hand and the smoke leaked from between his fingers. "Without the yin and yang of light and dark, fire cannot exist, and neither can firebenders. You two are particularly good examples of unbalance. " Iroh spoke softly.

"I am balanced." Zuko cut in, in a snarl.

"No you are not. You can control your firebending but you are not at peace within Prince Zuko, and you Kai are at peace, you know who you are, but you cannot control your firebending. You see? You two are the yin and yang to one and other." He smiled warmly, and Zuko and I locked eyes for a moment. I think neither of us wanted to be like one another, and much less verbally connected in an unbreakable bond.

We listened to Iroh teaching all morning, and when Zuko finally reached his boiling point he'd set the tea table on fire and forced Iroh to teach him the next set of advanced firebending.

I had been stunned by Iroh's words and they lingered in my mind in an echo.

"Kai, do you mind taking a sparing round with Zuko now?" Iroh asked from behind his pai sho game, and I suspected that he was just as tired of Zuko's hissy fits as I was.

"Not at all." I said with a respectful bow.

We took our stances and my opponent was a blazing bonfire of anger. I felt a pang of concern. Was he really prepared to _just_ having a sparing session today? He felt a little hazardous. I narrowed my eyes to look just as mean and threatening as Zuko did.

"Are you sure?" I asked him tentatively.

Zuko let out a snort in reply.

And then we were at it. It was fast and messy. I dodged and jumped over his flames in swift movements. Zuko shot a flame curve at me and it was only because I was a nanosecond faster with a flame that I avoided getting my butt singed. My robe wasn't so lucky. A fire spread rapidly on the silken fabric and I forcefully ripped it off. While I was distracted he kicked another flame and I had to roll to dodge. I scrambled to get up. I was off my game to say the least. I took a quick deep breath and made a swirl of fire near him. Zuko dissolved it in a blow.

We got closer, and soon we were only evading each other's attacks by inches. This very clearly wasn't just a friendly competition anymore. We matched in intensity, but as the fighting progressed in a dance around, over, under, besides each other, I got an opening. I finally landed a kick in the knee socket and broke his stance. Zuko kneeled involuntarily and his eyes shot a spark of hate in to mine. I froze.

He took advantage of my hesitation. In one swift move he'd gotten up and swept me off my balance. Now I was the one on the floor on my knees. He had a flame aimed at my head. I wondered if he felt like burning me. It sure looked like it. I gritted my teeth.

"That was your worst effort yet." He spoke calmly now. Like dew in the sun, his aggression had fleetingly vanished. "You are never going to become a firebending master if you fight with pity for your enemy." Zuko choked the flame and lowered his fist. I saw something I could have confused for tenderness play in his yellow eyes. It only lasted for the smallest of moments, but it'd made my heart skip in surprise.

I got up and dusted myself off.

The silken robe was ruined.

Zuko was growing angrier every day we got closer to the Northern tribe. And it didn't help that Commander Zhao had been graced with even more power –he was now admiral and making life even more difficult for our party. At every turn Zhao was there, commanding that we go another route as to not interfere with his mission. We now knew that Zhao had secretly schemed to take me prisoner twice, but we still had no inkling as to why he would do so or even why he didn't just openly ordered Zuko to surrender me in the name of the firenation. Not that any of us would have followed those orders. Both Zuko and I hated Zhao intensely, and that had a quite uniting effect.

Only at the moment, '_unity'_ wasn't the word to be labeled on the current events.

"How do I know you aren't lying to me?!" Zuko scrunched up the maps corner in his fist.

"You'll have to trust me I suppose!" I spat across from him. We were sitting at the dining table and Iroh had hurried out to look at souvenirs as soon as we'd docked.

"But the avatar has been spotted here! And you are telling me that I should ignore it?!" Zuko slammed the map down and pointed to the mountains west of the Firenation.

"You can't even do anything about it - now can you? Even if the avatar has been spotted there, you're cut off by the blockade Zhao's set up." I sat on my knees and tapped on the paper. He scowled.

"Don't mention that traitors name on my ship!" Zuko stood and started to storm out.

"Zuko! You can't just trample around on the ship and expect things to turn out like you order them to!" I stood too and crossed my arms.

"Watch you place _peasant_! I will throw you off this ship!" He threatened.

"And then what? Then you are just as lost without me aren't you? Fine do whatever you please _my prince_." I leaked with sarcasm as I roughly pressed past him in the doorway. Apparently it had been mine turn to storm out this time.

I cursed under my breath and I may have kicked the corridor wall. The place we'd docked was another firenation colony and we were stuck there as long as Zhao had a say about it. He wanted the avatar first, and he was going to get him if we didn't think of something fast – but I was too upset with Zuko to cooperate.

I walked on to the plank and on to land, above us the sun beamed like a bonfire. The sky showed no trace of the horrible storm that'd just happened only three nights ago, but the dock had been hit. Sand and seaweed were being bundled up together and fishermen sorted out their nets and boats. The air was getting warmer every day we got closer to the firenation, and here in the west it was a pleasant mild weather. I decided to take a stroll and cool off.

I'd walked around for an hour or so. The small village that boarded out towards the ocean was small but varied in terrain and goods. It was one of the last ports before entering 'the Motherland'. It looked like the fire nation people had the got them selves a sweet deal in the colonies. Everywhere I looked I saw richer red-dressed sailors and dirty coalminers dressed in green. Make of that what you will, but I felt a gnawing feeling of embarrassment. I _was_ wearing my blood-red kimono and tall gatas to match. I swallowed my feelings and window-shopped, it wasn't long before I stumbled in to Iroh – who was carrying a basket filled with fruit and herbs.

"Kai! I have to show you this," Iroh held up a tin can "it is the flower of the orange summer-poppy, very rare, and very delicious!" He opened it to reveal the dried flowers, I stuck my nose in them and inhaled, it smelled like nothing I'd ever experienced. It was honey but fragrant and fresh at the same time.

"Woah." I sighed. "That is amazing."

"Yes. The flower only grows at the top of the volcano in the firenation, by the palace. I hope that it will remind Zuko of home in one of the better ways." Iroh looked a little worried.

"I'm sure…" I looked away.

"And maybe it will sooth your mind as well." He smiled and laid a hand on my shoulder. "Come, now we shop. I saw this fabric stand over here and I think some new clothes is overdue."

"Oh, I like what you are wearing master. Very elegant." I smiled warmheartedly.

"No, not for me, for you!" Iroh slapped my shoulder and pushed me in the stands store.

Shortly after a woman was taking my measurements. I felt more than uncomfortable with the situation, I was undressed behind a room divider while Iroh was sitting by a low table – being served tea.

"No Iroh, I couldn't!" I protested but the woman kept tugging and pulling at me so it was difficult to talk to him from behind the dressing screen in the shop. "Iroh, I don't-ugh-I can't pay for it!" The woman pricked a needle in the fabric. "Ouch!" I squealed.

"Don't worry Kai, it's a gift! You have been to a great help for me and my nephew, I know he isn't the easiest to be around, but he cares for you." Iroh said. I heard him sipping tea.

"Cares?! Arg-uh-cold!" I yelped as the woman pulled off the fabric. I covered my bare chest.

"If Zuko cared for me he wouldn't be such a jerk to me all the time." The woman threw a new piece of fabric over me. This one was dark orange and floral printed.

"He does Kai. My nephew is not accustomed to be in touch with his emotions, he has tried to lock them away from a long time, but I see the way he looks at you." Iroh spoke softly. I held up my hand to the dresser to indicate she should stop for a moment.

"… He looks at me?" I mumbled and peered at Iroh from behind the screen.

"Aaaaah to be young again and feel love's keen sting." Iroh sighed. I glanced back in the mirror behind the dresser I saw how my cheeks had turned bright pink. The woman continued her work and I observed my feet for the rest of our visit.

By next morning I had three new outfits, a fancy one, a casual and a training outfit waiting on the doorstep of my bedroom. I picked up the fresh fabric and let myself have a girly moment of smiling down in my new dresses.

I tried on the training jumpsuit; it was black and dark red and it had short straight sleeves. I looked like I could beat up the world in it - kinda felt like it too. As I walked by the washroom, on my way up to the evening meditation with Iroh and Zuko, I flexed my mussels in the mirror and grinned. The top was a little tighter than I would have picked out for myself it and it showed off figure a lot more than the other sets I'd owned - but the seamstress had insisted on making it tight up top for practicality. And besides if that was the fire nation fashion, who was I to say differently. The bottom was a pair of loose harem pants with a high waist and a belt that offered the option for attaching purses, pouches and weapons. I liked the weapons option the most and I reminded myself of asking Zuko for sword lessons – the best way to get him to teach me would be if I could find a way to blackmail him into it.

We were docked in the village for almost four days and I couldn't understand why Zuko hadn't given the men any orders the entire time. He had also skipped training for two days, and when I asked Iroh about Zuko, he'd just answered with a wondering shrug and the smile of a sly fox. I figured that Iroh knew exactly what was going on, and as it dawned on me what had happened, I smacked a hand on my forehead. The blue spirit! Zuko was out there playing hero for once, freeing Aang from our common nemesis, Zhao!

The next day at breakfast we had sheared a knowing gaze. A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he sipped his tea. I found it quite charming.

But of course the transformation didn't exactly stick, so as soon as we were on the water again he returned a hundred percent to his jerk-e-ness. I didn't ask him about his little adventure.

I looked up at the moon. It was round and white like a sleeping face.

It was late in the evening, we'd wrapped up our training for the day, and now I was wasting time thinking about boys.

It bugged me that Iroh had said 'Zuko looked at me in a special way', because I couldn't be sure what he'd meant. _In what way exactly?_ Of course I could just ask Iroh what he'd meant, but I was too embarrassed to be honest. Maybe Iroh had just meant that Zuko saw me as a pal. The first friend he'd ever had and that was still something! I wouldn't mind being considered a good fighting pal that gave him a hard time sometimes. Except, I would.

And Iroh mentioned _'love' _didn't he… Could perhaps see right through me with those wise eyes.

The winds had grown colder again and we'd snuck by the blockade as Zhao had moved his attention to the pole. Zuko said we would be arriving at the north in less than five weeks, and we would only dock one more time before end. I felt odd – sad perhaps. Soon this ship, and all that it was to me, was going back to the firenation with Zuko and Iroh, and what about me? Was I going to travel on by myself? Would I be invited to the palace now that Zuko '_looked at me'_? I didn't have any spirit juice left and my blood boiling thing was under control, so what was I now? I leaned over the railing and stuck my head toward the waves.

"Uuuuugh. It's too much thinking." I muttered to myself at I stretched back up.

Zuko was standing right beside me and I jumped with surprise. A blush washed over me.

"H- hi." I cleared my throat and patted my hair back. I had avoided him ever since Iroh had said that confusing thing and now we were alone on deck. It made my heart race.

"I can almost see it." He spoke and looked at the moon. "The red gates to the royal palace. My home, my throne, I can almost see my future." He clinched his jaw.

I was caught off guard, but after a silence I found a reply.

"So what is the first thing you are going to do then? After you've had the 'catching of the avatar moment' with your dad of course." I smiled.

"I… I don't know." His eyes softened as he sent me a glimpse.

"Well… If I could go home I would properly hug my family. Or eat some of my mom's cookies." I closed my eyes and tried to imagine their faces. The sweet smell of molded sugar. I wasn't sure if Zuko knew what cookies were but either way he didn't ask about it.

"I want to find my mother."

"Oh…" I didn't know how to respond to that. I already knew all of his painful memories about that night, but it felt wrong to remind him of my insight. Even if you're a mind reader or a truth teller or something! It's still nice to be nice, thereby I mean pretending to not knowing certain things so people get at chance to open up themselves.

"Has she been gone for long?" I asked.

"Yes. But I can't look for her if I don't get the throne. She's a sworn enemy of the firenation."

"I'm sorry… I'm sure you'll get to find her." I offered a comforting smile but he didn't take it. He looked at me with a face full of something I couldn't make out in the darkness.

"Will I?" He asked. Zuko then and there reminded me of the white forest, the time jump. The search for Ursa and the kiss he and I had sheared in the white woods.

"Yes." I breathed.

"When?" His hands were gripping the rail tight enough to make his knuckles white. I laid my hand on top of his. Zuko's amber eyes glided to me tentatively. The moon was white and round on a starry sky and the horizon was nowhere in sight. Instead the calm sea reflected the millions of white lights and it was as if the ship was floating in the heavens. Waves swayed the ship silently.

"You'll find her when it's time…" I looked down at the ripples, rolling and rolling forever.

"Don't pity me." He glowered after a moment of silence.

"I wasn't" I winced and withdrew my hand.

"Yes. Yes you were. You always look at me with that expression, like you know who I am. What I feel. Even when we spare, even when I yell at you. That look!" Zuko turned to me frustration vibrating off him.

"You think that's pity?! Jeez! Having a conversation with you is like chipping away at a iceberg with a chopstick!" I burst out. "It has nothing to do with pity! I'm trying to be supportive! To be your friend but you are just pushing me away! I feel like you hate me! And I just-" My eyes were growing hot but something else had stopped my rant.

I hardly registered what was happening before it did. I thought he was going to shove me but instead he embraced me. Like a brick wall wrapping around me Zuko hugged me. His warmth and spice rushed over me. I felt his hands on my back, his chest against mine, his nose over my ear… He was so tall I thought.

I couldn't help but to blink in pure disbelief.

As I lifted my arms to hug him back, Zuko let me go. I almost lost my balance.

"I don't want friends." He sounded raspy and a little winded. "But I don't hate you."

My mind raced to come up with a fitting response, but all I could think was that I hadn't planned for this. I wasn't expectation him to actually have any kind of emotion other than 'jerk'. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing could escape me. Zuko turned on his heel and strode away and I was left to myself, gawking like an idiot. What a pleasant turn of events, I thought, but what does it mean? I knew I'd been in love with him for some time now. I wasn't stupid or completely in denial, but the fact that I was head over heels for this broody emotionally crippled guy hadn't clearly manifested itself before just now.

I had to steady myself on the railing.

I was in love and maybe, perhaps, possibly he liked me back.

We were docked when it happened.

It was a quiet night, Iroh and the crew had had one of their music nights and I'd been observing the whole thing by the railing. I didn't feel like joining, but I was enjoying it. Zuko was a bundle of anger and knots all day. That could be because Zhao had been a nosey and sent a spy to poke around on our ship or because we hadn't discussed the hugging –though Zuko didn't seem like he wanted to discuss anything with me… Ever! I'd tried to convince myself that my feelings weren't hurt by that.

"Beautiful." I clapped and smiled at Iroh who bowed his head in appreciation of his audience. One of the crewmembers, a big hairy man, wiped away a heartened tear.

"Well I'll take my nightly stroll, thank you for sailing with us this long, and the best of luck to you all." Iroh said gently, and I walked over to them in long strides.

"Are you leaving master Iroh?" I asked concerned.

"No. But our crew has decided to. It seems that Zhao has declared anyone who help the prince on his mission, a traitor to the Firenation. All these men have friends and family in the colonies." Iroh looked over at the people that were getting up and sheepishly bowing to each other. Most of them wouldn't cross paths again I suspected.

"But who will sail the ship to the pole?!" I felt a blow of disappointment.

"We will hire a new crew Kai – of course it will not be as good as this one!" He laughed and gestured the quite tattered and not that impressive company of dirty men. One guy leered at me, black teeth looking as if they were trying to escape his mouth, and I was kinda glad _that one_ was leaving. The rest, I was slightly sad to see go. Not the least because it would be a huge ugly stain on Zuko's leadership resume. He had somewhat tried to be a good leader and had failed, and now the otherwise loyal minions had to throw in the towel to keep their heads. "Will you join me for a walk? The night is still young." Iroh laid a warm hand on my shoulder.

"No… I… I think I'll go lay down for a while."

"Don't be upset Kai," Iroh patted me "the winds may have changed, but the sails are still up. I will go and tell Zuko about the crew when the time is right."

I'd said my goodbyes to the remainder of the crew -most had already sneaked off as they didn't wanna cross blades with Zhao and his orders. They were scared, and I couldn't entirely blame them. Zhao was a scary dude.

I tottered down the stairs to the lower floors and heard Zuko mumble angry tings as I passed his room. I was thinking about it twice before I knocked.

"What now?!" He snarled as I opened the airlock door. He wasn't wearing armor, but a soft looking dark set that lined in gold on the sleeves and tied in the waist. He looked a little older than usual –it suited him.

"So you already know?" I sighed.

"Those deserters! Scared children running back to their mothers while they still can! It's better that way. I don't need a pathetic crew on my ship." He was talking to his swords on the wall and I closed the door as I entered.

"I can't believe they would just abandon us like that. I know Zhao forced them, but still… I feel so conflicted…" I absently sat down on his bed. "We were so close."

"Technically the threat involves you too." Zuko growled and turned to face me.

"So? I've already told you that I have nowhere else to be besides here. Making me public enemy of the state doesn't change anything. Zhao can't do anything to me." _Well except for torture, imprison me for life and or kill me in a creative painful way_, I added in my head, but I was trying hard to stay resilient to those facts.

Zuko eyed me curiously. I leaned back against the metal wall, while I thought about what kind of horrible things Zhao could, technically, do to me if he'd got a hold of me.

"… Why are you here?" Zuko asked calmly and crossed his arms.

"I'm just hanging out." I shrugged but he shifted his weight and was about to protest so I added: "Listen. Even if I don't like to admit it right now, you are the one calling the shots,_ captain_." I said in a patronizing voice and pulled my legs up on the bed. Something flashed in his eyes; and it wasn't his usual hate glare. The light in his small room abruptly seemed a lot redder than before.

"Do you have a plan?" I asked in a softer tone. My face felt annoyingly flustered, but I ignored it and rubbed my cheeks.

It had been the only time we'd been completely alone on the ship, no crew or Iroh, and was suddenly very aware of the silence that seemed to announce itself.

"Of course I have a plan." Zuko barked, but exhaled instead of yelling even more, he sat down beside me with a heavy bounce. "I have to capture him." Zuko said in a rough voice as he looked at the floor.

I already knew that he would never capture Aang like that. I weighed my odds of how Zuko would take that piece of information. Poorly, he would react poorly, would be the answer.

"Why do you _have to_?" I tested.

"Have you not been paying any attention? I am the rightful heir! I will fight for my country and my honor, even if it kills me. I will capture the avatar and complete my desti-." He glared as I stopped him from talking by holding a hand over his mouth.

"I know. Destiny. Jeez, you repeat yourself a lot you know." I drew my hand back. He frowned.

"… And I guess you can't just assassinate your dad." I said, joking, but Zuko had been completely thrown by that and was staring in horror at me.

"I wasn't serious Zuko! Why are you always so uptight?!" I exclaimed. He relaxed a bit.

"No, that wouldn't work. Azula would get his place as the next kin in line. And she is far worse." As he said that a shiver ran through my bones.

"Worse?" I was about to say something more, and point out that Ozai was a pretty mean guy, but I stopped myself in time. "_How_ is she worse?" I asked instead.

"She may be my sister in blood, but she is… She wants to see the world burn." He said quietly, and I knew how Ozai _literally_ wanted the same thing. Again I stopped myself. It didn't seem right to shoot the conversation down like that. The quiet settled in between us.

"Are you really highborn?" He asked in a curious but tired voice.

"I mean… No… I'm not royal per say." I bit the inside of my cheek. "Actually… My granny traced our bloodline back to a prince once, like my great-great-great-something, but the kid wasn't legit."

"I should have guessed." He snorted.

"And why is that?" I felt offended, but Zuko looked straight at me with no humor.

"Because you are crass." He said flatly. "And you don't follow etiquette or have high standards-" I tried to stop the list by gesturing that I understood, but he kept going "you fight like a man, you have no sense of personal space and you curse-"

"OKAY! I get it!" I cut him off and huffed. "I get it. I'm not a laaady." I air quoted 'lady'.

"Not like I've ever seen." It was meant as an insult, I think. The room seemed smaller now that we were sitting that close to each other.

"What do you mean 'no sense of personal space'? I don't _touch_ you!" I made a face and remembered I just had my hand on his face. "That much." I rolled my eyes.

"You treat the entire ship like your private quarters! You walk around in your underthings and you don't even knock!" He argued.

"One time! One time I _accidently_ walked in on you-" I stopped and felt my face turn red from reliving the episode.

"And right now you are sitting on my bed." He scowled.

I looked down and the blush intensified instantly. A pause filled the space between us.

"Well… I… I hadn't thought about it." I honestly hadn't, but the fact that _he had_ made me very anxious. An insignificant sound of the waves gnawing in the metal outside, it lingered.

"That's what I mean. You don't think." Zuko said and suddenly also looked uncomfortable. I recognized a pinkish sheen and it made me laugh quietly, I didn't care about the insult. He let it slide, or maybe he didn't care why I was laughing. He was such a mystery sometimes: Nice, then mean, honest and then manipulating. It was confusing being this close to him.

I was hoping I could think of something, fast so the quietness wouldn't just _hang there_, to keep the conversation going. I was having a pleasant time, and I wanted to know more about him, but nothing seemed to come to mind – not anything that wouldn't stir the waters at least.

The only thing I really wanted to ask him was stupid and silly and I didn't know how to talk casually with mister angry prince. Iroh's words struck my mind again. I considered them, was he really suggesting that Zuko liked me –like more than a friend?

"What would you do, then?" He muttered and leaned up against the wall too. "If you were me. How would you return to your home?"

The flames flickered in the lamps and Zuko watched me quietly as I mulled his personal question over. Suddenly it struck me.

"… I would do anything…" I said tightly.

"Have you found a way?"

"No. Could be that Zhao had information from a spirit library but I deep-fried my only clue." It sounded bitter because it was.

"I regret putting you in that position… I'm sorry." Zuko starred at the celling. In profile I couldn't see his scar. Only smooth skin all the way to his collarbone.

"I could have said 'no'." I shrugged but it didn't come across as lighthearted as I'd wanted it to.

"It was wrong of me to ask it of you in the first place."

"Yes. Maybe it was. But what has happened, has happened, and I cannot change the past. I keep telling myself that the world was better off without a guy like that anyway. Sometimes I even believe it…" It was heavy stuff. The words were weighing in my mouth.

"Then, it probably is…" Without looking at me he lightly laid a hand over mine. I held it loosely.

Turned out that when we weren't fighting, we could rather easily enjoy each other's company.

"You should show me how to fight with your twin swords…" It slipped out as I studied them.

"I brought them from the palace. One of the only things I was allowed to take with me. They're dao dual swords. Zhao has noticed them as well…" Zuko said cryptically, but I got his meaning.

"I've always likes swords. But I can't teach you. You are too reckless and unfocused." He mumbled and let my hand go. I was a smidge disappointed.

"Who are you to talk about being reckless? I could learn it."

"You would end up cutting off somebody's head." He glanced at me.

"Only if I'd meant to do so." I defended myself. I didn't think that it could be that difficult.

Zuko snorted.

"You don't know the first thing about weaponry." He said in a scornful tone.

"That's why I asked you to teach me!" I blustered back at him.

"Why would you even what to learn how to use swords?"

"Just because… It looks cool and what if my firebending one day goes away like all the other spirit stuff-" I snapped my mouth shut.

"Your spirit stuff is gone?" Zuko asked. I shifted in my seat.

"Maybe. I haven't tried anything since that… You know since the last time." _Where we kissed_. Now it was his turn to clear his throat.

"So you don't know anything about the avatar anymore?" He asked sharply. I knitted my brows together.

"I do. Donno if I've changed everything already but…" I mumbled. "You know… I can still see your future as clear as day, and even though you can be a jerk it'll end like it was supposed to from the beginning. But I don't think you are like them. Your father and sister, I mean. Not at all in fact." I said.

"Are you saying I'm weak?!" He snarled.

"No! Jeez..." I made a gesture for him to calm down. Struck a nerve there apparently.

"I'm saying that you're better than them…" I looked him in the eyes and hoped that he'd understand. I knew he didn't yet.

"Never mind. I'll leave." I said giving up on him and the deep conversations.

"You should leave." He stood. "And don't come back." Zuko's face was smooth and emotionless. A piercing feeling struck me in the heart.

"What?" The feeling intensified and I tried to contain it but I knew that it was a matter of time before the 'I'm hurt' face would show – if it didn't already.

"You are of no use to me anymore and I fulfilled my part of the deal. You have learned firebending from my uncle. And now you leave." He said coldly.

Talk about flipping on a coin! I was getting whiplash from his schizophrenic turn of tone.

"Fine! Just when I think you're my friend, you say something that doesn't even sound like you! I didn't know that I had to have a purpose to be of value!" I jumped furious to my feet and tore open the door.

"I told you before. I don't _want_ friends." He hissed after me while I stomped away.

"Good! Because you don't have any on this boat!"

"It's a ship!"

I got to the railing of the deck.

Someone that looked like Khun was running away on the pier.

I heard Zuko yell something more behind me. He had stomped up the stairs. It could have been an insult, or unlikely a word of apology, I couldn't tell you, because as I glanced at him over my shoulder our _ship_ blew up.

I was thrown, pushed and pulled at the same time. Everything was too bright and loud, and then suddenly too dark and quiet. I was under water. I was swimming but I didn't know in what direction. The surface was just as dark as the bottom. I was holding a breath. It burned in my lungs. I was dizzy and panicky. The metal shatters speeded by me like harpoons and I released a scream in bobbles as a splinter of steel slashed my thigh. I gulped a big mouthful of water in desperation of air. I clamped my leg and curled in a ball. The second explosion sent a bright flash through the water and I saw the fires up above. In a few agonizing strokes I broke the surface. I coughed and gasped to catch my breath. Beautiful, gorgeous, delicious air!

The iron vessel screamed metallically as it broke in half.

I tried to orientate myself and see if I could spot Zuko. Oh! Zuko?! I took a deep breath and I plunged my head under water to see if he was under me. It was too dark to know what was what. I tried to firebend but it was never going to work. I gasped for more air and looked again. The gash in my leg made it difficult to tread water. I tried to yell his name.

Then the third explosion ripped the ship apart. I turned away from it to protect my eyes.

An earsplitting swooshing sound was right behind me. Then a blow to the head sent me beyond consciousness, it didn't even hurt at the time. I remember thinking something like the beginning of a curse word before sinking under the surface of the ocean.


	8. Chapter 8: It's a brave new world

**PART TWO**

**Chapter 8: It's a brave new world **

I woke up in a shed. I was laying and looking straight up in a very old woman's eyes and it gave me quite the startle. As I tried to move I felt how my body was entirely broken.

"Oh! Lay still! It'll take a month for you before you can even stand!" She croaked out in a toothless smile and pressed my shoulder back in the bed.

"I have to get up. Where am I?" I whispered, as it would appear that my voice had gone.

"Youngsters now a days. Everything has to be now, now, now. That young man said the exact same thing as soon as he'd come to." The healer muttered as she tottered around mixing something I couldn't see in a cup.

"Was it Zuko?" I said, barely audible.

"I don't know about anybody named Zuko. But he was a pale feller, too thin too."

"Did…" I felt dizzy but sat up again. "Did he have a scar?"

"He sure did - right across that hansom face. Such a pity." She mumbled and plucked something off of a high shelve. So he'd made it. Of course he'd made it. I knew he would. And why was I caring again? We weren't even friends as it turned out. I exhaled but my lungs felt heavy and sore. But wait. How had I made it? Had someone saved me?

"Is he here?" I breathed.

"No missy. That boy was in a hurry if I'd ever seen one. He left this morning. Broken ribs an' all. He left with that charming man." The woman paused and looked at me. "Oh… He said to tell you that you shouldn't follow him… Oh… Poor girl, don't worry, another will come along. He wasn't much of a nice boy anyway." The woman murmured the last bit.

Well I guess it was done then.

A very real sensation of utter heartbreak crushed me back into the sickbed.

I spend the next month in the sickbed of the healer's hut. She was my legs and arms in that entire time. Her name was Chie and she nursed me back to health. I stayed an extra three months after getting back on my feet to help her and her business. Iroh had paid her what he could, but I still felt like showing my gratitude to Chie. She taught me how to distinguish Fire-lilies from Morning-sun flowers, how and what dosage of Poppyhat powder a broken limp needed and how many an enemy should get. Her herb books were old and tattered and I offered to rewrite and redraw a few. I was fascinated with the usage of Nightsteam for a painless sleep and Running Chrysanthemum for hallucinating omen telling.

One especially lonely and depressing night I speculated in taking a double dosage Poppyhat powder, as to send myself back to the real world, only I wasn't sure if it would work or just plain kill me. I honestly wasn't ready for that gamble just yet. I decided to wait for my return date, wait for the year to run out so to speak and then make up my mind.

I studied and absorbed everything Chie mixed in her small pots and jars, and slowly I came to understand the full impact of universal herbalism had in this world. A crossover between medicine, and alchemy was one of the public pillar stones besides bending to life in this place. The old lady was also a bender, but as Chie put it, not a very passionate one. She said that bending was a trait like cooking and singing and you could have the talent without the motivation to use it. She firebended the fireplace and candles but that was it.

My return date came and went.

I packed up the Poppyhat powder and left Chie's at night and without a goodbye.

After that I wandered aimlessly around. I walked through the barren forests of the southern colonies, snuck past the border to the earth kingdom, slept in the high trees of the Free Woods and walked through the grassy fields of the warmer Xing Highlands that lead out to the ocean. Food and shelter was a learning curve. And so was the being alone in the nature for a long period of time. It was scary, and magnificent, and lonely.

I meditated, trained, walked, ate and slept; slowly making my way through the world of something that I felt like I should be even more excided about - but wasn't.

For a long time I'd avoided cities but eventually I ended up in the slums of Ba Sing Sa for a time. I knew Zuko and Iroh would be there but I didn't visit their teashop. I couldn't even bring myself at say something when I almost bumped into Zuko on the marketplace by accident. I was hooded and walked with my head bowed, as I usually did to avoid unwanted attention. And just as our shoulders brushed against each other I caught Zuko's eye for a split second. He had looked like he was smacked in the face with a bat. But he could process what he'd seen I quickly dove into the masses and withdrew to the shadows. There, I heartbrokenly watched how he scouted the area. He looked nice with _hair_. I was out of Ba Sing Sa before nightfall.

My firebending was refined. I had to keep the training hidden while I traveled through the earth kingdom and that reduced some of my practices to the daytime and in the deep woods. I hadn't felt anything-strange spirit stuff for a long-long time, it was sometimes in my dreams, but otherwise it was dormant -and that made me feel very at ease and conflicted at the same time. The dangerous part of my bending, the blood boiling part, worked fine. Better than fine. I was creepy good at it. I only used it on pray when I hunted, and in extreme situations. But I never killed a person, and never wanted to. The time with Khun had been more that enough.

I kept having this hallow gnawing at my heart, like I was missing something I didn't know what was. It was a feeling of homesickness. I ignored it most of the time but sometimes it would take over and I'd had to stop and squeeze myself real tight to make it go away. I didn't know why I felt this empty. I was here, the place I'd dreamed about for so long. So why was I drawn to this idiotic idea of love that didn't exist and probably never had.

My thoughts were like fluttering birds in my head, sometimes sitting very still and intense and sometimes just flying around without a direction.

I wore a wraparound jacket and had paired it up with a pair of loose black pants, and tall boots I had stolen in a colonial village a long time ago. I had needed clothes to move around in at the beginning and that had been my best bid since I didn't have any money at the time, or at least not enough to buy more than a bag of rice or apples. It was no excuse but I'd forgiven myself for it.

When I heard that the avatar had returned officially and that firelord Ozai had been defeated, I decided it was time to see this '_firenation_' that had been closed off for so long. Maybe I could swing by the palace and say hallo to the new fire lord – or whatever. I didn't know how I felt about it, but I did want to see the royal city that was built in the middle of a still active volcano.

And so I made my way to the firenation coastal lines.

I stood in the small dingy and the fisherman behind me exclaimed that this was the world's most marvelous visions as we sailed passed the royal docks. We made port on the other side of the isle, on a smaller pier where the fisherman had a client waiting for some crap-sharks. I walked out on the wooden wharf and helped him carry the lively shellfish to a stand where a woman was settled in her nightclothes. The old man thanked me, and I thanked him right back for giving me a lift, as I couldn't pay the night ferry. He said it had been his pleasure to escort such a lovely girl. I'd smiled warmly to him and walked in to town.

I began hiking the windy road up the mountainside in the dead of night.

When I reached the volcanic wall of the magnificent, not to mention intimidating royal city, I felt the longing fade for the first time in five months.

The loose cape and hood that hung on my head was warm to wear in the daytime, but at night it was nice. I was hidden, concealing my hair in the fabric, as it was too distracting for most people. I tugged at the cape as I looked behind me to see if anybody was following me in these small hours of the night.

The royal city was pretty. Despite the still battered stonework in some neighborhoods. I had snuck passed the guards at the gates and snaked my way through the darkness on the rooftops as I had done so many times before in other cities –it was the best way not to make enemies. If they didn't see you, they could arrest you -that was my philosophy.

"So this is the palace…" I mumbled under my breath as I looked up the steep red sides of the colossal palace.

It was tricky to spot a way in - more guards, more people and steeper walls. I found a shadowed angle and started to make my way up the wall using a dagger. As I was inside the outer walls I crawled up on a balcony that seemed like a good place to get a better impression of how the palace was structured. I only planned on staying a few minutes and catch up with Zuko, and I would be out of there again. Maybe I didn't actually plan on talking to him.

I looked around to see if there was an easy way to crawl up, but the red chalky wall was smooth and had no grip. I cursed and glided my hand over the barrier.

Suddenly a fire blast flew by me to the right and I only just managed to dodge it.

I whipped around and fired up my own flames. Small quick dots blazed through the air around my opponent. It was dark and the moon only shone half, but I sized my fire instantly.

"Show yourself!" The harsh command paired with his face stunned me and I backed in to the railing so hard the hood slid off my hair. He raised his hands again to make a new attack, but froze mid-motion.

"Yokai?" Zuko lowered his fighting stances and relaxed. His hair was down too, long and dark and fell in his face, I suddenly felt self-conscious about how I looked. Tattered and rough from half a season on the road.

"Are you here to assassinate me?" He spoke slowly, and I dropped my jaw.

"Unbelievable!" I put my hands on my hips. "Can't I sneak in to the firelord's palace to see an old friend without being accused of assassination? You haven't changed at all have you?" I spoke slowly and in a low tone. Zuko sighed.

"You could've used the front door." He sent me a look and I didn't know how to take it.

"Yeah, well…" I scratched my arm and leaned against the railing. A silence fell over us.

"So…" He said awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair, I breathed out a laugh and Zuko looked away. Something resembling a blush lingered in his face and I felt the hollowness subside a tiny bit.

"I'm here because we have unfinished business to do." I crossed my arms as I spoke.

"And what business would that be?" He asked curiously and raised his dark brow.

"You need to apologize to me." I jumped up and sat on the stone railing. I unhooked the cape and the wind picked up my hair, it was a cool breeze from the coast. Zuko walked closer to me.

"I have to apologize to you? You were the one walking out on our mission!" He said in a pinched tone. It made me happy.

"Well. You did say I should leave, not follow you _and_ that we weren't friends." I huffed.

"… Well…" He looked at me with his yellow eyes, thought it over and gave up. "… I'm sorry… I didn't mean it like _that_." Zuko looked at the pale moon.

"Good." I nodded. I could take that for now.

"You sure know how to hold a grudge…" He muttered. "I mean… Five months before you visit, just because I offended you a year ago." I got down and kicked him in the shin. "HEY! You can't kick the firelord like that!" He jumped on one leg and held the shin I'd hit.

"Sure I can. If you say stupid stuff like that I have the official right to hurt you. Says so in the Guide for Spirit-guiding." I smirked. "Besides, I didn't know if I ever wanted to talk to you again..." The half-smile faded on my face and Zuko straightened again.

"No?" He asked in a level voice.

"No. You weren't that good a roommate." I shrugged.

"Then why are you here?" He asked tentatively.

"Not for any particular reason… I wanted to see the city... The palace…"

"Really."

"Maybe." A silence settled in while we looked at each other.

"When you didn't come to my coronation I thought you had found a way back… I thought you were gone for good." He sounded hurt. I hadn't known him like this. It dawned on me that this was a completely different person.

"No I'll stick around indefinitely." I sighed.

"Against your will?"

"Sometimes."

"Have your spirit powers no effect anymore?"

"They could never help me get home I think…" I cleared my throat and turned to the stars on the sky. "Besides I haven't used it, or perhaps, it hasn't used me in a long time."

"Then those things you showed me? Weren't they from the other 'side' or what you used to call it?" Zuko looked concerned.

I nodded.

"Then there should be a connection." He reasoned. This was the calmest, and I dare say the nicest, conversation we'd ever had.

"Could be. But it also took me further up the timeline in this world so… Who knows what it's connected to…" I said in a breath.

"The white forest…" He ran a hand behind his neck.

The white forest, the search for Ursa, the one time where I'd smooched my face on his in a weird hazy trance. I looked up at him in shock. So he had seen it all. I now noticed now that Zuko was wearing a night wrap-around and it was only loosely tied at the waist.

"Yes." I huffed and waited for my embarrassment to fade. He walked up to stand beside me, but he didn't look over. He' gotten even taller, leaner, like stretched out and his face was less scary than it used to be –tan too. Maybe it was the hair. I cleared my throat.

"Maybe that's a good thing… It means you are attached to this place too somehow." He mumbled and watched the dark skies. I flicked my eyes to him. The wind howled far off over the ocean.

Was he right? Was a part of me always intertwined with this parallel universe? Or was it all just one big freak-show of a coincidence.

"I'm guessing you too saw what happened in the white forest?" The uneasiness was soring under my breath and I hated it, but at the same time I was burning with curiosity.

"Yes…" He gave me a quick glance and leaned against the railing of the balcony. "You kissed me." Zuko groaned slightly annoyed.

"Technically it wasn't you _you… _ It was an alternative version or something… And it wasn't exactly on purpose…" I felt my palms getting sweaty and I couldn't look at him.

"Yes it was." He said simply.

My face popped red.

"No it wasn't! I was not in complete control of my spirit-bending or whatever and it just" I nervously circled my arms in the air "did things! I didn't mean to do it! I didn't even like you that much to be honest, you were really mean!" I exclaimed, while I was subconsciously very aware of that I sounded like a child.

Zuko looked slighted, his eyes glowed golden like amber in the warm light from the city under us.

"Either way, that's what happened." He sounded a little slighted too.

"I mean your weren't horrible… Just less sympathetic." I tried.

Zuko hung his head for a moment. He looked so exhausted and I felt somewhat bad for keeping him up. I remembered that he properly was in a quite ragged state from wearing the crown after Mr. Ultimate Dictator.

"So… Throne, palace, birthright restored, have you fulfilled your destiny yet?"

"You tell me _spiritguide_." He grumbled and despite the time apart I recognized him more and more by the minute. It made me feel happy and I exhaled a sudden snicker.

"Why are you laughing!?" Zuko barked at me.

"Sorry. It's just, heh, I mean me being any sort of guide! Ridicules." The humor left me as suddenly as it had arrived. How could I pretend to guide anyone when I couldn't even find my own way home. It was my turn to study the railing bitterly, my turn to grip it too tight.

"I have been searching for you Kai." He sounded raspy.

I looked up.

"You know where Ursa is don't you? You could help to find my mother?"

I felt a pang of disappointment.

"I can." I reconsidered. I didn't actually have any concrete coordinates. "I can try at least."

I walked past Zuko and through the open balcony doors. I entered what looked like a lords chambers. An emperor's champers I corrected myself.

"Where are you going? " He followed me.

"Not allowed to have girls in your room Zuko?" I taunted and looked around in the royal chambers. Even in the dead of night it was beautiful. Streams of gold, black and red ran up the walls and embroiled the ceiling. There was an oil lamp burning on stacks of paper by Zuko's bed but otherwise the wide-ranging room was dark.

"Are you leaving?" Zuko walked in front of me to cut me off.

"You asked for my help, and I said I'll do my best." I wandered over to the desk where a whole row of inks and pens were symmetrically arranged. The pens were of jade and some sort of ivory. I picked one up -it was heavy and ornamented all along the shaft. A dragon.

"But you'll be in my debt." I added in a flat tone.

"Then… What do you want from me?" I couldn't see if he was angry in the sparse light. He reaching in front of me and pulled out a scroll and picked a pen from the rack. A soft smell of roses and spice flew past me.

"Name your price." He sat the pen to the paper on the narrow table. I felt insulted but not rightfully so. He was quite fair to assume I wanted financial composition for my services, but it made me feel cheap. I slapped my hand on the paper and we locked eyes.

"I don't want your money."

"Then what Kai?" He said and hesitantly put down the pen.

"Isn't it always good to have a royal favor in stock?" I smirked.

"I don't want to owe anyone anything." He was standing close to me, we could have touched if I was to take a step small forward, but I didn't.

"You've gotten even taller." I mumbled. He was thinking about something but I couldn't decipher his expression. We stood like this for a moment. The quietness of the room made it feel like we were closer, and the urge to break the atmosphere pressed on me, but I couldn't move. His tan skin glistened on his collarbone, the hair fell to his jawline and those eyes, those observing and calculating eyes cut right though me. My dress confined my breath. The night breeze toyed with the sheer curtains. Eventually Zuko was the one to move.

"You haven't changed at all." He sighed and stepped away. There was bitterness in his voice. He wandered over to a chair where some clothes were draped over the back. He shrugged on a floor-length vest. I didn't know how to react to what he'd said. I thought I'd changed a whole lot since the last time I'd talked to the high and mighty fire lord. I crossed my arms and just as I was about to snap back at him when the oil lamp by his bed was snuffed out. Sounds of struggle muffled in the hall outside his door.

Before Zuko could protest I smacked a hand over his mouth from behind, there we quickly slithered in to the shadows. When I let go he shot me a glare, but I put a finger to my lips, telling him to shut it! Then the door cracked open, just a few inches, and a hooded figure dressed in black sneaked in. This person was clearly up to no good. I put my lips close to Zuko's ear. He stiffened.

"I'll attack from the front and you from the back." I whispered, and he nodded curtly.

I blasted up a flame in my hands and leaped out on our new enemy. The ninja was surprised and only just managed to dodge my head on attack with swirling fire blasts. I was in the air and something shiny metal flew right by my neck, the ninja blew another dart from a pipe but I did a kick to redirect it. I landed on my feet and hurried closer to the dark figure to deal another blow, the pipe flew out of his hands. While the guy focused on me - Zuko swept in from behind and kicked the legs away from under him and the assassin fell hard on his back. I quickly got him detained. Flipped him over and pinning him to the ground with a knee between the shoulder blades.

Gasping and twisting the scrawny man tried to keep fighting.

Zuko kneeled down and yanked the hood aside.

"Who are you? And what are you doing here?" Zuko hissed. The guy squirmed around and shut his lips tightly together. He wasn't going to talk.

"Guards!" Zuko yelled as he stood and further down the hall a set of palace guards shuffled in. "Take this man to the dungeons, and search him. Find out who sent this one." Zuko ordered and I pulled the guy to his feet in an effective move.

As the men dragged the assassin away Zuko turned to me and brushed off his clothes.

"You can stay in the west wing." He said plainly.

"Good. Then I guess I don't have to worry about a job anymore." I grinned and stretched my arms.

"You have something on your neck." He said and my hand flew up to it, he was right. I pulled it out and it had been one of the silver darts that the ninja had thrown. My head started spinning and my vision blurred.

"Oh damn-" And that was all I could say before the vertical lines became horizontal.

"Yokai?" The echo of Zuko's voice ricocheted in the darkness, and then I was out cold.

As I'd said I hadn't felt any spirit activity in a long time and the visions had gone, so this was more than a surprise for me.

I was standing in a chilly place, and I had to hug myself to keep warm. I knew it wasn't a dream. I felt the sand under my feet and the wind in my hair. I was there. There was dwindling twilight on the skies behind a mountain and the calm ocean spread out in front of me. But the waves started to freeze in their motions like a buffering video. The colors flickered to blue and white, eventually everything turned white, like screaming blindingly white. It reminded me of Jerry's great hall and I turned around in the empty whiteness.

"What is happening…?" I asked no one.

My eyes snapped open and I looked right up in a mirror framed in gold above me. So tacky. I sat up in the bed and touched my forehead. My blond hair was sticking to my face and I wiped it away.

"Kai. How wonderful to see you again." The warm voice of Iroh sounded. He was sitting to my left with a cup of steaming tea in his hands and a friendly smile on his lips.

"General!" I made a motion to get up but my head started spinning again.

"Stay down Kai," He set the cup aside and eased me down in bed again. "It was a powerful sleeping drug you were poisoned with. But you are in the best of hands." He gestured a young girl who stood by the door with a golden tray.

"Good morning lady Yokai, I'm Kumizu, the royal family physician." She walked over to my bed and put the tray down. There were herbs and vials with goop in them lined up, and a needle -a big huge gigantic needle.

"Hi. When am I fully healed?" I grumbled and threw the cover off, then I noticed that somebody had changed my clothes and I was wearing a silken wraparound pajamas. Who had undressed me when I was out? That thought freaked me out. I slapped my cheeks a little and sat on the bed's edge.

"I'm ready to continue the training general!" I made the respectful hand-gesture and bowed my head to him, but Iroh just placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm afraid that it wouldn't be that easy. I am too old now to teach you, and besides I have a tea shop in Ba Sing Sa to take care of. The Jasmine Dragon. You should visit it sometime."

My face fell completely and the nurse pulled at my shoulder to make me lay down again.

I shrugged her off.

"I am sorry Kai. A lot of things have changed after you left, many things for the better." He retracted his hand and took a sip of his tea.

"But Iroh, you were the only one I wanted to learn from. You have to teach me." I pleaded.

"No I cannot. You should lie down - get the poison out of your system. But I am glad to see you again sweet Kai, you have grown so much, and I was afraid you had left us forever without a goodbye." He smiled and I looked away.

"I'm sorry. I just… I was lost for a time…"

"We all get lost from time to time until we find our true path, look at Zuko. He is the firelord now and he has grown even more still. I couldn't be prouder of him."

"He seems like himself." I looked away and fiddled with my hair.

"Please lady Yokai lie down, I have to give you the injection of the antidote." The nurse on my right urged and held gently on to my shoulders again. She had light hands. I sighed annoyed and gave in to her. She took my one arm and started working. I felt queasy as her cold hands drew up my sleeve.

"Zuko is still himself, but a stronger more truer self."

"He still seems a little hotheaded to be honest, but I guess that makes me feel like I haven't been gone forever." I squeezed my eye shut as Kumizu inserted the needle.

"Hah, yes. The temper will be his companion through life, but he has changed Kai. And he has been talking about you." Iroh tilted his head and smirked. "A lot."

Kumizu hummed under her breath, a nice little tune.

"Talking about me? Ouch." I cringed.

"Sorry my lady. There -I'm done. Now lie still and relax." She dapped the vain and packed her tray together.

"Yes ever since you left in fact. I'm sure he's very relived that you are here and hadn't returned to your otherworldly home." Iroh had his foxlike smile spread on his face, but I couldn't find it annoying or endearing.

"I don't think I can return…" I mumbled.

"No?" He sat down the cup, and Kumizu hurried out as she properly sensed the emotional atmosphere.

"No… I don't know. All this time I spend on my own was good for my bending – I have the control I was missing, but my spirit stuff is out of balance. I don't see how I can ever get back from this side. There is one way I haven't tried…" Suicide was still an option but I really didn't want to find out how death, however brief, felt. "But it is extreme and even if I eventually retuned to my world, I could perhaps never come back here…" I felt a tear leap down my cheek and I wiped it as fast as it had sprung. I could cry in front of my teacher! But Iroh took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't worry sweet Kai. You will find your path, and perhaps it will lead you home, but until then you are welcome, like family, to us here." He stood and gave me a soft stroke over the hair. "I made tea for you Kai, I'll leave it here by your bed." And then Iroh walked through the tall doors of '_my bedroom'_.

After the doors had closed I sighed deeply. Then the minutes dragged by.

I'd tried, I'd really did! But I couldn't lie still in that bed a second longer! I sprung out of bed, and at first I had to hold on to the wooden bedframe but as soon the dizziness was bearable, and I could move around. I went to investigate my new surroundings in the morning light.

The bedroom was big, red and gold. In one end there was the exit doors and in the other were tall windows. I looked through them and down in a rounded garden. The wind carried summer and most of the flowers were in bloom.

There was another door in my room and as soon as I'd opened it I was speechless.

I had my own huge luxurious washroom. Like as in enormously HUGE! There was room for at least five people to stand comfortably in front of the mirrored sink, and set in the middle of the marbled floor was a tub. It was a deep square in the floor filled to the brim with steaming clear water with little pink and white lotus flowers floating on the surface. There lingered a warm smell of soap and lilies. I was out of my clothes and in the comfortable water faster than you could feed fire flakes to a rat-cat. I heated the water a little more with a deep exhale and more steam stood from the surface.

Now I wasn't prone to enjoy exaggerated luxury but after being on the freaking road for longer than lifetime - this was heaven. I melted in water and ducked under in little joyful dips. I even sang a little.

I had managed to doze off in the hot soothing pool of happiness when the insisting knocking on my door brought me back.

"Are you up Lady Yokai?" A stranger's female voice asked out in the bedroom.

"I'm in the bath!" I immediately snapped in to a sitting position and scrambled out of the slippery tub. "Just a moment!" I franticly shrieked as I scooted around in my wet footprints in search of a towel. I wasn't supposed to be out of bed, and I wasn't even sure it was okay for me to use the tub. I got semi-dry and wrapped the smooth silky towel around a few times, leaving my hair to just drip.

I tore open the bathroom door and felt the slap of chilled wind.

"I was just in the- oh" I looked up and saw a servant girl standing by the entry door, she had probably been the one calling, and then I saw Zuko in the middle of the champers. There was a moment where we just starred at each other. Speechless.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?" I asked as I backed away from him and clinging the, shot, towel to my chest. The servant girl slipped out along the wall, with a red face she closed the door safely behind her. I heard the lock click. Oh god what was she thinking now.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE READY IN JUST A MOMENT!? Where are your clothes!?" He said as he smacked a hand over his eyes, blocking his vision, and backed up too.

"Why would you come in here if I was in the BATH!?" I leaped back inside the bathroom. "DON'T COME IN PERV!" I screamed through the door and in a matter of seconds I had firebended myself dry and pulled on my clothes.

"I AM NOT A PERVERT! I just though you were READY!" He yelled on the other side and I ripped open the door with a furious look on my face. He observed me as if he would expect me to be naked again.

"And stop eyeing me like that!" I stomped over to him and punched him in the arm.

"Aw! I haven't done anything wrong!" Zuko rubbed the spot I'd hit.

"Whatever! Why are you here?" I asked in a sour tone.

"I was just here to- to brief you on the matter of finding my mother."

I couldn't help but to study him. He was dressed in a heavy top armor, in black and gold, and his hair was tied up with the royal crown.

"Oh. Okay. I have something I wanna talk with you about too, actually." I said and he looked quizzical. "Yeah." I continued, "I wanted to talk about training. I don't want to get rusty, so when do you usually train? In the morning or the evening?"

"What?!" Zuko looked like I had punched him in the face and not the arm for a second.

"You have to train with me in Iroh's place. That is the deal. And I'll help you find your mom." I shrugged and combed my hair with my fingers. It was tangled.

"I am the firelord now. I don't have time to fool around in training sessions with some girl." He pinched the brim of his nose in annoyance.

"Excuse me? _Just some girl_?" I placed my hands on my hips and stuck out my top lip. When Zuko saw me he rolled his eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that Kai." He said, tired.

"Good. I know you're the firelord and you have lord-ly stuff to do, but then at least be my sparing partner. I haven't fought a good opponent in ages, and I have to protect you from assassins apparently." I blew a strand away from my face. Zuko shot me a skeptical glance.

"Fine. Now about the briefing you said something about the mother of faces-"

"I know where we have to go…" I interrupted.

"Okay… Then, ehm, lets go!" Zuko almost smiled. It was very cute. I grinned back at him.

"Yeah!" I agreed.

"I'll gather a troop of able solders and then we leave at daybreak tomorrow!" He turned to leave, again almost in a bounce, but I stopped him. I knew I had to warn Zuko about what was inevitably about to happen next. The shadow of Ozai was still cast in our lives.

"Zuko? Don't tell your father…" I'd grasped his arm and now I drew my brows together. "He might be family but he will not give you whatever reaction you're hoping for..."

All joy drained away from his face.

"I would never go to him. The disgrace of our bloodline." Zuko said with a clinched jaw. I let go of him and in three long strides he'd vanished. I wondered how much of an impact my existence truly had on the story. So far I considered it less than minimal.


	9. Chapter 9: Where there's smoke

**Chapter 9: Where there's smoke there's fire**

As it turned out you couldn't just drop everything to go looking for your mom when you had a former dictatorship to democratize. I had been living in the palace for two weeks now and Zuko and I still hadn't got to train together, not mention thoroughly discuss Ursa's whereabouts. Actually we hadn't even seen each other that much in that time. I was left to do whatever, and that was mostly just wander around, looking for secret passages, and training, while Zuko frantically ran from one meeting to another. Even Iroh had left for Ba Sing Se and I had no option but to keep to myself and trying to deal with having servants around me all the time.

Zuko and I had passed messages about where to go look for his mother through the servants, and I was getting tired of talking to their polite faces.

I had begun writing letters to no one in particular. It was mostly just thoughts and pieces of memories. Unfortunately they were not that interesting to anybody here, as they contained rambled comparisons between my world and this one. I was burning up with homesickness.

I did try to meditate myself in to an introspective spirit trance like the times with Zuko, to see if I could locate my portal, but it didn't work _like that_ apparently -if it worked at all anymore.

The doctor, Kumizu, still came regularly and tended to my health- checking for poison symptoms from the assassin's dart. I felt fine, but she kept insisting that I needed more rest; maybe she was right. I had the bedroom in the guest area of the palace that I rarely used. I couldn't sleep and when I tried horrible nightmares haunted me. Dreams about white rooms and people on fire, danced around in my head and I couldn't understand what it all meant. It made me avoid sleeping al together. Instead I'd taken to long strolls through the palace and gardens in the small hours of the morning.

In the evenings there was set a table for two in dining room, but more often than not Zuko was to busy to join. I wondered if he ate at all… I took my meals and tea alone.

It was quite boring really.

One night I thrashed in my bed and woke up snapping for breath. The dreams were getting stranger and increasingly insisting. I sat up in bed and ran a trembling hand through my hair. I slipped on a pair of red slippers and wound a silken kimono around me. _A walk will clear my head right up_, I thought. The halls were dark and deserted except for the guards that immediately stood straighter as soon as they heard me approaching. I lit a flame in my hand. It cast gloomy shadows on the carved walls and paintings. I shiver ran thought me as Ozai's mean eyes seemed to fix on me. I could only see the relation to Zuko in the golden orbs, but otherwise they were nothing alike.

I set out to walk through the royal garden. Usually I would take the fastest way to the garden, through the eastern halls, but this night I was sidetracked.

Apparently I wasn't the only one burning the midnight oil, quite literally.

The orange light shone out from Zuko's office. With a light tap I knocked on his doorframe.

"Come in." He said in a raspy voice with his face in a pile of papers. The moon was full and high in the window behind him. He had his hair down, and it looked messy but in a good way. Zuko flicked his eyes to me. He was surprised to see me - maybe he was expecting someone else.

"Hi. Aren't you going to sleep –ever?" I asked, kiddingly, as I stood by the fireplace and studied the fire a while. He tugged the papers away in a pile and got up. Zuko pinched the brim of his nose and walked over to me.

"I'm so tired I could sleep on the floor." He mumbled.

"It's not all fun and games being the lord of a nation?" I smirked. "I thought it would suit you?" I spoke in to the flames.

"Bossing people around and barking orders all day?" He sounded too tired to joke.

"Well. Yeah. That sounds like your kind of job description?" I could see him falling apart from sleep deprivation.

"Come, you need some air."

I opened the balcony doors and gestured him to join me. The soft breeze blew in my hair and I felt a lot lighter as we stood by the railing, I figured it helped him too. It was odd seeing him like that -defenses down and all.

"I'm not _that_ bossy…" He muttered.

"Maybe not so much anymore, but back on the ship! Woah... I wanted to smother you sometimes, heh." I held on to a stray lock of hair to keep it from blowing in my face.

"You weren't the easiest to be around either you know…" He smirked to me and I was just about to protest but he continued, "I've always thought you knew me a lot better than you should, and I don't know anything about you." He was serious and murky again.

"What do you mean?" I fidgeted with a flower petal.

"I mean that you…" He turned to me and paused.

I wanted to kiss him.

BAM! That's what I wanted to do right in that moment.

Zuko's hair blew in the wind and his yellow orbs burned straight though me. For the first time ever I really -like really, wanted to kiss him, and the feeling struck me so suddenly that I thought I had been smacked in the face.

"… You are a mystery. I know nothing about who you really are. But even so you were the one that got me on my right path Kai." He stopped talking and I had to grab on to the railing to support my weight on my stupid jelly-knees.

"No I didn't Zuko. I stayed away. I was a coward." I thought about his lips and his stupid hair and his smell of spice while I talked. I felt like I was out of breath.

"I pushed you away…" That was the truth, the message '_don't follow him'_ ringed in my ears. He took a step toward me and a blush covered my face. He had an ominous ambiance hanging in the air around him. The softness of it all and the warmth, it was just too much. I felt hot and my mouth went dry.

"Are you asking for forgiveness?" I flicked my eyes up to him. He ran a hand over his face and sighed.

"I guess I am."

"Then you're stupid." I said flatly and he looked taken aback. "I was never really mad at that. I was the one ruining everything…" I took deep breaths the dizziness was somewhat back and I didn't know where I was going with this conversation.

"You didn't ruin anything?" Zuko was too close to me I could feel the heat that radiated from him. I was angry with myself for feeling so stupid and girly. I stepped back.

"Yes. I can't explain it but I don't belong here Zuko! And you don't need me! I- I'm just... You had to find the way yourself and I knew that. I was messing with the order of things…"

"Kai… You didn't." He placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt how warm his palm was.

I couldn't help a flinch. I wondered if he noticed that.

Zuko continued "Without your influence… I would have made some very different choices in the end." Then he removed the touch, as if he remembered where his hand was.

"I don't think you give yourself enough credit." I groaned and looked Zuko in the eye, he was hansom, and close and his features were relaxed in the soft shadows.

"Neither do you." His voice was rough. Everything around me was influenced and infused by him. It was like the lights everywhere else dimmed when he was this close to me.

It was killing me.

"… I should go to bed, it's late. Goodnight firelord, hang in there." I said grinning but just as I was about to run away, he spoke. I stopped in my tracks.

"What did you mean when you said I shouldn't go to my father exactly?" He had changed the atmosphere and looked worried. The wind picked up from the east and blew the leaves across the balcony. He was still too close to me and I tried to take a deep breath.

"I meant that you don't need his poisonous words, or advice, no matter how much you feel like you need it. And we will find your mother without his involvement." I had my serious face on too. "But you weren't planning on paying him a visit... Of course." I flicked my eyes to him.

"… No. Of course." Zuko looked away and I could see his inner turmoil.

"Stay away from him Zuko." I said sharply and the words hung in the air like orders. He still wasn't looking at me and I could see his hands were tight fists. I touched him softly on his knuckles, wanting to return the comforting favor, but also because I couldn't fill the silence with any more advice. I simply had none.

Zuko glanced at me and relaxed a bit under my palm. I wanted to lean against him, to run my hand over his neck, to press my body against him to- I felt the breath get locked in my throat and I retracted my hand quickly. I walked backwards and with a little nod I bid him goodnight.

He'd stayed on the balcony even when I looked back over my shoulder before I closed the office door behind me.

I wished I knew what to say to help him decide on the right thing to do, but my mind was empty for spirit-guidance or whatever, when I flopped in my bed face first. I let out a load groan. This was bad - all those confusing feelings, and thoughts. If I acted on them who was to say that he would take kindly to it! Maybe I would even scare him away, or worse, make him loathe me. I would just have to make this little relit crush go away. Forget it ever existed in the first place and concentrate on mentally digging up the leftovers of my spirit knowledge.

That night I had feverish dreams but they weren't entirely unpleasant.

The few days that followed were unfortunately just as boring and lonely as the ones past. Not including the night Zuko and I spend on the balcony pouring our hears out about our troubles… But one morning I was awakened at the break of dawn by a servant's gentle voice that told me the firelord had time for a training séance and was waiting for me.

My eyes snapped open and I scrambled out of bed. The servants tried to help in an orderly manner to dress me, but I whirled around and pulled the things on before their gentle hands could even get to me. A girl ran after me with a comb but I quickly grabbed a ribbon and tied my hair up, I couldn't stand them touching me with silk fingers and porcelain palms.

As I walked out in the corridor and toward the hall I heard one of them call out to me.

"Lady Yokai do-don't you want to bathe be-uh-before you see the firelord?" The servant woman asked, jogging and tripping beside my long strides.

"No thank you Mika. I'm training, so bathing before sweating doesn't make much sense." I tightened the belt around my waist and smoothed the blond strands of hair back.

"I see my lady. What about your breakfast and morning tea?"

"I can't fight if I'm too heavy, so no breakfast, and the tea… Bring it to the hall please." I said as I opened a set of double doors.

"Very well my lady." Mika said as she bowed and walked to the kitchen, I swung around the corner of a corridor and in to the training hall.

Zuko was there, standing with his back to me, he was wearing black loose hanging clothes. I already felt flushed but I pushed the feeling deep down in my stomach.

He had bare feet and so I kicked off my wooden slippers.

"Morning mister firelord sir. Are you ready to fight?" I smirked and shrugged out of the throw jacket I'd grabbed on my way out.

"Kai. I thought we were just sparring?" He plucked out his crownpiece but let the hair stay up. A fast, almost invisible, girl handled the royal crown just as Zuko offered it to the side without looking. She hurried back in the shadows where she'd come from with grace.

"Sure. That's what I meant." I grinned and rolled my shoulders.

"Just a friendly match." I breathed out in a stretch.

"With bending?" He asked.

"Yes!" I jumped a little and Zuko sent me a look. Then he smirked.

"Fine. I'll win anyway, but if you want to fight so bad…" He shrugged in an arrogant way and I pushed my lips and lifted a brow.

"Yeah we'll see about that." I mumbled as I took a stance.

We stood across from one another, six meters of raw bamboo mat between us. Zuko ran a hand over his tied up hair and got in to his fighting stance. The sun was rising and gave the room a red glow through the stain glass windows.

"We fight until that other one taps out. And remember there is no shame in knowing your limits Kai." Zuko teased in a confident smirk. God he was such a smartass.

"No more staling your defeat Zuko." I said and narrowed my eyes.

Then the fight began.

The first few rounds were ties and I wanted to win even more for every time we came to an inconclusive result. I had no idea what I was trying to prove and to whom. It got a bit intense.

He was fast and light on his feet and his firebending was as precise as a surgeon knife. I was fast too but Zuko came pretty close with a fiery blow to my waist and I had to defend with a stronger flame to break it up.

I needed to come up close if I wanted to get in and knock him out of his stance. I round kicked his hands in an orange fire and got close to the ground, grabbed his ankle, and flipped him off his balance.

Zuko landed hard on his back and I jumped on top to pin him down.

"I feel like we've been here before? I'm the winner." I said cheeky as I held his wrists.

"I think you've forgotten that I won that last time." He snaked out of my grasp and caught my hands, he flipped us over and I was pinned under him now.

"No you didn't! Iroh tapped me out because of a tiny bit of nosebleed! That doesn't count!" I said though my teeth as I tried to weasel out but he was heavy as a ton of bricks.

"It counted then, and it does now. You've lost Kai –yield." Zuko said in a rough voice. He was warm and slightly out of breath. I looked up in his eyes. He loosened his grip a tiny bit.

"Yield." Zuko repeated.

"No. I haven't lost." I whispered, slightly out of breath too. His eyes glowed in the sunrise and I could feel the strength drain from me. My face felt hot and my body tingly. I had lost.

The sudden sound of a door closing shut made me flinch and I whipped my head to it –as did Zuko. The room had been deserted from servants and suddenly it was just Zuko and I. I knew they were trying to be respectful and all but it was highly irritating to be reminded that we weren't always alone. Goddamn servants!

He turned slowly to look at me again.

"So do you give up or what?" He pulled away from me but still had my wrists in his grasp.

"No." I said willfully.

"Then we can stay like this all day. You are so stubborn." He rolled his eyes and I fought his grip again but it was like iron cuffs.

"I could get out you know. I just don't want to hurt you." I drew my brows together.

"Sure you could. Tap out and we'll have a rematch without bending." He smirked. The sun was a deep orange and the room was warming up.

I had an idea, but it was cheeky and a little risky. I had to distract him if I wanted to gain the upper hand in our rivalry.

"Zuko… There's something I have to tell you…" I said and bit my lip and tried to look bashful.

He lifted a brow and looked perplexed. I could feel the hold loosen. Whether or not he had feelings for me I knew that Zuko's number one weakness was intimacy! And I was going to use it! In hindsight, the strategy probably wasn't only to win the fight.

"That time we kissed… Back then… On the ship." I could feel my cheeks glowing red and I flicked my eyes to him. Zuko's face was priceless. He was clearly embarrassed and his face was a hundred shades of pink and surprise – it was too good I couldn't help but letting out a laugh. Taking advantage of his inattentiveness I quickly wound myself out of his hands and clasping his shoulder to get free of his weight.

"What?!" He asked as I was on my feet and pointing a flame at his head.

"You lost. Yield." I smirked.

After he had unwillingly mumbled something about 'fine' Zuko was standing and sending me an odd look. I sighed, very contempt with my victory.

"You should know Zuko, that there's no shame in knowing your limits." I grinned and tugged a blond lock of hair behind my ear.

"You didn't really win Kai. You cheated." He huffed and crossed his arms.

"No? I tricked you. That's not cheating."

"I could have done that as well..." He growled and untied his crooked topknot.

"You being all manipulative and cunning? I doubt it." I said with a shrug. Zuko took a step toward me. It startled me when he laid one hand on my waist and the other one stroking my cheek with his smooth fingertips.

"W-wha-?!" I swallowed my words before I had even said anything.

He leaned closer and his cheek brushed mine, his hair tickled my face and my heart leaped up in my throat. Zuko touched my jaw and gently guided it closer to his cheek. My breath became irregular. His invisible stubble felt scratchy.

"I could be manipulative. I just prefer not to be like that." He whispered close to my ear. His breath tickled me and I suppressed the impulse to shudder. I could feel myself getting wobbly. I pushed him away. Zuko pulled back but didn't let go of my waist.

_Find your head – think! He's kidding,_ I screamed reasonably in my head,

"Don't do that." I mumbled as I looked down at my feet.

"Why? You did that to me." He sounded insulted.

"I didn't go that far. I just-" I still hadn't found my voice.

"You always go that far Kai. I don't understand you." His eyes glowed golden under the dark hair. I didn't know what he was referring to, but I would guess he'd meant the kiss. Well, I _did_ bring it up first.

"I never meant to do that… Not really." I looked away, but I wasn't seeing anything.

"I remember what you saw in that vision." He said annoyed.

"No… Zuko I…" I stumbled over the words and mixed up with feelings I couldn't tell apart I couldn't seem to string my thought together. I wished he would stop touching me so I could THINK. I shook my head and breathed out a laugh.

"Why is it this difficult?" I muttered to myself; then I looked up at him. "I have to go." I pushed his hand off my waist and tugged my somber self away. _Time for lightheartedness_ I thought.

"This was fun! You really got me there. Pal!" I said briskly in a wide smile as I patted hard him on the shoulder. Zuko took a step back, and I didn't make eye contact. I could sense that he was aggravated.

I practically ran out of the conversation.

As soon as I'd left the training hall I hated myself for it and I couldn't help but to kick a jade column by my bedroom –which made no damage to the stone but made me yelp out.

The next day we met in the library and made travel plans for our voyage to the firenation countryside. We were mostly talking in short sentences and about maps, but even though it wasn't very interesting subject matters my cheeks wouldn't un-blush for anything. Just being in the same room as him was killing me now, and I had to collect all my strength to keep me from accidentally touching him casually.

Zuko seemed indifferent, almost cold -he had a controlled expression lingering in his face. He was being efficient and professional, was my guess. Or maybe he really was indifferent, I shook my head to clear out my thoughts.

"So we'll go here? And then where?" He pointed on a village on the map. I walked over to stand beside him. I tugged my hair out of the way and tried to see where the village was.

"I can't see what it says…" I mumbled and I leaned forward, closer to Zuko. He moved away from me. I felt snubbed, but I let it slide.

"It's Kotsu." He sounded coarse and I flicked my eyes to him.

"Alright. I honestly don't remember anything about that place. Where would you go?" I asked.

"I would go down that path here."

"This one?"

He reached out and I did too, our hands unintentionally touched. I quickly withdrew my hand and ran it though my hair instead. _Smooth Kai_ I though sarcastically.

"Go on." I said and cleared my throat.

"I don't see much point in trying to guess which way we should go. I have to consult my father." Zuko began rolling up the map. He sounded frustrated.

"You don't _have_ to. I told you before that we don't need his help." I said in a stern tone.

"We do need his help Yokai. You also told me you could find her, but you are really the worst guide of any kind!" He threw the map down on the table and looked at me with narrow eyes.

"Hey! At least I'm trying to help!" I stuck my hands in my side.

"And how very helpful you are." Zuko said in a mean tone. "All you do is complicate everything! You run around, making wonderful promises, but in the end you can't come through can you?" Zuko wasn't yelling but his voice was filled with anger, and he wasn't done. "You can't. You run away instead. Did you think about what you did when you didn't come back-" He said, but I cut in.

"Hey you were asking for _my_ forgiveness remember? You were the one who took off! To go do your father's bidding a being a bad person. You were the one who left me unconscious at a healer hut –saying 'tell her not to follow me'! How was I supposed to know you wanted me around?!" I shouted.

"I didn't _want_ you around! I went back to the firenation, I betrayed Iroh! I _needed_ you! You promised you were going to be there, but you broke that promise. You can't come through because you are none of the things you told me you are. You are not from the spirit realm your not my guide or moral compass, and you are unquestionably not here to help."

The last words were a knife right through my body. What a strong finish! I could feel the tears well up in me. My eyes felt hot and my throat closed up. Zuko saw it. He shifted his weight on his feet and looked uncomfortable. I couldn't find a comeback. And if I was honest with myself I didn't really want to. It was all true. I had broken my end of the deal.

The first tear darted down my cheek and I whipped it away angrily with the back of my hand.

"I'll go." I said curtly. I bowed and then turned to leave.

"Don't." Zuko had grasped my upper arm in a firm hold. "I'm sorry."

"I'll do whatever I darn well please Zuko!" I said, but it didn't sound strong like I'd intended. The path for the next set of tears had been laid and they were streaming now. _Goddamn!_

"Just stay put for once." Zuko mumbled. I shook him off.

"I don't get it! You say all those horrible things about me, and then..." I wiped my face again and tried to find my voice. " Then you ask me to stay! If you hate me so much then why the heck would you want me to stay with you?"

"I don't hate you Kai." Zuko said very quietly and lightly grasped my hand. I took a quiet sudden breath. I hadn't expected him to do that. I looked surprised up at him.

"You coming back... It's good…" He stroked a thumb over my fingers and I did the same to him. It felt very intimate, and I was unsure if friends acted like that.

The silence between us grew.

"I didn't know you…" I hadn't thought my sentence out before I began.

"I shouldn't have said those ugly things. I'm just frustrated and I didn't mean to take it out on you Kai…" Zuko took his hand back. My heart was beating painfully in my chest.

"… I knew you were in trouble, but you found your way. In some ways… I think you had to make to decision to join Aang on your own. If I would have pushed you, then it could have gone horribly wrong… It's no excuse for letting you down though. I'm sorry you had to go through it alone."

"I forgive you." He didn't hesitate like I had. Zuko looked at the maps again. In many ways he was a better person than I could ever pretend to be.

I wanted to kiss him, to tell him how I felt. But if I said that, if revealed all those emotions… Chances were we couldn't even be friends anymore if he didn't feel the same way towards me… He could break my heart. That sounded so cliché, but that was what I was afraid of.

"It's good to be back…" I pulled at the corners of my mouth to smile. I couldn't tell him. I was too scared to take that step and I loathed my cowardliness. Zuko stepped back and turned to the map in a quiet move.

"… So I would take that route. Do you think it's the right one?" He asked as he folded out the map again. I sniffed and took a deep breath before I leaned over the map again. That would conclude my pathetic emotional blast for the day. The feelings were now back where they belonged, deep-deep down.

"I don't know about the route. But we need to go there." I pointed at the lakes marked 'pools of faces'.

The pools surrounded the small village of Hira'a.


	10. Chapter 10: Wrapped in cotton

**Chapter 10: Wrapped in cotton and dressed in silk**

"But my lady, you have to sit still!" My 'handmaiden' Mika was pulling at my hair that went down to my waist at that time. It was hellish for her (and for me) to comb it and today she wanted to 'do' it up as well. I'd let her. She seemed excited and I didn't have plans that interfered with a hairdo.

I'd been training all morning with Zuko, and we were both getting better at the 'sparing' part. But ever since that last time we had trained I'd been careful not to do any confusing tings. Zuko seem like it was more than fine with him. _Whatever_, I thought as Mika dived an ornamented hairpin in my scalp. I winched.

"Sorry, but if you keep squirming I can't do my job my lady!" She exclaimed and pulled at a lock of hair. I sucked air sharply through my teeth.

The strangest thing, now that I was in the palace, I got the feeling like I'd forgotten something. Something important. But luckily I was about to find out just what that was as Mika spoke again. We had been small talking back and forth, but now she said something interesting.

"- And so I heard them fighting in the throne room!" She said and wound a black ribbon around a knot of strands.

"What? Who was fighting?" I said absently I hadn't been paying much attention.

"The firelord and lady Mai!" She sighed annoyed.

Whether she was annoyed with the hairdo, or me, I couldn't say.

"… Mai?" I felt a twinge of pain. "MAI!" The twinge became a bazooga blast.

"The firelord's girlfriend! Well, ex-girlfriend now I suppose."

"GIRLFRIEND?!" I turned in my seat and the pin flew out of the hair. "Zuko still has a girlfriend?!" I asked a little too loud. I had thought that he… Well… I didn't know what I had thought. Maybe that he was kinda in to me or something and that Zuko had realized that Mai was a little… Too sullen? Murky? Grim? I always found her boring, and I would have expected Zuko to feel that way too now that he knew _me_! Of course… That was more than a little self-absorbed from my end.

Mika looked startled.

"Well… I think they broke up just now…" She said, still taken aback by my reaction. Heck, even I was taken aback by my reaction. I knew I liked him. Maybe, yes okay, I could perhaps be very much in love with him… I kinda knew my feelings, but they suddenly became even more transparent in that moment. I had never in a million years thought of myself as the jealous type, but jealousy was tugging at my heartstrings. And worst of all I didn't have the right to be jealous! I didn't own him or anything! But still, a girlfriend… A girl he'd kissed and done other stuff with. My face scrunched together. Then I thought about the time he almost kissed me back in the training hall. _What nerve! That's no way to behave if you have a girl!_

"Why did they break up?" I locked eyes with Mika.

"I- I- think it was something about secrets…?" She stuttered. I sprung to my feet.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. Where is Zuko?"

"In the throne room perhaps?" She pressed up against the wall as I stormed past her. I was furious and a little hurt at the same time.

I took long strides down the red halls and slammed the doors open to the throne room. He wasn't there. I walked out to the garden instead.

Zuko was sitting by the pound and meditating, his yellow eyes immediately snapped open as I dropped down besides him. I crossed my arm and shot him a glare.

"Can I help you?" He asked a bit crossed with being interrupted.

"I- You-" I went from furious to embarrassed. _You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend that's what's wrong!_ But I couldn't say that. I looked away.

"And what happened to your hair?" He smirked.

My hands flew up to the unfinished hairdo and started pulling at the ribbon.

"Goddamn Mika happened to my hair! I tell you I can't stand being in this palace a second longer!" I growled, but the ribbon was stuck and it hurt.

"Do you want me to banish her?" He asked.

"NO!" I stared in surprise. "NO! It was my own fault really! She's nice, but it's just all this lady stuff that's driving me nuts! I have no idea how to-"

"I was joking Kai…" Zuko let out a short laugh. "You look like a sky-bison like that. Just a tad shaggier."

"Ha-ha…" I said sarcastically. "I can't even get dressed in the morning without ten people insisting on helping me. It's exhausting. I don't know how you do it!" I sighed and gave up on the ribbon. Zuko was taller than me. He gently touched my hair and tried to untie it for me as he spoke. I stiffened and knitted my brows together. _This was exactly a kind of behavior that wouldn't be okay if you had a girlfriend! You don't touch girl's hair when you're smooching with somebody else! Well if they'd broke up I guess I didn't mind! _And of course I didn't mind being helped in this particular situation._ Goddamn - if he could just stop touching me I could analyze things rationally!_ I thought to myself.

"Just order them to leave." Zuko was calm and his voice was almost a whisper as we were sitting so close. I grumbled as I tried to think about something else than the word 'close'.

"I can't do that. That's rude… Ouch." I cringed.

"… Sorry. Yes you can. Their job is to listen to what _you_ tell them to do. Nothing more."

"I don't see it that way."

"Then you have to live with ten people seeing you... Change." He cleared his throat.

"It's not that good a show." I growled and felt the ribbon loosen. My hair spilled out of it and I tugged it behind my ears. Zuko handed me the black tie.

"Thanks…" I thought about how I could break the ice on that whole Mai thing.

"No problem." He muttered.

We stayed quiet for a moment.

The turtle-ducklings quacked and swam in circles around their mother. The wind was mild and the sun was warm. We were sitting in the shadow of the cherry tree.

"So… I heard you and Mai broke up…" I said. I figured that the straight arrow approach was best after all.

Zuko looked at me in shock.

"How…" He started and cleared his throat.

I shrugged.

"The servants gossip... I didn't even know you had a… Mai, to begin with." I pulled my legs to my chin and looked at the water. Trying to look indifferent. Flowers floated on the surface. I had known that he and Mai had been together before, but some part of me had thought, maybe hoped that after he'd met me Zuko had sworn off all other female company. I realized now that that was idiotic.

"She was a friend of my sisters. We grew up together." He sounded hesitant. "We were a couple for a long time but…" He stopped himself.

"… But?" I asked quietly.

"You could say that we grew apart…" He glanced at me. "She didn't understand what it means to be the firelord - sometimes she wanted me to be someone else. Someone she'd known a long time ago…" He looked conflicted.

It was odd to talk about Mai. In my head I saw them being close, touching, and it stung more than I would have liked. I exhaled. Did I understand what it was like to be firelord? Did I ask him to be someone else? I considered it. I didn't feel like I wanted him to be the old mean Zuko if that's what he had meant.

"Yeah… You've changed." I mumbled. "But it's for the better. Like Iroh said."

"You think so?" He sounded doubtful.

"Yes. But you're still Zuko. Just a less jerk-ly version." I said and grinned. He smiled a little, but then dropped it as soon as he understood the insult.

"Hey!" He said. I laughed and puffed him gently with my shoulder. The breeze played in my hair and a bird tweeted softly in the cherry tree.

"This is nice. Just talking like friends." I sighed. _Without the drama, for once_ I added in my head. Zuko sent me a look that I didn't know what meant.

"It is…" He nodded calmly and then added; "you should meet my other friends."

"The avatar?" I asked intrigued. I had wanted to meet Aang for a long time - technically I'd already met him on the ship when I was pouring out of a closet for gods know what reason. But maybe I was a little concerned about meeting him. I had after all been the enemy.

"Yes. Aang, Toph, Katara and her brother Sokka." He smiled.

"I would love to meet them!" I beamed. "I know that they are really cool peeps. And I want to meet Momo and Appa too. I wonder if I could get a ride, I bet I'll like it better that Toph." I said.

"… It still throws me a little when you know stuff without it making sense." Zuko mumbled and added: "There is the ceremonial solstice in two nights, they'll all be there and I promised I would bring you."

"A ceremonial thing? Ugh… Sounds like more hairdos to me."

"Perhaps… But you don't have to do all that you know." He shrugged. "It's just convention and etiquette – not law or anything. I mean I can't banish you for wearing pants." Zuko said with a smirk. Well, he could, but I didn't feel like pointing that out.

"I can't even wear pants?! That party is going to be so fun…" I sighed and fell up against the cherry tree. Just the thought of being dressed up in tight robes at a warm snooty party with 'important' people was hard to bear. I rubbed my face.

"It's not so bad." Zuko offered.

"Do you like this kind of thing?" I asked. "Formalities and ceremonies?"

"… No. But it's my duty to attend." He looked tired. "And if my friends are there it really isn't that bad."

We sat quietly for a short time and enjoyed the summer warmth.

I was nervous and I felt some kind of invisible pressure for me to make a good impression on the Gaang. But a little part of me was pleasantly excided about wearing a pretty dress and looking like a real noble lady for a night. That silly little part of me was the same that now glanced over at Zuko, wondering how he would react when he saw me like that.

Iroh had sent a hawk the next day, saying that he couldn't make it to the solstice ceremony because of a tea-emergency. I suspected that he was just as _done_ with formal parties as me.

Mika had prepped me for the big event - even though I hadn't asked for it. She wouldn't stop yapping about which bow to use on which person in what situation. Very complicated as it turned out.

"And the deepest waist-bow goes, without saying, to the admirals and high priests." She said as she folded robes together and stacked them in my closet. She was picking out my outfit – which I was fine with. But in an obsessive moment Mika had emptied my entire dresser to choose the best ensemble. Pants and layered leggings with short skirts had been discarded, then, anything too bright or too dark! Then anything with a big flower motive, as solstice was more a 'dragon time of year' Mika had said. I was lightly amused by that, the feeling was almost immediately overshadowed by intimidation. This party crowd would be just as obsessive were my guess.

"I thought that I should bow deepest to Zuko?" I said ironically and sipped my tea.

"No! You bow sitting down to the firelord when presenting yourself! Like this." She demonstrated. "See? Your forehead has to be a nose's length away from the floor and your hands in a symmetrical triangle above your head." I sipped my tea while she talked.

"… I'm not doing that." I said quite indifferent. She froze mid-motion of getting up.

"But- but- you have to." Mika stammered.

"Why?" I asked in a sigh.

"Because it's etiquette."

"Why?"

"Because that's the way it has always been done this way."

"Why?" I was being a pest, but she had honestly started it.

"Because! My lady! You have to do this to show your respect and gratitude to the firenation culture. If you don't do this, shame will be cast on your name! And because you are a close friend of the firelord – his name!" Mika was being hysterical. I looked out the window and saw the oceans and lush islands of the firenation. It was beautiful. Was I being too stubborn? When was it okay to do something out of character to show an understanding of a culture? I scowled. It would seem that this was a 'pick your battles' kind of moment.

"Fine. Show me again." I growled and turned back to Mika. She obediently demonstrated and I made a face. It was _waaay_ too humiliating to bow that low – to a friend.

The two nights had passed and it was the afternoon of the summer solstice ceremony.

I had been bathed, scrubbed and plucked pink the entire day. Mika had directed a symphony of handmaidens trying to make me look _just right_. It would have felt very chauvinistic if I didn't know that the formal prepping for guys was just as thorough and painful. That made the whole thing rather classist instead, which I also had a problem with. Not easy being a modern idealist in a historical period.

One girl smoothed my long hair with oil, another buffed my fingernails with a kind of glaze, while a third girl rubbed my legs with lotus balm. I didn't complain - and to be honest I was proud of myself for that. I mean, yes it was fun being '_pampered'_, for like a second, and after that it was just torture! I couldn't move, I couldn't eat I couldn't even breathe as I wanted to because I would inhale clouds of the shimmery powder a fourth girl dusted on my face and body.

I was naked and cold and bored! And when the dressing began I welcomed it like welcoming a good friend.

Because I was wearing a traditional robe I wasn't allowed to wear underthings, I wasn't even allowed to tie my chest in like what I normally did when I trained. So there I was. Naked as the day I was born, while women buzzed about me with oceans of garments -Thigh high white stockings, a white cotton robe, an orange robe, a red robe and finally the silk robe in a darker red. They were all tight may I add. But it didn't stop there apparently. Waist ties and back-drapes were added until I felt completely imprisoned in clothes. This was, by the way, in the beginning of summer. I was swimming in sweat under the layers.

Then face and hair – a tight half-topknot with a golden lily hairpin and dark pink lips –the shade of lipstick was the only thing I was sort of allowed to decide. Mika tried to force me to put dirty-looking powder all over my body as well to make me look tanner '_and more like a real firenation girl_' she'd said, but I wasn't having it. I'm all for self-tanner, but one more coat of makeup was just too much. It was all beginning to be too much!

When I finally did cross my breaking point, it wasn't pretty.

"That's enough! Leave me!" I shouted and waved the girls off me with a fire in my hand. "I am done! I don't need any more goo, or gunk or perfume on my skin or sticky stuff in my hair!" I yelled as I kicked a bottle of something on the floor.

"But my lady-" A girl fitting the shoes started to argue.

"LEAVE!" I roared, and the girls squealed and scrambled to get to the exit, Mika last, who guided them out by the door. She sighed frustrated before closing it halfway after herself.

For the first time in months I was completely alone in the daytime.

I sank down on a diva and caught a glimpse of myself in the huge mirror. It was hell getting there, but the result was very convincing. I looked like royalty. Gleaming and glowing from every ankle. The dress was too tight to sit in and I lay down on the diva instead.

I looked nice, but in my opinion it hadn't been worth it. Well… That would depend on who noticed I looked nice. I smacked a hand to my forehead.

"Why am I so pathetic …" I mumbled under my breath.

"You aren't." I heard Zuko and I snapped up. The robe dug in to my ribs. "Not always at least. I heard you terrorized the staff?" He leaned against the doorframe to my room with a smile playing in his lips. Zuko was dressed formally too, and the casual standing clashed with it.

"I didn't mean to scare them… I just needed a little space..." I said and felt out of breath. Damn, being dressed like a highborn woman was painful.

"You almost sat a servant's hair on fire." He wasn't mad about it. I think he thought it was funny, and that it proved his point about asking the servants for alone time once in a while. I felt bad for the girls though. And embarrassed.

"An exaggeration I would say." I stood and straightened the silk. As I found his eyes again I blushed. He was studying me.

"… What…?" I touched my hair and my face to feel if it was out of order.

"Nothing. It suits you." He said as he turned around. I was ambivalent about that statement.

"Aang and the others have already arrived. If you wanna meet them?" Zuko looked over his shoulder.

I trotted after him. The robes were also difficult to walk in and I tripped in the layers of fabric on my way out the door. Zuko grabbed me by the arm as a reflex then lifted his brow in question.

"It may look nice but it's very unpractical!" I huffed.

We walked down the hall, tugging at my dress every few meters, and then I saw _him_ through the window. Out in the courtyard the huge sky-bison made me forget my misery instantly. I lifted my tight skirts and ran towards Appa with a smile widespread across my entire face.

"Kai! Wait!" Zuko ran after me.

"Appaaaa!" I said and hugged the side of the big animal. The bison made a curious sound and the hummed deep in his stomach with content as I patted the soft thick fur.

"Who's the best sky-bison in the world? You are! Yes, you are! You are the best sky-bison in the world!" Appa rumbled happily and flipped over on his back. The ground did a little shake under his six ton back. I scratched him and buried my face in his warm belly.

"That's… What? How? Have you met Appa before?" Zuko said stunned. I looked at him over the shoulder.

"Nah. But he so cute I couldn't help myself." I scratched his belly again and almost crawled on top of the vibrating fluffy mountain.

"Kai get off him." Zuko said in a low voice.

"Mwhy?" I asked muffled by fur.

"Your dress…" Zuko looked away as he spoke and I slid off the sky-bison. I smoothed the robes out.

"Jeez. Don't worry. I wouldn't ruin it." I said - a little offended. Appa rolled around and licked my hand, well arm, and I let out a laugh.

Zuko was struggling for words and I felt him tugging at the skirts on my lower back. Appa wiggled his toes and a growl.

"Thanks for backing me up pal." I stroked his big head.

"That wasn't- Arh. Just come on. The others are waiting for us." Zuko pulled me down. I slid off the animal and into his arms. Effortlessly he put me to the ground. My skirts were riding up, so I smoothed them again. I didn't think anyone had noticed it though.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you later you beautiful thing!" I waved to Appa. He protested a little but eventually lay down with the tongue sticking out of his mouth. He was so adorable! And I so much more wanted to take a ride on Appa than go to a royal party. What did that say about my priorities.

In the throne room the Gaang were assembled.

They all looked a lot like I remembered from my side of the world, but even more amplified, maybe because people talked so vividly about them. The only one not present was Toph Beifong. She would arrive a little later with her metalbending students. As we walked over to them Zuko and Aang exchanged a friendly look and I felt a little tense.

"Everyone, this is Yokai." Zuko presented me. I waved awkwardly.

"WOAH! WOAH! You are the girl I saw on Kyoshi! GUYS this is the white haired firebending girl that knew my name! SHE REAL! SEE SEE!" Sokka ran to me and grabbed my shoulders to show me to Katara and Aang. They both dropped their jaws for a second.

"You didn't tell us she looked like that, Zuko?" Katara said in a smile. "You really have white hair."

"Pew, that's a relief. We all thought Sokka had hit his head back on Kyoshi." Aang grinned.

"Ehm. Hi. Call me Kai. You_ kai'nt_ believe how happy I am to meet you all." I said in a half smile while Sokka held me like a kitten at show-and-tell. It would have been funny if anyone had known I was joking and not that I had a speech impediment instead. Zuko wandered over towards me in a smirk. He was thinking the whole thing hilarious.

"Thank the Moon! I'm not crazy!" Sokka exclaimed and spun me around to face him. His eyes grew rounder and then he abruptly let me go.

"Heh, no you're not. I was on Kyoshi during your epic fight. I tried to minimize the burning the village." I rolled my shoulders.

"Really. I didn't know." Zuko said in a pondering tone.

"Well. I was avoiding bumping in to you. You would have thrown me off your ship if you'd seen me helping the avatar. Sorry for the bad first impression Sokka." I shrugged lightly.

"I think Zuko is the best at worst first impressions here!" Sokka exclaimed loudly in a smile. The gang let out a laugh and Sokka pulled out his boomerang to explain that even though Zuko kicked him off the ramp, Sokka's boomerang had knocked the helmet right off Zuko's head.

"Since then I've tried to redeem myself." Zuko shrugged, "at least I don't introduce myself with a flame in my hand anymore." He shook his head lightly. I got the vibe that he'd been teased with the boomerang-thing a lot during the time they'd all spend on the road.

"Nice to meet you Kai, I'm Katara." Katara said and dived in for a hug. She was lovely but had a real admirable aura surrounding her – kindness, wisdom, edge and someone who demanded respect. I felt a little uneasy, because I didn't have that at all.

"And I'm her brother, Sokka: Great warrior and the avatar's personal swords- and boomerang-man!" Sokka said as he wriggled his brows and grinned in a boyish manner. I smiled. I've always liked Sokka.

Aang bowed to me, and I to him.

"Avatar Aang, it's an honor to meet you."

"And you too Lady Spirit guide Yokai." He said in a soft voice.

"Oh. That… Well, thank you." I felt uncomfortable with that title, but no reason to bring that up right now. Perhaps later I could talk to Aang and ask him for advice.

"We've heard so much about you Kai." Katara continued the politeness.

"I hope only good things." I said and glanced at Zuko. Had he been talking about me? What had he been saying? I fight like a man and dress like a hobo? I felt apprehensive.

"Is it true you can see the future?!" Aang dropped his formal avatar act, and asked in a childlike manner. His eyes were wide with excitement. I nodded and shrugged. Kind of true.

"Yes we've only heard good things about you, spirit-" Katara said but Sokka cut in.

"Except for the short temper, the stubbornness and flair for the dramatics." Sokka said as he counted on his fingers. I turned cherry red on the spot. _Flair for the dramatics?_

_"Sokka!" _Katara turned to her brother.

"What?!" I exclaimed in mortification.

"I have not said that!" Zuko pushed Sokka away and looked flustered at me.

After that awkward bump, the rest of the conversation flowed loose and nice. We talked about their travels around the world, and I asked about tings that had been nagging me – like for instance, if Aang still kept in touch with the fire nation kids he'd invited to the dance party in the cave. Turned out he did. I also asked about his spirit walks and probed for meditation advice.

Aang returned the interest threefold and asked me all sorts of stuff about the future, the nations, the order of things and restored harmony in the world, and by the end I was a little tired of having to give half-assed answers and shrugging. I simply couldn't answer everything.

I think Katara noticed, and she was kind enough to change the subject.

Then a servant informed us that it was time for the other guests to arrive.

Zuko excused himself and walked off to sit on the throne. Then the gates were opened and people were presenting themselves to the firelord. Guests were called from least to most important. As the ranks got higher the men got older and the women lovelier. I felt too confined in the drapes and my heart began to pound as people started small-talking in between the presentations –mostly discussing politics and exchanging gossip. I was briefed that I was going to be called right before the avatar, which was a great honor, but I was almost positive that I was going to trip or throw up. _Nose length from the floor, symmetrical triangle, polite smile, no teeth, no fumbling around when getting up, don't make a sound._ I didn't know I cared that much until I stood next in line! It was just fancy humans, not demi-gods, and it was just Zuko sitting up there -not some stranger or even more terrifying, Ozai, on that throne. I took a deep breath.

"Lady Yokai, spirit guide and keeper of the crown, of the spirit realm!" The caller said. My heart jumped out my chest and I walked slowly to the long stretched carpet. I looked at my feet. My cheeks felt red and puffed in concentration._ Don't trip – don't trip!_

Then I stood in front of him. I looked up and Zuko was sitting, like a true firelord, on the throne behind the low flames. I'd forgotten everything Mika had said. I grinned at him and did the tiniest of waves. Zuko bowed his head to hide a chuckle. It made me relaxed. This wasn't a big deal at all. I kept smiling but I knew it wasn't the end of the world to do this thing.

Then I tugged in my dress, keeled and bowed –like a true lady.

Dinner was good.

I really liked talking to Sokka. He was blunt, creative and funny. As we sat down he swooped in and sat next to me. I was supposed to sit next to Zuko - as he would have the avatar on his right and his spirit-guide (as Iroh was a no-show) on his left. I didn't mind at all. Sokka was really the nicest guy and he had lightness to his person that I admired.

"A space-sword, really?" I asked, though of cause I knew about the impressive weapon.

"Yeah! It was the greatest of swords!" Sokka paused. "And I didn't even get to say properly goodbye to it."

"Maybe you'll stumble upon it when you're traveling? I mean who knows, maybe the space-sword is trying to find its way back home to you right in this moment." I said as I sipped the sweet nectar wine. It was close to a soft drink, but with a small edge of alcohol. Sokka nodded.

"Do you see it in the future?" He asked.

"Nah. Not really, but who knows!" I laughed. "Besides didn't think you believed in spirit stuff." I said and popped a cherry in my mouth.

"Weird spooky spirit stuff yes, predictions no! If there's no prof, it doesn't exist. And you can't really see the future, past and present? I mean come on! It has to be a hoax right?!" He said waving his fork around. Zuko was sending him an bothered look.

"I guess I can't convince you. How is Suki? And is Ty Lee enjoying being together with the Kyoshi worriers?"

"Well it's all good! I miss Suki, but she is doing so many things right now. Actually I wouldn't have thought mr. fireload would be talking about them." Sokka glanced over at Zuko.

"I didn't." Zuko took a drink of wine.

"… How-? Who-?" Sokka started talking and gaped at me. I smirked.

We ate, talked and drank. I was having the best time with the gang but eventually the party was brought to its feet as the horrid mingling began.

I tried to stay close to the people I actually liked talking to, but they were all quickly pulled in to conversation about their skills.

Katara, being the powerful healer that she was, was consulted about sick relatives and old war injuries. Aang and Zuko were already deep in political consult with lord and emperors. And Sokka had found a crowd that was willing to admire his boomerang.

A pair of elderly folks, that looked almost as dry as the desert itself, approached me and started to inquire about the 'spirit guide' title. As far as I could see, they were trying to figure out how important I _really_ was. As soon as they discovered that I had no power or influence in any direct way, they discarded me as the firelord's good '_friend'_.

Though if that had been the case, I would think there would be a little more respect for a future queen. Streams of people passed along with conversation in same manner, which was both humiliating and boring.

I scouted the room for an escape.

Just then Toph arrived with the oddest assembly of teenagers, and they immediately started to hang out at the buffet. I was standing a little out of place in the middle of the room and decided to introduce myself to Toph.

"And one other thing you prissies, if I catch you drinking one drop I'll make sure you sleep in the dungeons tonight!" She corrected her students with a lifted finger. I was about to walk away again, I didn't want to interrupt anything, but Toph turned on her heel.

"Well Well, if this isn't the Yokai I've been hearing all about?"

"Ehm. Yes that would be me. Hi." I waved but remembered she was blind. "How did you know?"

"You are the only one with blond hair, remember?" She said and a smile.

"… Yeah but aren't you… I mean can you sense hair color?" I asked stupidly.

"No my students were just talking about you coming over." She lifted a brow and gave me a look like I was retarded for asking that sort of question.

"Oh… Right." I tugged at my robe. The students stared at me -especially one gloomy feller who I think was wearing black eyeliner.

"Now run along kiddies, I'm mean you ogle eyes, the adults are gonna talk." Toph said over her shoulder and grabbed my hand in a firm handshake. It felt like she was bout to break my hand and I had to swallow a whine. The students shuffled off.

"So why are you here? And what do you want with Zuko?" Toph asked me in a sharp tone.

"Want?!" I felt blush "actually I don't really want anything… I mean other than to help if I can. I know I can't go back from where I was so…" I said taken by surprise by her forwardness.

"Okay I can feel you aren't lying. Much." She grinned in a smug way.

"I don't know-" I started but Zuko joined the conversation. My face turned even redder.

"Toph it's good to see you." Zuko said.

"Well somebody has to get some life in these boring parties!" She grinned and hit him in the arm. I could only imagine how strong she really was, and if she held back.

"So what are you talking about?" He asked and rubbed his arm.

"Nothing really, we're just talking about what Yokai _wants_." Toph smirked I held my breath.

"Want? Want with what?" Zuko lifted his brow and looked at me.

"With who is the question-" Toph said and I stepped in front of her and covered her mouth.

"I think I want more wine!" I exclaimed. "That's what I really want!" Toph bit me, and I let go of her. "Ouch!"

"Okay… I don't know what's going on here, but I'll get you a glass Kai." He signaled a waiter with a tray of tall glasses.

"I have to check on my students. See you later_ you two_." Toph winked and walked away. Zuko gave me a glass and took one himself. I sipped my drink and it turned out to be bobbly and sharp in the taste. I was relieved that we were alone but I was still flustered.

"Do you like them?" He questioned and studied my face.

"I do. They are fun and sweet. And a little invading in the sense of privacy." I breathed out a laugh. The music in the background was soft and the strings and horns were beautiful.

"That's a… trait. It grows on you." He smiled and looked down in his glass.

"Mm. I like them a lot." I bit my lip in a smile too. I wished for a second that Zuko could meet somebody from where I came from, one of my friends, and the smile faded. He would never get to do that, and a gloomier afterthought -I was properly never going home. I would never get to hug my mom or anyone from my side again.

"What's wrong?" Zuko put down his drink.

"It's dumb. I was just feeling a little homesick for a second." I shook it off and emptied the drink. I couldn't pinpoint how they all looked like, especially my mom, and I wished I had a picture of her.

"Do you feel like dancing?" He asked a little uncertain and I look astonished up at him.

"Do you?" I laughed.

"No, never actually. But I thought that because you're a girl you'd like dancing."

"I'm not really the dancing type of girl. I'm more the fighting type. But you are very sweet to ask." I smirked and Zuko breathed out a laugh.

"Sweet? That's a first."

He was just about to say something when a noble man cut in with a question about the time he had defeated the great Ozai, and what governmental stand the current firelord would see himself in. Zuko sighed and glanced at me. I just waved my hand gesturing him to 'just go, it's fine'.

"Excuse me." Zuko said curtly to me and walked off with the gentleman.

I felt left out. But then again, I hadn't saved the world so…

I thought to take some fresh air, the warmth and stiffness of my dress was already sucking out my will to live, I didn't need a tedious conversation to help that feeling along.


	11. Chapter 11: A matter of time and place

**Chapter 11: A matter of time and place**

The night was a light summer blue. It was that time a year where the sun never seemed to be completely gone from the sky. Faint stars twinkled and the moon was full white shadow. I walked alone through the garden as the servants were on tight schedules for the festivities that were in full motion somewhere behind me. I started to partially loosening the waist ties on my dresses and robes. As I sat down, I decided I wasn't going back in there anyway, so I might as well just crawl out of the clothes. I loosed the surface layers and slid halfway out of them. Finally I could breathe! The white cotton was airy and I cooled off. It was soothing. I pulled out the ribbon ties on my top-knot too and ruffled my hair._ That's more like it._

The faint sound of music from the party echoed in the palace. I leaned up against the cherry tree. I wondered if I was being rude for skipping out on the ceremony like that. Properly. A small yellow bird picked up crumbs by the roses. The nectar wine and champagne had made me dizzy and a tad sleepy. I could just take a nap here for a moment, _nobody will notice_, I thought and closed my eyes.

"What are you doing here Kai…?" Zuko asked. I opened my eyes and looked up.

"I got sleepy." I said and rubbed my eyes. "How long was I out?"

"I don't know. But the ceremony is over." He offered his hand so I could get up, but the dressed were loose and I had to grab them quickly for them not to slide off all at once.

"I have to tie it. Could you…?" I twirled my finger to indicate he should turn away.

"Oh… Yeah… Sure!" He spun round.

"I'm sorry I just left like that. Did the Gaang go home?" I asked while I tried to figure out where everything went on the dresses. It was futile so I tied the cotton robe and shrugged on the silk one. I had the leftovers in my arms.

"Well they're staying in the guest wing for tonight. I think Aang have plans to fly in the morning. By everybody else left." Zuko said and peered over his shoulder to see if I was dressed.

" I would have done the same if I could." He finished. I nodded that he could turn back.

"I'm really not royalty material." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"No. But I like that." Zuko said quietly.

I considered that in a pause.

"… Do you really?" I asked. His eyes gleamed in the sparse light.

"Sure."

"Even though I'm stubborn _and have flair for the dramatics_?" I huffed.

"I never told him that! I don't know where Sokka got that from… Honest!" He defended.

"Nah... I'm actually kinda glad you told them about me. Flattered even… It makes me think that you care about me – or something." I flicked my eyes to my feet. My heart was pounding.

"I do care about you Kai. Do you… Care, about me?" He asked calmly.

I was locked in place but at the same time I wanted to smack and hug him_. _

_Of course! Of course I care!_

"Don't you know the answer to that Zuko?" I laughed. "I care too much about you." I scratched my arm and looked away. This was painful, but fun, but nerve-racking! I simultaneously wanted the moment to end immediately and keep it going forever.

I caught his eye again.

He looked hesitant.

_Say something! Anything!_ I thought, and just as I was about to break off the conversation with a friendly slap on the back and a cheeky wink, he spoke.

"… Why is it too much?" He asked. _Oh, come on take a hint dude!_ My mind screamed.

"I don't know…" I scrambled to think of the best way to fraise how I felt. There was a now or never atmosphere hanging in the air.

"Because… I don't only care… I'm in-"

But I got cut off before I could finish.

"All hands to stations! Intruders on the wall!" I guard screamed from high above us. I sighed in relief and threw the garments on the grass. A spark of excitement lit inside me. I would much rather fight than having _that kind of_ conversation with Zuko.

I knew I was being a coward.

"Intruders, eh? Sounds like my kind of job." I flashed a grin, kicked off my shoes and ran off. In a flash I'd jumped up a bench and got crawling over the garden wall.

"You know we have stairs! You could use them for once Kai!" Zuko yelled after me. He' said something more but I didn't catch it - I was already dashing on top of the winy rooftops with flames ready to fire in my palms.

Because I was only wearing two layers now I was very aware that I _wasn't_ wearing underwear. I thought about how I could fight without flashing anything, and I weighed my odds best in a ranged attack.

"Which way is the intruder?" I asked a guard. He pointed east and I sprinted across the wall road. It wasn't dark, but it was difficult to spot a person if they'd kept to the shadows. I ducked low and waited. If it were a bender who was attacking, especially a firebender, the intruder would give himself away fast enough. And if one of the guards spotted him first they would open fire as well.

An orange flame lid up by the eastern gate and I smirked.

"Gotha'."

As I moved closer I could see the guards being knocked out one by one. The intruder was a fast firebender who had had good training. I fired a blast from behind a cover, but he avoided it in an acrobatic jump. _Woah_, _nice_. He was a young man dressed in dark, and he was incredibly light on his feet. Lighter than Zuko. This was going to be a challenge.

I leaped out and started fighting. Very soon it was one on one as the guards had either been knocked out cold, of run off to get re-enforcements.

We danced around each other and every time my opponent made a move to get in a close up fight, I had to take a step back. The dress was flying about even though I made great efforts for it to stay still.

"Listen can't you -ugh- come back some other time? I'm not really dressed for this kind of thing right now!" I said while we kept firing back and forth.

"DEATH TO THE FIRELORD AND ALL THE TRAITORS!" My rival shouted in a battle cry.

"So that's a _no_ huh?" I said and ducked a flame curve.

"Kai you can't reason with these kind of people!" Zuko yelled as he stepped up. He had taken off the formal robes and was looking furious. "Give up now or expect no mercy!" Zuko said to the whirling tornado of fire and kicks. Our assassin did not look like the kind of feller that would give up.

I took a new stance and tried to come up close, if I could knock him down, Zuko could deal the final blow. In a few swift moves I got in, but he had no openings below the waist, too goddamn fast on his feet! He fired a fire punch and my hair got singed.

I cursed. That was going to take months to grow out.

Zuko swooped in and got the guy on his back. I dived on top of the assassin and grabbed his hair and hands.

"Thanks." I grinned up to Zuko but he was pink in the cheeks and he had embarrassment on his face. I lifted a brow and was about to ask him what was wrong when I looked down.

My dress had loosened during the fight and my boobs were almost completely out.

"Argh! Take him Zuko! Now!" I shrieked "and DON'T look!" I screamed unable to let go of the guy.

"I wasn't looking! I didn't see anything!" Zuko squeezed his eyes shut.

"Open your damned eyes and grab the intruder!" I cursed.

Zuko quickly replaced my hold on the squirming guy and I fumbled with covering up my bare chest. He was looking down at the guy and his face was priceless. I would have laughed if I didn't feel the exact way myself. I had fairly small breasts but they apparently still had an effect. I smacked my forehead for thinking about that now. I was a mess. A hot red blushing and sweating mess.

"So listen, the guards are on their way already so I'm gonna take off now." I said as I ducked behind a column to fix my clothes.

"Hey now don't go! You might be a traitor but I can look past that if you're naked!" The assassin chuckled, and I heard a smack and the guy saying 'ouch' as I ran away with humiliation carved in my face. I guess I really had flair for the dramatics.

I was more than mortified! Not only because I flashed my boobs to a guy that I was very much in love with, but also because I'd almost confessed my 'love' to him! And I have to admit that I was trying to avoid Zuko for a couple of days. My bet was that he was avoiding me a little bit too.

Luckily, because of my minor outburst, the handmaidens had stopped their pestering and I didn't have to be naked in front of anyone except myself! Which I was more than happy with! So that was a silver lining, right?

I was walking around in my own deep thoughts, on my way to the training hall, when I spotted Zuko. He was coming straight towards me, looking over a stack of paper, and I panicked. I turned around in circles trying to locate a hiding place and then whooshed behind a tall red curtain. There I waited for him to pass me by.

"… Should I ask about why you are hiding behind the curtain or pretend I didn't see it?" I heard Zuko ask though the fabric.

I bit my cheek and crunched up my face in embarrassment.

"Is there a scenario where you could just not make fun of me for doing that?" I asked and peered out through the slit in the curtain.

"I' don't think so… No. That was pretty funny." He laughed a little.

"… I was just checking if the windows had been locked. Safety first…" I shamefully stepped out.

"Sure." He smirked.

"I was actually looking for you Kai. I have some new information about Hira'a." Zuko said and flicked through the papers. "It turns out my mother grew up there before she married my father. She might still have some relatives left we could ask about her whereabouts. Maybe she herself has gone back."

"Sounds like a plan. Are Aang and the others coming too?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'll send a hawk." He muttered and turned a page.

"So when do you want to be on the road?"

"Yesterday. But I have some affairs to tend to first. The colonies in the earth kingdom are becoming a problem… The relocation plan isn't going that smoothly." Zuko said in a tired tone.

"Do you wanna talk about it? I could help?" I offered.

"No… No. I'll handle it."

"Are you sure?" I was worried. He was looking pretty worn already and the maddening feeling of wanting to help him but not make his decisions for him, scratched the surface.

"I'm the Firelord. I have to handle this myself." His yellow eyes flashed annoyance. I could fight him on that, but it didn't seem that proactive. If he was having a difficult time the last thing he would need was a friend lecturing him. I shrugged - a little offended.

"If you say so…" I sighed. "I'm going to have tea in the garden a little later in the day."

"Okay." He flicked through the papers again, not really listening to me anymore. I shifted my weight. If I wanted the awkward feeling out of my system it seemed I would have to work for it.

"Wanna come?" I asked and tried to catch his eye, but he was preoccupied.

I gently put my hand on the papers.

"Kai... I can't even find the time to read all this information." He groaned and looked at me.

"You were the one looking for me, remember, well you found me, and now I'm telling you we are having tea in the garden this afternoon. We can talk about Hira'a." I smiled.

"I don't know if I-"He stared to arguing but I turned around on my heel.

"In the garden! Afternoon!" I yelled over my shoulder as I walked over to the training hall.

It was going to be an interesting day after all.

My training session had been a slow one. I couldn't concentrate on the targets or the techniques, and quite frankly it was tedious sparring alone. I couldn't meditate either. I think I was perhaps a little excited about spending some time with Zuko, but I didn't want to admit to that.

I was sitting under the cherry tree. Mika had set up a blanket and the tea. I'd apologized to her, but her feelings had been more than a little hurt by my rudeness.

The afternoon was quiet. The palace seemed to be at peace. I pulled out the hair ribbon and studied the burnt ends. It was fine, but I would have to cut some of it off at some point – might as well do it now. I pulled out my dagger (yes I had a dagger on me – actually more time than not) and snipped off a lock of hair.

"Oh-oh.." It had been the wrong one. I sat straighter and tried again, just a little bit this time.

"Damn!" I breathed. It was harder than it looked to cut your own hair with a knife.

"Do you want help with that?" I flinched and looked up. _How did he keep sneaking up on me like that?!_ Zuko sat down next to me and picked the dagger out of my hand.

"You shouldn't flinch like that when you are holding a knife close to your face." He teased.

"Oh shut up…" I pouted. "This isn't my first haircut with a knife you know."

"No? Turn around." Zuko said.

"Just cut the burnt stuff. And actually, on the ship, Iroh had to cut me." I said.

I was sitting with my back to him.

"Really? Why?" The sound of hair getting sheared off singed.

"… I kinda set myself on fire. One time." I heard Zuko laugh.

"That sound about right. Done." He handed me the knife and I turned back.

"Thanks, and what do you mean by that?" I huffed.

"I just mean that if anybody was to set themselves on fire by accident - it would be you." He chuckled and tugged at his robe. It looked heavy.

"Hm." I couldn't actually argue. "I was afraid you might not turn up?" I said as I handed him a cup of steaming tea.

"Well… It wouldn't be honorable to stand up a lady. Speaking of which I wasn't expecting you to bow in etiquette at the ceremony. I didn't think you liked that sort of thing."

"I don't… But I thought I might as well give the lady-thing a try. For one night at least." I shrugged.

"You don't have to bow like that to me. Ever. I told Aang the same thing."

"It's different. Aang is the avatar. And you guys are super close friends…" I sipped my tea.

"I thought you and I were close friends." He had a curious look on his face. I was a little taken aback.

"We are…" My cheeks felt warm.

"Then how is it different?" He asked. I looked away.

"I don't know…" I cut it off there. "When did you hear about Hira'a?" I changed the subject and he let me. This dance with words was getting on my own nerves.

"Yesterday. A hawk came with the message, but the contributor was anonyms."

"Sounds suspicious…" I mumbled down in my cup.

"Yes. I thought so too. But it doesn't matter, I have to go."

"I understand that. Are you nervous?" I questioned and he flicked to me with uneasiness.

"A little. I mean what if I find her and… And she doesn't…" He stopped and touched his face.

"All mothers are glad to see their children. No matter what." I took his hand and held it. I wanted to kiss it or run a hand through his hair, but I couldn't. I offered a gentle smile.

"Perhaps." He sounded doubtful.

"I know my family would-"But I stopped dead too. I _wasn't _going to see them again. Zuko gave my hand a tiny squeeze.

"It's been a long time since I felt like fighting with you - like really screaming and fighting you." I said grinning, Zuko looked quizzical.

"You have turned out to grow up real nicely, and if your mom can't see that the instant she spots you, I don't think she had earned to right to call herself you mother. But that's just me." I said and smiled.

In that moment the sun disappeared behind the horizon. The sky was painted pink and orange and the soft flowers in the garden started to close ever so slightly.

"Kai… That means a lot." Zuko said. He looked in to his tea.

"Yeah, yeah, you'll make me blush." I said in a kidding tone and took my hand back.

"Why do always do that?" He asked seriously.

"Do what?" I shrugged and grinned.

"That! You always do 'that thing' when you we're about to talk about something really... Ehm... deep or serious! You do that thing where you just make everything a joke!" He said - he was crossed.

"I'm not! I'm being genuine! I can talk about _deep_ stuff." I snorted.

"Fine. Then prove it. What were you about to say the other night?" Zuko put down the cup.

I got tea in the wrong pipe and couched.

"What –couch- night?" I asked nonchalantly, which was hard to do as I tried to confine the coughing to a minimum. I drained the rest of my tea in one swig. It burned my tongue.

"You know what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb." He sighed and anger flashed in his eyes.

He had me cornered. If somebody, or something, didn't stop this conversation I was very much forced to confess. _Might as well spill the beans_, I thought.

"… Fine!" My brown knitted together. "But you pressured me to say this! So it's your own fault if this changes everything…" I picked at my nails and looked anywhere else, but in to his eyes. I could feel the brutal rejection coming, the letdown in polite awkward words. My heartbeat raised in my throat. I was regretting ever getting on this track. Why? Why had I ever thought that telling him was the right thing to do? There was nothing left but to be brave.

"I… I can't just tell you like that." I ran a hand over my arm. I wasn't going to confess my love like a smitten teenager I decided. Zuko was close to me. We were sitting halfway opposite each other.

I leaned forward, stopped to reconsider, and then leaned a little more forward. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but in that moment I gave in to the pull that gravitated me to him. My lips touched Zuko's lightly in a fleeting soft kiss. My heart made me hot and my mind drove me crazy with doubt. I pulled away and found the strength to look him in the eye. Zuko was surprised.

The moment hung there - in the air.

In between us like a big question filled with a lot of little questions._ Do you feel the same? If you do are we going to be together? Do you want me? Can we still be friends if you don't? _

I couldn't make out his emotions and it terrified me.

"What does that mean? Do you like me?" He asked very quietly, and I felt like saying that I technically loved him, but whatever! Never mind me!

"I'm afraid so…" I suppressed the grin.

Apparently it was Zuko's turn to be the grinning one.

"That's good…" He said.

"Is it though? 'cause I feel like you are making fun of me and you aren't really you know, responding in a proper-" And then it was there.

The kiss of all kisses that answered every question I could have asked.

Zuko had touched my jaw and guided me into a strong, sudden, kiss.

I let go of the teacup and it rolled down in to the pond with a soft drop. Then I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I touched his hair, his neck, his jaw, squeezed my eyes closed and felt the ripples of intoxicating exhilaration. Zuko's lips were soft and steady.

He drew me closer by the waist with one hand, and gently by my neck with the other.

We pulled back to catch our breath - but only a few inches.

My heart had skipped several beats and it was working overtime to make up for it.

"Sorry about the cup." I breathed. I felt dazed and I couldn't open my eyes.

Dizziness and dimness surrounded me, but it felt good.

"I don't care about the stupid cup." He said - Zuko was sounding a little ragged himself.

Our noses touched. I still couldn't open my eyes and let the moment pass. He leaned closer to me. I smelled his warmth and sweetness. He touched me; Zuko's hand was in my hair and on my body, it burned where he touched.

I leaned closer to him too. Our lips met again and this time it was less hurried. It was tender and deep and slow. His hand slid down my back. I wanted more than I'd ever wanted - I wanted him to touch me like that. And it scared me. I pulled back in a gasp.

"People… They can see us." I said out of breath and touched my lips. They were scorching hot and plump. I flicked my eyes to the wall, which was manned with palace guards.

"So?" His eyes shone yellow in the dark. A chill ran though me. _So I want to take off your clothes but I can't do that in the middle of the royal garden at hardly nightfall!_ I thought.

"So… I don't want them to …" I bit my lip in an apprehensive expression.

"I didn't think you were so shy." He whispered in a smirk.

"I just…" My face grew redder by the second.

"Then let's go somewhere where we can't be seen." He said and stood, pulling me up with him. I grinned like a goof. It was what I wanted too, but I didn't know how to be 'sexy' Kai and that worried me on a whole other level. I didn't know the dance of flirting! Heck that kiss we'd just shared had been my first ever! Well, the first I'd ever had in this world anyway. And now we were going somewhere 'private' where we couldn't be seen?! What did that imply? I bit at my fingernail. _How to be sexy, how to be sexy?_ I asked myself in a halfway anxiety attack. 

Zuko pulled me along by the hand. He opened a door and peered into his office. It was dark and he shot a fire on to the wig of a candle by the window. Zuko sent me a cheeky smile and walked in. I giggled, yes legit giggling occurred, and closed the door.

As soon as the door clicked his hands were on my waist and I was hugging him. It felt so good to be close to him, to touch him.

"Better?" He teased.

"Mmm." I smirked and nuzzled my face in the nook of his neck.

He smelled incredible and exciting. I kinda wanted to know if he felt the same way about me as I did him, but in that exact moment I was too selfish to think about what he felt. I brushed his neck with my lips and Zuko breathed in my hair in a soft sound.

I placed a peck his jaw. His grasp on me tightened. I found his lips and the kiss deepened instantly. I melted in to him, I let him fill every thought and manipulate every nerve in my body. He kissed my cheek and cupped my jaw.

I moaned silently as he gently bit my neck. I shuddered.

Zuko pulled back and let go of me. I was dazed so I leaned against the desk. He plucked out the crown piece and buttoned up the heavy cape, threw it all on a diva, and held me again. I undid his hair.

"Less firelord-y like that" I whispered and bit my lip in concentration.

"You don't like me firelord-y?" Zuko asked in a raspy voice, too close to my ear, and I felt my chest tighten in chills. Further south I was feeling warm and on edge.

"I do. But I like touching your hair." I spoke and sighed and he kissed the bare skin of my shoulder. His dark soft hair fell down over his eyes as the ribbon gave in to me. I ran my hand though the silken locks. Zuko pulled at the waistband on my clothes. I was wearing a wraparound two-piece. _So we were really doing_ '_that'_. I looked him in the eye. I didn't know what to do. I knew what I wanted, but I had no idea how to get it. How was I going to be - and what if I did something wrong. _Be sexy Kai - be sexy! Damn, ugh is he looking?_ My mind whirled in doubts. I felt like if I 'blew it' I would somehow ruin my chance with him forever -which I'll tell you now, is never the case!

The orange light flickered in his golden eyes. I was a little stiff.

He stopped tugging at my silk band and touched my cheek instead.

"Sorry." He said quietly.

"About what?" I breathed and stroked his chest.

"I'm going too fast. I have been wanting to kiss you for a long time…" He said and started tying the bow on my clothes again. I tried to get my heart rate under control.

"How long?" I asked curiously as I touched his robe.

"Since you came back –maybe even before that." He said as he thought it over. " I think since the first time you kissed me."

"I had no idea you felt like that while we were on the ship. I thought you hated me." I lowered my head. Zuko lifted my chin and kissed me gently.

"You were one of the things I never hated." He muttered against my lips. "I mean you drove me crazy back then. You still do. But it not always a bad thing." Zuko chuckled.

"You are the one driving me crazy." I said quietly as I kissed him back. I leaned against him and felt my chest pushed up against his tall body. I wanted him to feel that I wanted him.

I deepened the kiss, but he broke it.

"Kai." He let out a breath.

"Mhm?" I buried my nose in his hair.

"Maybe we shouldn't-" He started but I pecked his lips.

"Why?" I stroked his cheek with mine.

"I have a lot to… Get done." He sighed frustrated and rested his head on my shoulder in a hug. His thick hair tickled my neck. I felt a pang of disappointment, but a little relieved too?

Even if he had an alternative motive not for _banging_ me in his office he did have a nation to make decisions for.

I just had me.


	12. Chapter 12: Behind closed doors

**Chapter 12: Behind closed doors **

I peered out the office door. The sun was already gone completely down and it was dark out. I narrowed my eyes and kept a lookout for people.

"Who is it exactly we are hiding from?" Zuko asked in a tight tone behind me.

"The staff!" I whispered and shot him a glare over my shoulder.

"Okay. Fine, but why are we hiding from the staff?" He shrugged.

"Because," I said closing the door again "I don't want rumors to start, and questions to answer!" I was still whispering, but only just. Zuko snorted mildly in annoyed with my caution.

"Don't you think that they might've already _suspected_ something when they saw us _kissing_?" He said ironically, but then softened up and kissed my neck. I fell up against the closed door and breathed out a sound of need. "Besides, I don't care about rumors and questions." He muttered by the nook of my neck. Goose bumps streamed down my arms.

Zuko touched my chest softly with his hands.

"You say that now…" I lifted his face to look at me. "I don't want to mess this up… Straight away…" I said, not knowing if there was a 'this' or not. I hoped there was, I wanted there to be. The thought hit me, what if 'this' was not a 'this' for him? What if he didn't want me and just didn't have the guts to come clean! Or if just wanted to sex me up and then banish me! He hadn't actually said he was in love with me! A feeling clinched my heart.

"You are thinking too much Kai." He pressed me up against the door, my legs on either side of his knee. The thoughts in my head started to muffle and subside, and very soon it was only one thought that stood out clearly. I gasped.

Zuko ran his fingers along my skin under my clothes. I did the same to him and passion flashed in his yellow eyes. I got confided between his firm body and the door while his hands worked me over. I felt my cheeks redden and my body tingle with him everywhere.

"Listen… I have to work most of the night, but I would like it if you slept in my room. Do you want to do that?" He sounded coarse and husky. I knew what that meant. I considered it.

"Alright…" I leaned against him in a close embrace and sighed in to his loose hair.

I had dinner in the fancy dining room alone, since Zuko had to run to a meeting with the admirals –he even showed up late because we were busy making out in his office. I took my tea and mochi to-go, and started wandering around the palace halls.

I sat in a windowsill, sipped my tea, and looked down at the cherry tree. I lifted my fingers to my lips and closed my eyes. I could still feel his lips on me. That kiss had been the clearest sensation my body had ever experienced. It had been an implosion of emotion and the echo still made me feel full of happiness. I took another sip of tea.

But then the doubts arrived.

So he wanted me too, that was the vibe, but was he also in love with me? Or was he just fooling around with me because he could? That didn't sound like something he would do, but still, he was just a guy. And so what if he loved me, where was this going? He was the firelord of a nation! And I was defiantly not queen firelord material, heck I wasn't even girlfriend firelord material! I couldn't even go one night wearing a formal dress! I felt panic rise in my chest. I started walking back to my room in long strides.

I couldn't take responsibility of being the nations better half?! I couldn't be his half, he wasn't even shearing his troubles with me in the first place… And what if we go married - then I would have to live in a palace for the rest of my life making babies and arranging boring ceremonies and banquets! No way! I clinched a hand to my chest.

"Slow down…" I muttered to myself. "We're not even together yet Kai!" I panted.

I could imagine my whole future there: Family and chores and royal duties. Tight robes, pulled back hairdos and thick powder that makes you cough. Never having time to train or discover the world, but being locked in this fancy cage filled with hundreds of Mikas hustling me around with inhuman demands and rulebooks on etiquette!

"Oh… No… No, no, no, no." I breathed but the air got locked in my throat. I couldn't do that!

I had to talk to Zuko. I turned on my heel and started walking the other way. I had to know where this was going! If he loved me! If we were going to be a couple! But I couldn't just blurt it out like that - it was _waaay_ too early to ask for that kind of answers from him. But we had known each other for a long time, and if he had wanted to kiss me even back on the ship then maybe I could talk to him about this without it feeling too rushed.

And wasn't it what I wanted? Him?

"But I hadn't thought it through." I whispered and walked the other way again.

Getting Zuko meant getting a life I would hate more than anything, at the same time I would get have him; but not getting Zuko meant being just as unhappy, and loosing the only thing that I connected to in this world... Not only a hell of a kisser that I cared about, I would be loosing my best and only close friend I had here.

I hesitantly wandered toward Zuko's room.

My dress felt constricting and uncomfortable. I ruffled my hair in frustration. Why did I have to think about all that stupid stuff? Why couldn't I just follow the flow of the moment and free-fall in to what was happening naturally?

"Arg! Kai get a grip!" I said to myself thought gritted teeth as I paced the hallway. Just as I was talking to myself a servant was starting to walk by. The young man eyed me cautiously before spinning stiffly around and hurrying away from me – guess he could see I needed a private moment. _Speaking of private_, I thought. The kiss replayed behind my eyelids and it made my pulse rise.

I needed to know some of the answers before we did _the sexy thing_. I suddenly felt like I was in a hurry to choose, and make up my mind about everything. Like time was at the essence!

I eyed the guards in front of Zuko's room before I walked into the bedroom. They seemed to eye me back with some curiosity.

"I left my jacket in there earlier… After a training session!" I scrambled.

I'm pretty sure they knew that was a lie. I quickly slipped in and shut the door behind me. Damn guards. By morning everybody would be talking. I didn't know why that bothered me so much, but I felt like the right to privacy was out the window when you lived in a palace. I growled.

His room was like the first time I had visited. The balcony door had been cracked open to get some cool night air in. I closed it and felt odd about just walking in like that. I called out Zuko's name, but I knew he wasn't there. I looked around.

The ivory and jade pens still stood on the desk and an oil lamp burned on the nightstand by his red and white silken sheets. There were books and scrolls stacked besides his bed, I walked over, sat on the bed and picked the top one on the pile. It was a collection of ancient stories from the sun people. I flipped though it and studied the pictures of dragons and temples. I wondered if Zuko even had time to read. _This is a pretty neat-looking book_ I thought and put it on the bed as I undressed. I didn't feel right about being completely naked in his sheets so I kept a soft cotton robe on as I tugged myself under the light blankets. They where completely fresh but they smelled like him. I picked up the book and started reading. Vivid legends of great sun warriors played out on the pages and made me forget where I was. It was a welcome distraction from my doubts and inner turmoil, so much so that in fact that I dozed off with out noticing it.

I felt someone slip into bed and woke up. Zuko silently took the book out of my hand.

"Is it late?" I mumbled, turned around and nuzzled up against him.

"Almost morning." He answered in a whisper and kissed my forehead. I touched his face and kissed him on the lips. We deepened it slowly and he stroked my hair. I pulled back.

"You should nap, mr firelord sir." I said gently with my eyes closed.

"I can't, I have to go back. I just wanted to steal a kiss."

"Well I'll consider that sweet instead of creepy." I joked, still sleepy. "Giving I was unconscious after all. By the way did you do that after the explosion too?" I opened one eye in a smirk.

"What? Kiss you when you were in minor comatose?" Zuko shook his head and made a move to leave. "I have some honor." He was too weary to joke around.

"… You need sleep Zuko." I said seriously and tugged in his sleeve. He really did, and I wanted to talk to him about our relationship.

"Kai. I would like to sleep but I don't have the time." He said. I let go. Who didn't have time fore sleep?! He was hanging on by a thread, and I could see he was falling apart. This was most likely the second night he hadn't slept. I was wide-awake now, and concerned, but pushing him wouldn't help. And bringing up complex questions seemed like a cruel ting to do.

"Just stay a little longer then?" I said and got up on one elbow. He was about to protest.

I let the robe fall off my shoulders and I wasn't wearing anything under it.

He rested back in to the bed and kissed me deeply. I played with his hair. Zuko glided his tongue over me and past my collarbone. I moaned quietly and tugged at his locks.

"You are a bad influence on me." He mumbled on my skin. It tickled.

"Ah, you're the one who makes me like this. You're the influence." I sighed and touched his neck and back. I got twisted in his clothes under the covers as he pulled me closer. The metal on his buttons and cape were icy on my skin.

"I don't think so. I think you are like this." Zuko said in my hair. I playfully shook my head.

His hands drifted slowly over my legs and in between them.

"Maybe I am a little to blame." He said as his finger rubbed me. I gasped and clinched his clothes. I felt flushed and hot under his touch.

Then it knocked on the door.

"My lord. The counsel are waiting for you in the throne room." A voice just outside the door said. I clamped a hand over my mouth. I was expecting Zuko to stop, but he slithered a finger over my tense spot. I whimpered silently.

"Tell them to wait." Zuko said in a strict tone.

"But my lord the Earth king is here, and he is quite upset." The messenger said and Zuko continued to slip and slide over me, he looked sinister as he studied me. I bit down on my lip and held my breath.

"The avatar is trying to calm him down but his majesty is being very unreasonable." We ignored the messenger. Zuko's fingers were clever and slow.

I grasped his wrist to stop him - he had to go take care of whatever real problem that seemed to exist. Zuko kept going. It felt so good.

"Should I stop?" He whispered deeply in my ear, and I wasn't sure if he was teasing me or being sincere, either way I couldn't answer him with words for the world. Desire washed over me. I loosened my grip. I was breathing heavily and as quietly as possible.

"My lord?" The messenger knocked on the door again. I felt my heart skip a beat.

_Don't come in, don't come in, don't, please not yet!_ I screamed at the servant in my head and choked a moan.

"My lord will you attend?" The messenger urged.

I squeezed my eyes shut. It knocked again, this time very hurried. Zuko's was observing me with those eyes that looked like it belonged to a predator - in this moment, even more so. I couldn't hold back. I couldn't hide every little reaction, my face that I had no control over or my shudders - he could see everything. My body tightened, every nerve wound itself up, got scolding hot and then relaxed. I let out a sudden breath. His fingers lingered and as I returned to my more normal mental state our eyes met. He was breathing deeply and controlled. I wondered in that moment if it would have been the same if we'd done _this_ on the ship. The thought made me suck in my bottom lip.

"My lord I beg of you!" The door handle rattled.

"Fine! Go away! I'll be right there." Zuko yelled to the messenger in a very unkind tone. I didn't care that much about the poor servants feelings in that moment.

"I'm sorry." He breathed quietly on to my neck and kissed it warmly.

"For doing that or for leaving?"

"The latter I am very sorry about." He said plainly.

I was warm jelly and honey in his sheets as Zuko closed the door behind him.

The feeling of his hands still replayed between my legs. I hadn't thought he could make me feel like that. I buried my heated face in a pillow and relived what just happened.

"He is gonna be the death of me!" I mumbled first seriously and then I couldn't help but to break into a huge dorky grin.

A long obviating nap later I rolled out of bed and stretched. It was early morning and I was right as rain. I was still blushing on and off as I thought about Zuko. I pulled on my clothes and fastened my shoes on my waist. I would crawl out from the balcony so wooden getas were useless. Speaking of which I had lost my black gata shoes in the explosion way back when, but I had found a woodworker on my travels that was willing to guide me through making my own. He had thought I was crazy for wanting so strange and impractical shoes, and he had been a little right of cause. What can I say? I had a very strong bond with traditional footwear.

I wrote a note to Zuko and put it in the sun warrior book, sticking up over the edge. It just said; read this chapter and then take a nap. And then I drew a heart. I regretted the heart immediately after I'd jumped over the balcony and landed on the roof.

I cursed. _No helping that now I guess_ I thought and slid down the green smooth tiles to a lower level. The view never seemed to stop amaze me. The ocean looked like it was on fire in the early sun and the tropical birds sang to greet the morning. I spotted Sokka and Appa in the courtyard. Sokka was trying too feed the sky-bison but without getting licked, he was unsuccessful and I let out a snicker.

"Why don't you use the stairs?" Aang asked from behind me. I got so startled that I almost fell off the narrow roof spine.

"Woah! You scared me!" I said in a tight tone. I didn't like to be crept up on like that.

"Sorry. Hehe, I just saw somebody on the roof and I wanted to make sure everything was, you know, normal." He grinned and scratched his head.

"It's normal. I don't like to walk around in the palace. Too many people having an eye on me" I shrugged and the wind picked up from the south and a gush almost pushed me off. I had to concentrate to keep my balance. Aang didn't of course he was light as air.

"So, how are you?" I small talked, and it seemed misplaced on the top of a roof of the royal palace. Aang glanced over the ocean.

"I'm good. I mean things are a little more complicated than I thought they would be with this whole relocating of the colonies thing. And I'm a little worried about Zuko." He sent me a look.

"Yeah… I'm a little worried too. He needs to take a break or something, but he's doing a good job right? I mean no war yet." I laughed.

"Actually…" Aang looked guilty "he is kinda starting a new war right now…"

"WHAT!?" I slipped on the tile and off the roof. Aang swooshed down and grabbed me before I hit the ground. "Thanks," I said as he put me down "but let me repeat; WHAT!?"

We, Aang and me, were sitting by a fountain in the courtyard and I was shocked.

"So you're saying that Zuko _wants_ another war? And he doesn't want the relocation of firenation people to go through because he'll lose power and land?" I asked. I knew Zuko's real reasons, for not wanting to relocate his people, but I agreed with Aang that it looked pretty bad from the outside.

"That is what it is guessed to be …" Aang said worried and fumbled with his glider.

"It doesn't sound like him… I mean perhaps waaay back when, but not like he is now?"

"No I don't think so either, but he is definitely making some choices that could be pretty bad."

"… I don't get it." I pulled my legs up, and thought everything over. Was he still consulting with Ozai despite me being here, despite me warning him not to!? That sucked that I had no real impact on his choices. But then again, destiny or whatever perhaps would have it that Zuko had to go through this no matter what. The whole thing did end up resulting in Republic City…

"I believe he has his reasons. And they aren't bad ones." I said finally and looked at my reflection.

"I want to believe that too, but I talked to the others and Katara has a point. He has struggled with doing the right thing before." Aang sounded unsure of himself.

"But he's changed. I just can't imagine him turning in to his father. Zuko is not cruel, he never really was and I know he wants to create a world of peace and fairness." I said sternly, felling like Zuko's lawyer or something like that.

"Maybe you could talk to him? Convince him of going through with the relocation and prevent the war? I've tried but it didn't end well." Aang said and looked at his feet with an upset expression.

"… I can't be sure that I can change his mind. He's stubborn and he wouldn't resist the plan of the avatar unless he believed that there was a better way." _Therefore my client is not in the wrong here! Even though I am more or less blindly backing the guy who I happen to like romantically and whose sheets I was just lying in a second ago,_ I thought with a touch of resentment.

"If you don't convince him… I would have to do something I promised him a long time ago… And none of us wants that." Aang was avoiding my eyes.

I knew what he was referring to, _the promise_, and ice was struck in my stomach. Aang would have to prevent a war and keep balance between the four nations, at all costs - even if it meant retiring the firelord prematurely and permanently. A fury blazed up in me, it circled in my hands as sparking flames.

"You can't do that." I stood and gave Aang a mean glare.

"I don't want to do it but I would have to! He made me promise, and I don't want history to repeat itself." Aang skipped to his feet too with a tense face.

"Killing is never the answer. I thought you of all people would understand that Aang. I'll talk to him and get this sorted out. But if you rise against him, I will rise against you." I said and turned on my heel. _Great, make the avatar your enemy Kai, brilliant idea - cue slow cl_ap. With tightly knitted brows I strode inside the palace. This was not what I wanted to spend my day doing.

I marched towards the throne room. The anger rushed in my body. _How could Zuko have kept me in the dark about his visits to jail-time-dad like that_? I was so unprepared for stopping a war this morning! I had to make everything okay. I just had to.

"Zuko?" I called. He was standing and looking at the throne with his back to me.

"Kai?" A faint smirk played in his face. I eased up a little bit. The atmosphere he'd left me with in the bedroom made no sense in context with my anger.

"I just heard you are starting a war?" I crossed my arms and looked more concerned than mad. He narrowed his eyes and it made him look like he once did. A doubt flowed through me.

"I'm not starting a war. I'm protection _my_ people."

"I really hope you know what you are doing, 'cause I've got one avatar out back, ready to take you out if this isn't the right thing to do." I narrowed my eyes too and Zuko looked stunned.

A tense break stood between us.

"… Kai… I'm sure." He said and looked even more exhausted than before. I walked over to him and dropped the attitude entirely - it wasn't making my point any clearer.

"Then… I trust you." I said. "I'm just… You know I'll stand beside you in the fight if it comes to that." I held his hand but he stiffened.

I knew there was something he was holding back.

"I know..." He softened up, leaned towards me and nuzzled in to my ear. I felt my knees get wobbly and I let him hold me. I floated away with the closeness, but then snapped my head up. Was he manipulating me to change the subject with sexy stuff? _Cunning bastard._

"I thought you were busy." I said a little sarcastically.

"I _am_ busy." He whispered and held me tighter by the small of my back. Zuko slowly backed me up against a column and stroked down my waist. My body anticipated his hands to caress it, and I arched my back to come even closer. He smelled warm and sweet, and a lock of his dark hair tickled my cheek. To his defense - if he really was manipulating me, I was letting him. We kissed and the heat made me melt from the inside out. I cursed at my own weakness in my head.

Zuko roughly grasped my hips.

With effort I put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him away.

"If you have the time, you should sleep Zuko." I said hazed by this intense contact.

He instantly let go of me and stepped back. I almost tripped forward.

I felt hurt about that, but it turned to anger.

"You're right. I don't have the time." He said bitterly and walked away in long hard steps, the cape whirling in the wind. It took me a moment to find my voice.

"Well I don't either mister arrogant! You started it!" I yelled after him and shook off my blush.

I stomped out the throne room and slammed the door with a forceful kick. I overdid it. Even the guards couldn't help but to flinch as the wall trembled.

I couldn't believe it. That Zuko would just be rude like that _to me_! He was such a stupid-head! An egotistical child, a spoiled prince and a stubborn boy!

The sun was high and shone through the red glass of the training room, making everything match my mood perfectly.

I punched the training dummy with a flame. Launching pieces of burning splinters that buried themselves in the wall. _That he would just be such a jerk and leave like that! He didn't have the right!_ I flipped a kick and the dummy vibrated from the force. _Like he didn't have time for me or I was so desperate to see him that I was wasting his precious time on sex games!_

"AAAGH! THAT JERK!" I yelled and sent a powerful shield of fire towards the dummy - it almost instantly combusted into charcoal.

I was standing in my stance, panting and covered in sweat from hours of training and screaming. I had bound in my top and was only wearing that and low pants. I was pouring some cold tea down the hatch and wiping my mouth angrily with the back of my hand, when I heard a voice.

"I'm guessing this is a good time?" Sokka knocked on the doorframe. I whipped around and shot him a glare.

"Ooor maybe not…" He froze with wide eyes. I softened.

"I thought you were Zuko." I said, a little self-conscious about my skimpy outfit.

"Honestly I'm glad that I'm not him right now." Sokka laughed nervously. "I actually just wanted to ask you-" I cut him off.

"Hey Sokka, I hear you trained under the same swords master as Zuko." Irritation flashed in my eyes. I was going to show mister arrogant, that I wasn't a _pining love puppy_.

"Ehm… Yeah… Yup." He answered unsure of himself.

"Are you better than Zuko?" I knew he wasn't, but I wanted to see what Sokka would say.

"No… I mean we have very different techniques. I'm more of a swoosh-pow man, and he's more of a slice-slash kinda guy. You know?" Sokka illustrated the moves with his hands.

"Can you teach me?" I asked, placed a hand on my hip and flipped my hair over the shoulder. I knew I looked good. He stared at me and considered that.

"I could..? Doesn't Zuko want to teach you?" He fidgeted with his fingers while he spoke.

"No. He's too scared to fight me." I smirked.

"Reeaaly?" Sokka asked in a grin but then dropped it as he caught my eyes. "Really?" He asked again, concerned.

I breathed out a laugh.

"Do you wanna try now?" I rolled my shoulders.

"Okay, Yeah, I got time." Sokka walked in and looked over his shoulder a little anxious as he did. I grabbed a couple of thin twin swords in one hand and tossed Sokka a long sword. He snatched it in the air, I couldn't help but to pull a face of admiration, but he fumbled with it immediately and almost dropped it. Now _I _was a little anxious.

"Alright, so the first thing you have to remember is to hold on the end that isn't sharp, so that you don't cut your hand." He said and I lifted my brows in a 'dah' expression.

"Ehm... We got that right… The next most important thing is to use force and intuition. I mean you might not get it right away and so don't worry if you cant take me." Sokka grinned. "Try to attack me." He said hoisting the sword.

"Ready?" I asked and he nodded. I dashed over the mat and struck his blade on both sides, tipped it and twisted it out of his hand.

The long sword zoomed out of the window - which shattered in a billion red pieces.

A shriek sounded from the outside.

We stared at each other and then ran over to see what had happened; a servant woman was frozen in place having the sword penetrating a basket of apples she was carrying. Sokka sunk down under the windowsill and I just gaped at him. Luckily the woman seemed fine – just a little stunned. Maybe a lot stunned.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE READY?!" I yelled and ripped the curtains to a close.

"I was! I just wasn't ready for you to do _that_!" Sokka jumped to his feet and dusted himself off.

"Fine. Lets try it again then!" I growled and walked on to the mat again.

"What? I don't think that's s good idea!" He held his hands up in a defensive move. "I think you should ask Zuko to do that."

I sighed and the misplaced anger ebbed out of me.

"What can I do for you Sokka?" I asked and I couldn't help but to sound a little disappointed.

"Actually I came looking for you, because I was wondering if you had seen something in my future…" He flicked his eyes to me.

"Alright..? Anything specific?" I was cooling down and fastened the swords in my belt.

"Well you know how me and Suki are a thing right?" He asked.

"Yes I do." I was getting interested.

"And I was wondering… Do you see anything about… Yue?" Sokka sounded unlike himself. Thinking, serious and coarse. I placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Sokka… You know you cared for her… But she's-" I offered my insight but stopped myself. He already knew where she was and there were no idea in reminding him that Yue was lost.

"Yeah. I was just, you know, curious."

"Mm. But maybe it's like the space sword, at this moment a force is pushing you towards each other and eventually you'll meet. It could be that you would get the chance of visiting her in the spirit world sometime." I smiled gently. "But were you really just curious?" I asked.

He pushed his lips.

"It's been so long since me and Suki hanged out... I don't know. I look up at Yue and I miss her. A lot. I would like to know if we'd meet again, even after all this time." He sighed, and seemed to shake off the emotions. I didn't know what to say. I could relate.

"Well I'll better get on with it, Aang and Katara are meeting with Zuko but I guess they are done soon…"

"I hope so too! I have a lot of 'ignoring him' and 'pretending he doesn't exist' to do." I said in a snort and crossed my arms.

"Honestly, what's with the anger and swords? Are you guys fighting? I mean other than you two are completely identical, what would you yell at each other for!" He whirled his arms around while he spoke. _Completely identical?_

"It's stupid." I shrugged. "Zuko is just being a pain."

"Uuuuh secret, okay-okay I understand." He grinned and wriggled his brows in a smug smile –_ why did people always do that around me_, and then Sokka was on his way.


	13. Chapter 13: When playing with fire

**Chapter 13: When you're playing with fire and swords**

Three weeks passed where I didn't see Zuko.

I heard he had been in a fire nation colony, Yu Dao, and tried to sort things out. I'd also heard that Aang had prevented the potential second war and spared Zuko's life in a great showdown between the earth troops and the firenation army.

After that Zuko had stayed with Iroh in Ba Sing Se for another week –Iroh wrote in a massage that everything was right with the world again, and I shouldn't worry one bit. Well good to know right? When I found out that Zuko was all right and that it really had been a matter of dispute rather than him trying to rule over more land like his father, I was a little frustrated with him not telling me squat! To be completely blunt, I was fuming rage for a lot longer than I'd like to admit – he had left me again!

Just like the time where I was unconscious, or the many times where we'd actually shared a moment. Now he'd left me like I was a thing that stayed put! Snooty asocial teenage boy!

The entire time he was gone I had tried to bury my feelings for him. They weren't leading anywhere and all those soul-searching bonding-moments seemed to be for 'not' because he hadn't told me a thing. I had only just scraped the surface of what it meant to be close to Zuko it would seem. He was so complex and so straightforward at the same time - I didn't know which of those two things drove me up the wall the most, and which one made me like him…

I had been scared of loosing him, and him turning into Ozai. I hadn't slept or eaten since he just took off, and I was driving myself nuts with worry, but of course when Zuko finally did come back, I was still busy ignoring him. I was, after all, still furious with him.

It was early light and I was marching to the training hall. I had been spending an impressive amount of time there to get my annoyances out. I couldn't meditate for the life of me, but I could darn well make sure that training dummies were being replaced once a day.

I slammed open the set of doors to the room, but stopped in my tracks. Zuko was sitting and sipping tea by the window. I weighed if I should storm out, but decided against it since I'd made such a 'grand' entry. I strode passed Zuko without giving him any notice. I could feel him observing me casually. I tightened my top-knot and was about to begin a speedy warm-up.

"You asked me once about my dueling swords. Do you still want me to show you some things?" Zuko had wandered over to me.

"No thank you. I recall you saying I was too reckless to play with swords." I said and popped my knuckles.

"That was a long time ago. Are you sure you don't want a lesson? Because I heard that you've tried to ask Sokka to teach you."

"Well Sokka should've kept his mouth shut." I cracked my neck too. A foul habit really. "In fact I don't need any tutors at all. I've had plenty of time to practice lately." I said in a bite.

"Impressive. Care for a fight?" He tried to meet my eyes, but I was fixating on a very important spot on the wall. "I might be a little over your level, though… I'll hold back." Zuko said, sincerely trying to be nice. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect on me.

"_A little over my level? _We'll see about that!" I seized a pair of twin blades from the weapon stand along the wall. Zuko put down his tea and unbuttoned his cape. I jumped in the air and dove right at him with a sword in each hand. He jumped back in surprise. I sliced left than right, backing him up against the wooden room divider. Zuko dropped to the floor and rolled under the training beam. I leaped over it. As he was free of the beam I swung my swords down on the ground, missing him by inches.

Zuko snatched a pair of dueling swords that were hung on the wall for display and spun past my next attack. He finally swung and blocked my blow.

"Hey! That wasn't fair!" He said accusingly.

"No? Life is cruel that way I suppose." Our blades whined against one another. I slithered free and jumped backwards. He looked puzzled.

"Come on. Attack me! And don't you dare hold back!" I said through my teeth.

He looked hesitant, but then he straightened and came at me. With amazing speed Zuko carved the air in front of me. I cursed and had to fall back. I tried to jump backwards as before but he had read that move and was on the ground, ready to take me on where I'd land. It was too late to change direction so I fell directly in to his line of attack. A blow ran along my cheek in a sting. I wheeled back. Blood trickled from my cheekbone and I threw down the swords in fury.

Zuko dropped his weapons, and ran to me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you. Let me see." He lifted my jaw to gently examine the damage. I was shaking with rage. I slapped his hand away.

"Why? Because you didn't mean to _hurt_ me? Just leave me alone." Hot angry tears sprung from my eyes and I shoved him out of my way. In the end, I had ended up storming out after all.

Later that evening I was walking down the corridor, on my way to bed. It was late. The air was filled with last summer warmth and the night seemed unnaturally silent. Perhaps the insects where holding their breath in anticipation. I passed Zuko's office where the flames spilled softly out in the hall.

"Oh Kai. I need to talk to you." Zuko said as spotted me walking by the open door.

I wanted to strangle him right then and there, to call out to me like a mere servant. But I buried that feeling too and kept on walking down the hall.

I heard him jog after me and soon enough he'd got a hold on my arm, a little too casually if you ask me. I twisted out of his grip and kicked the legs away from under him in a quick move.

"Sorry. I didn't see you there." I said coldly and glared down at him.

"Ouch, what was that for?!" He growled as he stood and rubbed his back.

"How about it being for leaving for weeks without passing a massage along to me? Or perhaps just for being a jerk in general? I can't decide." I narrowed my eyes. "By the way I'm glad to see you're still alive." I snorted.

"I…" He started a sentence and looked away.

"Never mind. I guess we had fun. So long!" I waved my hand at him like it was nothing, but inside my heart was in agony - and I wanted revenge for that.

"Kai, please, I didn't mean it like that. I had to leave and I… I didn't know how to tell you what was going on. I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing… I'm sorry." Zuko said and grabbed my hand. He had been under a lot of pressure, I knew that, but he'd made me feel cheep and stupid.

I snatched my hand back to place it on my hip.

"It's fine. You know I've been thinking - let's just go back to being friends." I smiled with tight lips. It hurt. Zuko was quiet.

"Do you want that?" He tested.

"Yeah. I guess it wasn't going anywhere anyhow, so… Being friends, it simpler." I shrugged but I felt my throat close up. _Stupid emotions! Just don't think about them!_

The night's insects had begun to sing quietly outside, and the weather was growing colder in the evening winds. I suppressed a shiver and shifted my weight. I could care less about Zuko. If he wasn't even upset with what I'd just said - to hell with him.

"I thought you had feelings for me..." He took a step towards me and ran a hand over the back of his neck. I stiffened. Feelings, that's such a tacky word isn't it? To lightly used and reused on a new person, like a wandering trophy of consulting words.

"… It was just a silly crush." I kept my cold eyes in his.

"Do you truthfully feel that way?" He asked and took another step towards me. I nodded and was about to say that I did, when he touched my cheek right below the cut and guided my lips to his in a convincing kiss. I tried to resist but I was soft in his arms.

My anger and hate started to dissolve.

We sunk in to each other, slowly and sensitively. His lips were warm. Our tongues and mouths met. I leaned against him. I'd missed him so much and it felt intoxicating to have him this close again. Zuko broke the kiss. He burned right through me with his gleaming eyes that were the only thing that stood out in the dark hallway.

"… Why are you lying?" He whispered roughly.

_Because I hate you, because you are hurting me, because I don't know how to be with you or if I even want to be with you, and I don't know how you feel. You leave me to guess what is going on and expect me to just be there when you come back. I'm scared and I love you._ My mind screamed, but the thoughts were mushed into each other, and I couldn't pick one out.

"You make me feel reckless." I said out of breath. I knitted my brows together. "I don't want to have feelings for you. It's complicated and… Hurtful." My throat closed up again.

"Kai..." He said against my lips and pulled back. "I often have trouble with saying the right things at the right time. And I forget that I am not always alone… I should have told you this a long time ago…" He tugged a strand of hair behind my ear and I looked at him with the mixed emotions whirling inside of me. He took a breath and continued.

"I'm in love with you."

The words were so certain that I couldn't find a reaction that matched them in that moment. Luckily I didn't have to for in that moment Zuko kissed me deeply and passionately. I could feel his sincerity in the kiss - his soft lips, the sensation of his tongue, the bite on my lip. He was laying the cards on the table as they were.

I didn't know if I was happy or still angry, or just overwhelmed. _He's in love with me_, my thoughts were hazy. A spark of ecstasy sprung in my chest – but I still hadn't forgiven him! He had been rude and secretive, and _oh heck_… I gave in and threw my arms around his neck as he hugged my waist. Zuko's hands traveled down my back and I brushed my fingers through his hair. I wanted him to loose control with me. My body was going up in flames.

I pulled away, with heart pounding in my chest and sent him a dark ominous look which wasn't difficult to decipher. Zuko didn't say anything either, his eyes flicked to the empty hallway. Our thoughts were synchronized. Then we urged through the abandoned palace corridors.

We were already in a fervent embrace when we opened the doors to his room. I had my legs around Zuko and he held me by the hips. He had dismissed the guards with a wave of his hand right before, and I thought I heard one of them mentioning the 'forgotten jacket'. But it didn't touch me.

We tripped inside and I kicked the door closed.

It had been a long journey to get this far, because we had kept stopping, varying between sneaking and kissing every other meter on the way to his champers.

There was no light in the bedroom except for the moon and the shadows were black as a starless night. His hands were holding me up from below and I licked his neck. I jumped off him and started loosening my layered dress in rough sure movements. Zuko studied me with a quiet intensity and it made me blush, but I was done being shy. I ignored my rapid heartbeat, opened the silken belt that tied it all together, and let the dress fall off my shoulders. I wasn't wearing anything under it because I had been ready for bed. I stood there, naked, in the pale moonlight. Zuko's lips were on mine in a kiss before I could ask him to. I gasped as he kissed my neck and slowly made his way down. The feeling that flowed within me when he touched me was something I'd never felt. It was maddening and I couldn't help but to sigh as he glided over my chest. He was gentle and sharp.

"Zuko…" I whimpered when he used his teeth.

"I like it when you say my name like that." He said in a husky voice against my skin. _Cheeky_.

He kissed my chest and pulled out of his clothes. Zuko's tan collarbones moved as the top robe glided off him and I bit my lip. He was so nice to look at and it made my thoughts even more focused on what I wanted to do to him - And what I wanted him to do to me.

Knowing fingers stroked over my slit. I gasped.

Zuko muttered my name raspy, it seemed like he was talking to himself. He kept kissing his way down, past my navel, past my hips. I shivered as his warm tongue touched me between my legs and I felt like I was on fire when he used his fingers too - I could hardly stand and had to grab the bedpost that went all the way to the celling.

The heat between us was getting unbearable.

"I- I'm…" I breathed as my legs trembled.

I let my head fall back, feeling myself being carried away on a wave of blurry slippery sensations. Zuko played my nerves like an instrument, plucking the tight strings and making me whine. Vivid colors and the rhythm of my own pulse were filling my head, and then I gripped the bedpost even tighter. The sudden fiery implosion made me lightheaded. My entire being could just liquefy and become a puddle on the floor. He stopped and I could catch my breath again. Zuko kissed his way back up over my narrow curves and ended by my throat, he pulled back. He looked wicked, dangerous and beautiful, and for once it didn't seem like he was smug about it.

I touched his chest and admired his bare skin covering perfectly shaped muscles. I drew him closer to me. He was leaner than I remembered him being on the ship, but I liked that. I tickled my fingers down his firm body's ripples, it flexed under my touch as I was stopped by the hem of his pants. Zuko exhaled. The scar on his lower ribs was smooth and lighter in shade. He was a warrior above everything else. All over his skin the marks of combat in various sizes shaped the landscape of his body. I wondered if I had given him one or two during our time on the ship. But it didn't make me repentant; it made me feel like I really was existing for once - like I had made an influence on his life.

My wet lips floated over his in a soft kiss. He held the back of my neck loosely. I undid the ties on his hips and Zuko flicked his tongue out to lick me right below the jaw. He took a hold of my legs and lifted me up on the bed.

I was drinking water and sitting on the bed with my legs tugged under my chin.

Zuko was getting dressed and he ran a hand though his sticky hair. His tan body glistened in the soft candlelight and I could see the mussels shift under the skin in every move he made. I had to smack my puffing cheeks a little to come back to reality. _I am in too deep for my own good_ I thought and tried to look away.

"I have to go sign a treaty, but I'll be right back." Zuko said and shrugged on his clothes.

"Mhm 'kay." I was still staring at his perfect figure as I absently put the water down.

"I could also not do that." He said in an arrogant smirk as he corrected his collar. My pride wasn't having that - he knew darn well that I would much rather have he stayed in this room so I could look at him all night.

"Just go - be the firelord." I rolled my eyes at him and fell back in the bed.

"I'll be right back." He said again as he crawled up on the bed and kissed my lips warmly. His smelled so good, spicy and rough. I had to control myself not to pull him on top of me and repeat all the steps one more time. Zuko's hand snaked under the covers and I guess he was thinking the same. I moaned against his lips and he drew back with a dazed expression.

"It won't take long…" His said as if I was the one who needed convincing, but I think he was trying to convince himself.

"I know." I stroked his cheek and bit my lip in a grin.

He stood, smoothed his hair back and walked out. Before closing the door Zuko sent me a small devious look. A touch of pleasure still echoed in my body.

Later in the night I woke up from my deep sleep, I had forgotten were I was and I had to take a moment to remember what had happened earlier that night. When I did a smile creeped up on my lips and I turned over in the sleek sheets.

To my surprise Zuko was asleep next to me - well I was mostly surprised because I didn't think that guy ever slept. The smile softened into a quiet fascination as I observed him in the dark. Zuko was breathing slowly and the dark hair was tossed over the side of his face that was scared. Now that I thought about it I didn't really see the scar. I mean I _saw_ it, but wasn't like a thing about him. It was just the way Zuko looked and it was beautiful and…

"I'm in love with you too…" I breathed but then slapped a hand over my mouth. It'd sort of slipped out without me meaning to. I shook my head distractedly.

He looked very different when he slept, quiet and at peace – even a little younger than usually. It was unfair that he had to work this hard, nobody should have to age twenty years in just one. It would be a question about time before he would work himself to death if he didn't slow down. I gently brushed some of the dark hair away from his face.

Zuko snatched my wrist and snapped his eyes open.

My heart skipped a beat in shock.

The yellow orbs pierced me.

"Sorry." I gasped sincerely. He let go instantly and smacked a hand over his face.

"No… I'm sorry." Zuko mumbled and clinched his jaw. I felt my heart beat heavily in my chest. I bit my cheek and tried to calm down. _Great job Kai, you woke up the guy who hasn't been sleeping in inhumanly long! _

Zuko, who was wide awake now, scooped me up in his arms and hugged me close to his chest. I relaxed against him, and the sweet spice surrounding his warm body made me breath in deep and slow. His heart was racing too.

"I'd forgotten you were here Kai… I've never _slept_ with anyone before…" He said quietly. I figured he meant _actually sleeping_ in the same bed together. The thought of Zuko being together with anybody else made me wince, but at the same time we'd avoided any uncertain awkwardness. I snuggled under the covers and tried not to be thinking too hard.

"I haven't done that before either." I mumbled. His hand absently stroked my back.

"… Really?" Zuko's voice hummed in his chest.

"No. Not with someone I like…" I shrugged, which is hard when you're lying down. "Do you want me to go Zuko?" I looked up at him from the sheet cave. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay. It was oddly unnerving to feel this safe and comfortable in his arms, what if we didn't work out. Then I would have to get used to be alone again.

"No. I want you to stay." He hugged me closer and I exhaled silently in slight relief.

"… So you never slept in the same bed with anybody? What about 'The Gaang'?" I asked to change the subject before it got too deep.

"I always had my own place. One time I did wake up with Sokka snoring in the foot of my tent, but that was because Suki and him had had a fight I think. I didn't ask." Zuko looked like he was remembering and then a frown grazed his face. "I should ask about that." He mumbled.

I laughed and crawled out from the covers.

"I know what you mean. When I was staying with the old healer I woke up with a huge panda-lion in my face one morning – and it wasn't ours. I never figured out why it was there. It was friendly and tame luckily and we ended up keeping it. Lillion Chie, well the healer, called it." I said with a wondering expression. Zuko laughed quietly but it died out.

"I'm sorry I told you not to follow me… Now and then…" He said tentatively.

"Well… We both had to go though some stuff alone I think. Both now and then." I scratched my collarbone. A stillness followed.

I had been pretty hurt both times…Okay, truthfully completely heartbroken, even close to suicidal in a non-traditional way, but still. I was by the way nowhere near ready to open that whole can of worms. I'd tuned over in my head whether or not I eventually should tell Zuko that 'offing myself' would perhaps get me back to my world… It seemed like a tough subject to sneak into conversation.

Zuko broke the silence.

"I wasted so much time not being with you, because I thought I had to do things alone… Uncle was telling me that in Ba Sing Se." Guilt was coloring his words.

"You are never going to be alone Zuko again. Your friends, Iroh and the nation that you love will be at your back always if you include them in your battles."

"And you?" That was a loaded question.

I sat up in the bed and moved away a little so we could look straight at each other. His eyes caught the moonlight. I sighed in frustration. I did not expect to have this conversation now.

"You talk like you want to be together." I was dead serious.

He glanced away then sat up too.

"I do want that."

"Then do it! _Be_ with me. Involve me, spend time with me! Don't just stow me away in a dusty corner of this damned place." I crossed my arms. "And don't keep all those 'dark secrets' from me, I know when you do anyway so its just plain rude."

"… You know?" He looked down at his hands and clenched his jaw. Zuko was very clearly asking if I knew of him visiting Ozai.

"I understand why you did it." It was harsh wearing a crown and to make all the right decisions for a crumpling nation without a foot to stand on. He was building a democracy from scratch after all. And that is without even diving in to the whole 'family' issue. How to reconcile that physical and mental hurt and then forgive someone who you'd been trying to please for so many years? Zuko unmistakably cared for both Azula and Ozai and I would hope that in some twisted crippled way, they felt the same. I knew Azula had something that could resemble care in her, but Ozai? I wasn't too sure he wasn't anything but a pit of hate and sociopathism –mixed with a generous load of insanity of course. I let out a long breath.

"I think it is time to get out of here. You need to take some personal time from the job." I said.

Zuko looked unsure.

"How long have I been here now? Four months? It's about time we found your mother. And… Azula should come." As soon as I'd said that Zuko looked horrified.

"Have you met my sister?" He stared in disbelief.

"No, not yet… But I am the all-knowing oracle." I struck out my tongue in a smile.

"Then, oracle, you know she would never agree to come with us unless she had something to gain." His face was full of grave shadows.

"With the right approach we'll convince her." I shrugged. "She want's to see her mom too…" I added in a gentle tone.

"Maybe you are right. How can I unite a nation if I cannot even unite my own blood… But, traveling with Azula is not going to be easy. Even though she is my sister I will expect her to turn on us. I know I would have in her place." He sounded bitter and guilty.

I crawled over his legs and sat on the covers in his lap face to face.

"Maybe not. Maybe it will be different if we have some faith." I kissed his cheeks lightly.

Zuko hugged me closer.

Outside the moon kept soaring over the sky.


	14. Chapter 14: A winding road

**Chapter 14: A winding road**

Iroh had answered in a hawk that he would gladly overtake the position of stewardship while Zuko was on the road, and he was expected within a fortnight. Meanwhile Aang and the others had already settled in and were helping Zuko with the preparations. Ozai was being extra guarded in our absence and Azula… Well I was on my way to 'talk' to her.

Zuko had tried to hand her an olive branch but it had not been a very pleasant experience to say the least. After that, I'd asked him if I could go see Azula alone. I figured I knew some things that could make her listen and maybe even help with her condition. The visit could only take place after a long difficult conversations and minor physical tussle with Zuko -in the end I had gained his ambivalent consent.

I walked through the serenity stone garden in front of the 'institution' as Zuko called it. High summer had passed us and that took the edge of heat that the firenation was so familiar with. People, staff and what I assumed to be patients, were either raking the gravel, cutting bonsai trees or meditating in the bright pleasant sun. The doors were those of a temple, low and lavishly carved with dragon sculptures. Their eyes were set with fire red jewels. This was a high-class 'institution' if I'd ever seen one.

"Welcome my lady, what can I do for you!" I mild looking woman bowed deeply to me.

"I'm here to visit princess Azula." It was as if I'd whacked her, she looked so alarmed. I guess dropping Azula's name would do that to most people in this world.

"Oh. Do… Do you have the granted access?" She stammered.

"I have this from the firelord, I think you'll find what you need there." I rolled my eyes. She nervously skimmed the paper I had gotten from Zuko before I'd left. It was like some kind of hall-pass and it was quite annoying to me that we had that big of a power divide.

"Yes… Follow me." The woman was visually sweating. She spun around and walked deeper in to the institution, not checking if I was really following her or not.

Identical hallways met ever few meters. Same red narrow corridor with the same table, decorated with the same flower in an anomies blue vase. The floor was a deep orange wood and our shoes, the woman and mine, made that hypnotic 'clack clack clack' sound for every step. Suddenly in the dead quiet I heard a man scream and then laugh hysterically. I looked around but the chilling mania faded almost instantly and my tour-guide hadn't even pulled a mussel in reaction.

We came to a sudden hold in front of what looked like an iron door. The woman tapped on the door and through a sliding slit a man's eyes were visible. He scanned her and then me. The door opened and I could hear how heavy it was. The joints complained in squeaks.

I had though that we'd reached Azula's chamber, but this was apparently only the first dock of three we had to go through to get to the final entry. The woman bowed deeply to me and left without another word.

"You may enter with the guards in a moment." A gatekeeper said. Security was tight. When I finally stepped inside, with my new posy at my heels, the first thing I saw was the view. A giant round window, two stories at least, were overlooking the ocean and the sun was piercing the room as if we were outside.

"Sooo? My weakling brother sends his little harlot to do his bidding? What a good obedient girl you are." Azula hissed in a smile from the only shadow in the room.

A nurse, who was stationed in the chamber, stood and walked over to her. She rolled Azula's wheelchair into the light. I sucked in air through my teeth. The black haired girl hung her head and twisted in her straitjacket.

"Can I get you anything? Tea, cherries?" She spat. "Maybe not." She laughed in a maddened way. "I'm a little tied up you see." The Azula snapped her head up and the same shade of eyes that Zuko had drilled right through me. I was almost staggered at that hateful glare. It was looking into hell-fire itself. I understood immediately why people found Azula a little intimidating.

"I'm amazed you got a window in here." I said finding my mental footing again.

"Yes isn't it nice of my brother. Of course I can only use it if I decide to take a swim." She smirked disturbingly. I wandered toward the window and looked down. It was a direct plummet to the sharp shore far, far below. Waves crashed themselves violently in to the cliffs.

"Leave us." I said to the personal. They all exchanged baffled glances. "Did I stutter?" I asked in a tight tone when no one moved.

"My lady I'm afraid that is not possible…" A hesitant guard said.

"Have you lost the ability to walk? I command you to leave. All of you." There were still unsure of how to react to my orders but uncertainly the guards withdrew. I shot the nurse a decisive glare and she scrambled to get out too. Azula snickered hatefully.

"We will have to inform the firelord." The last guard said before he walked doubtfully through the door. I just waved my hand at him. The lock sounded and the silence stood in the room for a moment.

"Do you know who I am?" I asked and sat on a chair opposite her.

"Should I?" She arrogantly leaned back and crossed her legs. The straightjacket was fixating her all the way to the top of her hips.

"No. It really doesn't matter who I am. What matters is what I know. And I know everything Azula." I penetrated her gaze. If I showed any weakness she would instantly cut me down.

I sensed some intrigue.

"What is it you think you know?" She sneered but otherwise appeared indifferent.

"As I said. Everything. About your hurt, your abandonment, your longing for Ursa to love you. Does she speak to you right now? The voices?" I leaned back in my seat as well.

"We all have our little quirks don't we?" She turned her head and looked bored.

"Maybe that's true. Mine is that I know about that night you cracked. You saw her in the mirror. What was it she said to you…" I lightly tapped my index finger on my jaw. "Oh yes I remember, 'what a shame you always had so beautiful hair'."

"How… How…" Azula's eyes were round and crazy to look at. "You talked to her?! WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU!? She has turned everyone against me! EVEN MY OWN MIND!" She thrashed in the fixation, her hair whipping wildly.

"Ursa is alive. And I'm talking about your real mother not that distorted version your mind made up." I observed her calmly.

"LIAR!" Azula screeched.

"I'm not lying and you know that. I think Ozai told you about Ursa's whereabouts. But he also told you something else, didn't he? I'm not here for that though."

Azula panted and glared significantly at me.

"Are you here to assassinate me then? So you'll be the only one with that information? Is that it?! You want Zuzu to love you because you found his mother and kept the biggest secret in firenation HISTORY?!" Her madness made her face pull in ugly lines as she rambled.

I shook my head gently.

"I want to ask you if you want to come with us."

"HAhahaHAHAha! And why would I do that!? You all conspire to dispose of me!"

"… I know you long for her too. And that secret Ozai has told you, isn't true. Zuko is the rightful heir."

I could see how Azula's face fell. Absorbing the information, calculating weather or not to believe me. She slowly returned to her normal composed self.

"So you know where the evidence is?" She smirked.

"It isn't evidence. It's a letter Ursa wrote in desperation. To trick Ozai. He knows that. He is using you to get to Zuko and reclaim the throne."

"Well aren't you just the one with all the answers? To think at what lengths you go for my dearest brother. Have you _squeezed_ him yet, don't worry that day will come, and the very next he will discard you. He loved Mai much deeper than you and look where she ended up! _Heartbroken over sweet Zuzu_." She taunted and blew a stand of hair out of her face. I wasn't going to take her bait.

"Look Azula-"

"Princess Azula to you, harlot." She snapped with narrow eyes.

I blew a sigh, my patience was wearing a tad thin.

"I know you want to go, if not only for your hurtful reasons, so don't play hard to get."

A moment dragged by as she deliberated my words.

"Fine. I'll go." She shrugged. "If you answer my question. Why do you want me to? For Zuko's sake?" Her mean eyes glared at me but a smirk was ever present.

"A part of me is doing it for Zuko, sure, but the other…" I stood and grinned down to her. "Can't wait for your attempt to escape so I can fight you. I've seen and heard about your bending, and I would love see who'd come out on top."

Azula let out a cold laugh.

"Well, I can spare you the surprise, it is going to be me." Her eyes flashed.

I leisurely walked over to the door and knocked.

"Goodbye princess. I'll inform your staff of your temporally withdrawal from treatment."

Before I left I turned in the entrance.

"Don't bother look for the letter. It is no longer in the secret chamber, I've relocated it for obvious reasons." I gave her a cheeky wave and the metal door slammed shut.

Departure was upon us. Aang, Katara, Sokka was loading Appa with provisions for the trip. Katara bended water into the huge bellows tied to Appa's side, and Aang was swirling bags of apples in precise tornados. Sokka was once again on Appa-duty and tried to comb out the giant animals bangs.

"You need a haircut my fluffy fellow! No don't lick me!" He yelped as Appa's tongue wriggled over his nose in a deep friendly growl.

Zuko, threw the tents and sleeping gear onboard and I was folding some more rope, you could never have too much rope! Azula skulked around, arrogantly sneering at everything, and of cause not lifting a finger. Ty Lee and Yuki were watching her closely. The Gaang had not been pleasantly surprised when Zuko and I had told them Azula was our sixth passenger instead of Tough. Sokka had even tried to her attack her on the sport, well who could blame him, but she had just snorted and 'zapped' Sokka's boomerang right out of his hand with a tiny lightning. It looked quite comical but evoked a very serious reaction from all of us. Ice, fire and air had incased her instantaneously.

So, that was a _great_ start of our adventure!

"We're all set over here!" Called Aang.

"Then I guess we can leave now." I called back and threw the rope onboard.

Appa roared happily and Sokka crawled up to take the rails.

"All aboard the flying marshmallow express!" Sokka called and patted Appa by his horn.

I stood a little tentatively and waited to crawl up.

"You've never flown Appa have you?" Zuko asked close behind me.

"No not really." I murmured.

"Don't be afraid. It's nice." Still standing at my back he took a hold of my hips and gave me a boost up. I could have gotten up myself, but the gesture was very sweet.

Azula jumped up in the saddle last and rolled her eyes. I was just thankful she didn't feel the need to say something.

High in the skies everything seemed to lighten up. The sky had turned a faint pink in the sunset and Aang and Katara kissed and chatted lovingly with each other. Sokka complained and stirred the flying bison steadily over pleasant heavens. Azula had sunk within herself and was staring at the clouds deep in thought. I hung over the saddle and looked down, feeling the calm rhythm of Appa's tail, and grinning like an idiot. There was so much space on Appa's back that it could easily fit this many people comfortably.

"I can't believe you got to fly on Appa every day for a time!" I sighed, reeled myself in, and lay against the brim of the saddle. Zuko was lying next to me, but with distance between us. We hadn't talked about how open we were going to be about our current romantic status, for my sake we could keep it a secret a little while longer. Zuko's eyes were closed and he had his arms behind his head.

"It wasn't every day. But yeah, I like it too." He smiled. I hadn't seen him this relaxed since, well, maybe ever.

"How did you feel the first time you flew on him?" I asked.

"Donno? Maybe a little tense?"

"HA! A little you had just kicked Azula off the cliff at the Northern Air-temple and-" Sokka stopped dead and glanced fearfully over his shoulder at Azula. She hadn't heard, or she may have but she didn't react. Azula just sat there and looked at the light that was fading. My guess was that she actually was enjoying herself a little. Sokka exhaled and wiped his forehead.

Zuko sat up.

"Sokka's right. The first time I rode Appa was when I was fighting my sister and these guys saved my life. That's kind of depressing." He said. I caught Aang and Katara's apprehensive glances.

I laid a light hand on his shoulder. I wanted to kiss him, but not with an audience.

"It could have been worse. The first time Tough rode Appa she was sick for three days!" Aang tried with a comforting smile.

"Yeah, and even Sokka was air-sick the first time." Katara offered. "You are doing remarkable well Kai." She added. I shrugged and withdrew my hand from Zuko. I had no intention of mentioning my experience with airplanes. This was much nicer though. Being outside and having the warm wind in your face instead of pressurized air-con filled with someone else's couch, it was magical.

"The sky is beautiful up here. What's not to like?" I sighed happily.

"It is. But not as beautiful as you my moon-flower." I tuned as Aang said that to Katara and she gave him a sweet kiss. I glanced at Zuko and he mirrored my expression. It was the 'I wanna kiss you too' look. We both bowed our heads in a snicker.

"What's going on back there?! All I hear is gross yucky smooching!" Sokka almost screamed in mortification and twisted around on Appa's furry head. Laughter broke out among us. All but one. Azula was still in her self-induced catatonic state, and I was just waiting for her to snap. But as darkness fell, nothing had come to pass. I struck me as very odd because she would have made a move by now, surely. I guess the story had changed a little now when she didn't have the letter to drive her traitorous ploy forward. What she didn't know was that I had the letter folded safely in my chest binding, just in case we'd need to get back on track. At the time I didn't consider it cruel.

Aang snapped his glider together in the air and touched down on Appa's back.

"We're here alright. I did a quick scouting and everything looks nice and peaceful!" He beamed at us.

"I suggest we fly over there and make camp." Zuko pointed to a forested mountain slope a little outside the village of Hira'a.

"Why not just go in the village now?" Aang asked.

"I don't like arriving to a small village in the dead of night like common thieves. We could end up scaring people away." Zuko reasoned.

"Oh. You're right. Sokka put Appa down in that clearing if you'd please." Aang called and the big beast started to glide effortlessly to the forest edge. We landed with a slight bump and I jumped out to stretch my legs. We had been flying all day and were all a little tattered –not to mention Appa. He roared exhausted and flopped on his side once we'd unburdened him.

Aang stroked the animal whose giant tongue was sticking out. "It's hard for him to carry this many people and rations too." He looked tenderly at Appa. "Good job buddy."

"At least if the creature perishes we'll have food for years." Azula snorted.

"Hey!" Aang said in an insulted tone. Appa agreed in a growl.

"Azula don't be unkind. Without the sky-bison we would've had to travel for days through thick jungle and cross bandied territories." Zuko stepped up to her.

"Were you afraid sweet Zuzu?" She sneered mockingly. Zuko shook his head at her childish behavior.

"Why do you always have to diminish me?"

"Or maybe it was because you wanted to impress your little girlfriend? Well, I'll tell you now _dear brother_, you don't have to be working so hard! Ha! Just look at her blush!" She hissed in a cold laugh. I was blushing a little but distaste colored my face even more.

"Azula!" Zuko exclaimed.

The Gaang peered at me with curious eye. I huffed dismissively at the 'girlfriend' comment, and begun to ready our camp. I was pretending not to see the glance Aang and Katara exchanged.

Soon the dispute dissolved as Azula had wandered over to a nearby tree to continue her vacant stare.

The others were sitting around the campfire as soon as Zuko had got it going. Katara had whipped up a lovely soup, and everyone was pleasantly full, though I couldn't speak for Azula that hadn't touched her food. She was truly thinking very hard about something and I for one, would love to know what it was. It couldn't be good, I'll tell you that.

I played absently with the flames, bending little bits of the bigger one to make them dance on the ground by my feet.

I heard Zuko breath a quiet chuckle as he sat down besides me.

"That's a curious way of bending." He looked intrigued at my flame dancers.

"Its my way of fidgeting. I learned it from Iroh on the ship."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was a meditation technique he called 'dance of the leafs' or something. I never got the meditation part though." I pushed my lips.

"He never taught me that?" Zuko said wonderingly.

"I think he had been trying to… But you wanted firebending stances." I offered a brow lift.

"Ah…" He looked as if he vaguely recalled it.

"Yeah! I keep forgetting you two go way back!" Sokka swung his spoon. "To think that you could stand to be Zuko's bunkmate at that time! Seriously, pew! No offence pal." He shrugged.

"None taken." Zuko shrugged too.

"It wasn't all bad." A smile pulled at my lips as I looked in to the fire. "Have you told the others about the white woods?" I glanced up at Zuko and then at the Gaang. Aang leaned in and looked interested.

"Ehm… No?" He ran a self-conscious hand over his neck. I shook my head lightly.

"I mean, there is a powerful spirit here in these woods, you all would do well to be extra attentive to your surroundings."

"I did feel something earlier, but I thought it was just the uneasiness of having…" Aang frowned jokily and rolled his eyes to Azula who wasn't in hearing range. "… Something else on my mind."

"It could have been the spirits. When I was living on the ship, before I got most of my bending under control, I had two episodes of 'spiritbending'. Or I call it spiritbending but I really don't know what the hell it was. One of the times was a prediction of sorts, about this place, about the woods." They all listened in intense seriousness. "It wasn't ominous, per say, but I think I had the forecast for a reason… Which reason though, I have no idea. It could be a warning of danger?" I ended and chewed my cheek.

"Maybe it was about love rather than danger? Maybe it was a vision about finding my mother? I mean isn't that possible with divinations Aang?" Zuko asked.

"It is possible that visions could be triggered by positive emotions. But then again almost anything is possible in the spirit world." Aang looked thoughtful then lifted a brow. "To really know anything about the meaning we kinda have to know what was in the vision?"

"Me and Kai were trapped in a white forest and then we came to a pond with really clear water and then…" Zuko's words ran dry.

"There was a light I was very drawn to, but nothing major happened." I finished a little rushed.

"Did you see it too Zuko?" Aang asked astonished. "I have never heard of taking more people in to the spirit world at once!" There was no point in mentioning that Aang's future son and granddaughter would posses that exact ability.

"We were… Together when it happened both times." He answered and I saw a faint pinkness on his face. I don't think Aang or Sokka noticed it though.

There was a silence where the tinder cackled.

"I think it's time for bed Aang! Sokka you too!" Katara suddenly stood and took to ushering the boys to their beds.

"You know I am actually the oldest of you and me!" Sokka protested but had to suppress an annoyed yawn as he did and slumped inside his shelter. Acting like his own body had betrayed his point.

"Goodnight you two." She called kindly as she pushed Aang, who was still waving confused at us, into their tent. I glanced over the fire at Azula who was laying a ways away from the camp. She appeared to have fallen asleep against the tree.

"That was strange? Its not that late is it?" Zuko eyed Katara's tent suspiciously.

"I think she was trying to give us some privacy." I said in a low voice, tents weren't very soundproof. "So I could do this." I leaned in and gave Zuko a light kiss on his lips. He led a hand on the back of my neck and kissed me back a little more insistently.

"How nice of her." He said in a small smirk as we pulled back. "I've been wanting to kiss you all day." Zuko added.

"Then why didn't you?" I bit my lip in a smile.

"I… Uh… Didn't know if you wanted me to?" He glanced away, and it was very cute. I had to breath out a snicker.

"When do I not want to kiss you?" I leaned in for another and this time he pulled me close in a deep kiss. I felt a jolt of want in me. I crawled on his lap without breaking the kiss and drew him closer too. I was almost winded when we drew back.

"I should…" I started to stand. I wasn't going to_ do_ Zuko in front of his sister and in earshot of his best friends. That seemed quite distasteful. Maybe making out like that was on the brim of being a little vulgar as well.

"Okay." He said simply and stood too. "Or…" His eyes flicked to the woods, they flashed in the flames.

"What about…" I whispered and pointed to Azula who hadn't moved an inch.

"We won't go that far away." He whispered against my neck. I had to bite my lip to prevent unintentional sounds from slipping out. I shook it off.

"If she escapes she'll go directly for the village. She might even burn the whole thing down in search for Ursa." I looked at my feet.

"Will she find her there?" He asked earnestly.

"No… She will not find Ursa without us…" Ursa was in a witness protection program so to speak, and had no recollection of her life as the queen, or of her children. And that was in addition to having a completely new face! I winced.

"But she'll burn the village just the same…"

"You're right." Zuko sighed. He caressed my cheek and kissed me lightly. "I'll take the first watch."

In a defeated nod I wandered to my tent, but before I slipped inside I saw Zuko cover Azula with a blanket. In a tender way found myself even deeper in love.

There was yelling and turmoil outside and my tent flap was open. I snapped up. In an instant I leaped out with flames at the ready. The sun blinded me and it took a moment for me to see that Sokka was knocked over and rubbed his head in a scowl.

"Are you okay?" I ran to him to see if he was bleeding, but found no major injuries.

"Kai! I just looked away for a second and she tripped me!" He said in baffled explanation.

Azula's blue flames colored the dark woods and shouting grew dimmer. With fire tracing my step I sprinted after her and the others. Water gushed, wind howled and flames roared louder than I'd heard before. I hurdled over a branch and ducked under another. What had suddenly made Azula ready for her move? Had her insanity finally gotten the better of her?

The sound of Zuko's voice echoed. I had to be close. In four long jumps I arrived at the battle.

Katara had ice spires confining Azula, but only for a split-second as Azula breached a column of blue fire to melt it away. Aang used a thick wall of earth to shields him and Katara from the flames. Zuko cut in from the side to grab his sister. She threw herself back, and that's when I saw she had a piece of paper in her hand. I slapped a hand on my chest and cursed. Azula had lifted the letter from me. She was going to dethrone Zuko with this accusation! I cursed again and dashed over to them.

"Why do our relationship have to be like this Azula?!" Zuko shouted as he blocked her next attack. She laughed chillingly.

"It doesn't have to _Zuzu_! I here have the key to make everything right again! AHAHhah, she thought she could take me down this easily! No mother I say! NO!" Azula threw flames in a circle around her.

"Azula you're not making sense…" Zuko said in worried bewilderment.

I cut her fire circle over with my flames right before they reached Zuko.

"Kai!" He exclaimed, I think a little anxious to see me. I rushed over to Azula and got in, much cleaner than I would have presumed. I almost got a hold of her wrist, but she had lured me in and spun on me.

"Good morning oracle!" Azula hissed in a wicked grin over her shoulder. She opened her hand with lightning and the electricity shot directly passed my face. I gasped and fell back on the ground. My blonde strays flowed in the wind, frizzy with charge.

Aang and Katara readied another powerful attempt to fixate Azula but Zuko yelled.

"Don't hurt her!" and Aang and Katara dropped their attack with worried expressions. Azula leaped in the air and had positioned herself at the end of a cliff. She was smirking viciously at us.

"Were you trying to get to this?" She met my eyes. I clenched my teeth.

"Azula step away from the edge and join us to Hira'a. We'll find our mother together." Zuko tried reasoning. She ignored him.

"Isn't it a bit unkind to know everything? I mean if you know everything, then surely you must keep secrets from everyone here. What cruel disloyalty. I almost admire it. Especially concerning my innocent _brother_." She spat.

Zuko glanced questioningly at me.

"Stop now and find peace Azula. Or…" I cautioned but didn't know the end to my threat.

"Or what? You know my destiny is in this letter! You know oracle, that's why you brought it isn't it?! You wanted me to steal it so I can take what belongs to me!" Her yellow eyes were round and wild.

"What is she talking about?" Katara mumbled.

"WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! THIS!" Azula formed a lightning bolt and shot it straight at me. I was hurling myself out of the way but the attack caught my hip and fiery electricity burned and melted my skin. I shrieked in sudden pain.

"NO!" Zuko yelled and lunged himself at Azula. He crashed into her and they tumbled to the very threshold of the drop. Zuko got to his feet and grabbed her by the collar. Azula gasped as he held her over the edge. Katara darted over to me and pulled the cork of her flask.

"WHY! Why do you do it!? You're my sister! Why does it have to be this way?!" He shouted desperately and shaking with anger.

"ZUKO!" Aang objected horrified.

"I would hate to slice your _statement_ in half!" She laughed coldly.

"What does that mean?" He drew her over ground again in saddened puzzlement.

"It means the throne is mine, not yours, BY RIGHT! You're not my brother! You're just a litigate lovechild our peasant mother produced! And I have the PROOF!" She hissed and scratched at his arm with the hand that didn't grip Ursa's letter. I narrowed my eyes.

"Don't listen to her." I called to him from the ground were I'd fallen. Katara was healing with her icy water on my hip and it immediately made the burn more tolerable.

"You know what this is about?" He shot me a hurt look.

"Yes. But it isn't true. You are the firelord and you are the child of Ursa and Ozai."

"I don't understand…" He let go of Azula who was panting as she fell to the ground. Zuko plucked the letter from Azula's weakened hand, she was about to charge when Aang bound her in earth and rock. He opened it. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. Zuko's yellow orbs scanned the letter and his surprise grew with every line. I closed my eyes shut and sighed.

"Zuko before you-" I started.

"How could you keep this from me?" He looked at me like I had knifed him in the chest. Betrayed.

"What is it? What does it say?" Katara asked and stepped up to him.

"It is what Azula said… Its proof that I have no claim on the throne." Zuko dropped his hand.

"What!" Aang exclaimed in terror.

"But more impotently it's a lie." I assured everyone in a wince, the injury kept burning without flames. "This was Ursa way to uncover that Ozai intercepted her letters. It isn't true at all. I'm sorry Zuko! I couldn't risk telling you, there's no knowing how things would have turned out!" I tried, but he wasn't listening.

Painfully he glared at me from under the tasseled bangs then looked away. The way I could see I'd hurt him made my own pain double and dampness sung my eyes.

And just then there was a howl, high and chilling, sounding through the woods.


	15. Chapter 15: Face to face

**PART THREE**

**Chapter 15: Face to face**

The wolf was two stories tall and it's eyes redder than rubies. I scrambled alarmed in the dirt to get up. Did I mention it was bright azure blue too? I cringed as I moved. The rounded spot where Azula had burned me was glowing angry pink. It had been red and black with coagulated blood and singed skin right before Katara had started her rushed healing, so that was a clear improvement, but there was no way I wouldn't have a scar the size of a dinner plate on my right hip. Maybe a tad smaller, but still. My garment had been a wrap-around top and low harem pants, and the outfit was ruined too. And dear God it hurt. The burn pulsated intensely and stung like a thousand bees. I had to keep my weight off the right leg as I stood.

The wolf looked down at us and silently showed its broomstick long teeth. Aang bended an air-scooter and flew up to the spirit in hopes of calming it down with explanations. I straightaway understood it wouldn't work. And so did the others for Katara and Zuko readied their bending. Azula snaked in her stone shackles. I took a stance for long-range flame attack, but knew that if it would come to physical blows I would be out.

The wolf turned its big head away from Aang and stared me in the eye. I tried to appear dangerous but felt like I came up short. It patted a few steps closer, never doping my gaze. There was something uneasy about the way that it looked deeper than the skin. It was trying to tell me something. I dropped my hands and stood still. The wolf had markings in its fur, white lines that made it's brows look angry, but it didn't act aggressive. It lowered its head and patted closer, only stopping to glance at the Gaang and Azula.

It slowly stuck its glistening nose to me. Zuko fired up a flame. I was sure he was still feeling betrayed to the bone and I could appreciate the notion of back up despite his resentment. In this instance though, it didn't seem needed.

"No, don't." I said calmly and held a hand to him. In a tight expression he snuffed out the fire again. The wolf breathed in, sniffing me, and the breath was making my clothes and hair flutter. I held a hand to my side, not touching the burn but just above it. It hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry about your forest." I said to the wolf, not knowing if it could understand me or not. It leaned in carefully and touched its cold giant nose to my cheek. I winced in a smile. Then the flash of white came. Like a lightning blinding me momentarily. It was in the white woods but I was alone and floating on top of the blue pool. I no longer felt battered and burned but I'll admit I was severely freaked out about looking passed my feet and seeing a deep pond of water five meters below.

"Do not fret." A voice strong and deep breathed to me. I twisted in the air but saw no one.

"Who are you?" I asked nervously. I was completely alone.

"I am the spirit of the wood. I am the protector of the mother. I am the lake and tree and the seeing."

"So you're a spirit?" I asked the space, not knowing in which direction I should speak.

"I was the father but forgotten. Now I am the servant. The guard to the daughters."

"Daughters? Who?" I asked again. I had no relocation of any daughters on this journey. I only knew of the importance of family in the sense that this was not only about Ursa, but about Zuko and Azula too. I looked above me and gulped. Two red eyes in the white sky stared down at me. The pupils were round dots in the blood red irises.

"The daughters of the lost." The voice echoed a bit fainter.

"I don't understand?"

"I have brought you here because you are in danger. Return now or be my daughter. He is coming."

"Who!? Ozai!? Who is coming?" I was calling to the eyes but just then a force stronger than gravity pulled me down. Suddenly I was plummeting through the air, through the water.

I gasped and fell backwards in the grass. The wolf withdrew.

A flame rushed passed me. The wolf growled and threw itself backwards. Then earth rumbled under me and Katara's water sliced the air. They were all attacking with force and even Sokka, who had finally joined the group, was taking part.

"Stop! Stop everybody!" I lifted my hands, but where I sat on the ground, didn't make a very convincing argument.

Ferocious snarling sounds came from the wolf as it turned. But before it vanished in between the trees, it sent me a knowing hard gaze. _Turn back? To where?_ _My world and who was coming our way?_ An old or new danger, I wondered. Why did spirits have to be so goddamn cryptic!? It couldn't just be 'hey bro, watch out for that guy', no it had to be a string of cosmic riddles. I supposed it was because most spirits were as old as time itself, and perhaps had forgotten how to be concrete in a sentence. Either way I was completely stunned with the wolf spirits warning.

"Kai?" Katara was at my left and she offered to lift me up. I shook my head and got up on my own. Pride is an ugly and tedious thing, but I could never rid myself of it.

"You guys, thanks for the assistance, but I didn't need it." I sighed a little frustrated.

Aang looked worried in to the woods. I think he was regretting his attack.

"You looked like that thing's dinner, so excuse us!" Sokka said and crossed his arms.

"No. He was telling me something. He was warning me." I drew my brows together.

"What about?" Aang snapped his head back.

"A danger coming our way… And that I would be lost if I didn't turn back?" I muttered, still turning over the prophecy myself. "Zuko…" I said but didn't look up. He hadn't said a word to me since the showdown. "…I think it was the spirit world we visited that time."

"You were in the white woods again?" He asked flatly.

"Yes. Over the lake."

"Over?" Sokka echoed with wonder.

"Do you think the beast brought you there the other times too?" Aang questioned.

"I don't know… The answer lies in the spirit world. Maybe I have to seek out the wolf again, inquire about what he's a spirit for and then I could piece it together? This could have something to do with finding my way back…" I was talking mostly to myself.

"I thought we were here to find our mother." Azula sat, still locked in properly painful earth. "Or have you had a change of heart _dear brother_." She pushed her lips.

No one spoke to answer Azula. It would seem our quest was at a crossroads. Stay together or split up. I chewed on my cheek. I could tell them of Ursa, of the spirit 'the mother of faces', they could go through this without me. They could find her and she could be reunited with her children before the day ended. I could even say which pool they should seek.

"She's right." I broke the silence. Everyone turned to me. "You should find Ursa now in Hira'a. I'll walk you through the steps. You don't need me there…""

"And what will you do?" Zuko had his eyes on me but I couldn't bring myself to lift my gaze.

"… I'll continue alone."

The group hesitantly sat in a circle. Katara had worked even more healing magic on me, and now the pain was a dull but insisting sting. As long as I didn't twist around it was okay.

What should we do? No one knew what the right answer to this question was. Not even Aang had a hidden universal advise that could help us make the decision.

"I'm sorry, so let me get this right. Wolfi-spirit talks to you, while you're floating in the air in the spirit world, and warns you that you might end up 'lost' whatever that means, if you continue, AND your response is to split up? And follow the very guy who said danger is up ahead?!" Sokka was waving his club/sword while he spoke. "Isn't that kind of stupid?" He had a point.

I shrugged and nodded.

"I think we should stay together. Kai shouldn't go alone." Aang frowned.

The sun was almost right above us and we had wandered back to the camp. Azula had been fixated by vines to a tree and was glaring scornfully at us.

"Me too. But Zuko deserves to find his mother, he has waited so long." Katara argued gently.

"But who says it will take long? Finding Kai's way back could be a quick in-and-out kind of mission!" Sokka was pacing now.

"I don't think so. If this has anything to do with opening a portal to my world I don't think there is an 'in-and-out' at all." I didn't want to directly mention the possibility of me not returning. A knot tied itself tighter in my stomach. It was not like I especially wanted to go home right now in this moment, but if this was my only chance I owed it some investigation.

"We should vote for it." Aang said.

I caught Azula rolling her eyes.

Zuko wasn't very talkative. He skulked sourly with his arms crossed. I still couldn't look directly at him. I knew that whatever anger or contempt he expressed, it rooted in hurt. I had hurt the person one in the world that I absolutely did not want to. And I hadn't even thought about it twice. It made me feel like a wretched person. And now I was causing him pain all over again. No matter what I choose to do it would be a sidestep -unless, of course, I sacrificed my own 'errand' entirely.

"Okay… All who votes for splitting up?" Aang asked.

I and Katara lifted our hands. I glanced at Zuko. Feeling the knot tightening to the point it might break.

He looked conflicted. The others looked at him too.

Then he raised his hand.

I drew a sharp breath but bit hard down on my cheek. I stiffened and fixed my eyes at the ground.

"… Then it's decided." Katara sighed gravely.

"If you're done playing consensus over there, hurry up and get these filthy vines off me so we can go." Azula snapped her orders.

"You three go to Hira'a with Azula. Find our mother and bring her home to the palace. I'll go with Yokai." Zuko instructed without any emotion.

"But don't you want to be with us when we find her?" Katara was holding Aang's hand as she spoke. I felt my face grow warm with tears. I pushed them away. It would be embarrassing to sob in front of my idols.

"No. I don't want you with me. I'll go alone" I breathed and turned on my heel. The burn shot a twinge of pain through me, but I didn't stop walking. I took too long strides and when I finally felt like I was far enough away I silently opened the floodgates –not entirely on purpose. Considering how much I hated crying, I really was doing a fair bit too much.

Tears streamed over my red cheeks and air locked in my throat. I sagged on a stone by a small stream. I couldn't take that from him.

I couldn't take meeting his mother for the first time in a lifetime. I wouldn't.

"Running away has always been you least flattering trait Kai." Zuko was walking to me with his hands in his pockets. He pulled out the letter. "If it's a lie… Then why did you not just tell me?" He sat on a stone over to me.

"I can't mess it up Zuko." I was still weeping like a willow and I couldn't even lift my head.

"Be more specific please."

"The story! It has to go a certain way, or…" I wasn't sure what would happen if I changed it all. It could be that in the end it had no real effect and through a twisted path destiny would find its way. But I wouldn't risk it. Too much, that is. I was already interfering with the way of things by even being here.

"Story?" He spoke calmly to the water.

"Your story, all of your stories. It has to be right. An-and I'm messing it up!" I cried so my shoulder shook. To Zuko's credit he wasn't looking uncomfortable with my emotional outburst.

"And so what if you do?"

"Then-then I don't know! But I don't want to find out. I want it to be as it's supposed to. The bawling started to reside, thank God. I took a trembling breath.

"… Why?"

"Because I love you." I whispered to the ground.

"I don't follow your logic." Zuko sighed softly. "What does one have to do with the other?"

"I'm not supposed to be here. I was selfish. You're supposed to end up with Mai and have firebending babies and the future firelord, your great-great granddaughter is supposed to be this beautiful fearsome world leader that safes the nation and-"

Zuko suddenly had his hand on my jaw, his thumb rested lightly on my lips to make me shut up I guessed. He was kneeling before me and his yellow irises cut in me.

"Then why did you come?" We held the eye contact.

"I…" I had to give in. It was time. "I came for you…" A leftover tear darted from my lashes. It had been true all along. I had come for him. I had always been impossibly in love.

"Me…? I don't…"

There was a bird singing in between these questioning silences. Leafs rustled softly above us. It was hard to convince myself that this world was anything other than 'real'.

"… I've seen you for many years. From afar… I'm not your spirit guide. I'm just a normal stalking person who forced my way in because I had to meet you. And I've stolen very valuable moments from you for my own egotistic benefit. Your life… Your destiny has been tampered with. By me." I whispered. There was no way of knowing if, once I was out again, the parallel would 'reset' itself or if it would stay changed forever.

"Life has taught me that destiny is a variable. If you are here now. If you love me. Then it is as it supposed to be Kai… Because I feel the same. I could never imagine how it would have turned out if you hadn't been here. If you hadn't believed in me back then and now. You are everything to me and it doesn't matter that you aren't a guide sent from the spirit world. I figured that out a long time ago." Zuko leaned in and kissed my lips very lightly. The knot loosened a little bit. He wiped his thumbs over my cheeks and dried away the tears. I felt my face threaten to crumble again and grabbed his hands to stay strong.

"… If- if I go back. I don't know if I can ever return." I slid off the rock and closer to him.

I embraced him and he hugged me back tightly.

"I don't want to leave… But I have to know if it's even possible."

Zuko was quiet and stroked my hair.

The bird somewhere in the trees fluttered away.

"I can understand." Zuko muttered in my hair. Well he would, wouldn't he? If I were to mention one other person who was going to relate to this situation it was going to be Zuko. The quest of finding our way home, and face irreversible conscience, that was the thing we certainly had in common.

How could I make this impossible decision? How could I go, _now_? Or fail my other life.

I had to cry all over again.

Zuko just sat still and stroked me while I full on sobbed into his clothes. It was very frightening and very comfortable to be consoled for once.

Back at camp we had reassembled our 'council'.

"Are you sure?" Katara looked at Aang, but the question was meant for Zuko. I had filled the crew in on their next sets of action –being very careful that Azula wasn't hearing the whole thing. I'd also told Zuko about his half sister and stepdad, and in which condition his mother was currently in, when we'd still been by the stream. I figured he needed to hear it before we got back to the group. He has taken everything overwhelmingly well, but I supposed that the reaction would manifest itself sooner rather than later.

Aang was looking troubled.

"So you're saying there's a pair of water-tribe siblings that wants to meet the 'mother of faces' too?"

"Yes, deep within the forest, by the pool you'll need to be there's a man who has gotten his face stolen by Koh." I clarified.

"But the spirit only grants one favor?"

"You'll need to convince her if you want to help the both. But it shouldn't be a problem Aang. You'll do the right thing." I smiled encroachingly.

"But the wolf spirit choose to talk to you…" Aang doubted himself.

"Yeah, but only because it's all connected to the white woods somehow. Don't worry. You're still the avatar." I patted his shoulder and he nodded inattentively.

"Okay then! We have a loooot of strange life-changing stuff to get done and not a whole lot of time to do it in. I say we get cracking." Sokka squinted at the sun to estimate time.

"Okay… I wish you luck." Katara hugged me tenderly. "And take care. If I don't see you again, I just want to thank you." She smiled knowingly.

"Oh. You're welcome… But for what?" I pulled back. Friendly 'touchy-huggy' acknowledgements were a little out of my comfort zone.

"For showing my friend the light." She flicked her eyes to Zuko who was helping Aang untie Azula. She left a light and sweet perfume where she'd touched and I had to collect myself not to blush at her words. Little did Katara know that I hadn't done squat, and Zuko would have turned out just as neat without my meddling. But the sentiment was nice.

"Bye Kai!" Sokka embraced me from behind and lifted me off the ground.

"Uf! You know we're walking the same way right?" I puffed.

"Oh! Of course I knew!" He put me down and grinned.

The rest of our travel preparations were quickly handled, and we'd packed up camp very efficiently. I didn't know if Zuko still had Ursa's letter or not, but Azula didn't try make a move either way. I padded Appa on his nose before we all marched in to the Forgetful Valley and Hira'a.

The deeper we went, the darker and denser the wood became. It was an odd mix of jungle vines and northern forest. Tall trees with markings on their bark and animals with faces painted in their skin watched us as we trotted through the uneven terrain. The tracking was tough and humid. I had difficulty with finding my footing and pain traced my movements.

A rustling in the bushes made out troop stiffen.

"Remember, try not to disrupt anything." Aang insisted.

A huge fruit-butterfly-bat-thing busted from the greeneries and we all flinched. Zuko whipped out his dao swords in a flash. Aang beamed, quickly summoned an air scooter, and shot after the bat.

"Follow them! They'll lead us to the pool!" I declared as I tuned. The burn reminded me of its severe presence and I had to take a second. The others overtook me in a sprint but Zuko stopped when he saw I wasn't with them.

"Kai?" He called a little up ahead and put his swords away.

"Ouch... Coming!" I started in a jog but couldn't keep from wincing. And after few steps I had to stop again. I cursed and supported myself on a tree.

"Don't push yourself." Zuko said softly as he came over to steady me.

I cursed some more and took a scarp breath.

Then the scene hit me.

We were alone.

Suddenly the forest rumbled. The ground shook and I tumbled into Zuko's arms.

"I think this is it." I yelled over the thunder of earth ripping apart.

The rooted ground under us splintered and started to cave in.

"Hold on!" Zuko shouted and gripped me tight. I did the same.

The floor disappeared.

Blindingly white light had replaced it.

And then we fell.

We plummeted towards the ground, but with everything being white, there was no chance of me estimating how far down the ground actually was. All I can say is that it was a big drop. I clung to Zuko and squeezed my eyes shot. It was the second time I'd been hurled through the air today and it wasn't the best feeling in the world.

Right before we collided with the white soil, we stopped. An invisible net catching us and holding us inches over the ground.

I loosened my grip on Zuko and straightened up in the space where seemingly nothing was holding us. Then, whoever or whatever was doing it, gently sat us down. I exclaimed a sound of relief when we both stood firmly on our two feet.

"Woah…" Zuko ran a hand through his dark hair. "That was petrifying."

I nodded in agreement.

"So. We're here." I stood and looked around. The woods were just as empty as I'd expected it to be.

"Do you think the others came in here too when the floor collapsed?" Zuko asked absently as he scanned the perimeter and it made my skin crawl as history repeated itself. I looked him straight in the eye and he recalled himself saying the exact same words too.

"Oh." He stopped dead. "Disturbing." Zuko added in a minor cringe.

"But what does it mean?" I touched a tree. I could get a glimpse of the lake further up ahead. "Should we go to the lake? I mean it's not precisely like the first time we were here…" I peered at Zuko. "I mean you are as well filled in on the future now as I am here…" I tried to elucidate, but felt myself getting confused in the details. He wandered over to me.

"You're right. It's very different." Zuko stood close now and I couldn't read his expression.

"Whatever happens…" I started but my words ran dry. I wasn't in any position to make promises or deal out consoling words.

"… Yes?" Zuko breathed and bend down a fraction. I flew up in a sudden kiss despite my injury. I held his shoulders and pressed myself into his warm lips a little too hard.

He took a second to respond, I could imagine he was a little stunned, but soon enough Zuko held me too. The kiss grew soft and deep and he ran his warm hands over my back, shoulder blades, and my neck. I moaned silently and clutched his clothes. A string of smaller impulsive kisses followed and I couldn't bring myself to break them. The sensation was too sweet, and too good to end. It was making me wish I had turned back as the spirit had urged. Just, returned to the palace with the Gaang and Zuko's mom. I could see us all do so many things. Playing Pa Sho in the evenings infront of the fire, listening to Zuko tell about his day. Stopping bad guys in epic flame showdowns and going on stealth missions. Sitting in the garden and watch the pink cherry blossoms stand breathtakingly against the blue sky.

Eventually Zuko was the one pulling back.

"Don't say goodbye yet." He whispered a little unevenly himself.

Something dripped down my cheek and he kissed it away.

We stood there a moment. Waiting for the waves of misery to subside.

I squared my shoulders and sniffed. It would do absolutely no good in the world to wallow. I had plenty of time to do that later, and besides I felt like I had been a baby the entire day. So much whining and crying and my heart couldn't bear another depressing thought. Time to step up and find out what the hell was going on!

"So… The Lake?" I asked, taking in a fresh less emotional lungful of air.

Zuko nodded curtly and we pressed on.

The lake was as vast and crystal blue as always. Zuko looked at the water and around the bank.

"I'm almost afraid to say or do anything to repeat myself." He muttered. "Is this how you feel when you know the future?" He let out a disturbed exhale.

"Nah. It's usually not that bad. I find, that you rarely say the same line twice." I smiled over my shoulder at him. "Besides its fun to expect one thing and then be pleasantly surprised." As I had been with all our conversations and some of our fights. I grinned to myself. We were really such kids back then. It felt like a long time ago already. The ship, the tentative glances.

Now we were adults. Zuko nearing his 21th year, if he hadn't turned it already, and me? Well that depended on which side of reality you were in. Here I was one year older than Zuko, but I had no specific birthday that I knew of. I pondered that as we walked, almost leisurely, along the lake.

"Kai I need to ask you something…" Zuko said hesitantly.

"Shoot." I shrugged.

"Is there any more secrets you're keeping from me?"

I frowned. _Ehm yes? A lifetime of them?_

"Do you want me to walk you through your existence's story?" I threw some attitude, even though I could understand where he was coming from. I would have asked the same.

"Not necessarily. But are there any more… Surprises?" He was referring to Ursa's letter.

I sighed.

"Okay. I'm going to come clean here. After today, after we've found Ursa, my detailing of your life grows a little vague. I could tell you some pretty big things, and be concrete, but do you really want to know? I mean what if, it doesn't happen because you knew it would happen. Are you curious enough to risk it?" I smirked and tilted my head.

"You are the worst." Zuko huffed in an equal devious smirk.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you out man." I laughed, then added, "but no. I don't know of any more personal deep dark secrets. That's not to say there won't be any though." Worry crossed my face. Maybe it wasn't a good thing that I didn't have that much more information. I mean, what were to happen to Ozai? Would he just die quietly in prison? I doubted that. I chewed my cheek in thought, it was a bad habit.

Unexpectedly, from the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of movement. I froze.

"Zuko." I hissed in warning. He spun around and put a hand to his swords. I fired up a flame in my palm and fixed my gaze.

Something dark was nearing us from the woods on the other side of the lake. We could sparsely see it but it was there, and growing sharper with each moment. It occurred to me it was a person.

I held my fire at the ready and squinted my eyes. It was a person in a tux?

Yeah. A tuxedo, a penguin-suit a Bond uniform. I doubted Zuko had ever seen anything like that. His eyes showed no interest for the outfit but were strong and mean, and ready for a fight. The man, I could tell now, was walking closer still but now his steps were hitting the waters surface. Like a reflective glass floor underneath him, he came closer, and then I could tell who it was.

"Jerry…?" I asked and the astonishment made my flame dry out and evaporate.

"You know this creature?" Zuko frowned but didn't look away from Jerry who was wearing a polite smile. I nodded for the words had left me briefly.

"He is the one who brought me here." I dropped my firebending stance entirely.

"Good evening miss." Jerry came to a hold four meters in front of us. "How was your stay?"

"Unexpected." I said curtly.

Zuko sent me a glance but Jerry ignored him and smiled wider.

"Did the program crash?" I asked, not bothering to fill Zuko in. I could do that some other time. The butler before me was giving me chills.

"No miss." He bowed his head.

"Then why didn't you pull me out when I spoke the password or when my year was up? Or when I hit rock bottom on the road?" I snarled through gritted teeth at him and the fire lived again. I knew instantly Jerry was an enemy in this scenario. Following my vibe, Zuko readied his swords.

"But your wish was not yet granted? Our services provide you sanatorium until the wish is fulfilled."

"What are you talking about? I demand an explanation!"

"But now your wish has been satisfied. It is time to go miss." He reached out in the empty air as if reaching for a door handle, and to my amazement he found one. An invisible handle was tuned by Jerry and the door I couldn't see opened. On the other side of it was the white room with the dark welcome disk. I took a step back and shook my head.

"What wish?"

Jerry flicked his white blue eyes to Zuko and I blushed.

"It has been satisfied." He repeated.

"I never said anything like that to you! I only asked for a year!" I blasted a flame at him but Jerry sidestepped it faster than humanly possible, the fire fizzed in the water. I blinked.

"We took the liberty to understand you. We know you. We granted your wish."

"Wish, wish, wish, you sound like a broken record! What is it that you think you've granted me?"

"A undying longing. Love, as it were. One year was not enough to give you the most pleasurable of stays." He gestured the opening he had made. "It is time to leave now, miss."

"And if I refuse?!" I was feeling confused and overwhelmed. _Love?_ Such a tacky word to throw around. _Undying longing?_ Even more so. But I couldn't help but risk a glance at Zuko. He was not blushing in the slightest, but he looked very aggravated.

"Nobody stays past check-out." Jerry's smile stiffened on his lip.

"If you'd collected my after a year like I wanted we wouldn't be having this conversation. But now I'm telling you. I stay."

"_Nobody_ stays past check-out." Jerry said again and inclined his head in a mechanical way. "If you do not follow willingly through the portal we will have to deactivate you, to send you back."

"You are gonna kill me?! How's that a pleasurable stay?!" I backed further away. _Fear_ like I hadn't known it in a long time was forcing me.

"It will only hurt a moment miss." Jerry bowed and before I could blink he was right in my face.

I gasped and immediately tripped over my own feet. Zuko was attacking, swords singing in the air. Slicing at Jerry, who of course wasn't human and therefore not bound to the physical rules of one. Jerry evaded in dreadful twists and insufferable bends. It would have broken a human's back and neck, but the butler was still smiling courteously without breaking a sweat. I watched in pure terror.

"Please firelord Zuko. We do not want to terminate you as it would be irreversible." Jerry polity informed Zuko who hadn't gotten close once.

I mentally screamed for Aang.

"I'll not let you take Kai." He said, winded but strongly.

"Then you must be deactivated." Jerry stopped evading and started countering. It took him three moves to have his hand around Zuko's neck. Jerry squeezed and Zuko dropped his swords in a choke. I was hyperventilating. Scrambling to push past the panic.

Zuko fired up flames instead and pushed Jerry back with two columns of orange roaring fire. Jerry was thrown backwards, his body bouncing on the ground and smoke hovering. I shook my head and leaped over to Zuko who was catching his breath.

"What is that thing?" He gasped at me.

"A machine, a-a program! A device that has a mind of its own!" I tried to explain to someone who had minimal experience with technology. Zuko couched and rubbed his neck.

"Its strong. And I doubt we're done." He looked over at Jerry who had started to move in sudden jerks. He straightened, rolling from the legs and unnaturally up.

"I don't know how to stop it! My blood boiling won't work because he had no blood!" I balled my hands to fists. _What could stop him?! What could deactivate Jerry instead of the other way around?! What, what, what!?_ My mind raced.

"THE DOOR!" I almost shouted 'eureka'. "I can reprogram-"

"Whatever you are going to do, do it now, we're out of time." Zuko cut me off. Jerry was rebooted and ready for round two. He flashed across the ground as a bullet. I stood besides Zuko.

Both of us opened up an inferno of flame.

I felt my hands and face tingle with scolding heat from our bending. I gritted my teeth. The force from the fire slid us backwards in creeps and I used all the straight I had in my body to keep balanced. My burn pulsated furiously on my hip. I had to stop. And Zuko held his fire too.

We had carved a comet-sized canyon through the white forest. Leaving the trees singed, black or disintegrated. Far, far away from us was a smoking dot I was sure had been Jerry. We both held our breath. Had we finished him?

Of course not. The smoking pile of Jerry stirred.

"I'm going through the door. I can shut him down! But I'll come back!" I shouted to Zuko while I was already running.


	16. Chapter 16: A bloody mess

**Chapter 16: A bloody mess**

I stumbled inside. My feet were wet as the door had been opened over the shallow water, and I didn't have the creepy walk-on-water ability as Jerry.

The air was crisper and the humming was directly digging in to my skull. I glanced back, making sure the door had remained open. It had, and Zuko was blazing another powerful fire attack in the direction of the butler. It wasn't very effective though.

"Computer give me the command center!" I hurried.

"Compliant. Processing. Denied. Access overwritten." The soft voice informed.

I cursed and ran to the paneled white walls. I pushed a slot and the panel gave way with a smooth glide. The keyboard was from floor to ceiling and much taller than me, but that was fine. I didn't need the top buttons anyway. My fingers clicked over the keys. Typing in any idea I could think of to access the controls to Jerry. Fire roared through the doorframe behind me.

I opened the screen to stand in the middle of the room, a see-through square of blue light with text running over it. I dove in and transcribed as fast as I could. Red upon, red upon error codes flashed and kept me form getting inside the programs. Jerry had stripped me of any and all administration power. To guess a password would be one in a billionth-gazillions as it was mechanically generated, and I would guess, changing every 30 minutes. Not that we had that kind of time.

It was all very 'computer knows best fleshbag, so just give up', and it pissed me off.

A burst of scolding wind stood through the doorway and it made my hair whip my face.

Zuko was making fire tornados bigger than I've seen him produce outside Ozai's Comet. He was shaking off and evading Jerry, but only just and I could see the exhaustion was getting to him.

I dove back to the controls.

Okay, I'd tried the smart way. Now it was time to attempt the dumb one.

I opened up for my flames and blazed at the controls. I knew further in, behind the layers of blocked cement, the fragile hardware was securely locked away. Maybe with enough heat I could destroy it. As the flames hit the wall and aggressively sprung to the ceiling. I had to turn my head to endure the hellfire. It roared and cracked the white walls, melting the keys away but nothing was catching the flames and carrying them further in.

"Ah. Very good miss." Jerry said pleasantly. I whipped around. "Now we can process your check-out."

Jerry who looked a little scruffy, had Zuko in his hand, dragging him effortlessly by his collar over the watery ground on the other side.

"Let him go." I sneered.

"Yes miss." He obeyed.

Jerry dropped him like you would a trash bag, and proceeded to step through the door. It would seem Jerry thought our conflict settled as I was in the white room. Zuko was unconscious, or dead, I couldn't tell and fright filled me. He was left halfway in the water outside the opening.

I wasn't ready to give up just yet.

If only I could use this blasted bending for _something_! I was on the verge of exploding with frustration and helplessness, when a thought occurred to me. _Maybe I could…_

"Is he still alive?" I asked, trying to sound strong.

"I would suppose so." Jerry estimated emotionlessly.

"If I leave quietly now. Can I come back?"

"No." Jerry corrected his golden nametag. "It is far too dangerous and pointless. We have decided to terminate your program indefinitely."

Who was this 'we'? I wondered.

"Then… Can I say goodbye?" My voice shook.

Bending was flowing through my body but no flames sparked.

"I don't see why not if you do not leave the room."

I stepped over to the door opening. There I folded my knees under me. Zuko was still maybe two meter from me, his hair matted with blood. His face was cut and red.

My bending influence increased but I'd directed it behind me.

"Can you hear me?" I tried, wanting to jump down and pull him out of the shallows. "Are you okay?"

Zuko couched in response. More red ran from his mouth and nose. I grimaced.

"It's going to be okay. Okay? Just hang on. Kata-Katara she'll fix you right up. She'd done it before. The others has to be somewhere close." I reasoned a little desperate. I'd almost dropped my influence in an unfocused moment, but found my way back to it. The heat. I had to concentrate on the heat. I felt out of breath. Jerry was lingering behind me. Observing something he couldn't understand I'm sure.

"I'm… Glad… I'm glad we got more than a year. Despite the circumstance." I said and smiled though it felt like a wince.

"… Me too." Zuko breathed his words and then coughed some more. The term 'internal bleeding' flashed in my mind and I had to tense my body to keep focused.

"And… I'm sorry." I whispered.

Time was in short supply. Zuko needed to get to a healer _now_.

"… Me too. Kai… I should have been better to you…" Zuko was battling to talk.

"No. It's okay." I sniffed. "It's fine. Just… Next time a person comes to guide your spirit, be a little more open-minded." I laughed breathlessly and sniffed again.

"Sure." Zuko closed his eyes.

"I think that's quite enough miss. I am going to close the door now.

I glared at Jerry over my shoulder.

"Would you just, give me a minute." I hissed through clenched teeth. I was almost shaking with anger.

"Miss. One minute will not make a difference-" He started to argue.

"It WILL TO ME!" I shot to my feet. Hate and anger blazing from my eyes. I stretched out my hand and emptied all my bending influence, without actual flames, to the spot in the room with the melted keys. I had to yell to suffer the throbbing of shooting everything I had into that spot. Behind the keyboard, through the blocks of cement, over the motherboard and on to the preservation system, which was, of course a state of the art _water-cooling_ one. I couldn't see what I was doing, but I felt the water boiling. Violent bobbles ripping loose the tubes and spraying water on the delicate cobber technology. A fizzing, hissing and screeching sound made its way to us. Black plastic smoke broke from behind the panels.

Jerry dropped his polite face and frowned.

The white lights flickered.

He observed his hand. It flickered too.

The humming stopped dead.

A broken rattling noise took its place.

Jerry took two long strides, grabbed me by my wrists and lifted me up.

"What did you do?" He asked calmly but his voice was filled with motorized interference. He closed his hands on me and I heard the bones snap. Both of them. I screeched and kicked wildly, but I was hanging in the air and couldn't reach anything. Jerry flickered again, this time it was his face.

"We cannot allow this." He said simply, the radio static in his voice increasing. I was still screaming. "I will now terminate you. Permanently. Please hold still."

I wasn't holding still. I was twisting and thrashing in his hands even though the pain was beyond mind numbing. He now held my crushed wrists in one hand and pulled what looked like a letter-opener from his breast pocket. I continued to struggle.

"Let me go you monster!"

"We cannot, miss." Jerry's voice slurred in the static. I kicked a flame at him but it was weak. The rattling sound of a fan turning gradually slower and a power source shutting down filled the room. A sharp pain pierced my abdomen.

The white lights went out.

Jerry flickered and let me go.

I fell backwards and out the doorway, landing in the blue water. I glare at him from below and the doorway flashed with him in it. He moved to come after me but by then the program was fried and it tuned off. The picture of Jerry with a bloody letter-opener was almost comical.

And then it was gone.

All of it.

Only white and blue remained.

Nausea and dizziness rushed over me as I floated on the surface of the lake. My blood made a red cloud in the water. I gasped to catch my breath. The taste of metal sat on my lips.

I was irritated by the fact that I was dying and thereby leaving permanently anyway. That was not the plan. I knew the others weren't going to get to me in time. Jerry had aimed right for the center of my body and had nicked at least a few vital organs. There was no chance of me rebooting by expiring now that I had successfully destroyed the gateway. It was just pointless dying. I closed my eyes. I knew Zuko was somewhere close, and very much unconscious. I weighed my chances of getting to him before I '_deactivated'_. I came up quite short, as I couldn't move my hands either. I snorted a laugh. So it had all been for not.

"Well this is.. Ugh.. A little annoying.." I muttered to myself.

Coldness claimed my limbs.

My head prickled from blood loss.

I fought to keep my eyes open, but the edges of my sight turned black and stars flowed every which way. Two red spots hovered far above me. At first I wondered quite morbidly if there had been blood in my eyes.

"Ah. Could you… Give us a hand?" I asked raspy. I didn't hear the response before I was carried away in a warm current of what I later supposed to be 'death'.

The prick of the needle made me jerk awake.

I snapped up. Kumizu yelped and sprung away from me.

In pure reflex I grabbed the syringe and ripped it out of my arm. My hands twitched painfully as I did so. The frightened doctor backed up against the wall and her eyes were round behind her glasses.

"I don't like needles." I said simply and dropped the syringe on the floor.

I was onboard a ship. I watched the view of passing ocean from the rounded windows.

A head rush combined with piercing pain in my middle made me sway in the bed. I cursed.

"Kai. You should let her do her job. Katara is not a complete miracle worker." Zuko said. I tuned and winced again. At least my little burn from Azula was a piece of cake compared to rest of my agony.

He was bandaged up pretty good too and was sitting in a sickbed besides mine. I threw off the covers and leaped over to him. Zuko blinked. A pink blush slashed on him as I got under his covers. Yeah, yeah it hurt, I could barely walk and all that, but I was just so glad he'd survived! That _I had_ for that matter.

Kumizu let herself out. I think she was afraid of me, but I couldn't quite understand why. I lifted a brow at her exit.

I could hear the waves crashing against the ship, and it made me calm somehow.

The bed was a larger one, but it wasn't meant for two. I was lying in Zuko's arm. He was shirtless, and wrapped in gaze. His heart was pounding.

"What?" I looked up at Zuko.

"You saved my life." He was on the brim of saying something more but dropped it.

"Of course. You would have done the same?" I nuzzled my face in his arm. "Did they find Ursa?" I was referring to the Gaang. Zuko nodded quietly.

"She had been to visit me a lot while you were unconscious. We've talked a lot about her life… And mine. She said you were beautiful." He cleared his throat.

I was flattered. I didn't believe him, or rather Ursa, entirely because my face was properly pale and dark circles hollowed out my eyes.

"Azula escaped." He added after a moment.

"Yeah I figured she would… I don't think we could have prevented that… She might have an alliance with the New Ozai Society. There is a plan, we'll need to shoot down somehow before we get into port. But if Aang and the others are here then it wouldn't be a problem." The only problem was that very soon I would have to face Zuko's ex and possibly work together with her. The mere thought gave me a jab of headache.

Zuko stiffened around me.

I didn't want to think about all that. Maybe Azula had chosen another path.

"You know that's the fourth time I black out and woken up to being a patient. How long was I out?" I scrunched my nose in a scowl. "You would think I liked being lifeless around you."

Zuko chuckled.

"Two days. And maybe on some level you do?"

"Why would I like _that_?" I glanced in his yellow eyes. His eyebrow had been stitched up.

"So you don't have to be so strong all the time." He was very serious, but I couldn't take it that way. "I mean it Kai. Remember when you asked if I wanted to be with you?"

"Sure." I bit down on my cheek.

"I'm asking you the same thing. Let me in."

"I- I am? I mean, I just bawled my eyes out in front of you not too long ago. That was pretty intimate? Not to mention the whole emotional goodbye I love you thing… How much closer do you want be? I'm practically lying on top of you right now for crying out loud." I was getting embarrassed just talking about it. I pushed myself up in a groan.

Zuko sat up, also not entirely painlessly.

"You never tell me how you really feel. I've never heard you once talk about what you're thinking. I want to know." He was hinting at something specific but I wasn't sure what.

"Then just ask for once." I crossed my arms and regretted it because it hurt.

"I will. If you promise not to leap out the window when I do." He was looking at me sternly. I rolled my eyes, as to say 'fine', and I found I could do that without anguish.

"How do you feel about never being able to return home?"

I moved uncomfortably.

"I don't know. I just woke up… I haven't had a chance to process it."

"Fair enough. Then, you questioned why _they_ didn't take you out 'when you'd hit rock bottom' to that thing. What did you mean?"

"Well… I was alone. And a little sad after the ship exploded." A little sad was the understatement of the year.

"And you wanted to go home?"

"Yeah. I mean… Sure."

"And you knew that I was with Aang? Why didn't you just seek us out? I know I was wrong to tell you not to follow us, but was that really all it took to stop you?" He was frowning. Not letting this conversation end. I scratched the back of my head. It felt like there was dried blood in it.

"I told you in the woods. I didn't want to mess with the order of things. You had to realize some things without me being there."

I was itching to just get through this so we could kiss or fool around or just be done with 'the heavy'.

"But you were there. I thought of you every day. Every decision I made I couldn't stop myself from wondering 'what would Kai do'. It was very irritation for a long period of time... And I missed you."

"That's…" I was a little surprised. And yet it felt like we'd spoken of this before. "Okay. If you're being this honest I should too… I wasn't a little sad. I was devastated." I sighed slightly letting go of the hardness in my tone. "You hurt me."

"I know…" He'd apologized for that before.

"And I thought you didn't even like me. That I was the only one having feelings."

"That wasn't very observant." He said but it was gentle.

"Maybe not. But you're not that articulate about those things." I felt myself look wry.

The sun was low in the horizon over the ocean. It was red and pink between a pair of green mountains. I couldn't say where we were exactly but I recognized the firenation.

"You're smart. And stunning. And powerful. And funny. And stupid." Zuko smirked at me.

I breathed out a timid laugh.

He leaned over a bit and tucked a stand of my blond hair behind my ear.

"And you have the loveliest laugh." He kissed me, warily, because he had a cut on the corner of his lip.

"I feel the same about you." I said against his lips.

"You're never articulate about those things." He smirked a little against mine. I drew back and held his face determinately.

"Because your ego can't bear it." I lectured. Then added softer and more shyly. "But I think you have the most striking eyes in all the worlds." I let go of him. It was getting cheesy.

They caught the evening light and the amber in the yellow irises played.

Zuko looked down.

Now he was blushing for real. I grinned. It was why I loved him so much. Not only was he brave and honorable and handsome, but also, he was just the right amount of endearing. That made me feel on top sometimes and the whole power balance was restored.

"And I also like you shirtless." I poked him playfully to lighten up the mood even more.

"I know that." He arrogantly shrugged a tiny bit. "I remember you walking in on me changing one morning on the ship. You couldn't look me in the eye for a week." He grinned deviously.

I smacked my glowing cheeks.

"You knew?!" I screeched mortified.

"Ehm, yeah? You were trying so hard to avoid me that it was impressive. You were really funny." Zuko laughed into his hand.

"Ugh. Don't mock me! It's not like you were any better!"

Zuko shut up and looked at me.

"The fight with the assassin on the roof, where my dress untied. You should have seen your face. _That_ was funny!" It was my time to laugh. After a moment Zuko joined in with a chortle.

We caught each other's eyes.

The atmosphere changed slightly.

"Did you ever… You know, have any other girls onboard the ship?"

He looked at me questionably. I honestly didn't know _everything_, everything. He might have.

"No. I had other things on my mind… Why do you ask?"

"Curious." My hands wandered over the covers.

I was sincerely curious. The ship had been such a 'rocky' time, but it had also been the most dynamic in our relationship, maybe even the most fun, and a part of me regretted not just _making something happen_ between us. But then again… As Zuko put it, he did have a lot else on his mind. It was almost challenging to recall how cold he'd been to me back then.

"But I spent a lot of time deciding against walking to _your_ door."

He carefully moved closer.

Perhaps us being back on the water in a metal box, far away from great halls and watchful eyes provoked my next set of actions.

"… What would you have done if you hadn't decided against it?" I pried.

Zuko was still. I edged on to saddle his lap. Slowly. He caught on.

"I would have ordered you to kiss me probably." Zuko didn't look like that was entirely a lie. I bit my lip the tiniest bit and then kissed him softly. My wrists hurt but they weren't broken. My midsection screamed, but wasn't bleeding and my burn stung, but I could push it down. I right now I was thinking about some very dissimilar sensations.

"Then?" I pecked his neck. It had a dark palm-shaped bruise.

"Maybe undressed you." Zuko ran his fingers over my collarbone and under the silk wrap dress I was wearing. I sighed a little restrained.

"I would touch you." His other warm hand slid over my thighs and under the hem of the dress. I loosely grabbed a handful of his soft hair and kissed his shoulder.

"That night, before the detonation, I was in your room. Why didn't you?" I exhaled and then didn't say anymore because he was making it impossible for me to say anything other than incoherent sounds. I let my head fall back.

"I was stupid." Zuko muttered faintly against my chest.

His fingers made me moan quietly.

If only we'd been in mint condition.

Suddenly I gasped and curled up. Pain from the fight made its arrival crystal clear. The stab wound wasn't having it. Neither did Zuko's injuries; he looked worn-out and battered too.

I had to wince and we pulled a little apart.

We both let out a vaguely irritated breath. This was the third time unpredictable circumstance kept us from doing 'the adult thing'. I looked out the window and the sun had gone from the sky. Only its light was faintly coloring the horizon.

"How long until we arrive at the palace?" I was still sitting on top of him, and I had to change the subject not to pounce him and set our recovery back.

"A week at the most." He took a strand of my hair and absently wound it around his finger. He studied it silently.

"Yue. The moon spirit had white hair." He recalled.

"Yes. She got it from the moon itself as a kid."

"Did you get yours from the sun then?" I wasn't sure if he was serious.

"I got it from my mom, who got it from her parents and so on. Blond hair isn't that special in my world. A lot of folks just color it, but I'm from the north and there it's pretty genetically common." I babbled not thinking too hard about if he understood.

"North?" He was intrigued.

"Ehm. Well. Since I'm not going back now… I guess I can tell you pretty much everything…" I looked unsurely at him. "If you'd want to know, that is."

"I do."

I slid off him and we laid back in bed. I started telling him about our world -about the technology, about clocks, about my family and my country. I let out that his entire world was a fantasy of someone in mine. That seemed like unnecessary info at this point. And what more was, I wasn't even sure it was still true. I'd also been quite vague about the whole 'white room with Jerry thing'. Zuko curiously glanced down at me once in a while.

I talked and talked until I slurred and my eyes kept insisting on long blinks. It was a huge burden off my shoulders to tell _somebody_ about my place, and quite pleasant to reminisce myself. It had been two years since I'd been home, and now it was going to be forever.

When I was nearing the end I had given up on opening my eyes. I felt Zuko fiddled faintly with my hair. The story, my story, was finally told and it had taken hours.

"And then I was in your broom closet." I yawned.

He was thoughtful.

"Kai. I cannot even begin to understand everything you've just said. It… It sounds like a tale from a book."

I snickered at that.

"A boring one. I had no epic mission or flying bison."

"Maybe not. But to have technology that connects everyone on your planet, instantly, sounds pretty wild. And your family, to just _be there_ for them as you've been… I feel like I can finally see who you are."

"I'm not invisible." I was selfishly drifting off.

"No you're not." He hugged me and let me go.

I think I had a wonderful grand idea right as slumber took my hand, but it had disappeared before a night of dreamless sleep finally claimed me. Don't you just hate that?

Waves splashed with white foam as the ship cut through them.

This was a _ship_, I'll tell you that! It was decorated lavishly and it was really seriously GIGANTIC. I thought of the ships in Zhao's harbor way back, and how I felt those were big ships. This was a palace on water. It had ten royal chambers, twenty lesser lord ones, and over a hundred employ chambers. Not to mention the bathing, living and dining areas.

I was standing at the bow of the ship, looking down on crashing water and the almost-dolphins. We were a few days away from the royal port and had only been so long underway because we had to stop for medical supplies earlier on when I was still 'out cold'.

"Good to see you out of bed." Katara walked up to me.

"Oh. Yeah it's thanks to you." I shrugged in a smile. "We would have been done for if the wolf spirit hadn't dropped us off at Hira'a."

"It was pretty bad." She agreed, and then looked guilty.

"Hey now. It wasn't your fight. I'm just glad you could patch us up. Especially Zuko." I patted her arm.

"You were the one whose life hung in the balance Kai." She said firmly.

"But he _is_ the firenation's only hope." And it's not like anybody truly depend on me here, I added darkly and mentally. I had been somewhat a gloomier version of myself since the chat with Zuko. I'd realized that everyone I knew _before_, might as well be dead. Even though they weren't, I wasn't going to meet them again, and that was pretty final. As Zuko bonded with his newly found family, I egoistically mourned the loss of mine.

"You are just as important." She offered and took my hand. I looked at the small fishing boats passing by our ship and the men waved up to us.

"Yeah…" I withdrew in a sigh. "You know. I'm starting to feel a little exhausted. I'm going below. Thanks again Katara." I cast her a smile, but it wasn't my best.

I had to admit that I was spending most of my depressing me-time in the 'spa'. I was never a spa person in my world, but in here, big fan! Filled to the brim with hot rocks, steaming pools, mud and scrubs the place was a welcome embrace. And with the stocked refreshing bar I had the revitalizing time of my life. Hey, I needed to give my injuries some rest. Doctor's orders!

The sanatorium even had a swimming pool for exercise. I mainly just floated around in it and thinking about my place in the universe.

And the best thing, No one ever bothered me there. I was the only one using the facilities and the staff had quickly realized that I was in no want of them there. Yeah, yeah, poor guys only doing their job blabla, but it is a pain in the butt to have people wanting to help you dry off all the time. I'm a firebender for the love of God. It takes like a second to get dry!

I stripped off my clothes and walking in to the pool of green water. I had no idea what it was but my guess was an herb bath of some kind. It gave off a fragrance of peppermint and lemon and I was all for that. I sighed as the foggy water came up to my chin.

I'd poured myself a glass of watermelon juice with a splash of firenation liquor in to take the edge off. No I wasn't an alcoholic, I was on '_vacation'_.

I sipped my drink and put a cold rag on my head. The melting feeling of warm water and the twinge of alcohol was just what I needed. I closed my eyes. Soon the peace would end and the next adventure swipe us away, but for now I didn't have to be any place but here.

The room was abandoned, as always, and so being naked wasn't a problem –until someone walked in.

I snapped my eyes open as the door opened with a metallic cry.

It was Zuko and he was dressed like the firelord and looked very… happy? That was a clash I thought and relaxed again. He had seen me naked before.

"My mother sends her greetings." He strolled over to me and I heard the heavy cape hit the floor. It was always the first thing to go when we were alone.

"That's nice. I think she's kind." I mumbled and sipped the juice.

"Yes she is. Your cheeks are all red." He said and kneeled by the pool in the floor. I looked up at him. "Aren't you nervous someone might see you?" He asked and glanced at my bare shoulders sticking up over the water.

"I was just thinking about that. And I decided on 'no'. I don't think anyone _dares_ to come in here anyway." I rolled my eyes.

"You're properly right. The servants always seem terrified of you. What do you say to them?"

"I'm not saying anything."

"Then it must just be the clouds of gloom that scares them off. Are you okay?" He asked and took a sip from my glass. He made a face. "Isn't it a little early for that?"

"I'm fine. And I've decided that if I can't train -I'm on vacation. It's past noon." I pontificated. "You should join me." I got up to refill the glass. The water rushed off me. I could sense his eyes on my wet figure and it made me feel very smug. I poured two glasses by the bar, and to my surprise Zuko undressed. He stepped in the water, looking quite smug himself, and I followed him with the icy juices.

"I haven't had a vacation since before my coronation."

I knew. It had been a lot of lovey-dovy time with Mai on Ember Island as I recalled.

"Then it's time." I handed him a glass and Zuko relaxed in the water breathing a small orb of fire. I glided over to him and carefully took out his hair. It had gotten long and almost brushed on his shoulders. The bruises were all faded to yellow instead of black.

We sipped in silence. Listening to the ship and the drip of water. I bended the water a little warmer with a turn of my hand and steam danced on the surface. Zuko sighed and closed his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong but can you completely control it now?" He asked quietly.

"How do you think I saved us from Jerry?" I put my empty glass away.

"Actually I don't know? I guessed the wolf spirit gave you a hand."

I dropped my jaw.

"Yeah he got us to Katara! But I defeated Jerry all by myself mister 'I'll just lie in the shallows and pass out'! I destroyed the program, remember?"

"Oh. How?"

"I boiled the water in a box that can't function when having water all over it." I stated flatly.

"That's amazing Kai." Zuko grabbed me and held me to him in a playful move. It was unlike him. I snaked around and peered at Zuko. He kissed me when I did.

"Did something happen?" I asked a little inquisitive.

"Everything is finally as it should be." He had a crooked smile as he rested his head back on the pools rim. I floated on top of him in the water.

The hawk with Mai's warning about the New Ozai Society would come any day now and I was trying to find the right moment to break it to Zuko. This wasn't it.

"How so?" I caressed his neck where a shadow of fingers lingered.

"Just… It's _right_ for once."

He stole a kiss. We sunk into it. It was sweet from the drink and my tongue tingled. Zuko pulled me closer through the water. I felt his body on mine, the breathing rising in his chest, the movement of mussels and his warmth in the embrace. Steam rose in a twisting ring around us. It lifted our hair faintly. I wasn't completely aware that I was causing it. My hands wandered over his collarbones and slowly further down. We caught our breath in gasps and dove into another deep kiss. This one was persistent and impassioned.

Nothing was going to interrupt us. We gave in completely.

I felt the heat and the liquor made my mind dazed. Zuko held the small of my back and breathed hotly on to my jaw. I moaned and my fingers touched his lips. His corner tooth gleamed as he gently bit my hand. The sensation sent chilled up my spine.

I tilted my hips nearer him. And we found each other's mouths again.

Effortlessly we moved in the water.

The white steam stood out on the hallway in a perfect square when we opened the door. We were both flushed with the heat and the… Well. And we were wearing bathrobes, as it was impossible to see anything inside. Much less our clothes sprawled somewhere on the floor. Zuko rustled his hair, and dripping water everywhere and I was tying mine up in a bun. The air was wonderfully cool out in the hall in comparison.

"I didn't know we had a steam room!?" Sokka walked down the corridor. "Why didn't anybody tell me that?!" He exclaimed.

When we didn't immediately reply Sokka assed the situation.

"We don't." Zuko cleared his throat.

I bit down on my lip to stop an explosive laughter.

"Oh… OH!" Sokka stumbled back. He lokked at Me then at Zuko, then at me again. I guessed that we looked a little guilty and a lot happy.

"So are you Kai's boyfriend?!" Sokka asked as he picked up his jaw from the floor.

Zuko and I exchanged a glance. We hadn't really talked it over in boyfriend/girlfriend terms. But if we weren't that, I had no idea what else to call it. Lovers? Eck! No thanks.

I shrugged and nodded.

"I am." He confirmed without humor.

"Woaw…" Sokka looked like someone had smacked him then shook it off. "I guess it makes sense. You have been hanging out a lot and you guys are pretty much the same person so… Okay I don't know what to do with this information, so I'll just suppress that I have it, until I can deal with it." Sokka rubbed his face and then continued.

"Actually… I was really on my way looking for you both. A hawk from… Eh… Yeah… Mai has arrived." He looked a little awkward.

Zuko glanced down at me.

"I already know what it is. Just go." I waved my hand at him, urging Zuko to go with Sokka.

"Okay." He said raspy, and then gave me an unexpected peck on the cheek. Both Sokka and me froze slightly.

"That, I'm _not_ okay with." Sokka stuck his tongue out. "I can't handle anymore sickly love on this ship! I already have to deal with ´sweetie' and ´moon flower´." A visible shiver ran through him.

"Don't be such a child." I wacked him over the head lightly.

"We'll try to keep the nicknames to a minimal." Zuko smiled gently. "I'll go change and meet you on the bridge." He said to Sokka who was scratching his head and mumbling irritated things as he walked back the way he came.

"Don't call me any nicknames please." I frowned up at Zuko as he and I walked to the chambers together. Ours were besides each other.

"What? You don't wanna be my_ sunflower_?" he asked sarcastically. I made a face.

"No thank you. But you can be my _honey bun_?" I grinned, and Zuko smiled in a cringe.

"I'd rather not." He tapped his chin. "You could be '_my love'_?" He asked. I breathed out a snicker because I thought he was joking.

"I didn't know you wanted that kind of thing. I mean I thought you were a more 'on the down low' kinda guy?" We passed a hallway and stopped at our quarters.

"I don't know exactly what that means, but…" He leaned on the doorframe. "That is what you are."

"That's a charming statement." I glanced at my feet unsure of how to react. I wasn't good with explicit 'romance' like that. I was better at suppressed emotions and passionate sneaking around.

"What?" He snapped his head up curious.

"It's… Daunting to hear you say stuff like that when we're not in immediate danger or as an effect of one of our fights." I rubbed my arm. "Shouldn't you be on the bridge?" I asked as an exit.

Zuko looked slighted but then shrugged.

"Perhaps, but I figured that you already know what the message is about, and you don't act like the palace is burning down. It couldn't be that imperative that I attend to the hawk straightway." His tone was formal but his face was a little bitter.

"You don't have to get all firelord-y." I crossed my arms.

"Apparently I can't seem to talk appropriately to you at all." Extremely passively aggressively, Zuko opened his door. I narrowed my eyes.

"Hey! I don't want to fight!" I puffed.

"No? Well too bad." He walked inside and shut the door. I was stupefied.

"What the hell just happened?!" I cursed some more and threw open my own door.


	17. Chapter 17: Hide and seek

**Chapter 17: Hide and seek**

Everybody had been gathered on the bridge after Zuko had read Mai's warning. I had told them that not only were there an ambush set up at the royal gateway, but furthermore there was a leak on the inside. Someone was tattling to the New Ozai Society and I knew that Kei Lo, Mai's current boyfriend, couldn't be the only one. I had also disclosed that the Kemurikage was in fact Azula and her new 'closed wing' crowd, trying to psyche Zuko into ruling the nation with fear.

There had been different reactions, varying from anger to worry, but the one that had stood out to me had been Zuko's cold look to the sea. He was feeling threatened, and I was questioning whether or not to tell him that Azula wasn't actually that crazy anymore. I hoped we had redirect the current of events, nevertheless Azula leading the fake Kemurikage had to be part of somewhat of a cosmic plan that I couldn't seem to avoid. But what could be avoided was the kidnappings and Zuko's misjudgment.

We set up plans of encouraged evacuation for families with kids on the main island, and arranged for Ursa and her family to stay at a country house outside the city with a the Kyoshi worriers as bodyguards. There they would 'vacation' the next few mounts until the whole thing blew over. I could see Zuko hating the idea of his mom and Kiyi especially, being away from him but this was a move Azula in no way would have seen coming. I for one thought Ursa looked a little relived to not live in the palace right away.

"The submarine idea is good Sokka, but they'll expect it." I was leaning over the conference table with a map under my elbows and the hands on my cheeks. It was just so damned hard to find something that could be sufficiently surprising and not crazy.

"I'm telling you Kai, it's the only way! How else are you going to sneak a bunch of people on to the island?!" Sokka threw his hands up.

"What about in the air? Appa?" I sighed and laid my head on the table.

"No no no. You know they will concur the royal gateway and then use the flame-throwing-canon-things to shoot us down! Believe me I tried that with Katara and Aang. You don't want that!" He argued.

Zuko hovered by the window, and Aang and Katara was standing outside on the balcony –already bored with Sokka's and mine quarreling. I pressed my nose against the map.

"What about secret boats in the night?" I asked exhaustedly.

"The rocks will crush us before we reach port." Zuko said and then tapped his chin. "But… in small boats we could use the tide to our advantage. They wouldn't be able to attack on the water."

"Tides? Wait! CAVES!" I exclaimed and sprung to my feet. It made Zuko blink.

"What caves?" Sokka inquired.

"We need to sneak Ursa, Kiyi and your… stepdad?" I stopped in a question, shook it off and continued. "…Over to the other side of the main island, right? Suki and the other warriors can meet us at the safe house I guess. But then you and these guys will escort them through the caves. Little boats, dead of night and underground! Safe and hidden!" I sat my hands to my hips and triumphed.

"We'll need a map of the caves and you are coming too Kai." Zuko swung on his cape, which had been draped over a chair, I figured it was heavy and warm.

"Why do I need to come? The fewer the better if you don't wanna be spotted."

"Boiling multiple enemies at once isn't a battle asset I'm willing to give up." He said and shot me a narrow look. Good to know, he was still pissed for some reason.

"_Whatever you command fire lord_." I wrung sarcastically and threw in a taunting bow for free.

"_You will excuse me_. I have some vital business to attend." He said almost as ironically, then clasped on the cape.

Sokka flicked his eyes to me as Zuko stormed out in a huff.

"I thought you guys were all…" Sokka gestured a smooch and a hug.

"We're fighting." I threw myself in a chair.

"What about? Maybe I can give some advice?" Sokka slicked his hair back in an overly-confident move.

"I have a hard time expressing romance, and he is taking it to heart." I said through clenched teeth.

"Really? Zuko is a romantic guy?"

"Yeah, right?! And just because I don't go around flaunting it like those two," I pointed out at Aang who was putting a flower in Katara's hair "I mean, come-on! It doesn't mean I don't love him!"

"So what do you think the problem is?" Sokka had snatched a pair of reading glasses off a shelf behind him and was pushing them up on his nose. He looked like a dork but in a charming way. I smiled for myself then sighed annoyingly as I found the answer.

"I think the real problem is that I have to say I'm sorry."

I pinched the brim of my nose.

"But how?" I grumbled.

"When me and Suki have a fight, we usually just talk it through and then, you know, make out." He shrugged. That wasn't a _bad_ idea. But I already knew how that conversation would go, and I was willing to bet on it casting off another fight. Sokka studied my lack of enthusiasm for his suggestion.

"Or, you could just _show_ an apology? Like, with the romantic things?"

"You make it sound so easy. I don't do the rose petal stuff because it's tacky and overdone." But Sokka did have a point. I could show him. Set up something that could prove I was sorry and without it being tasteless or overload adult-time. Something that was nice and sweet and displayed that I could stand to be explicit without too much awkwardness. I bit my lip in deep thought.

Something amazing…

I gently knocked on the doorframe to Zuko's workplace. He stood with his back to me and leaned over small heaps of scrolls and maps. Zuko cast a glance over his shoulder and the resumed to look at the stacks of paper.

"Can I help you Spirit guide?" He asked dryly.

"Enough with the cold formalities. Do you have a minute?"

"Rarely." He replied without regarding me. I pushed my lips.

"Just come on."

"Kai. We are six hours from departure and I have a lot to look over before I send my only non-insane family out boats that could splinter at the mindless will of cliffs and ocean. Not to mention that if I succeed I will properly be assaulted by my other family _that is in fact insane_." Zuko said, perhaps a bit pressured.

"Six hours is not that little when you have a team of four able people and the avatar." I walked over to him and hugged his shoulders. "I need to show you something. Then you can go back to driving yourself up the wall, okay?"

Without a word he relaxed a bit. I grabbed his hand and towed him along.

"Where are we going?" Zuko glanced back to his desk. I opened up the airlock door to the balcony outside his office. It was just passed sundown and the sky looked endlessly azure blue above.

I put his hand on the railing and mine on top.

"I always go out to look at the sky when I feel alone."

Zuko flicked his yellow eyes to me.

"I don't have any pictures of my family… Sometimes I have a hard time recalling exactly how they look like. But out here is doesn't seem so bad. The sky is the same." I watched the faint stars twinkle to life.

"And they remind me of the first time we talked. Like _really_ talked." I smiled to myself and pushed past the feeling of embracement. "The first time you held me and encouraged me to firebend." I pointed to a candle I had sat down below on deck on a small tea table.

"Watch it." I murmured and grabbed the railing. I focused on the heat in the wick -the scorching element in the molecules them selves. I made the water completely evaporate from the wick. I'm sure concentration was straining my face. Then the combustion took place. A sudden ignition made the orange flame spark and stand lively on top of the candle.

Zuko dropped his jaw a little. I suppressed the smugness that tugged on my lip.

"In the time I've been too sore to train my stances, I explored my long range moves. This one is new. I found out that I don't necessarily need to 'shoot' fire, I can bend it at my will." I blew out a lenient breath.

"So… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings… I wouldn't even be here is it weren't for you, and your influence makes me want to be better. A better bender, but also a better person, even if I don't say it in so many words… I care so much about you that it's ridiculous, really." I tore my gaze away from the tiny flame far below and lifted it to Zuko. He was comically stunned.

"H-how? How did you..?" He pointed and I regretted leading with that.

"Fire-boiling. My specialty I suppose." I was somewhat slighted that he didn't respond directly to my confession of love and heartfelt apology.

"But there's no water?" He almost stuttered.

"Everywhere has water, even the air. If something gets dry and hot enough, it lights. I can't ignite the air just yet though. Were you listening to what I said?"

He slowly turned to me, still a little shaken up.

"Sorry. Yes. I heard Kai." Zuko blinked and focused. He pulled me in to a gentle hug. "I'm not used to being in the receiving end of an apology. I forgive you." As he said that I relaxed in to the hug. "And I care a ridicules amount about you too." He chuckled into my hair.

I pulled back.

"So we're cool?"

"Cool?" He lifted his brow. I realized it was my otherworldly slang slipping through and also that it was a quite contradicting thing to say to a firebender.

"Yeah, like, we don't have an issue anymore?" I tugged a lock of hair behind my ear. It was getting too long and blew in my face constantly.

"Then, yes, we're very cool." He kissed my cheek. I didn't mind that he used the slang wrong, because he was right. I could bend freaking fire with my mind and he was the firelord. I agreed, we were indeed very cool.

"This is what we've all been waiting for. START OPARATION CAVE-SNEAK!" Sokka ordered to us all a bit too loud. Zuko, Aang, Katara, the almost-royal family and me were all gathered around him and his blackboard, waiting for Sokka to summarize our plan. Really anyone of us could have done it, but Sokka was very insistent and we all felt a little bad for him because of his bend-less situation. Of course no one would ever say that out loud!

The deck was dark, as we'd put out all the lights on the ship before it neared the coast. Now the only thing missing was the tide, and it was already drawing away from shore gradually.

"Maybe you shouldn't shout that we are sneaking through the caves Sokka?" Katara rolled her eyes.

"Maybe you shouldn't interfere with the command of a war hero?" Sokka pushed his lips. "And on we go, Aang and I go first through the cavern pass, making sure the coast is clear, then Zuko and your mom, sister and stepdad take up the middle, Katara and Kai you are in the end to keep our tail free from trouble! We'll exit in the drip caverns of the outskirts of this village." Sokka pointed the hilt of his sword on the map. He was actually pretty collected and motivated once he got started, and the years had made him handsome I noticed. "That's were Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors will take over the escorting of you guys to a safe house." He nodded at Ursa, Norren and Kiyi who all looked like they got the plan. Kiyi looked especially determined and I admired that a kid could be that brave. Felt a little sorry for her too. It seemed harsh that her peaceful childhood was so suddenly interrupted with spirits and assassins.

"It's simple and hopefully without danger." Zuko said. He was out of the firelord clothes and in his 'road-outfit' which still suited him.

He caught me staring and I quickly glanced away. When I flicked back to him he was looking mighty smug for a minute.

"Good we're all on the same page here. Everyone take care of each other and be watchful, we don't know if Azula and her lot is expecting us." Zuko said then turned to his family. "But even if they are, we have the avatar and some of the strongest benders in the world with us." He gestured Katara and me. I felt surprised and proud.

Once you leave a bigger ship and sit in a dingy, you instantly remember how unstable and unnatural they feel. The water splashed over the sides in small waves and when anybody moved in the boat, the boat moved with them. The sky was black and the water even more so.

We used Aang's silent fog to create a cover around us, and Katara guided the boat in the water. It was still a terrifying task to maneuver around the shadowy cliffs and shallow reefs despite her being a master waterbender. Kiyi was in the front, held on to by Norren, and she squinted her eyes and spotted the rocks up head. The girl had guts. Sokka helped her, whispering observations to Katara so she could carry us safely toward the steep cliff wall. There a cave sat, half drowned, when the tides came in again it would flood, but for now we could just fit through. I ducked down, and felt minor tremors of claustrophobia sneak up on me. The edges of the boat scraped the celling and we all flattened down in to bottom of the boat. I had to ignore the thought of tons and tons of solid stone weighing down on the cave and the possibility of black water drowning us under rocks. A shiver shot through me. I think Zuko noticed because in that moment he grabbed my hand.

The water sloshed and splashed in the cavern's dark nooks. While we sailed on, the celling seemed to rise, but as it did, the light from the moon was dwindling. Before long we could sit normally again but I had never experienced darkness as thick as this. It was like a coffin to me. I would have freaked out even more if it hadn't been for the fact that I had someone who could control all four elements onboard. Hard to drown when you can just bend humungous air bobbles.

"We should be far enough in now, I'll get us some light." Zuko said and I had to breath an extra time before I let his hand go. "If you close your eyes and get used to the light slowly, it wouldn't blind you." He said close to me.

Orange colored the inside of my lids, I sneaked a peak. Zuko reached for the red lantern at the stern and it cast its glow on the mirror of the water and up the cavern walls. I had believed that the celling was perhaps one meter above us, but when I looked up it was a pitch-black hole not even the lantern's light could reach. The eerily sound of waves and dripping echoed up, and up, and up to the celling a world away from us.

I gripped Zuko's hand again, not caring who might see it.

"I see the beach." Kiyi said and her high-pitched voice ricocheted off the stones. She smacked her small hands over her mouth.

"You're right Kiyi." Aang said in a grin and jumped off the boat. He danced on the surface of the water with airbending to help him across. There he landed on the rocks, scouting ahead with a fire in his palm. Katara pushed our company along too.

"All clear." Aang said as we reached him. I was about to step out of the boat when I noticed I was still holding on to Zuko's hand. I let go but he gave me the smallest of squeezes before he dropped mine too. I didn't want to show it, but the gesture made my chest flutter.

The stones and gravel grinded together under our feet as we ventured into a broad tunnel. Small white insects and eyeless crabs scattered as soon as the light hit the cavern walls. Me, Zuko and Aang were lighting our caravan. No one spoke for a long time, then Kiyi fell back and walked besides me.

"Is it true you're a good firebender?" She asked a bit suspiciously.

"Sometimes." I shrugged.

"Were you always god then?" She inquired and I could see what she was wondering about.

"No. The first time I bended, I set your brother on fire." I smiled down to her.

"On purpose?" Her eyes grew round.

"Not entirely." I tapped my chin then smirked. "But he sure did deserve it." I didn't know if Zuko heard us or not, but either way it was true.

The gravel leveled out to solid stone floor and the celling began to seek the ground again. I had to duck a few places, but Kiyi was of course walking without noticing it.

"Is it true the Kemurikage are spirits that kidnap naughty children?" Kiyi asked a little lower.

"Where did you hear that?!" Ursa whipped around.

"I read it!" Kiyi snapped at her mother. "I'm not a little baby anymore, I can read you know." She said up to me. I caught Ursa's worried expression and sighed.

"Can you bend too Kiyi?" I took her small palm, as there was a deep crack in the floor we had to cross.

"No. I wish I could do it like Zuko can." She looked sourly away. I knew that Kiyi had very powerful firebending potential and I thought of offering her some teaching time when we'd dealt with Azula, but of course I would have to ask Ursa first. That woman was a deeply traumatized pile of nerves and angst -which I could totally understand after being married to a sadist like Ozai. I felt a shiver go thought me again. Still, Kiyi should be taught bending sooner rather than later so she wouldn't accidentally burn her room down in a teenage temper.

"Who knows what you are capable of." I said mischievously and stroked the top of her soft head.

"Is it true you are going to marry my brother?" Kiyi asked as her eyes wandered along the walls. I had to clear my throat before I could answer.

"Where did you get that idea?" I hoped my face had regained its normality and that Zuko wasn't listening in. I still had absolutely no interest in being any kind of firenation queen or whatever.

"Because you are best friends and my dad says that he is the luckiest man in the world because he got to marry his best friend." She said plainly. I had to snicker.

"Then I suggest Zuko should marry Sokka instead." I grinned.

"No Sokka has a girlfriend. You can't marry anybody who has a girlfriend."

"You're right again Kiyi." I laughed and I heard Katara giggle behind us.

Time passed and the anxiety among us faded as no one had attacked us yet. Night had surly turned to dawn above. We were all getting tired and Norren was carrying Kiyi, who was fast asleep and even snored peacefully, on his back in a sling. Ursa had offered to carry her first but Kiyi was fighting against Ursa's embrace, even in her drowsiness. My heart gave a little twinge at that. It wasn't easy being a mother with a new face.

Finally we saw the first light cast on the stone from a crossing tunnel.

"We're here!" Katara sounded relived.

"Okay, I'll go with Zuko and see if Suki and the other's are here too." Aang made an air scooter and flew out the cave with Zuko at his heels. Sokka stood hidden in the cave exit and kept watch. Norren hugged Ursa and patted her back. He seemed like a really good man.

"Are you and Sokka going to the pole after this?" I asked to make small-talk.

"Yes, actually our dad is expecting us." She smiled surprised at me. "I really miss him, but I also want to be here for Zuko, thought, I don't think he really needs us that much."

We stood further in the cave than the others.

"So, are you going to make it official or should we all still pretend we don't know?" Her blue eyes gleamed playfully in her tan face.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Besides, you guys are his friends, of course he needs you, always."

"Okay, okay." She snickered and backed off. "I'm going to see if they need some help out there."

"Sure. You know, I get why Sokka think's you're a little nosey." I called after her in a laugh.

I had my back to the dark tunnel.

Sokka laughed at my comment and jumped out the exit to greet Suki.

It was a great and wonderful thing to be a part of this, I thought. I saw the Kyoshi Warriors helped Norren and ursa over the small drop and out in to the sunlight. I was just about to join, as I was the last one left. But I didn't see much else.

A sudden cloud came around my face and I couched.

I tried to call for the others but then it was light's out.

My brain buzzed like angry insects were trying to drill through my skull. The red and orange lanterns made the room look like the inside of a volcano.

"Azula." I hissed, suspecting her to be in the interrogation room with me. I moved but I was tied to a chair. "Let me go you nut-job!"

"Déjà vu, wouldn't you say? Of course it's the other way around but still. The first time you met me I was fixed like you are now, but at least_ I'd_ kept my manners." Her voice was coming from behind me.

"You must not be a very good fortuneteller if you couldn't even foresee your own demise." Azula filed a nail as she smugly stepped in front of me.

"What's the plan here? Have I taken Kiyi's place?" I asked and tried to bend my hand so I could cast a flame onto the rope. But they were bound with a firebender's tricks in mind.

"Well you should know already _oracle_, shouldn't you?" Azula wandered to the metal door, a set of golden keys twirling on her finger.

"I know you won't get away with whatever your planning, and since we on the topic of knowledge, you should know that only reason that you're still alive right now is because you're Zuko's sister and he, for some unfathomably reason, would be upset if I killed you."

"Oh." She drew her brows. "How are you going to kill me _if you can't move_?" She sneered.

It pushed my buttons. I started to dip into my bending, trying to give her a taste of what she should expect of me. But after a moment still nothing happened.

"You look like you need some _me-time_, I'll let you to it. But before I go, I should inform you that you've been thoroughly chi-blocked and therefore rendered helpless. Let's all hope my dear brother will come to your rescue soon." Azula slammed the door and I couldn't help but to just watch after her.

_Chi-blocked?_ Now that I had woken completely up, I could feel how my chi swirled aggravated in my center, and never ebbing out to the limbs. I didn't know there was another chi-blocker but Ty-Lee in the Firenation. Had Azula _imported_ one to her crew? I suspected there to be a waterbender in their circle because of the sleeping gas, but trained chi-blockers were not that common. My hands began tingling from the rope.

All that technicality didn't really matter right now. I had to free myself, fast.

If I could defeat Jerry and a whole program inhumanly set to deactivate me, I could surely find my way out of this minor inconvenience. What was it Azula said about being chi-blocked once? That it made one more flexible that you'd ever thought possible? I pulled at my wrist and it hurt like hell. Stinging, tearing and pinching made my hands pulse. I gritted my teeth and cursed. The pain made me winded, and I cursed some more. In one agonizing 'pop' my one wrist was free, and maneuvering the arm out of the next set of ropes was just as uncomfortable. My shoulder said a crunching noise, as the arm came free. Slower than I'd hoped, I had untied myself entirely. I didn't know how long chi-blocking worked, but I tried bending a flame in a lantern and all it did was flicker slightly annoyed.

Now the next step was to get out of the locked room.

Without bending I wasn't rendered helpless as Azula had so gracefully put it. But I was screwed six ways till Sunday. Goddamn Zuko hadn't taught me anything when it came to swords, and he had proved that I didn't exactly have a natural talent for the swordsmanship. Not that I had a weapon.

My ideas were all risky and stupid but this one, despite being the riskiest and the stupidest, would work. I broke open a lantern and used the fire to light the chair and table that was in the cave room. The flames started to grow tall once it'd caught. I screamed.

"Help help fire! Fire I'll burn alive!" I yelled at the door and positioned myself where the door would swing open. I had to cough because of the smoke, and soon enough the lock was turned.

A skinny girl with freckles rushed in. She shrieked at the flames that reached out for her and the air she had added by opening the door. I jumped behind her and grabbed her neck with my underarm. I held her tight and the girl scratched and twisted in my hold. Slowly consciousness left her as I choked her. No, I didn't kill her, even though that would be the safest way to proceed. I let the fainted girl drop to the floor. I tryingly held out my hand to sooth the flames and to my delight my bending was starting to come back.

"Hurry! I heard Zirin scream! Down this way!" A strong voice called. I snuffed out the fire entirely and turned to run. The hallways, or rather tunnels, were the ones carved in to the volcano beneath the palace, I could recognize the stonework and carvings on the pillars. Lamps in red hung every other meter. No doubt another one of Ozai's creepy secret places. I glanced over my shoulder and found I wasn't being followed, instead I ran right into Azula. We both fell back in a huff.

She didn't need as long as me to recognize to situation and Azula threw a lightning without batting an eye. I rolled and saw the electricity blacked the ground.

She threw another and I shot to my feet and up against the wall.

"You once said that you would love to fight me! The real me, well then, fight!" Azula made an electric whip that cut in to the stone -it would have taken my head off if I hadn't ducked in time.

The struggle was fast and I had to collide with several surfaces to dodge Azula's fierce attacks.

"Jeez, give me a second." I panted and stretched out my hand to bend her. Azula gasped but then ran to me with such force I had to jump to the side and break the influence. She spun on her heel behind me and kicked, aiming for my head. I hit the floor and gabbed her ankle, bending a fire with the other hand. She jumped over me. This Azula was like no opponent I'd fought before. She was fast, powerful and thinking on her feet. We both retreated a little.

"Is that all? I had hoped for some more skill, considering your unearthly position as an all-knowing spirit. You disappoint." Azula shrugged. She looked at me coldly.

"You haven't given me fair chance yet." I breathed, chasing it a little, and then straightened.

"Over here!" Someone cried, and it sounded like Azula's backup, not that she needed it.

In one efficient move I grabbed the air and smothered all the flames in the red lanterns. The hallway was instantly black. Azula opened her blue flames and shot directly at me.

"I don't need to see you, to destroy you!" She laughed. Of course she didn't, but I counted on that the others _did_. Flames as blue as ice came unnervingly close to my face. I was loosing. Scrambling on the floor I found the focus. I bended her in a slight panic. Azula held her fire. It was dark and quiet apart from the running footsteps that was nearing us. I heard Azula drop to her knees in the dark. As I bended her blood I lit a fire in my palm to see. It wasn't hard to multitask once I wasn't being attacked. I grabbed her by the collar and pulled her to her feet against the cave wall. She had terror painted in her features for a second.

"If you step one step closer I'll make your leader into a hot-pot dish." I called without looking to the group who were now doubtfully observing the scene in the sparse light. Azula struggled weakly in my grasp. It felt wrong to use this skill against Azula, but it was my only advantage.

"I-I have something you want." She croaked and bore her nails into my hand. "In my belt. Lo-look in my belt." Azula tried to sound composed. I let her go and she sagged a little against the wall. I kept my boiling influence on her and picked the scroll from her sash. It was old.

I lid one of the lanterns over Azula's head and unfolded the scroll.

"… What is this?" I asked. I couldn't keep my hands from trembling slightly and my focus slipped a fraction without my permission. Words and drawings jumped off the page. _Spirit walk._ _Portals. Gateway to the outer world._

There were ink sketches of a control panel, keys, a shadow who was wearing a black suit, but then the scroll ended abruptly as it was torn in half.

"Curious isn't it?" Azula rubbed her neck in a smirk.

"Where is the rest!?" I slammed her up against the stone again. A girl, one of the goons, gasped.

"The rest? You mean the missing half? I agree it does stop just when it was getting good, doesn't it?"

"You tore it up. Where is the rest?" I hissed.

"Hidden for obvious reasons. If you kill me you'll never find it. You know, people talk and talk and talk, and if you stay silent, pretty soon they'll forget you're even listening. All of your secrets spilled out sooner or later on that trip, and I even heard your heart-to-heart with _Zuzu_ by the little stream. It was very touching."

I gritted my teeth. I was not prepared for this. How could she have heard?

"You desperately want to go home? I can understand. We all just want to be in our rightful place." Azula's eyes gleamed joyfully. Always a step ahead.

"You can't trick me. I destroyed the gate." I drew my brows together.

"The shadow man is not the only way." Azula smiled.

I dropped my influence. She straightened and dusted herself off as if nothing had happened.

"I don't believe you." I muttered.

"You are not sounding so sure. And what do you have to loose? If it isn't true, then no harm done. I tell you what, I will generously give you the rest of the scroll for free. And all you have to do is stay here a little while." Azula wandered over to her band of crazy benders and held her palms up. "It's your choice."

"Nothing you offer comes for free Azula. I know that. You are trying to mislead Zuko into being your ideal of a merciless firelord like your dad but I'm telling you now, with or without me in captivity, it won't work. He won't be stupid enough to take your bait."

"You overestimate him. Zuko had always been soft and loyal, disgusting really. Maybe you don't know him at all?" She smirked.

"We know your plans." I said sternly.

"Ah, the plan? Actually to hear my own untold thoughts from you is very satisfying, but no. That strategy was scrapped for an even greater one! Nothing will stop me now, and you were the one that made me think of it. Such an inspiration you are too us all." For a moment Azula's eyes glowed bright yellow, and I saw the insanity still echo in them. She snickered and her posy joined.

"If you really want to know if you can return home, I suggest you just sit tight."

I looked at the ground.

"Take her to the guest chambers. She won't make a fuss." Azula waved her hand and disappeared in to the darkness.


	18. Chapter 18:With strings attached

**Chapter 18: With strings attached**

It had been over two weeks. I edged the sixteenth mark in the caverns wall of my 'guest chamber'. I didn't know if my count was off or not, because there was no window or natural daylight in my room. I had based my calculations on the three meals I was served a day. After each 'dinner' I made a mark to keep time straight, like in a bad prison movie, but there was no way of knowing time for sure.

My room wasn't unpleasant. It had books, a bed and a tea table together with a normal bathroom in an additional tunnel. It had been build to be pleasant, and not to be a cell, but it was a prison either way. I wondered how many unexpendable political prisoners, and threats to the throne had been held here until they 'changed their mind'.

It had old-school firenation mind-games and psychological warfare written all over it.

Speaking of written, I was analyzing the scroll over and over to guess at what was missing, but the problem was that I couldn't even understand the part I _did_ have. It was a lot about opening gates with the dragon and avoiding the _shadowman_, which I figured was Jerry or Jerry-ish instances. But that made even less sense as I was the one who'd build the program in the first place, thought I didn't know how. It had sprung for my imagination, hadn't it? So how could a historical script like this even exist? If only I had the entire thing. I was convinced that I would be able to understand everything then.

On top of being thoroughly and endlessly confused I was bugged by how Azula knew all this, and where she'd found the information. I was sure that she had been fixed to a tree, watched by Aang, Katara and Sokka the entire time I was having my moment in the woods with Zuko? It seemed unlikely she could have had that good a hearing, or had snuck away.

Oh, and by the way, yes. I was dying from guilt and shame that I was letting Azula carry out her menacing plan without interfering. I just hoped that I could count on her not killing Zuko, or overthrowing the regime completely. It was eating away at me that I had no idea what was going on outside. My fear and terrible theories were building themselves more horrific every day I spend in my prison, but I needed to know what was on the other end of that script!

Besides Aang was the avatar, and Katara though she might break her oath, could bloodbend Azula's mischievous little butt if she'd decided to take them all on for real.

But, I had the troublesome feeling it was bigger than that.

A lot of speculating, emotions and thoughts of the past, held me suspended in a constant state of nagging doubt.

The click of the lock sounded. I scooted away from the wall.

A girl, no older than nineteen walked in with a tray of tea. She had black eyes and white bangs in an otherwise head of short black hair –a pretty androgynous goth-y sort of girl, if you're in to that. I inclined my head to look a little dignified sitting in dirty clothes on the floor.

She practically dropped the tray on to the low tea table and some spilled out of the pot. Then left without a word or gaze. I thought it was a strange thing to do.

"You're not supposed to hurt the prisoner, what if she got boiling water all over herself!? What would Azula say? Try to contain your disgust with the world a little!" I heard a pitched voice telling the goth-girl off from around the doorframe. They hadn't closed it yet.

The silent gloomy one just walked off and glared back at whoever was out of my sight.

"So. Are you the chi-blocker?" I asked as I poured myself a cup.

A freckled face poked out. I remembered her being called Zirin. She was about to slam the door, but thought it better to issue a treat first.

"You shouldn't be talking to me if you knew what's good for you." Hate dripped from her words.

"Hey. Just making conversation." I sipped.

"Are you loosing your mind with loneliness already?" She smirked, still clutching the doorframe.

"Not so much. I know Azula broke you out. Were you in the same institution as her, or was yours a more, left-to-rot-in-a-hole kind of place? Did your parents drop you off Zirin?"

Zirin stomped over and threw her braid over her narrow shoulder.

"Shut it! Azula already told me that you're manipulative! I won't let you push me."

"I'm guessing you got to know each other in that place then. Is she a good leader? Are you afraid of her?" I took another sip and looked up at the girl over the rim of the cup.

She took a step back, and glanced over her shoulder, then back at me.

"Listen. I have orders not to harm you, but if you push me, I'll snap you in half. Spirit or not!"

I saw how the anger burned in her like a runaway bushfire and I could recognize it. It was not far from the anger I'd seen in Zuko during our first encounter. I pondered what had happened to her to make her follow Azula. Zirin had properly been locked up for a reason, and now craved revenge. Azula would be the right frontrunner for _team-crave-revenge-and-redemption_.

"Fine. But I'll boil you to death before you can even touch me." My eyes flashed and Zirin walked backwards in a snarl. The door was locked.

Finding allies amongst Azula's team was not going to happen, they were all too caught up in the promise of power as far as I could tell. But perhaps making them more scared of me than Azula could work out too. I wasn't sure that I could succeed though.

On my seventeenth night of imprisonment I woke up bathed in sweat and in absolute darkness. Someone was in my room. I heard the tap of shoes on the stone floor. I opened a flame in my hand to look around and found it empty. In a daze I held my head.

A hand slapped over my mouth and I instantly gabbed at it with flames.

"Ouch!" A voice whispered from being nicked with my fire. The hand let go. I shot a flame into the wick of my bedside candle. A part of me was a little disappointed, because to my surprise it was goth-girl staring unnervingly down at me, and not a more familiar face. She was sitting on the banister of my bed and I twisted around in the sheets, clutching my sleeping wrap. The girl put a finger to her lips, telling me not to scream. I drew my brows. I wasn't counting on being rescued. Least of all by Miss-spilled-my-tea yesterday.

"What-" I started but she shook her head and pulled out a scroll, or half of one, from her robe. I gasped. It was the other half. Goth-girl handed it over to me and I hesitantly accepted. With my fingers almost shaking I unrolled it and saw the illustrations and script that matched my piece. I quickly rolled it up.

"I don't-" But she interrupted again, this time by putting her index finger to my lips. I blushed and jerked back. She rolled her eyes at me and effortlessly jumped off the bed. I followed her with my eyes until she was at the door. I was gripping the scroll tightly.

"Why are you helping me?" I whispered.

"… My name is Ren." Then she closed the door but I didn't hear the lock turn.

"…Ren? That's interesting…" I muttered to myself.

I was out of bed in a leap and I shrugged on a long kimono over my white cotton nighty as I passed it. The two scrolls were securely bound on my back beneath the kimono. Then I cracked the door open. It was clear, but I stopped before stepping out. Should I fuse the lock, making look like I'd escaped without help? That could maybe spare Ren for some accusations? No, they would see it too early on and take my head-start away, and besides, Azula would notice that the scroll was gone anyway. I edged out on the red-lit hallway.

It was quiet as a grave for a long time but then I heard muffled voices. I stiffened to figure our where they were coming from. A pair of shadows was cast on the wall of a connection tunnel. I flattened myself against the rock and came a little closer so I could eavesdrop. They might say; _'hey remember how the exit is left, left then right? That sure is good to know if you want to get out fast!'._

I breathed through my mouth and observed the shadows. One was of a woman.

"… She'll have to be dealt with, but I think you are forgetting who your master is. Who unleashed you from your captivity?" Azula said coldly, there was a movement. "That's right, and I can send you back just as easily." Her shadow was facing another, but it other one wasn't shaped like any person. It looked like a wrong sort of cat, too big and long and standing on its hind legs. In a strange shaking way the cat-shadow twisted, curled up and then stood, straightening as a womanly figure instead. Or, I didn't know if it was a woman or a feminine man with long hair and robes. I bit down on my cheek in alarm. A freaking shape shifter?! I had never seen anything like that. EVER! I couldn't believe my eyes. They were even watering because I forgot to blink for a minute or two.

"The next master comes after the next. Freeing me grants us both freedom." It was high, light and eerily slow, the voice, like a person talking another language and being unsure of the use.

I stared at the wall with the two figures facing each other.

"For now. Either way I won't have you forgetting your place _sweet_ _Obake-Shono_. I will not hesitate to imprison you for the rest of time if I have to. Don't forget that." Azula cooed and walked away from the light. I watched the spirit sway a little on its feet. It awkwardly just stood, like it didn't know what to do with itself. It was almost evoking sympathy for the poor thing. Forced to work together with Azula. I drew my brows tightly together. Worry struck as an icicle.

It wasn't impossible to have spirits in this world, not even changing ones, but this one was so solid and so human looking, from what I could tell at least, and Azula had freed it. That meant it was without question also up to no good. I wondered what they were plotting and what this _Obake-person _had to gain. Its power could be anything from awe-inspiring disastrous to slightly inconvenient. I had once read about a spirit who's power was to turn your rice blue when you weren't looking, it wasn't poisonous or anything, just blue. I mean, the spirits in general seemed to have a pretty wide spectrum of capabilities, so maybe this one was harmless. Although, Azula did not free it out of the kindness of her heart -that was for sure.

I had lingered long enough.

With my heart in my throat I started to slip backwards and away from the conversation, if you could call it that. My blood pounded and my breath was stolen away but I kept quiet. Only when I was past my own 'cell-door' did I feel safe enough to spin on my heel and bolt.

I sprinted with my shoes in hand down the rubicund tunnels, looking for exit indications. A part of me had hoped that there would be some 'fire escape' signs on my way, but I knew that was highly unlikely. It was in the base of a volcano, so perhaps they would have thought that far ahead. I passed several other tunnels, doors and entries to minor halls. One of them was a library. I stopped. A drop of sweat tickled my brow and my breath was burning in my lungs.

On shelves carved in the wall piles of scrolls were stacked and bundled together. Books and loose paper flooded the floor and were bursting out of every drawer along the walls. I glanced over my shoulder before I walked inside. A long tapestry of what appeared to be spirits fighting old firenation soldiers hung in the back of the library. The spirits were all depictured white, eyes spinning madly in their heads and tongues waggling out from huge fangs and tusks, but otherwise human looking. The soldiers, through wounded were standing in their armor and helmets, almost godlike, and raining fire upon their enemy. It looked like a great battle. There weren't any writing, but I wouldn't have had time to read it anyway, because I heard something drop. It was a low sort of thud, from deeper within the library, it could have been one of the million books finally falling over in a stack, but I didn't take any chances. I was planning on being out in those tunnels, dashing like the wind, before you could say _better safe than sorry_!

"Kai?" A whisper asked unsurely, I recognized the call and grinned over my shoulder.

"Kai!" Zuko stepped out from a bookcase in the shape of a pillar, with an expression of wonder on his features. I practically leaped at him in a hug and then kissed him all over his face. Zuko just let me do it, and I noticed a chuckle under his dark hair. He stood with his hands on my hips and when I was done with my little shower of affection, Zuko pushed me gently back. Worry colored his eyes.

"Are you okay? Did anybody harm you?"

"No! And yes I'm fine! How did you find me? What had been going on? Where are the others?" I was talking too loud but I had a false sense of security now that I was with Zuko. Two is better than one in any combat.

"Slow down. One thing at the time, we have to get you out of here first!" He gave me a once over again to see if I really was unscathed and then took my hand. I bit my cheek. I would have had to be hurt to not escape earlier, wouldn't I? I mean, being a powerful lethal bender and having 'the sight of the future' there wasn't much that would keep me from escaping on my own, was there? I detected that Zuko knew I'd stayed in captivity by choice, and was pissed off about it, but he didn't say anything just then. I tightened my hold on his hand.

Our steps were the only sound and every corner we tuned was done very carefully. I pointed at an entry to what looked like a winding staircase. He nodded. I figured that we'd eventually emerge on the palace rooftop through the secret door in the brick wall. The one I remembered Ty-lee mentioned. She, Mai and Azula would play hide and seek in the palace and Azula had found her father's secret cave prison when she was very young and used it as her playground. I wondered if she was scared when she'd first stumbled upon this ominous place.

Zuko pulled me along and we started climbing the steps. My mind turned over the young Azula's emotional terrain, though I shouldn't have been thinking so hard about it, as we neared the exit. Zuko pushed the hidden passage at the top. But it didn't budge.

"Kai. Give me a hand." He sat his shoulder to it. I stepped up and shoved too.

"Have you turned a key, or pulled a book or something to open it before?" I wheezed after giving it my all. "Maybe we need to, like ugh, press some bricks to open the door?" I glided my hands over the walls and tried to feel for a stone that might give way.

Zuko lit a fire to examine the passageway.

"It's been barricaded…" He sounded apprehensive.

He was right.

"This is a trap." Zuko muttered.

He was right again.

We both whipped around to see Azula and Zirin were at the end of the stairs, looking mean and smug as ever. I couldn't see goth-girl aka. Ran anywhere, but that didn't mean she hadn't helped luring me in this ambush. I gritted my teeth. The shifter was standing right behind Azula. It was a longhaired boy, _but not_.

Zuko was all flame-daggers and angry glares.

"Don't. That thing is dangerous." I said to him over my shoulder, never taking my eyes off the spirit boy, he had sharp slits for eyes and his skin was gray. The spirit stared vaguely upward but not directly at us. It was creeping me out.

"What is that monster?" Zuko asked me just as tight-lipped and strangled the fire in his palms.

"Do you mind coming down dear brother? I think a family reunion is far overdue." Azula opened her hands and stepped aside to make way for Zuko and I.

Cautiously we came down.

"I'm honored to have the firelord here this morning." Azula sneered sarcastically. "I wasn't aware you courtly duties allowed this degree of jaunting aimlessly around anymore? Zuzu, I thought you were taking the throne seriously?" She continued while escorting us down the tunnel. The tendons on Zuko's jaw twitched and his glare was strikingly deadly. "Maybe not. Now that you've found mother and inner peace perhaps some of that angsty determination has faded?" She looked over her shoulder at us.

"Laugh. It was a joke." Azula ordered smugly.

A strange 'ah ah ah' sound echoed at our tail. It was the pale spirit boy laughing emotionlessly and I could just have screamed -I was that freaked out. His black eyes slowly maneuvered over to mine and as we met his face seemed to elongate. It would have been beautiful if it hadn't looked so otherworldly and cold. _Almost doll-like_, I thought. I snapped my head back to stare at the floor as we walked back towards the holding-cells. _Yeay… _Back to square one.

"Quiet. I wasn't talking to you!" Azula hissed. I could see Zirin cringing openly as a direct effect of the boy's nearness beside her.

"You ordered me to laugh princess of fire. I obey." The spirit breathed quietly but he sounded sounding distracted.

"Indeed you do. Here we are." We stopped at the entry to a flaming red room. Wall paintings of Ozai sat the mood. A gloomy one. "Well. In you go we don't have all day you two." Azula looked bored already. "Or would you like some help with making that decision?" She studied her nails.

I wasn't taking _her_ treat to heart, but the spirit was studying his own hands intensely too and I wasn't going to fight an opponent that looked this surprised about his own manifestation in the physical world without some research.

Zuko and I exchanged a glance before stepping inside.

"Sit, sit, I feel like I have to catch you two up to speed. You both are quite clueless aren't you?" Azula sat in a high-backed chair and Zuko and I on the diva facing her. A fire roared in the fireplace. The spirit boy had sat himself besides Azula on the floor and Zirin was openly sulking close by too.

"Why are we here Azula?" Zuko leaned back and crossed his arms.

"You are here because I want you to. Like little ponds I just move you around on my board. Simple as that. But in more detail, my ploy calls for you two to stay imprisoned indefinitely." She shrugged.

"We could just break out. You know that two against one is poor odds." Zuko narrowed his gaze.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I have been doing some effective therapy and I'm not so sure you could win dear brother. But in a pinch, I could ask my new friend for some assistance." Azula smirked and the spirit stared blankly at us. "This is Obake. He's pleased to make your acquaintance. Why don't introduce yourself spirit?" She sounded almost giddy deep under the coldness.

"A realm of faces, is a realm of deceit. I am of the clay. Obake-Shono Kei Sho is my call."

We all was slightly thrown by his 'spirit speak'. Even Azula, but she regained her cool in an instant.

"Yes, yes. Obake here is a shape shifting spirit. Spirit, demonstrate your skill." She ordered.

The boy tilted his head and looked at us. His face glided to look like a dog, then like mine then… Like Zuko. We both leaned away from the 'thing' that looked identical to Zuko in horror. It tilted it's head even more and the emotionless in the imitated face gave me goose-bumps.

"Amazing isn't it." Azula smirked as she studied our terror. "Zuko you sit on the throne, and everybody accepts you as the true firelord unfortunately. I could never stand there with you, or take your place now, but with some assistance from Obake, the firenation will be great again."

The spirit drilled into my eyes and I had to look away.

"As he mentioned himself he obeys. That is almost a lost art isn't it?" Azula looked meaner and colder than I'd ever seen and I feared I had been the indirect course of that.

"… How?" Zuko said numbly.

"How did I come by this answer to our problems? Quite easily. After I'd escaped I admit I was aimless for a time in the Forgetful Valley. On my wanderings I encountered a monk, He had heard you two taking in the forest and was concerned for you. When he learned that I was the sister to the dark haired boy, _and that I sheared his deep and heartfelt concern_, he helped me to the spirit world. A curious place is I'd ever seen one." Azula took a dramatic breath. "The monk knew all sorts of things about your situation and he instructed me to find a grand wolf. Something about it being the father of the lost, well you know, tiresome spirit matters. I never did come across the Wolf, but what I found instead was my dear Obake." The boy with Zuko's face turned slowly to Azula, his eyes as empty as old wells.

"You think this hollow thing can trick anyone? The avatar and Iroh can tell the difference between their real friend and you puppet." I said with disgust as the boy took the face of someone else I didn't recognize. He did seem hurt by my harsh words but the now pink and blond boy blinked in my direction.

"Well, I think it wouldn't be that hard. After a year or two they'll accept that Zuko has broken under the pressure and is acting a little more withdrawn." She shrugged.

"A little more withdrawn? Are you still insane Azula?" I yelled and almost stood in anger. Zuko clenched his hands and was looking hard as stone.

"My point is that it won't matter. Anyone who tries to get in our way we can banish or imprison for life. Even our sweet Uncle Iroh."

"If you touch him I will hurt you. Even if you are my sister." Zuko hissed.

"Oh don't be so dramatic." She waved a hand.

"The avatar will be forced to take out your lackey Azula, to keep the balance that I'm sure you'll disrupt." I said.

"So what? Maybe I'll even help him. Then I will be offered my throne for good behavior. I already started dealing out lavish gifts to the masses in form of my good nature and wealth. The avatar will think me rehabilitated. But enough talk now, I need my beauty sleep. I have many decisions I need to ponder. Including what to do with the scraps." Azula sent us a sharp glance before she took to leave. "Obake will tug you in. Night-night." She left us with Zirin and ghost boy. That was almost the most unsettling part of it all. If Azula were entrusting us, two master firebenders, to a non-bender and child that only just reached my shoulders, the spirit had to have some serious juice. He was now more cat than boy, and the vertical pupils were fixed on us. I really wondered what he was thinking about. And what his _real_ power was.

I caught Zuko's eyes and we mirrored each other's worry for a moment.

We were escorted to our slightly nicer prison cell. Apparently we would be bunking together and that was a small comfort. Zirin gave me an unnecessary shove and slammed the door behind my butt. The lock made a horrible definitive noise. I heard something leaning against the door and I would guess it was Obake.

Zuko threw himself down in a chair and ran a hand through his hair.

I tentatively stepped over to him. The scrolls were digging in to my back under the sash.

"Do you feel like filling me in now?" I asked and sat on his knees. Zuko's yellow orbs glowed in the dark room. Despite our grim situation I had an unexplainable need for being close to him.

"Why are you alone? Are the others coming to help us?" I asked and stroked some of his dark hair behind his ear. It was really getting long. Zuko removed my hand.

"I don't think so." He was tense.

Something was off about him. I drew my brows.

"I was tricked here. I found a letter that led me to the tunnels." He continued.

"A letter?"

"From Azula, telling me to come alone and find you here to free you. Didn't look like you needed my help in the end though. And now we're both trapped." Zuko stood and I had to suddenly slide off him to give room. He was pushing me away and I didn't understand why.

"I was here because Azula had something I needed."

"Yeah, what?" He asked with his back to me.

"These." I pulled out the two halves and put them on the tea table. I rolled them out and connected them on the middle. The paper was soft and heavy and the corner hardly bent up even after all that time it had been fixed. I looked at the illustration and found the one with a meditating person and the text 'spirit walk'.

"I haven't had the other half before tonight. I think it can tell me something about opening a portal.

Zuko inched closer and glanced down at the relic.

"I thought you destroyed the gateway? Or whatever it was." He sounded upset.

"I did. Or I thought I did. Azula had these and she said that there maybe still be a way."

"You cannot trust anything she says." He snorted as if I'd been naïve.

I shot him a frustrated look.

"I had to get a hold of the scrolls and if you didn't notice I was actually on my way to successfully escape on my own if you hadn't interfered." I huffed.

"Excuse me, are you saying you would rather that I'd stayed away?"

"Yes. Then you wouldn't be here and I would have gotten out. You didn't trust me to finish my own battle, and now we're both trapped. To play the white knight is super sexist by the way." I bit at him and pretended to read the text.

"I'm not sexist. I was trying to come to you aid because I thought Azula had hurt you! And instead I find you strolling through the library? You intentionally stayed here without even considering what was happening right above you! I sat a search party out for you, I initiated hundreds and hundreds of soldiers out to find you! Even Aang and the others are flying around the world to look for you! And I… I… I thought I'd lost you again." He stopped his ramble in an angry pause. It was hurt he was expressing but I couldn't care for it in that moment.

"Well you haven't! I'm still here aren't I?! And I will always be here! Standing in some corner while you greet the earth king or whatever! I could have a real chance of actually see my family again, of being somewhere where I matter for once! As always you're acting selfishly!" I crossed my arms.

"Don't you lecture me on selfishness Kai. You are the one who's the egoist in this relationship." Zuko was fuming.

"Egoistic! HA! You have no idea what I went through for YOU! I sacrificed my existence to be with you when I destroyed that program!" I pointed at him and the fight was getting out of hand, fast.

"What are you talking about you have an existence! Step up and claim it instead of running away! You go around and pretend you have no impact on this place, but you do. You matter here. You matter to me." There was a silence while we caught our breath. I softened a fraction.

"Don't run away. Don't leave." Zuko glared at the ground but I could see something else stirring under the dark bangs.

"What happened to 'I understand'…" I took a step to him.

"I do. I do understand why you have to know. But I can't accept it. I don't want to lose you."

The scroll still lay on the low table. I hadn't read it properly, but whatever it said wasn't as impotent as this. The crossroad was coming up ahead on my path.

"I shouldn't have stayed for this piece of paper. You're right. I was being selfish." I breathed unevenly. "But… Could you do it? Would you stay in a world and abandon all else, for me?" We held a gaze. His eyes as striking as wet amber in mine black ones. I already knew the answer.

Zuko sighed.

"That's unfair. I have a nation to protect. A people to care for." He sounded guilty.

"I could have the same conditions in my world, couldn't I?"

"… And do you?"

That was a bit sharp. He was right. I didn't have such a huge responsibility, despite my argument. I shook my head annoyed.

"I can't _just_ be your shadow."

"I never asked you to." Zuko leaned on a dresser.

"No. But I would be, wouldn't I? Even I could get over the fact that I tuned my back on my own family and friends, what would the future look like for us?" That had been my biggest concern for a long time, but in truth we hadn't even been dating officially for a full season.

He ran a hand over his neck, unsure of what to say.

"What did your future look like with Mai?" I asked. He blinked at me, then considered it.

"She and I had been matched up by our parents, long before we'd known it was so. She had been picked for her kinship's wealth." He paused and looked at me tentatively.

"She and I would have been married before I turned my 25th summer and she would take the royal duties of a queen of the firenation. Hosting banquets and organizing charity mostly…"

"So? That's it?"

Zuko cleared his throat.

"Well we would have to produce an heir at some point… But that's all very simplified. It could be different." He didn't say 'with you', but I figured _that's_ what he meant. Zuko shook his head in a sigh. "Listen Kai, I am not asking you to _marry me_, am asking you to recognize that you have a place and a purpose here as well as there."

I pushed my lips. He was getting better at arguing and I felt like I'd lost in a childish way. I was my turn to give, but I couldn't just yet.

"And my purpose is to be your beg-and-call girl then? Not wife material but more intimate than friends. That's a concubine, you know." I didn't know what I wanted from this fight, I had lost track of my goal, but more than anything I wanted to hurt his feelings all over again.

"Can't you just-" He threw his head back and rubbed his face with frustration. "Ah, listen to what I'm saying!" Zuko exclaimed.

"You are saying a whole lot Zuko."

"Yes because I don't know what to say to change your mind." The pain was clear on his face. Like a flashflood washing over the lava, I came to my senses. Why was I always this petty?

I sat down on the diva in the room and felt the anger ooze out of me.

"I haven't decided on anything yet… I don't even know what the stupid scroll says."

Zuko sat down beside me with a heavy 'flop'. He was exhausted now too.

"Believe it or not, but I don't want to fight." I said in his direction. "If the whole thing was turned on its head, I would asked you to stay too… Begged even…" It nicked my pride to say it but I had to take the blow, you sometimes did.

"Do you want me to beg?" He asked the floor.

"Never." I leaned over to him and rested my head on his shoulder. "I want help me find the answer to our questions. Maybe there is a path in between the two worlds…" I squeezed my eyes shut and wished hard. "Maybe there's a way."


End file.
